Chapter 25
“A re you sure your parents won’t come?” Anirudh asked as Rachanna was looking at a maroon saree with ethnic motifs that was on display.
The wedding preparations were in full swing. There were too many things to do and yet, they both preferred to do everything together. Even the shopping.
Rachanna asked, “How is this saree?”
“Good,” he replied after a cursory glance. Then he asked, “Why won’t they come?”
“Come in. I want to see that saree,” said Rachanna as they entered the saree shop.
Anirudh deposited the numerous bags he was carrying with the security and followed her. Rachanna had already asked for what she wanted, and the saleswoman was displaying a lot of sarees for her along with the maroon one.
“I think we should at least try. They might have changed their mind,” replied Anirudh as he leaned on the display unit, looking away from the sarees.
“This one is nice. Do you have more colours in this pattern?” Rachanna asked the saleswoman. Then, she turned to Anirudh and said, “They might have changed their mind. I have not. I don’t want them there.”
“Why not?”
“They did not like me marrying Samay. I have not talked to them after that. I tried. I tried so many times…but they refused to even listen to me…”
“Look! You have to think about it from their perspective. Their daughter was marrying a man who was dying. Who will agree to that?”
“So? They cut me out of their lives, is it? At least they should have reached out after Samay died. But they didn’t.”
“Well, now that you are marrying me…a person who is not dying…don’t you think they will be okay with it and come to our wedding?”
“No, you don’t understand, Anirudh. I don’t want them. Their ego did not let them come to Samay’s funeral. They did not come when they knew their only daughter was struggling to manage things with a small child. Not once! They never even called. Not my parents and not my brother. I don’t need them in my life.”
“But…”
“No!” Rachanna replied. “If I invite them, they will come. But it won’t be because they miss me or because they suddenly love me. They will come because I am finally doing what they had asked me to do. No. I don’t need that kind of love.”
“Hmm…okay,” replied Anirudh, sighing. “Too bad.”
“No, it’s not too bad. I am just going to think of Samay’s parents as mine.”
“Hmmm.”
“I don’t miss them. Why are you missing them?” Rachanna asked, irritated that Anirudh was not letting it go.
“They are Asmee’s grandparents.”
“They did not stand with me when I was suffering, when their only daughter was suffering… Do you think they will lift a finger to help Asmee? Asmee is better off without them in her life.”
“Well…you are as egoistic as they are…” replied Anirudh sourly.
“Do you want to get married to me or not?” Rachanna shot back.
Anirudh glared at her.
Rachanna said, “And don’t even think about going behind my back and inviting them. If they are there, I won’t get married. Period.”
Anirudh sighed and shook his head. Rachanna never bought a saree from that shop. She had suddenly lost her appetite for shopping. As they settled down to have lunch at the food court in the mall, Rachanna felt bad seeing Anirudh in such low spirits.
“I am sorry, Anirudh. But can you please not force me on this alone?” Rachanna asked. “After many, many years of torturing myself, I have decided to forgive myself. I am finally happy now, so happy.”
Anirudh finally relented. “Really? You’ve forgiven yourself?”
“Yes! I finally have. I was finally able to accept what happened. Yes, what I did was a mistake. What I did changed the life course for so many people. People I love. And yet, it is already done for. There was no way I can undo it. It is in the past and out of my control. I’ve lived with the guilt for nearly ten years. And that is enough! I am going to take Samay’s advice. I am going to forgive myself.
“Because by punishing myself, I am not only destroying my future, I am also being a negative influence on Asmee’s life. She deserves better. I deserve better. So, I decided to do something that was extremely hard for me to do. Accept what happened and move on. The mistake does not make me a bad person. It only makes me human.”
Rachanna’s eyes were shining, and Anirudh felt so exhilarated by her happiness.
“Really? Just like that?” He asked, smiling slightly.
She scoffed. “No! Not just like that. It was hard, okay? And the only reason I was able to do so was because of Samay. And because of you. You are my strength. Because you love me, I am able to see myself through your eyes. And I can see I am not all that bad. You forgave me. Samay did. And why can’t I forgive myself? So, I did.”
“I am so happy for you. I am so happy for us,” said Anirudh, pinching her cheeks.
She interlocked her fingers with his and asked, “Do you know what I wish fervently out of life now?”
“Yes?”
“That I should die before you do. I do not want to go back to being all alone again. Promise me! Promise me that you will die only after I do.”
Anirudh smiled. “You want me to suffer?”
“Yes. You love me! So, I am asking you to suffer for me. Why can’t you do that for me? I cannot suffer again. Please!”
He laughed. “Okay, I will suffer. I will die only after you do.”
Rachanna sighed. “You know…I’ve lost years of my life. I think I should start reclaiming them.”
He pressed her hand. “Yeah, I think you should.”
“Do you think we should have another child?” Rachanna asked.
Anirudh shook his head. “No. I think this one’s enough.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t you think Asmee would like to have a younger brother or sister?”
“Rachanna, I have already heard enough of these sibling rivalries…”
“That is only temporary. They will support each other when they are grown up.”
“No. You are not getting my point. My problem is not sibling rivalry. My point is that if we show a tad more affection to the younger one, Asmee might get jealous. Not because she is sharing her parents with another child but because she might feel she does not belong in the family. I am that child’s father but only a stepfather to her…”
“But you are not. You are her father.”
“She won’t know that. She will feel out of place. I don’t want Asmee to feel left out. One is enough, Rachanna.”
Rachanna sighed. She remained silent for a few minutes. “You are an amazing father. You know that, right?”
“I am an amazing stepfather,” corrected Anirudh. Then, he grinned. “A small price to pay for what I got from life.”
“Aren’t you scared she might continue to love Samay more than you?”
“So what if she does? Samay was the one who looked after her for so many years. I am very grateful for everything that he has done for my child.”
She sighed with happiness. “My God! How did I get so lucky? That too, twice over?”
Anirudh smiled. “I am only sharing Asmee with Samay. Not you. You are only mine.”
Rachanna laughed. “I am so glad. You have no idea how glad that makes me. I am only yours.”
“You should have been only mine from the beginning. Unfortunately, you met Samay before. A minor hiccup.”
She laughed. “I am only yours.”
He smiled.
Rachanna hesitated before saying, “I will be truthful to you. You know that, right?”
He nodded, half-listening. “Hmm.”
“I mean it. I won’t have an affair…. You will trust me, right?”
Anirudh looked at her in surprise and then laughed. “Just because you had an affair with me when you were married, you think I will not trust you?”
Rachanna shrugged. “It is a rational thought process.”
“But not my thought process. Like I said before…you are mine. There was just a delay in us being together forever. That is all. I trust you with my life.”
“You already trusted someone like that…and…and that did not turn well.”
“So, you think I should suspect everyone else? Don’t be an idiot. And trust me, I am not one either. Why should I not trust you? You are only seeing the affair. That was a mistake. It could happen to anyone. But do you know what else I saw? I saw how much you sacrificed for your husband. How much you did everything else…no one else would have done even ten percent of what you did, Rachanna.
“You married him when you knew he was sick. You cut me out of your life just because you did not want to jeopardise your marriage. I saw the extent you went to in order to protect him. You lived with his memory years after he passed away. You never attempted to date anyone else for Asmee’s sake. You did not even reach out to me, her real father.
“You lived with guilt, even after we started seeing each other again. And you were able to move on only after he asked you to. Trust me. I cannot find a better girl. I am honestly grateful to be marrying you.”
Rachanna’s eyes watered when she hugged him. “Thank you!”
He pushed her away and looked at her face for a long time. Then, he shook his head. “No. Actually, thank you !”
After a few moments, Anirudh asked, “Do you remember when I told you about Anshu and Karan’s video? You said every incident has a silver lining… God was going to give me something better…”
“Yeah?”
“He did. He gave me you.”
Rachanna glowed with pleasure.
He took a deep breath in and asked, “Do you want to know what, to me, is the most precious thing in the entire world?”
“Yes. It is not time nor health like we thought…”
“It is not…” agreed Anirudh, shaking his head.
“It is peace of mind. What we have right now. This! This is the ultimate bliss. This is truly the most precious thing in the entire world.”
He smiled. “I totally agree,” he replied, as he moved to kiss her.