Chapter 9
Marx
“What the fuck is going on in here?”
OK, look, I know that when Chewy has an idea and the whole Girl Gang plays along that the likelihood of it being a good one is low. I know this. But this? This I have no words for. Neither do my men judging by the silence behind me.
Chewy’s house smells like baby oil, there are half naked men with horror movie masks on and Sasha is face down on a table with a teeny towel covering his ass.
“Oh hey! We’re Galentine’s-ing,” Chewy says. She says the words with so much conviction in a way that makes me think I’ve had a stroke because none of that, or this makes sense to me.
“Oh Galentine’s, nice,” Rider huffs a laugh as he leans against the door jamb.
“You know what this, this, shit is?” Tank asks incredulously.
“Ah, yeah. It’s when the girls get together to celebrate their girlfriends,” Rider says like we’re dumb.
Rhodie makes a growling noise and the hooded man with his hands on Chewy holds them up in the air and takes two big steps back.
“You oily fuckers get out of here before we make you leave,” I murmur low and dangerously. But clearly not that dangerous because my Ol Lady, my sweet, precious Ol Lady just rolls her eyes and pats my chest.
“Babe, it’s OK. They’re just men Chewy paid to take care of us for the afternoon,” Lovely ends her sentence on a squeak when I start growling again.
“Only I take care of you.” Lovely’s big dark eyes soften as she leans against me and presses a kiss to the underside of my jaw, making me melt a little.
“Don’t worry, I’ll still pay you for the full six hours,” Chewy beams as she’s perched atop a massage table.
“Six hours? What the fuck were they going to do for six hours?” Tav asks, bewildered.
“Full body massage, facials - not that kind!” Nat quickly says as Savage moves to grab one of the men. “Pedis, manis, the works.”
Fox looks stunned as he turns to his man. “I don’t understand anything that is coming out of her mouth.”
“What the fuck happened to you?” Jules asks Sasha as he rolls from his front laying position to sit up, dried green shit on his face.
“I have enlarged pores.”
We all stare at the big, blonde scary fucker as the women all huff about how we’ve ruined their fun.
“Baby, how would you like it if you walked in on me and the boys getting massages from topless women, hm?” Rhodie asks Chewy as his arms cage her into position on the table she’s sitting on.
“Are they properly trained masseuses or just club girls?”
“What’s the difference?”
“Proper training, Rhodie. Are these ladies there to help break down fascia tightness or just rub up on you?”
Rhodie runs a hand down his face and Mad Dog catches my eye as he tries not to laugh.
“No, don’t start using logic on me. Next you’ll tell me those men are all properly trained beauty therapists.”
“They are,” Chewy says with a frown. “How dare you suggest I use amateurs on my best friends. You should be ashamed.” Chewy crosses her arms over her chest with a huff, before playing the trump card I knew was coming. “Besides, Rhodes, I’m pregnant. I need to be pampered.”
Rhodie gives Chewy a bored look as the rest of the DRMC snicker. “Baby, you can’t use that as an excuse for everything. Besides, you hate strangers touching you.”
“That’s why I have this on.” Chewy grins proudly, indicating her Joker onesie.
Rhodie drops his head and I know it’s time for me to get my woman outta here. I have a lily-white ass to spank to bright red for letting another man touch her. Moving to toss her over my shoulder, I stop when Chewy lets out a loud as fuck whistle.
“Don’t caveman the women just yet! They need their gifts!”
“Chewy-”
She hops down from the table, almost giving Rhodie a fucking heart attack as she rushes to the kitchen island. She swipes some leftover cheese off of a wooden board and holds it up proudly.
“This is yours, Lovely!”
I blink once, then twice as I try to figure out what the fuck I’m seeing.
“Oh, Chewy, is that, um, is that-”
“It’s a charcoochie board! Every one of these boards are carved into what I think your coochies would look like!
” Chewy says excitedly. “This one is yours because I figured you’d have a little bush.
A nice tidy one.” Chewy hands over Lovely’s board and looking at it I can appreciate that it does kinda look like my woman.
“Not a word, Johnny!” Lovely squeaks, making me grin. She’s still so proper sometimes and this is going to be fun.
“Blanche, obviously full bush and a little more going on what with all those kids.”
“I’ve only given birth twice, you cow!”
“Nat, yours has designer bush, Mira - I wasn’t sure of your hairstyle because you’re so out there, but I just inherently knew that your little man in a boat was actually a bigger man in a boat.”
Tank snorts as Mira shoots him daggers. “Oh, ah, thank you, Chewy. How, ah, lovely of you.” Mira shares a shocked look with Vi who gets given a completely bald wooden pussy, much to Jules’ amusement.
“Remy, no flaps, don’t know why, Jazz, flaps. Kaia full bush, Ana - fuller bush.” Gus snorts and gets a backhand to the gut. “And my two newbies! Sasha, you get a cockcuterie board. You’ve got a trimmed bush, fully circumcised."
“Thank you, strange little woman.” Sasha and his green face takes his board with a respectful nod.
“And Joy,” Switch steps forward, instinctively at Joy’s back. “I don’t know you well enough to know what you’re rocking so I made what I thought was a generic coochie, but if you bring it back once we get to know each other a little better I’ll make sure to add on.”
“Oh, ah, thank you, Chewy. It’s -” Joy swallows, “- it’s lovely. I will cherish this gift. Thank you.”
At that we men lose it. And I don’t mean chuckles, I mean full blown fucking laughter.
Chewy and Joy both look confused, and I pull myself together long enough to let them know it wasn’t anything they did.
It’s just, fuck, only Chewy and her band of crazy Ol Ladies can do this type of shit and get away with it.
“It was a great idea.” Chewy shrugs.
“It was half a great idea, baby,” Rhodie says, pressing a kiss to his woman’s head.
“Now I know why the hell you were snorting while we were eating!” Blanche accuses, pointing a finger at Chewy.
“You were eating hot dogs off your pussy, Blanche. That is hilarious.”
The room erupts as the women cackle and the men roar with laughter. Even Lovely, tucked safely under my arm turns her face into my chest, her shoulders shaking with laughter.
“You ready to go home, sweetheart?”
She tips her face back to look up at me and like every other time she does this, she takes my breath away. This is my woman. The one who chose my stubborn ass even when I didn’t deserve her.
“Take me home, Johnny.” I press a kiss to her forehead. “Me and my wooden vagina.”
I throw my head back and laugh. I love this family, my family. Even if they are fucking crazy.
Joy
I chuckle with the others, Switch’s large body shaking with laughter at my back. I like it here. It’s safe. I feel safe. I also feel greedy because I want more. I want to belong here. To the DRMC and to Switch. I just don’t know how I can make that happen.
“Come on, honey. What’s say we get outta this mad house?” Switch gently says in my ear, causing goosebumps to break out over my skin.
I turn to look up at him, his auburn beard looking just like a warm fire on a cold night as the light catches it.
“I would like that.”
His lush lips pull wide into a smile, perfect white teeth on display. “How long until you have to relieve the babysitter?”
Looking at my mother’s watch on my wrist, I note the time. “I have two more hours.”
“Good, let's go for a ride.”