Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
They did not keep it out of work. They didn’t even keep it to lunch. They were all over the studio like a couple of teenagers. Even now Jory was running through possibilities of where they could go while he simultaneously assessed how much time they had between setups. Maybe thirty minutes?
Jory couldn’t believe he was doing this. It was incredibly unprofessional and unbelievably dangerous and he just couldn’t help himself. Apparently, neither could she. He felt a hysterical giggle burble up as he dragged a hand down his face to quell the emotion. They’d revisited some favorites—kissing behind the flats and fondling in the club bathroom. They’d discovered some new hideouts. Cali gave him a blow job behind Rafe’s bedset, Jory went down on her in Anna’s demon nest, and they fucked on the control panel of the CIA surveillance truck. They were always careful to be silent and return to the shoot from different directions.
Then they would meet up again after work and have the loudest, filthiest sex they could manage, as though all the furtive, quiet fumbling during the day had only ramped up their interest in each other until it exploded behind Jory’s condo’s thick concrete walls.
Meanwhile, he was finding ways to make her life easier, so she could focus on the work. Lip biting was a clear indication her blood sugar was dropping, so he’d send over a PA with a selection of treats, both sweet and salty. Usually three were chosen, one to eat right away and two to put in her pockets for later. When she turned to see him watching her, she’d roll her eyes and shyly blush.
He set up a field trip for Patsy at the rare book library at Emory. MARBL leaned more toward African American history, but he thought it might be a welcome distraction from the Classics. When Cali asked him about it, he just shrugged and said he knew a guy. Which he did. The dean, to be specific, but he didn’t tell her that.
The coup d’ é tat came after he’d ripped her T-shirt off in the privacy of his condo, and then, when they lay spent on his bed, he casually tossed her a vintage Yosemite replacement T-shirt in all its burnt-orange glory. She squealed, “No way!” immediately modeling it while she straddled him.
Sometimes he thought the extra attention might give her the wrong idea, but it was no different from the support he gave when he coached Alison through a shot, or the letter of recommendation he gave Dan’s daughter. He liked to help. It did not mean he was opening up the door to anything bigger. He would do it for anyone.
He couldn’t deny that Cali’s intuition had been right: their distracted collaboration was making onscreen magic. He’d never been so fluid with his creativity, so sure about what to do. The ideas and adjustments and insights flowed through them in every scene.
And it wasn’t just them; the whole crew was inspired, working harder than ever before. They all made each scene, each shot, each frame the best it could be, the excitement palpable. Even Paolo and Thalia were on better terms and could be seen sharing a joke from time to time, much to their confusion.
Still, a sense of unease grew. He’d agreed to her deadline so they could make a firm break at the end of the shoot. What if she got more attached than she claimed? Every night she would return to her condo with a brisk formality, dragging herself out of bed once their breath slowed, never hinting at the possibility of staying over. Sometimes he would catch himself fantasizing what that would be like: falling asleep entangled in each other, blearily waking up to pull themselves together to get to set, discussing the day on the way over. That way lay destruction, and he was glad they both had their heads on straight. Even if it vaguely hurt every time she left.
It was just the sex fog talking. The fog that had made him forget about the test he’d rescheduled until he got a reminder call this morning. If he got his test today, he most likely wouldn’t get the results until after she was gone. They could have this two-week vacation, and then he would face his uncertain future alone, the way it should be.
He shook himself to return to the task at hand. Where could they go? The diner was too open. The ice-cream parlor had a soda fountain counter that might work as a barrier, but it backed onto the set they were in next—so too close. What about the hell set? There were some stalagmites they could hide behind or hold onto, plus it bordered the south wall of the studio, so noise wouldn’t be as big a worry. Jory turned with focused determination to scout their location, and collided with Howard.
“Whoa there, Blair! You almost ran me over. You got a hot date or something?”
Jory took a minute to banish the irritation from his voice. “Howard. Yeah, I was just about to go check on whether my fish-eye lens was appropriate for the next setup. Excuse me.”
Howard held out his hands. “Hold up, hold up. I just need a minute of your time. You can spare a second for your showrunner, can’t you?”
“Sure. Of course. Yes. Of course.” Jory began the calculations required to bail on this conversation.
“I’ve been watching the footage, and I’m very impressed.” Howard had dropped his voice. “ Very impressed.”
“Oh, great. Thanks, Howard.”
“I mean, you’re really taking this episode to the next level. I’d heard about the Blair magic, but this is something else.”
Jory bristled at the assumption. “Well, Cali has been incredible to work with.”
Howard snorted. “That’s gracious of you. The generous collaborator to the end.”
Jory got the impression Howard thought this new energy was all him. He wanted Cali’s efforts to be recognized, but if he was too over the top with his praise, would it blow their cover? He was so sick of trying to manage this guy. “No, really. She’s terrific. We’re all working very well with her.”
“And that’s what makes you such a great DP. You can make anything work.” Howard slapped Jory’s shoulder. “Listen. I have something percolating for you that could go at any moment. I can’t say anything yet, but if it happens, it’s going to move fast, so keep your wits about you.”
Jory’s phone buzzed in his back pocket. He almost dropped it while scrambling to pull it out. “That’s great, Howard. Let’s talk. Sorry, I’ve got to take this.” Jory lifted his phone to his ear and was already on the move. “Hello?”
“Hi, Jor. Did I catch you at a bad time? I didn’t think you’d answer.”
Relief flooded him at the sound of his father’s calm, warm voice. “I’m surprised you found the time to call during your busy wedding-planning schedule,” Jory teased.
Jory was happy his father had found Astrid. He’d gone through so much with Jory’s mom and then raising Jory on his own. He knew his father had been lonely despite assuring Jory he was fine. Then he met Astrid and never looked back. He deserved to be with someone healthy, someone who had a chance of living as long as he did. Jory knew rationally that anyone could die at any moment, but he knew when the odds were stacked against a person.
Like the odds were stacked against him.
“I gotta say, I’m loving it. She’s really pulling out the bells and whistles. It’s turning into a three-day event.”
“Not like Mom.”
“God, no. You’re mother liked things quiet, which was fine by me. I liked things with her.”
His father would know what to do with Howard and this job. But as Jory walked to the neighboring set, where he could have some quiet in the CEO office where he and Cali had had their first argument, a completely different question came out.
“Listen, Dad, how did you know that you wanted to be with Mom?”
“Uh … well,” he stammered. “That’s out of the blue. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve just been thinking about her lately.” Jory stopped at the desk, staring out the fake windows, where a brick wall now stood, the faux backdrop of Central Park stripped away. “About you and her before she got sick.”
Jory’s dad cleared his throat. “Oh. Well. It wasn’t some lightning bolt or anything. We started out in the standard way, talking and dating and that sort of thing. And then we were just … a part of each other’s lives.” His father took a moment, sifting through his memory. “It’s strange, now that I think back on it. There was no real decision made. It just became obvious we would continue on together. Even when I proposed, it felt like a mutual decision. We didn’t think about being together, we just … were together, as easy and as integral as breathing.”
Jory was struck by the simplicity of that. No grand gesture, no hurdle to overcome. He wondered why he hadn’t asked before. When he was younger, he’d ask his dad what kind of pets she’d had as a girl, where she’d taught his dad how to ski, what their first wedding had been like. But not the beginning. “So Mom was all in?”
“We both were.” His dad paused. “But Astrid was like a bolt out of the sky. Bam! I had no choice but to fall in love. She was all in too.” He chuckled. “Is this coming from somewhere? Have you met someone?”
Through the opening of the set, Jory could see Dan talking on the phone, laughing, loud and hearty. Jory knew he was talking to his wife, and clearly she’d just said something outrageous because Dan’s eyes were watering. Jory’s throat started to close as emotion welled up. “No, no. I guess I’m just worried.”
“About the test?”
“Yeah.”
“Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it.”
Jory never doubted his father would be there for him and yet wished that wouldn’t be the case. If not for Jory’s grandmother, his father would’ve bankrupted them with their spontaneous vacations in his mom’s last year, along with her medical bills. His father had stayed by his mother’s side for months while she quietly slipped away. Jory didn’t want that for his father again.
“It was so hard, Dad.” Jory’s voice caught.
“It was. It was.” His father sighed through the phone. “I wish I’d kept some of that away from you. You didn’t deserve that as a young boy.”
“It’s okay.”
“I’m not sure it was.”
Jory went quiet while the silence on the other end stretched, both men deep in the past.
His father cleared a throat full of memories. “I’m not sure if this is the right time to ask, but have you gone for your test yet?”
“I’m going today. We finish early.”
“Good. Good. Thanks, son.” His father exhaled in what sounded like relief.
“I don’t want to worry you.”
“I’ll worry if I want.”
Jory huffed out a laugh.
They said their goodbyes, and Jory tossed the phone on the desk with a clatter. He stared at the brick wall, wondering if he should bash his head against it.
Suddenly, arms snaked around his belly, making him jump.
“Easy, boy.” Cali whispered in his ear as hands went to his belt. “I have some ideas about you and this desk, and we only have fifteen.”
Her thumbs slid below his waistband, scraping his sensitive skin and firing his body up, but his heart wouldn’t let him go there. He stilled her busy fingers and turned in the circle of her arms. “I need a minute.”
Cali rested her limbs in a low-slung hug across his hips. “You okay?”
Jory relaxed in the hold, draping his arms over hers and linking his hands behind her back. He took a moment to soak in the comfort, how right she felt, even as he acknowledged how fragile this time was. “Yeah, yeah. Just talking to my dad.”
Cali’s body tensed. “Oh. Parents. Yeah. Always tricky.” She gave him a squeeze and began to draw away, when her brow furrowed. He felt something slide out of his back pocket that she brought up between them. The small yellow film cartridge. “What’s this?”
“Oh right. I forgot about that.” The last of his energy seeped out of his body. He injected a rueful playfulness he didn’t feel. “These games are making me forget everything.” Like who he was.
She leaned back so she could investigate the film more closely, turning it over in her hands. She was still close enough to smell, and he breathed her in quietly so she wouldn’t notice. “You shooting something on Super 8?”
Jory flushed, like he’d just been caught in an obsession with scrapbooking. He reached to take it back. “It’s just a thing I’m working on.”
She kept the cartridge away, ignoring his grasping hand. “It’s old. Like, decades.”
“I found it in a camera I got at a pawnshop.”
“You collect cameras?”
“I collect film.”
“Like, found film?” Her eyes finally met his, wide with surprise.
Jory nodded warily. “I collect lost footage, home movies that have been forgotten or thrown out.” He shrugged to feign his indifference. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do with them all yet. I keep waiting for inspiration to strike.”
“Well, surprise, surprise. A little side project, eh?” She regarded him with open curiosity. He felt exposed, but now he didn’t care. He wanted her to know. “Rescuing moments of people’s lives from oblivion. You’re like a superhero.”
Jory had never thought of it that way, but her reverence lit up the untouched safety centers in his brain. What would happen if he opened up to her a little more about his fears? What if he allowed himself to hope, maybe just a little?
It was impossible. She had enough on her plate with her messed-up family.
Cali waved the cartridge. “What’s on this one?”
He focused back on the film. “Not sure. I have to send it to a processing lab in LA or New York. It’s too old for them to do it here.”
“You don’t need to send it away. I can develop it for you tonight, if you want.”
Jory started. “You can?”
“Sure. It won’t look as pristine as a lab’s, but maybe that’s not what you’re looking for.”
It wasn’t what he was looking for. He was looking for real and messy and chaotic. And now he’d found it, he was determined to let it slip away.
“I’ll get the stuff,” she continued, “and we’ll do it after work.”
“Um, well, tonight’s a bit complicated. I have this medical test after work. Although I can skip it. Why don’t I skip it?”
He moved to pull her back, but she stepped away and crossed her arms. A definite matron vibe flowed over her. “Should you skip it?”
“Yeah, it’s fine.” Jory waved her worry away.
“What’s it for?” Her worry wasn’t going anywhere.
“Are you always so forward in your demand for medical information?” he deflected.
“I know when people are trying to pass something off as nothing when it’s actually something, and something that needs to be dealt with now rather than letting it fester until it becomes something huge.”
“Uh … give me a second to figure that one out,” he teased. But he was stalling. Could he tell her? Would his admission bring her closer or push her away? He had vowed to make things easier for her, not add to her already full buffet of responsibilities. But it didn’t seem like she was going to let him get away with dismissing it, or her. “First of all, it’s not a big deal—just a precautionary thing. I have to get an endoscopy to make sure a growth that showed up on an earlier scan is benign.”
“Geez. That’s not stressful at all,” she quipped.
He chuffed out a laugh at her sarcasm. “Yeah, well, last year my dad asked me to get tested for this thing called Lynch syndrome.” He raced through the details to get it over with. “My mom died from stomach cancer and sometimes it’s hereditary. So when I got tested, it turns out I have the syndrome.”
“Go on,” she nudged.
He looked past her shoulder. “It doesn’t mean I have cancer or will get cancer, just that the chances are higher. So when they scanned me, they found a growth, and they just want to make sure it’s nothing to worry about.”
She took a moment before she spoke, delivering her words in gentle but matter-of-fact tones, her lips inches away. “I had this friend whose mom didn’t get this growth in her breast checked out for years because she was scared of doctors, even though her boob had grown the size of a watermelon. Like huge. And purple. My friend forced her to go to the hospital, and she had stage-four breast cancer.”
Jory leaned back in shock. “Why would you tell me that story?”
She pulled him toward her again. “Because she still beat it. So, good-news story. And you’ll get yours looked at before it ever becomes a problem, even though it’s probably nothing. The moral is, it’s better to know.” Tenderness filled her features. She was always joking or sassy or fiery. This was new, and he wanted to bathe in it. She bridged the small space between them to softly kiss his lips. “I’ll take you so you don’t chicken out.”
“I’m not a chicken,” he argued while he let her kiss him.
“Then I’ll drive you home because you’ll be doped up, yes?”
He nodded reluctantly and she brushed his lips with her own. “And then we’ll process the film. Easy peasy.”
Cali deepened the kiss, and he grunted grumpily as he joined in. The kiss stayed sweet and slow, with none of the frenetic energy they usually shared. The type of kiss normally earned from years of practice. He felt a pain in his chest, which he reasoned was from the film cartridge squashed between them rather than something deeper he didn’t want to admit to. He hoped the tremor in his lips would be mistaken for nervousness about the test and not the real fear—the inevitability of losing her.