Chapter 15
Audrey
“Do you want something else? Maybe dessert? Another sweet tea?” I ask my mom.
She waves me off as she sits back in her chair. I took her out to lunch after we went to another doctor’s appointment to discuss the initial treatment plan until I can get the money for the other treatment.
It’s an until and not an if.
She starts chemo next week. There are so many emotions warring inside me; it’s almost impossible to pluck one out and deal with it individually. It’s overwhelming for my system, but right now, none of that matters. My mom is what matters. Anything else is just background noise.
I’m officially on a leave of absence from work, effective today. I talked to the administration yesterday and turned in all the paperwork.
Not that I’m telling my mom that I’m not working.
Because I plan to. Just not at the hospital.
Last night, I sat at home, debating whether this was a good idea. I have no idea what Tyler will think when I show up for the interview. If I even get one… But when he let it slip at dinner that Joe was interviewing for a new personal assistant, I knew I had to try.
“No, sweetie. I’m so full. This was great.
We haven’t been here in forever.” Mom looks around the restaurant that hasn’t changed in twenty years, a sad, nostalgic smile on her face.
It’s a cute little diner that only serves breakfast and lunch.
We used to come here all the time while I was growing up.
“Yeah, I thought this would be fun. A little trip down memory lane.” I take a sip of coffee, but it sours in my stomach as I think about how I took it for granted all the times I came here with her before.
Mom levels her gaze at me before turning to open her purse and pull out a folded piece of paper. Sliding it across the table, she inclines her head for me to open it.
Swallowing the nausea that threatens me, I open the paper. Sadness and amusement tighten my chest.
Things I want to do in the next few weeks for no specific reason at all.
Mom would take something as serious as a bucket list and try to make light of it.
Try to act like this is no big deal, and not me potentially granting her dying wishes.
I dab the stray tear that slips free from my lashes and refold the paper, knowing I can’t read the rest of it here in the restaurant, or I’ll make a scene.
Forcing a smile, I hold it up. “Thanks for this. I’ll start working on it right away.”
She reaches across the table and grips my hand. “I love you, Audrey.”
I cling to her, willing her to make it through this. “Love you, too, Mom. More than you know.”
After dropping my mom off at her house, I sink onto my couch, that dreaded list in my hand. I flip over the folded paper, as if there’s a secret message on the outside, but it’s blank.
My eyes close, and I take a long inhale and blow it out through pursed lips. “Audrey, you can do this. It’s just a list.”
I hold my breath as I unfold the paper, releasing it when I start reading.
1. Skydiving
“Really, Mom? Skydiving?” I mutter.
It’s not that I’m afraid of heights, but I am afraid of falling from said heights.
2. Goat yoga
“Wow, going from one extreme to the other, there.”
3. Glass Blowing
4. Make my own butter
5. Spend the weekend with you, in our pajamas, watching movies, and eating junk food. (I put this last, but really, it’s the only thing I want. Everything else doesn’t matter, as long as you’re with me.)
A sob rips from the very depths of my soul. Somewhere so deep, I don’t even know how it’s possible to feel this much pain. To be this scared. To not know if I’ll be able to go on.
It takes me several minutes to pull myself together enough to finish reading. I wipe the tears from my eyes a couple of times before reading the final note scrawled a few lines down from number five. A laugh bubbles out of me, causing more tears to stream down my face as I read what she wrote.
One more thing…I wouldn’t hate it if I could meet Dolly Parton!
It’s dark outside. And it’s dark inside.
I never bothered to turn on a light. The only illumination comes from the rerun of a reality TV show that I’m not even really watching.
I feel wrung out from the tears I cried earlier.
I’ve barely moved from the couch since I got home—my heart hurt too much to do anything else.
I curled up a few hours ago, and that’s where I still am when my phone starts vibrating from the coffee table. Reaching out, I pick it up, the small device heavier than usual. Probably from my body feeling weak after not moving for so long.
My hand twists, and the first glimmer of happiness peeks out from behind the gloom when I see the name on my screen.
Tyler.
I connect the call and balance the phone on the side of my head without getting up from where I’m lying down.
“Hi.” I know my voice sounds tired and fragile, but I don’t have the energy to fake anything.
“Audrey.” The relief in his tone warms me. “Are you okay? I tried to text you a few times, and you didn’t answer. I got worried.”
I push up to a seated position. “Sorry, I took my mom to an appointment this morning, and when I got back home, I fell asleep on the couch.”
It’s not a total lie. I do think I dozed off for a few minutes at one point.
“You sound…off. Do you want to talk about it?”
I swallow my emotions and blow out a slow breath. I let out a low, strangled cry when I reply, “It’s just some stuff with my mom. I can’t talk about it right now.”
A sad sigh comes through the phone. “You’re breaking my heart, mama. I understand not being able to talk about something. I just need you to know, I’m here for you if you need anything. Even if it’s just a shoulder to cry on.”
I sniff. “Thank you, Tyler. That really means a lot.”
“No need to thank me, Audrey. Do you need dinner?”
I gnaw on my lip, debating if I want to be alone or if I should accept his offer of his company. After a few moments of my internal argument, I decide on the latter. “Dinner would be great. Can we have Chinese food?”
“Done. Text me what you want. I’ll be there in forty-five minutes, at the latest.”
Tears form in my eyes as I whisper, “I’ll see you soon.”
“Yeah, baby. You will.”
The call disconnects, and my hand drops to my lap.
I stare off into the distance for a few moments before giving myself a mental shake.
After sending Tyler my order, I lean forward and set my phone back on the coffee table.
Since this is technically only our fourth date, if you count the night our date was cut short and we kissed, I should probably put in some effort to look cute.
But the desire to be comfy outweighs any inclination to impress.
After changing into pajamas and putting my hair up in a messy bun, I plop back down on the couch with a glass of wine to wait for Tyler. I take a sip as my mind goes back to the last time I saw Tyler, and my core clenches.
It’s been about a year and a half since I broke up with my ex, and without a doubt, nothing I experienced with my ex was anywhere near as erotic as what happened between me and Tyler. And we didn’t even have sex.
Butterflies swirl in my stomach when the doorbell interrupts my X-rated trip down memory lane.
Setting my wineglass on the coffee table, I stand and shuffle over to the door.
When I catch sight of myself in the mirror that hangs over my entry table, I have a moment of panic that I should’ve tried to look cuter.
Sighing, since there’s nothing I can do about it now, I pull open the door.
Tyler stands on the other side, looking mouthwateringly handsome.
He’s dressed in perfectly worn jeans and a gray T-shirt that fits him criminally well.
It really isn’t fair for him to look so good when I’m in oversized pajamas and my hair is a mess.
As I’m wallowing in my self-consciousness, Tyler’s face splits into an endearing lopsided grin. He steps into my apartment, and with a hand on my waist, he gives me a lingering kiss on the forehead. The butterflies from earlier come soaring back through me when his lips touch my skin.
“You look so fucking adorable,” he mutters as he releases me and walks the rest of the way into my apartment.
For fear of looking like a love-sick fool, I bite my lip to prevent the grin threatening to break loose as I follow him after shutting and locking the door.
He glances over his shoulder. “Do you want to eat in the living room or dining room?”
“Living room is fine. Let me move a couple of things.” I hurry across the room and push aside the few magazines and books I have on the coffee table. When he starts setting the food out, I ask, “Do you want something to drink? I have water, wine, beer, soda… I think that’s it.”
He gives me another grin. “Beer would be good.”
Going to the kitchen, I grab his beer and some plates and silverware, and I return to find all the food spread out and Tyler opening the last container.
He stands up, takes everything from me, and places them on the table as well.
Before I can move back to my seat, his hands go to the sides of my neck.
“Now that I don’t have my hands full, I can do this properly. ”
The moment his lips meet mine, my body arches into his as if being drawn in of its own volition. His tongue teases the seam of my lips until I open just wide enough for him to slip inside and tease me. I grip his wrists as I stand on my tiptoes to try to get closer.
Tyler slowly breaks the kiss, and his lips leave mine as we catch our breath. I get one more kiss on my forehead before he says, “That was even better than I remember.”
My skin heats at his observation, completely agreeing with the sentiment. Guilt and desire battle it out in my heart as I take the seat next to him on the couch to have dinner with the man I tricked into dating me.