Chapter 9
She’d called her mom and dad to let them both know that she’d be stopping by today, and now she was very nervously riding shotgun in Clark’s truck on her way to the house she grew up in, a place that always made her feel as if she was about to swallow a cup of nails.
Maybe showing up with Clark was the wrong move.
But there was no right move here.
Clark had told her he wanted to tell his parents over the phone, because he needed to figure out what condition they were in, and it had been a few months since he’d seen them.
But she knew better than to give her mom serious news over the phone. That was the wrong move. Nancy had protocol for everything, and certain things should not be texted or delivered via phone.
The street looked the same as always, and the house just the way it had when she was growing up.
She’d moved back to town at the beginning of the school year and had only been to dinner with her parents twice.
She felt bad about it because she was the only child her parents had who would visit them, but it was just so complicated.
The truck pulled into the wide, paved driveway and she found herself staring at her mother’s potted plants on the porch. Perfect and bright and cheery. So much time and maintenance and stress to look just so.
They got out of the truck, and she walked toward the front door, while Clark followed behind her with Marjorie in his arms.
She twisted her hands together and rocked back and forth on her heels. He put his hand on her arm, calming her nervous energy right then and there, his calloused palm on her elbow grounding her. Then warming her.
She looked up at him and felt reassured.
She knocked on the door.
A moment later, her mother opened it, and she felt her heart squeezing her chest. “Hi, Mom,” she said. “I need to talk to you.”
“What is this?” Her mom looked from Clark to her, and then at the baby.
“Melanie’s,” she said.
There was no perfect staging of conversations where her mother was concerned. There was no way to make this easy, no way to soften the blow or direct her response.
It was better to just get it out of the way. Better to just say what needed to be said.
“That’s your sister’s baby?” The expression on her mother’s face couldn’t be readily decoded.
“Yes.”
“Come in.”
She and Clark went into the house, which was as pristine as ever. A shining altar to her mother’s anxiety.
“You can come to the living room,” she said, leading them to the couch.
They sat down, and she looked over at Clark, who was cradling Marjorie against his chest. She could feel the disapproval coming off her mother in waves. She wanted to shield Marjorie from it. And in a strange way, wanted to shield Melanie, too. Even though she wasn’t here.
She wanted to shield Melanie from her mother’s disdain. She wanted to protect everyone from what this moment’s revelation was going to bring.
Even her mother, though Ellie could feel that the conversation was going to go very badly.
She didn’t know how she knew that. Her mother was a master at hiding her true feelings. She was a master at smiling while inside she was seething.
“How old is she?”
“Just about a week.”
“When did you find out?”
“The day she was born. We went to the hospital because Melanie and … Melanie and Ty both called.”
“And what are you doing? Are you offering temporary placement? Why do you feel the need to tell me this happened?”
“Because we’re keeping her,” she said. “Clark and I. We’re going to raise her.”
“Oh, Ellie, you cannot keep letting your sister’s mistakes derail your potential.”
She sat there, stunned by her mother’s words. “Derail my potential? What does that even mean?”
“You know what it means. You could’ve gone to a more prestigious school. You could’ve aimed higher if you weren’t always dealing with Melanie’s mistakes.”
“How is this aiming too low, Mom? I’m taking care of my niece. I’m taking care of my family.”
“What about your life? You’re going to be stuck with a child that’s …” Her mom looked at Clark. “A Porter. Part of that family. You’re going to be stuck with them. Stuck with him.”
“Mom,” she said slowly. “I don’t see it that way.
That there’s something wrong with the Porter family.
Melanie has the exact same problems as some of the Porters.
She and Ty chose their path. But they also chose to do the best, most compassionate thing for their child.
They chose to do what needed to be done. ”
“And we’re choosing to give Marjorie the best life possible,” Clark said. “I don’t need you to like me. You can treat me with all the disdain you like, but you will not treat this little girl with even an ounce of it.”
This was the first time her mom had heard the name. Had heard whom they’d named her after, and she didn’t even react.
“Mr. Porter …”
“I’m not here to be scolded. Ellie wants to maintain a relationship with you, and it matters to her. It doesn’t matter to me, though, so I would be careful about what I said if I were you. Because I might tell you some things about yourself that you won’t be able to forget.”
He stood up, and Ellie stood up with him. “It’s up to you, Mom,” Ellie said. “How involved we’ll be in each other’s lives. My first responsibility is to Marjorie.”
“You always chose your sister,” her mother said.
“You chose her over me. Over our relationship. Look at what she’s done to you.
To me. Everyone in town whispers about her.
She’s the black sheep. She’s always manipulating you.
Making you feel sorry for her. She’s made her choices.
And she doesn’t need you to enable her.”
“I’m not enabling her. I love her. And maybe she needed me because she knew she didn’t have you.
Knew she didn’t have Dad. But in any case, I’ve made my choices for my life.
I love my job. I didn’t need to go to a better school.
I didn’t need to live somewhere else. I don’t need to live my life to make you proud of your own.
Marjorie certainly will never have to do that for me. ”
Clark led the way out of the room, and she followed as quickly as possible. It wasn’t until she was out the door that she realized she was shaking.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Of all the things, I didn’t expect her to tell me that I was going to ruin my life by taking care of Marjorie. I guess I didn’t expect that she would want to get rid of her own granddaughter.”
“Well, she’s half Porter.”
She looked at him, her heart twisting. “I’m sorry she said that.”
“I don’t need an apology. It’s how a lot of people feel.”
“But it’s not fair. I meant what I said. You’re like me, Clark. You hold the line for the person in your family who’s most vulnerable. And we both do it because we know that’s what love is.”
He nodded. “Yeah. It is.”
“Just because you’re used to being treated badly by people in town, that doesn’t mean you have to accept it.”
“I don’t accept it,” he said. “I’ve never accepted it.
Why do you think I went off to the rodeo?
Why do you think I bought this ranch? Because I’ve always thought I was better than these people let me be.
Because I’ve always thought I could do something with my life.
I’m not mad about it, though. I don’t need to fight against it.
Every day, I fight against anything that could send me down a path I don’t want to be on.
I don’t have time to fight other people.
Especially not when a lot of what they say is true.
The best revenge is living well. I just live well.
Not angry. Not tangled up with people who wouldn’t like me no matter how much I succeed. Who wouldn’t like me no matter what.”
“Well. I’m mad for you. And I’m mad for Marjorie. Because she deserves better than a grandmother who looks at an innocent baby and thinks such negative things. And better than a grandfather who will barely look at her at all.”
“You’re not going to get much better with my side of the family. My parents can be good. When they’re actually present. But that’s not often.”
“I’m just … I don’t understand why family has to be so hard.”
“It’s a good question. I hear that some people really enjoy spending time with their family.”
“I want that for her,” she said.
He looked at her, and her heart turned over in her chest. “So do I.”