Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter
Twenty-Two
Amariah
Ever since the non-love-triangle debacle that happened that Saturday at my parents’ house, I’d become a recluse.
When I told Scottie what went down, she agreed to let me work on administrative tasks to keep my mind occupied.
Bright and early for the past two mornings, I’d left the house, headed to the local library, and worked from a rented conference room.
I worked there until nearly closing and then ate at one of the local restaurants.
I kept my phone on DND all day, checking my messages only periodically to make sure there were no emergencies, until I was on my way home, around nine or ten at night.
By then, my mother was settled in for the evening, so I hopped straight into the shower, then eased into bed to rinse and repeat.
Aside from my mother calling to check on me, Janelle, Koby, Mrs. Gold, and Aaron had all called.
Nothing from Jacob. It hurt, but I couldn’t be upset.
He had every right to feel the way he did.
Still, I wished he’d speak to me about it, though.
Sure, I could’ve called him, but the fact that I hadn’t heard a word from him since he’d stormed out of my parents’ house confirmed that he had nothing to say to me.
Honestly, I didn’t know what to say to him either.
I didn’t know how to begin telling him about Aaron or how all this had come about.
I’d mulled it over a thousand times, and none of the reasons felt good enough for him to accept or at least understand.
So, out of embarrassment, I avoided him, the store, and everyone else.
But just like Jesus rose on the third day, so did my mother.
After two days of ducking and dodging, Melinda Luke was determined to see my face rather than my standard “I’m fine” text message.
As I was easing through the house at 6 a.m., I’d almost made it to the foyer when my mother popped on the light in the living room.
She was sitting in the recliner chair by the window, wrapped in a plush robe and fluffy slippers.
“Sneaking off again before the sun and Jesus rise, I see.”
“Mama!” Nervousness pinged behind my chuckle as I slowly turned to face her. “I wasn’t sneaking out—”
“Hmph,” she scoffed, cutting off the fib. She folded her arms, and I followed her gaze to my boots in my hand rather than on my feet. “So, you always put on your shoes at the front door?” One of her brows lifted in curiosity. “Lie to me again.”
My shoulders drooped along with the sigh that I exhaled. “Okay, Mama. I was sneaking out, but it was because I didn’t want to disturb you and Daddy.”
She pointed at me. “You do know when I told you to lie to me again that I was being sarcastic, right?” She exhaled. “Are you sneaking out because of what happened between you, Jacob, and the phantom fiancé we knew nothing about?”
And there was my reason for avoiding my parents.
My father may not have heard the fiasco, but I knew my mother absolutely did.
She knew that I was dating a man named Aaron, but I had never brought him to meet them, and I had never told my parents that we’d gotten engaged.
That should have been my first sign that accepting his proposal wasn’t the right decision.
Who gets engaged and doesn’t tell their parents?
Me. Heck, who gets engaged and hasn’t met the parents or asked the father for his permission?
Aaron. I could make up some reason as to why I hadn’t introduced them, but honestly, the real reason was that somewhere deep down, I knew he wasn’t meant to be my husband.
It became easier to stay in our bubble than it did to be ridiculed by my parents.
“Yes,” I admitted. “Mama, you knew about Aaron. He was the guy I told you I was dating. You all just didn’t know we had gotten engaged.”
“Amariah.” My mother shook her head, dragging my name out the way she did when she was disappointed. “Why would you get engaged to this man and not tell anyone, specifically me and your father? Are you still engaged?”
I set my boots and laptop bag down before moving to the other recliner to sit down. “At the time, it made logical sense. We’d courted, dated, and marriage seemed like the most sensible next step.”
“Sensible next step,” my mother scoffed. “Girl, those are not the words you should use to describe marrying the love of your life.”
“Well, I know that now.”
“You knew that when you accepted, which is why you didn’t tell us,” she scolded.
“See, Mama, this is why I didn’t want to discuss this.” I massaged my temples. “Dating is hard these days. Not everyone is blessed to meet the love of their life like you and Dad.”
“That’s because you new-school thinkers have tricked yourselves into believing that settling is better than waiting.”
I palmed my forehead. “You don’t understand.” My voice was filled with exasperation. “Sometimes that makes it difficult to talk to you.”
She stood and walked over to me. “Amariah.” Her voice softened as she cradled my face.
“I don’t pretend to understand, but I’m always here to listen and give unsolicited advice.
” That made us both giggle. “You are grown, so your decisions are yours, and we will always respect that, even if we don’t agree or understand, but you don’t have to go through life alone.
You are so much like your father. Proud.
Independent. Great qualities, but also detrimental ones.
It’s okay to have those qualities and seek advice and help.
That doesn’t diminish who you are; it builds you.
Regardless of whether you remain single, marry the wrong man, or the right one, we love you, and we’re always going to be here for you. ”
Tears trickled down my face. It felt like such a relief to hear my mother speak those sentiments to me. Even though I knew this, that prideful and independent spirit clouded my judgment.
I stood up and hugged her tightly. “Thanks, Mama. I’m sorry for not telling you all.”
“So you’re still engaged?” She pulled back, confused by what I’d said.
“I broke off the engagement and the relationship.”
She eyed me skeptically. “Does Aaron know this?”
“Well, I tried.” I shrugged. “He showed up here because he wants to keep trying, but I explained to him that we weren’t good together, and we weren’t meant to be. He is struggling to let go, but I can’t hold on to that relationship anymore.”
“And Jacob?”
“He’s not talking to me, and I don’t blame him.”
“You can’t blame him, but you still need to speak with him to tell him the truth.
Whether he accepts it or not, it’s up to him, but he should make that decision with all the information.
” She gripped my arms, staring sternly into my eyes.
“You and Jacob have had ups and downs, but you’ve been friends a long time and in love for longer. Make him listen.”
After the talk with my mother, I needed air.
I walked the trails through Mountain Falls Park, letting the scent of evergreens and fresh snow relax and reset my mind.
Then I headed to the library for a bit to check out the new Robbi Renee book before deciding to eat at my newest favorite lunch spot, Main Street Ale & Grill, which had only been in business for a couple of years.
I chose a quiet corner booth, hoping food and a reading escape might settle the weight sitting in my chest. The server set down my plate filled with savory roasted chicken, winter greens, and a vegetable medley, but my appetite hadn’t caught up to me yet.
My mind was still tangled between Jacob walking away from me and Aaron refusing to walk away.
However, I’d made my position clear with Aaron.
The person whom I desperately needed, and moreover, wanted to clear the air with was Jacob.
As my mother said, how he chose to handle it afterward was up to him, but I couldn’t rest until he knew the truth in its entirety.
I pushed a forkful of greens around, sighing.
Somehow, disappointment tasted stronger than anything on my plate.
The lunchtime crowd moved in and out as I sat in my own world, not paying attention to anyone, until someone slid into the seat across from me, as if he’d been invited.
Aaron.
Per usual, he was dressed as if he had stepped out of an ad for winter menswear, with a soft expression and an even softer voice. “You eating alone?”
“I was.” My voice was quiet without the bite it held a couple of nights ago. I didn’t have the energy for combat today.
He looked me over in that familiar, assessing way, like he was checking for damage he had caused and left behind. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.”
“What are you still doing here?”
“My flight was canceled due to the weather, and I decided to stick around—take a mini-vacation. Give us…you…time.” He lifted his hands. “I promise I’m not stalking you. I came in for a bite to eat and saw you sitting here.”
I set my fork down and leaned back. “I’m fine. Processing, but fine.”
He nodded slowly, lacing his fingers on the table.
“I know my popping up here unannounced was…a lot. I shouldn’t have surprised you like that.
Listen, when you gave me the ring back and told me we needed space, I took it at face value.
I never thought that you’d actually walk away from me…
from us. I’ve been trying to understand it ever since. ”
Something in me softened, not toward getting back together, but toward closure of our relationship, once and for all.
“Aaron, our separation didn’t happen overnight.
We grew apart long before I ended things.
I just didn’t have the courage to say it sooner.
Then, when I tried to break up, you were the one who said I just needed a little space.
Every time I told you what I needed from you in our relationship, you always downplayed my feelings.
That time, I admit I used it to my advantage.
Instead of standing on business, I agreed to spare the argument, knowing full well I was done. ”
He swallowed, eyes dropping to his hands. “I hear you, and I know what you’ve said. I can agree with it, but I miss you. I miss everything about us. I know we weren’t perfect, but we were good together at one point. We could fix it.”
I shook my head gently. “That’s just it. We kept trying to fix something that wasn’t broken. It simply wasn’t right. We weren’t meant to be. You deserve someone who matches the life you want, and I deserve someone who meets me where I am.”
His brows pulled inward. “So, you’re saying there was never a chance? That what we had wasn’t real?”
“It was real,” I whispered. “It just wasn’t forever.”
He exhaled sharply, frustration and heartbreak blurring together. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I know.” My voice wavered. “But holding on will hurt both of us more.”
He reached out, brushing his fingers against mine.
Not romantic. Not quite platonic. Not out of hope.
Just…a shared history. And maybe that’s why I let him.
For a moment, we sat there quietly, our joined hands resting on the table.
Peaceful. Sad. Necessary. But then something tugged at me, and I glanced toward the front of the restaurant.
Jacob.
He stood just inside the doorway, shoulders stiff, eyes locked on our intertwined hands. The expression on his face was hurt, trying to disguise itself as indifference. I’m sure what he saw cut deeper than it should have. Before I could say anything, he turned and walked out.
“Jacob,” I breathed, too quietly for Aaron to hear. Or maybe he did and pretended he didn’t.
My pulse spiked as I slid my hand out of Aaron’s.
Whatever conversation we were having evaporated because the look on Jacob’s face wasn’t confusion.
It was a conclusion. He’d already decided what he thought he saw.
And making him listen had upgraded from an extreme difficulty to a decisive impossibility.