Chapter 13 #2
She hadn’t thought of it that way at the time, but Clark was someone she could count on. Clark was always there. Always there when they were bailing out their siblings. Always there when things were as hard as they ever got.
And right now, he was hard against her. Right now, he was everything.
She threw her entire self into the kiss, arching her back against him, letting her breasts rub against that hard chest. She wanted to be naked.
“I haven’t had sex for like, three years,” she said.
He held the back of her head, staring intently into her eyes. “Oh,” he said.
“Has it been three years for you?”
He shook his head.
But then he cupped her face, thumb sliding over her cheekbones. “It hasn’t been three years. But it’s never been you.”
That was all she needed to hear. It was all she ever needed to hear.
He stripped her shirt off, took her bra off with one clever flex of his fingers.
Then she was finally skin to skin with him as he continued to kiss her, his hands moving over her back. Going to the snap of her jeans, taking the zipper down slowly.
She was naked, held up against his body, and it was surreal.
Beautiful. The fulfilment of a dream she’d never really let herself have.
Desire was driving her, but there was something more, something deeper. Something she’d never shared with another man, not ever.
He lifted his hands, cupped her breasts, squeezed hard, drawing his thumbs over her nipples, and a shuddering gasp escaped her mouth.
“You really want me,” he said, his voice filled with wonder.
“Yes. I wanted you in high school. I wanted you even when I didn’t fully know what it meant. I fantasized about you even when I didn’t know exactly what I was fantasizing about.”
“And you were so goddamn mean to me,” he said, his voice a low growl as he dragged his thumb over her nipple again. One more time. And again.
She shuddered. “I know. I had to be. Otherwise I was going to break. I couldn’t afford to break. We can’t afford to break now.”
“I’m fucking shattered, babe,” he said, closing the distance between them and claiming her mouth in the most intense kiss of her life. She ached between her legs, her flesh slick, her entire body so close to the edge a slight breeze could send her toppling over.
He backed her up against the wall, hand going between her thighs as he began to trace a pattern of torture over her sensitized flesh.
She arched against him, gave herself over to him, clung to his shoulders as he pushed her closer and closer to the peak.
The cry that escaped her lips shocked her, but not as much as how quickly, how easily he took her to the summit.
And even before she came back down, he built it up again. Swallowing the cry of pleasure on her lips before lifting her up and carrying her over to the bed.
He deposited her in the center of it, kissing her lips, her neck, a fiery trail down her body. He sucked her nipple deep into his mouth, and she arched up off the mattress, calling his name over and over again.
It was more than she had ever imagined it could be. They were more.
She had let herself believe that they were nothing but a mess. Nothing but fight or flight. Nothing but casualties in the devastation of their siblings’ lives. But they were their own thing. Right now. This was them. It had nothing to do with anyone else.
Marjorie had brought them together.
But this was about them.
The years of not being able to explore their feelings. The years of denying what they felt. This was about the two of them.
And all the years that had been taken from them.
Because who knew what would’ve happened if the first Parks to kiss a Porter had been Ellie and Clark. Who knew what would’ve happened if they were the ones who had embarked on a teenage love affair.
Would she have supported Clark through his rodeo ambition?
Would he have lived in the city so that she could get her teaching career established? Would they be married with a family?
She was getting ahead of herself. Advancing their relationship much further than it ought to be, she knew. But the touch of his hands was like the promise of forever, and she couldn’t shut off the scroll of emotion unfurling inside her.
He kissed her, and she was drowning. Her heart beating hard.
As the rain poured down outside, and the thunder rolled, she knew she was right where she needed to be.
He slid his hands down her waist, gripped her hips. Her stomach went tight.
She wasn’t afraid.
He moved away from her, went and opened up a cabinet in the bathroom.
He returned a few moments later with a box of condoms, taking the time to protect them both before he returned to the bed.
Then as he kissed her, he thrust deep inside her. The closeness, the intensity of it took her breath away.
It was perfect. And so was he.
As he began to move, she clung to his shoulders, the wave of desire between them building and building.
And then when it hit, she cried out his name, clinging to his shoulders and arching against him, her release going on and on.
She’d had sex before. But it was never this.
Never brought this soul-crushing intensity. Never this beautiful, bright and shining triumph.
It was never something that made her feel complete. But he did.
He really, really did.
“Oh, Ellie,” he said.
“I know,” she replied.
“We should’ve done that a long time ago.”
“I know,” she said. “I wanted to. Honestly. I knew back in high school. But I thought it was like … you know, the teenage urge to rebel. And then when Melanie actually did it, I … I was sure it was wrong. I was sure there was something inside me that was primed for rebellion. Against all that ruthless perfection in our house. But I didn’t want to end up like her. ”
“Everything that has been between us got caught up in Melanie and Ty. There was no way to get around that,” he said. “Not for a long time.”
“It was just really difficult.”
“Yes,” he agreed. “It was. Ellie, I’ve wanted you for years. I’ve loved you for years.”
“What?”
“I do. I love you. I want to make a family with you. I understand that all of this is crazy. We have a baby to care for. And all of this baggage. Maybe I’m trying to make something perfect out of something imperfect, but I don’t think so.
Because it’s always been you. I asked myself repeatedly who I was building this house for.
I didn’t have an answer. And yet, here it is, ready for a family.
Ready for something that I didn’t even have the faintest glimmer of.
Then there was Marjorie. And you walked into the hospital.
I knew you’d be there. Because in these situations you always were.
All those times we met up. In the worst places.
The worst bars, the seediest motels. It was all leading up to that meeting.
And that’s the one that brought us here. ”
He touched her face. “I needed to make a success of myself. I thought I wanted to show the town. I thought, sometimes, I wanted to show you. It wasn’t about showing you, though. It was about becoming the right man for you. It was about becoming good enough to be your husband.”
Her heart fluttered. “My husband?”
“Yes. God, it’s always been you. It’s never going to be anybody else.
I realize that I’m moving quickly. You don’t have to say yes to me right now.
I realize the idea of getting married is a little bit out there, but we can wait.
I just need you to know that’s where I see it going. That’s where I want it to go.”
What more did she want?
She’d dated men who hadn’t really understood her. Clark understood her. He knew her family. He knew everything she’d been through. He understood what it meant to love a sibling who was lost to the throes of addiction. To try to put boundaries on that person, but never to abandon them.
He was there for Marjorie. He knew she was a priority. He’d faced her mother down and hadn’t flinched.
He had gone and made something of himself. Something amazing.
And she loved him.
That was the bottom line.
It was so clear. So wonderfully, perfectly clear.
And he was worthy of love. The love of a wife, the love of a brother, the love of a daughter.
The way he took care of Marjorie was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen.
The way he loved that little girl …
Yes. He was the man she wanted to be the father of her children. He was the one she wanted more than anything.
This wasn’t rushing into things. This was fifteen years in the making.
Their love had undergone a trial by fire. It had already stood the test of time.
And it was glorious.
“I love you too. I put up so many barriers, trying to keep you at arm’s length.
I felt like it was too complicated. I felt like I couldn’t trust myself.
But that was all just fear. Fear of such strong feelings inside me.
Fear of wanting something more than I wanted to be there for Melanie.
But by giving us Marjorie, my sister gave us something to live for, something bigger than her and Ty’s problems.”
“I believe we can make a bright and beautiful future for our girl. For us.”
“Yes,” she said. She kissed him, her heart swelling with joy. “The next time we go to a courthouse, it will be for our wedding.”
“Oh hell no, girl. We’re not having a courthouse wedding. You’re going to get everything.”
A real wedding? But that meant involving her family, and that made her nervous.
But then suddenly the nerves dissipated.
She and Clark and Marjorie were their own family.
They were a family, and that mattered more than anything else.
She and Clark had love. They had Marjorie.
They had hope.