Chapter 33
THIRTY-THREE
Fisher
I used to spend a lot of time in the Met, but as I take the steps from the exit, I realize it’s been years since I’ve visited. And after my tour today, I wonder why.
The three days since I’ve landed back in New York have been miserable.
I’ve become an expert at putting on a happy face, but all I think about is Juniper.
I hoped the Met might help somehow. I thought that maybe I’d feel closer to her.
But all I thought about as I made my way around is how I wished she and Riley were here.
How we could have had brunch and then spent the entire afternoon wandering around.
Juniper would be able to tell me about the works.
I’d see her light up in the way that she does when she’s around art or talking about art.
But she’s not here. Neither is Riley.
I hail a cab and the knot in my stomach intensifies.
A New York cab has always brought me a weird sense of freedom.
When I first arrived in the city, I took a cab up Broadway and I felt like I was finally home after feeling out of place during my college years—probably because my mom and dad’s divorce threw me for such a loop, I didn’t know which way was up.
But today, it’s just me and this huge city that has been home for so many years…
and for the first time ever, I feel like I don’t belong here.
Thankfully, I’m meeting Bennett, Worth, and Jack tonight. They’ll help me take my mind off things. I always belong with them.
My phone buzzes. It’s a message from Jack.
Change of plans. We’re going to my club. See you there.
I tell the driver of the change in destination. We’re only a few blocks away. The sooner I get there, the better. I’m clinging to the hope that when I see my friends, I’ll start to feel better. I’ll start to heal.
Jack’s club is like something out of the start of the twentieth century.
It’s all tall columns and gold leaf. I’ve been to a lot of private members clubs all over Manhattan.
The artists I work for have belonged to every single one in the city.
Except for Jack’s. You don’t get into this place without lineage and old money. Both things Jack has in spades.
I climb the steps, give my name at the reception desk, and I’m shown to one of the lounges. Jack and Bennett are already there.
They stand and we hug. It feels like forever since I’ve seen them. I know it’s only been a few weeks since I’ve seen Jack, but so much has happened since it feels like a lifetime.
“You look like shit,” Bennett says.
I force a grin. “Thanks, mate.”
“I mean it. Are you sleeping?”
“Why wouldn’t I be sleeping?” I ask, glancing over at the bar. In seconds, someone is taking my drinks order. Thank god. I need a beer—something to take the edge off.
I glance back at my friends and they’re both staring at me, concern in their expressions.
“We know you really enjoyed your time in Star Falls,” Bennett says.
“Right,” I reply. “But it was always temporary and now I’m back home.”
An unfamiliar silence passes between us.
“How’s Juniper?” Jack asks.
“No idea,” I say, as if the words don’t cut into me like the sharpest of blades.
“You can talk to us,” Jack says. “We’re here for you.”
Thankfully, Worth arrives, taking the attention from me. But my reprieve doesn’t last long.
“How are you?” he asks, slapping me on the back. “Missing Juniper?”
“Guys, you’re acting like I just lost my dog or something.
I’m fine.” I take a deep breath. I’m talking bullshit.
These guys are my best friends in the world.
Why am I putting on a brave face with them?
They’re here to support me. To listen to me.
To help. “I’m going to be fine. I’m just…
I didn’t expect to… Juniper was special, and it’s going to take me a minute to adjust.”
“Did you and Juniper ever talk about maybe continuing things long distance?” Bennett asks.
“No point. Her entire life is in Star Falls. Her kid. Her family. Her job. And my life is here. It’s not like we could ever be…
anything.” I blow out a breath and take a swig of my beer.
The logical response that I’ve had in my arsenal for all these weeks sounds less and less convincing.
Not because our circumstances have changed.
But because of who she became to me. They say love conquers all. But whoever said that is a bullshitter.
“There are plenty of people who date long distance and then the compromises are easier to make further down the road,” Worth suggests.
“I can see that,” I concede. “But not for Juniper and me. She’s lived her entire life in Star Falls.
She’s never going to leave. Hell, I suggested she and Riley join me when I came back to New York for a couple of nights, and she wouldn’t come.
And as much as Star Falls is a beautiful place, I can’t run my business from there. ”
I know what they’re thinking. I don’t need to work. It’s true. I’ve made my money, but business isn’t always about making money. It’s about purpose. It’s about direction.
“And it’s not just about my company. It’s also New York.” I sigh. Except right now, I feel like New York doesn’t fit somehow. Like I don’t belong. But I know if I were away too long, I’d miss it. I’d miss the energy and the life. The possibilities.
“Rosey and Byron seem to have found a good compromise,” Worth says. “Spending time in Star Falls and New York.”
“It’s different. Byron grew up in Star Falls.
He has roots there. And anyway, Juniper has never even visited New York.
She wouldn’t even come here for two nights.
Let alone split her time between here and Star Falls.
” I shake my head. “Anyway, we weren’t even close to talking about stuff like this.
We always knew we had a shelf life. It wasn’t ever meant to be some great love affair for six weeks. ”
Worth starts to speak, but before he can get the words out, we all groan.
“We know, Worth,” Jack says. “You fell in love with Sophia the first moment you met her and married her as quickly as you could.”
I’d never thought Worth ever did anything that wasn’t meticulously considered and planned before he married Sophia.
When they announced they were married, I thought he might have a brain tumor or something, it was so out of character.
He was so convinced that he loved her from the moment he’d met her.
And now? Having spent nearly six weeks with Juniper?
Worth marrying Sophia when he hardly knew her doesn’t seem so crazy.
Juniper and I connected in a way where I felt like I could see into her soul, and I let her into mine.
“I’m not trying to be insensitive,” Worth says. “Only encouraging. If you love Juniper, isn’t it worth trying to figure it out?”
I groan again. I can’t deny loving her. Not to these guys.
“If it’s meant to happen, it will,” Worth says. “Maybe you need to take a week or two and see how you feel.”
I nod. That’s the best advice I’ve had yet.
I’m not sure I’ve ever had my heart broken.
Maybe this is what it feels like. I’ve not been on this journey, and I don’t know where to turn, but maybe things will feel easier as the days and weeks pass.
I can’t imagine how, but I have to cling to the possibility that there will come a day when I don’t yearn for Juniper like I do at this moment.