Chapter Five
Zamora
It was the day before Ms. Spencer’s engagement party, and I was at my catering spot checking my inventory. Through the back-and-forth conversations with Eliana, she decided to have a buffet-style dinner because it would be easier. I had hired two new staff members but would use an additional four from a temp agency to help out the following evening. My two new employees came that evening to assist with preparing the food, and by the time we called it a night, it was close to midnight. I was grateful the event started at eight the next evening so I could sleep in a bit.
Approaching my ninth week of pregnancy, I could feel my body changing. Standing wasn’t difficult yet, but Evan insisted I sit as much as possible. He even purchased a sturdy stool for me to use at my place of business. I guess the day before my largest gig was a bit of a strain on my body because I felt more tired than usual, and my stomach started cramping slightly. Then, when I wiped myself after using the bathroom, I saw a little pink on the tissue. I contacted my doctor immediately and was advised to take it easy until I could see her again. She also told me to go to the ER if the cramps got more intense.
On the day of the party, I had to push through the cramping discomfort I was occasionally having. Once it was time to load up and transport, my crew did most of the legwork while I sat and gave instructions. By eight o’clock, we were ready for the many guests who had already arrived. I stayed in the kitchen area, delegating while my crew did a superb job. The music was loud, and people were having a great time. Then the music stopped, and I heard someone on the microphone introduce the couple. When I heard Marcus’s name, I jetted out of the kitchen to make sure it was my Marcus. There he was on stage, adorned in his tuxedo and standing next to Eliana in her gorgeous silver gown. Both were dressed to kill.
Suddenly, I lost my footing and hit the floor. I welled in pain, getting the guests’ attention, and it didn’t take long for the couple to rush from the stage to see what the commotion was all about. I was on my side, waving my arm like a maniac at everyone who tried to aid me. The pain was so intense that I did not want to be touched. I heard Eliana’s voice asking if I was okay, but I knew my moans, groans, and deep breaths should have been more than enough confirmation that I wasn’t.
“Marc, help turn her over onto her back,” Eliana ordered in a panic, and then I felt his touch.
By then, both of my hands were clutching my lower abdomen as I continued to moan, and I could not control my labored breathing.
“Zee?” he said, his eyes wide.
I knew he was just as shocked to see me as I was to learn he was my client’s fiancé.
“It hurts. It hurts so bad. Please call 911,” I managed to say between breaths as another sharp pain hit me.
The pain was excruciating, and I felt the seat of my pants get wet with warm liquid as if I had pissed myself. My body shook as tears rolled down the sides of my head, landing in my ears and wetting my hair.
“Call 911!” I heard him yell.
Eliana quickly got up from the floor and was off. I wasn’t sure if she was going for a phone to call for help or noticed how he had looked at me. I hoped it was the former. When he took my hand, I squeezed his tightly.
“I got you, Zee. Don’t worry, I’m here,” he assured me.
“Marc, I’m pregnant,” I whispered, looking him in the eyes.
The look on his beautiful face was one of both concern and shock. I wanted to say more, but the cramps and pain were so severe all I could do was hold my stomach with my free hand and moan in pain. Before long, Eliana was back to assist Marcus with keeping me calm. It seemed like hours before the paramedics arrived.
Once on the gurney, I apologized to the couple for interrupting their affair. Both assured me all was good and wished me the best. I was wheeled out, hoping my staff would be capable of making sure the rest of the night went well without me. Before the ambulance pulled off, the event coordinator, Leila, rushed out with my purse and told me that she would handle everything for me. I thanked her, and she gave her well wishes after asking the paramedic which hospital they were taking me to.
By the time we reached the hospital, I no longer felt the horrible cramping I had experienced after my fall. With the assistance of the nursing staff, I changed out of my filthy uniform and into a hospital gown. The blood had dried on my inner thighs, but I could still feel some moisture between my legs. As the doctor started her examination, which included an ultrasound, she asked me several questions to try and assess my condition. She then applied a glob of gel and pressed the doppler to my lower abdomen, sliding it across my stomach while listening for the heartbeat. Nothing. I silently prayed she would find it, but after a few long, quiet moments, she still had not. Giving me a glimmer of hope, she insisted on doing a vaginal ultrasound before giving her final diagnosis.
I was so scared that my body shook uncontrollably. I didn’t want to think the worst, but somehow, I knew I had lost my baby. Sure, I didn’t want to be with Evan, and the idea of co-parenting with him was an awful thought at first, but not one single solitary moment did I not want my baby.
After five minutes of my lower region being probed, the doctor gazed at me with a look that said the news was nothing good. Before she could open her mouth, the sounds that escaped my body let the whole emergency room floor know I had lost my baby.
“Mrs. Watts, I am so sorry,” she said after she stood from the wheeled stool and removed her gloves.
“No…no…no…no…no,” I cried aloud.
“I’ll give you a few moments alone, and I’ll be back soon. We will have to do a dilate and curettage, or what’s known as a D&C procedure. Afterward, I’d like to keep you overnight to be monitored and check on you tomorrow before discharging you. We have an amazing staff here, and if you’d like, I can set up an appointment for you to talk to someone if you need to before I release you,” she said, giving my hand a tight squeeze.
Speechless, I gave her a slight nod.
“Would you like me to call anyone? Your husband, perhaps? You shouldn’t be alone right now,” the doctor offered.
I covered my face with both hands as I shook my head from side to side. I had to tell Evan, but I didn’t want him there. My parents and sister would only come and fuss over me. I just wanted to be alone to process what had happened. So many questions plagued my mind. Did I wish this on myself, or did my Father in Heaven take the baby from me because of my bitterness toward Evan? Was I not deserving to have a child? I had many questions and would pray to Abba for all the answers, but His comfort was what I needed first to get through this heartbreaking loss.
The doctor returned after the nurses cleaned me, got me into a fresh gown, and changed the bed sheets. She asked about my pain levels. I was slightly uncomfortable, but my heart ached more than my stomach and vagina. Still, I accepted when she offered something for the pain. She also said if I needed something to help me sleep, she would give it to me. I nodded in response, and she vacated my space, closing the curtains behind her. A few moments later, the nurse came with pain relievers and told me that they would have a room for me soon. Again, I nodded.
Not even a minute after she left, she returned to inform me that my husband was there and asked if I wanted him to come back. I froze, wondering who had called Evan. Maybe it was Leila or one of my staff who had reached out, but I did not want him there with me. I wanted to have time and space to grieve alone, not hear how brokenhearted he was about a baby he hadn’t bonded with. The morning sickness, fatigue, and flutters I had felt in my stomach confirmed I was nesting a baby. Then boom, that was no longer my reality. I knew I was being selfish, but I wanted this night to pray, cry, and process it all. Everyone else could feel whatever they wanted to feel tomorrow. Despite wanting to be alone, I gave her a slight nod, indicating she could allow him to join me. Moments later, I was blinking to make sure the meds didn’t have me hallucinating as he walked in. When I realized I wasn’t, I smiled a little.
“Come on in,” I said.
Still dressed in his tux, he looked like a gorgeous masterpiece.
“May I?” he asked, gesturing to the chair as he approached slowly.
“Of course, and thank you for coming. I didn’t expect to see you here. How did you even know which hospital I was in?”
“Our event planner told me. The question is, why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” he asked softly. “We talked for hours that night, Zee, and not once did you say you were pregnant or married.”
“I didn’t think you needed to know that, Marc. I mean, why would that even concern you? We randomly ran into each other at the airport, and I certainly didn’t think we would see each other again after Vegas. And it’s not like you mentioned you were engaged to me.”
“You’re right. Neither of us was forthcoming with our current situations. That night, I wanted to tell you so badly, but I enjoyed our reunion, Zee. Still, I should have said something, and I am sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too. I should have said what it was, but like you, I was also enjoying our reunion and didn’t want to bore you with all the bullshit going on in my world. Plus, I thought we’d go our separate ways and return to our lives once we got back here. I didn’t expect you to say what you said outside the airport. Since that day, it’s been on my mind, but now that I know you’re getting married, none of it matters now.”
He rubbed his temples, took a deep breath, and dropped his head.
“I guess it doesn’t. No matter how I feel about you, the reality is that I’m engaged, and you’re pregnant with your husband’s child. I’m just here to check on you because I’ll always be concerned about your well-being, Zee. I wanted to make sure you and your baby are okay,” he stated sincerely.
My eyes welled, and I let out a few moans from the pain. While releasing the hurt I felt inside, I told him the entire truth about what was going on in my life.
“Marc, I’m getting a divorce, and unfortunately, there is no baby anymore. I lost my baby tonight and am still trying to process it,” I shared through my tears.
“Oooohhhh, baby, I’m so sorry,” he said, rising from the chair and coming closer to my bed.
He grabbed my hand, and I didn’t resist as he pulled me into his strong arms. By the time I finished sobbing, his tux was wet with my tears.
“I’m sorry,” I said, rubbing a hand over his jacket.
“Zee, please, no apologies needed. I am so sorry. Where is your husband? Does he know? Why isn’t he here with you? Do I need to make any phone calls for you? Tell me what you need, and I’ll do whatever,” he offered.
Before I could reply, two nurses pushed the draped curtains back and entered.
“Mrs. Watts, your room is ready, and we’re here to take you up. Are you ready?”
“I am, but can I have a few more moments?” I replied. “I know visiting hours must be over,” I added, being familiar with hospital rules.
“No, it’s okay,” the other nurse said. “Given the circumstances, your husband is allowed to stay overnight. He can follow us up.”
Neither of us bothered to let them know he was not my husband, and ten minutes later, Marcus was sitting on the edge of the chair next to the bed in my room. Recognizing that look on his face, I decided to share more with him about my situation. If I didn’t, I knew he would drive himself crazy from worrying.
“Marc, I’m in the process of getting a divorce. Evan and I aren’t together, and the baby was one of those emotional moments before he moved out. Well, he was supposed to move out, but that changed. Getting pregnant wasn’t in our plans after shit went left. Initially, when I told him, he thought the baby would be the cure for our toxic marriage, but too much damage had been done. I still wanted to go through with the divorce.
“Only my staff and you know I’m here,” I continued. “And before you came, I didn’t want to see anyone tonight. I just needed a moment to process my feelings about it. I wanted this baby, and even though I didn’t jump for joy the day I found out I was pregnant, I grew more excited about it with each day that went by. I didn’t want to be a single mother, but I’ve always wanted to be a mom.
“You’ve known me many years and know I am a believer. So, I know things don’t always go as we want them to, but I needed to talk with Him…” I said, pointing up towards the ceiling, “…to understand how I keep losing everything I fall in love with.”
Before I could finish, his phone rang. He pulled it from his jacket pocket but didn’t answer it. After he returned to his pocket, it continued to ring repeatedly.
“Marc, take your call. Don’t be that guy. Step out and talk to her. You don’t have to tell her you’re here with me, but don’t just ignore her calls.”
He nodded, stood, and stepped outside my room. Out of habit, my hands roamed to my belly, and I quickly grabbed the bed rails. I shut my eyes tightly and began praying, repeating the words ‘strength’ and ‘understanding’ until my heart stopped racing. Seconds later, he walked back in.
“Hey, I need to head out soon. I know our history is officially black history, but we can be friends, Zee. I still and always will care about you and your well-being.”
He took my hand, and I squeezed his tight. I missed him more than words and wished we had never parted. Now, he was promised to another woman.
“I’d like us to be friends, Marc, and I wish you all the best. I really hate that my whole situation happened on your special night.”
“No worries. It gave some excitement to the night and will always be memorable.”
“Yeah,” I said and lowered my head.
Placing his forefinger underneath my chin, he lifted it. “No one will know about your loss, Zee. I won’t tell anyone.”
Squeezing his hand even tighter, I let my tears fall freely. “Thank you, Marc.”
“Anytime, Zee. I’m going to sit here a little bit longer, and I want you to try and get some sleep.”
I nodded and agreed. He somehow figured out how to dim the lights and then took a seat. I reclined my bed and finally dozed off after a brief cry.
When I woke up the following day, the chair was empty, but I thanked the Most High for sending Marcus to help me feel somewhat better. Now I had to face the music and call my family because I needed clothes to go home in since mine were soiled. As soon as I heard my sister’s voice, all the emotions I thought I had under control came resurfaced. I knew then I would need time to heal from this loss.