Chapter 19
Audrey
“She has cancer.”
Even though I told Tyler I wanted him to make me forget about everything with my mom, now, as we lie in the dark, sated and relaxed, I want to open up to him. Even if he can’t know all of me, I want him to know as much as possible.
We’re on our sides, facing each other in my bed. The darkness surrounding us, cocooning us in this little bubble that I wish we could stay in forever. I have my hands tucked under my cheek on my pillow as he mindlessly toys with the end of a lock of my hair, the other hand supporting his head.
“How long have you known?”
I swallow roughly. “A few months.”
“Is there a treatment?”
I close my eyes and inhale. I wish I could just tell him everything. About my dad. About my asinine plan. About the real reason we met.
But I can’t.
“There is, but the doctors aren’t sure it’ll be effective.”
His eyes are so full of sympathy and compassion that my heart stutters. “It’s obvious how much you and your mom love each other when I saw you two together. I hate this for both of you.”
All I can whisper is, “Thank you, Tyler.” And I mean that for more than just his words. I’m grateful for this entire day.
He kisses me sweetly on the forehead before settling back on his pillow. “If you want to keep talking about it, I’m more than happy to listen. But if you want to talk about something else, that’s fine with me too. I just appreciate you trusting me enough to tell me.”
I sniff back my emotion. “We can talk about something else.”
His tender smile warms me. “Okay, if you change your mind, I’m all ears.”
Giving him a smile in return, my gaze falls to his chest, then travels down his stomach to where the blanket rests low on his hips.
A moment of insecurity overtakes me as I peruse his sculpted body.
Not that he gave me any indication that he didn’t find me attractive, but it’s hard to undo years of worrying about my weight.
“You’re really buff,” I blurt out.
His deep, masculine chuckle has me squeezing my thighs together at the rush of desire. “Yeah, well, when you work with a bunch of men who are ex-military, the last thing you want is to be the little guy.”
I reach out and let my fingers graze his abs, and love the answering growl I receive. “You’re definitely not that.”
Before I can move my hand any lower, I’m tipped onto my back, and the blankets are pulled down to my waist. Tyler cups my breast and plucks at my nipple. “My turn to touch you.”
I pout. “I barely got to touch you.” My words turn into a moan when he captures the nipple he was just caressing in his hot mouth.
His teeth depress my flesh before he looks up at me with a wolfish grin. “Move faster next time.”
As his hand moves from my breast to my stomach, the insecurities come back. “Sorry, I’m not as fit as you,” I whisper.
His head whips up so fast, I startle.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Audrey?”
I wrap my lips over my teeth, unsure of what I did to make him mad. His hand moves lower, pushing in between my thighs to tease my entrance.
“Don’t ever talk about yourself like that.
Even when I’m not around.” Two fingers slide easily inside me, and I’m surprised by how wet I still am from our earlier escapades and just from him playing with my nipple.
“You’re so fucking perfect. There isn’t one thing I would change about you.
” He removes his fingers and rubs my clit in slow circles with my dampness clinging to his skin.
A moan slips from my lips when he continues.
“Except for maybe you not realizing how obsessed I am with every single inch of you.”
I writhe under his touch as he proves with every stroke that nothing he’s saying to me is anything but undeniable honesty. Desire and bliss clash with the guilt inundating me as I do everything I can to focus on this moment and worry about the future later.
I roll out my neck while gripping the to-go cup of coffee tightly. Exhaustion overloads every cell in my body. Taking another sip of coffee, I attempt to push it all away.
I got barely any sleep last night from being consumed by everything Tyler. I swear, if I inhale deeply, I can still smell him on me.
It caught me so off guard when he showed up at my house that I didn’t even have a chance to second-guess it. I just leaned in. Embraced it. Enjoyed the hell out of it.
And now, all I can think about is doing it again.
I sink farther into the hard, uncomfortable waiting room chair and drop my head against the wall, my eyes fluttering closed. Behind my lids, I see Tyler’s satisfied, smirking face staring back. Heat pools low in my belly and travels south.
“You okay, Audrey?” My mom’s concerned voice pulls me back to the present.
Ugly wallpaper and abstract paintings replace Tyler’s face, and any pleasant emotion I was just feeling is obliterated by reality.
“I’m good, Mom. Just a little tired this morning. Last week was so busy with surgeries, and I didn’t get much more rest over the weekend.”
She reaches over and pats my arm. “I don’t think I have ever told you this, but I am really just so proud of you.”
I roll my eyes and huff a laugh. My mom tells me she is proud of me just about every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. “I was beginning to wonder. I’m glad we cleared that up.”
She chuckles before turning back to the magazine resting in her lap.
My mom has an appointment with her oncologist this morning.
And she asked me to come with her. Even if she hadn’t asked me, I would have insisted.
I need to ask questions so I can get answers in medical terms that I understand.
Not the watered-down versions doctors give to patients with no medical training.
That way, I know exactly what we are up against.
“Ms. Grey?”
Our gazes shift to the nurse at the door, chart in hand, as she smiles warmly while we both stand.
My mom places the magazine on the small table beside us.
With an encouraging smile aimed her way, I follow her through the door and down the hall.
After taking her vitals, the nurse gestures to the exam room where she’ll be seen.
I’m grateful it’s only a few minutes before the doctor walks in. I don’t think I could stand waiting much longer. I stand and shake his hand before he turns to my mom’s and shakes hers. We’ve met a few times at appointments and have run into each other at the hospital on occasion.
“Kelly, how are you feeling today?” He sets his computer down on the counter and takes a seat on the rolling stool.
My mom smiles. “Pretty good, actually. I know that will probably change when I start chemo, but for now, I’m doing well.”
He nods thoughtfully. “That’s really great to hear. I’m hopeful that you’ll tolerate the chemo well.”
“I do, too. I’m very ready to get started.”
“Good, that’s exactly what I like to hear from my patients.” He glances in my direction. “Have we thought about trying the new treatment once we finish this round of chemo? I know I’ve mentioned the outcomes I’ve seen are overwhelmingly positive.”
I blow out a painful breath. “Her insurance won’t cover it.”
Both he and I are aware of and often get bogged down by the inadequacies in the insurance industry. We do everything we can to fight for our patients, but sometimes, our hands are tied.
“I’m working on figuring out funding before this first round of treatment concludes. How long after the last round do you generally like to start the new drug?”
“About two to three weeks after the last dose, we’ll assess the effectiveness. That helps us map out dosage and duration. And ensure that we still feel this other treatment is the best option.”
I calculate the time in my head. “So that’s, what, about six weeks?”
“That’s correct.”
I rub my chest to help ease the pain I feel ricocheting inside me. “Okay, I’ll keep working on it, and I’ll keep you posted.”
He looks back at my mom. “We still have a few different options we can try if the cost of the new treatment is too much. So, the most important thing for you to do, Kelly, is rest and recover once you start treatment.”
They continue to talk for a few more minutes before we stand to leave, when the doctor glances at my mom and then glances at me. “Audrey, can I have a word?”
I smile and nod as my mom walks out of the room after thanking the doctor once again.
When the door closes behind her, he looks at me and says, “I recognize you understand this more than most, and I know you’re trying, but that treatment really is her best option.”
The cement of despair sits around my feet and on my chest, choking my response.
Finally, I’m able to nod. “We have an appeal in with her insurance, but I don’t know the timeframe on that.
I’m worried they’ll take too long.” I inhale a deep breath that seems stiff.
“I’m working on figuring out the money.”
The sad smile I get in return is almost my undoing. I thank him quickly and rush out the door.
I have six weeks. Really, less than six weeks, if I want to have everything ready before she needs to start the treatment. That seems like enough time.
And tomorrow, I have an interview for what I hope will be my new personal assistant job.
I’m so nervous, my skin itches and my legs wobble. I walk carefully up the driveway, trying not to fall in my highest heels and tight pencil skirt. I need to look the part, even if getting dressed up made me feel disgusting, for so many reasons.
A little part of me is terrified that Joe actually knows who I am. I’m banking on him being a selfish asshole and not caring that he got someone pregnant enough to remember her last name, and Grey is very common. And I’d bet anything that he certainly never would’ve found out my first name.
But Tyler will know who I am.
I swallow my nerves and blow out a quick breath, hoping that will magically dispel my fear. Raising my trembling hand, I press the doorbell. The bells ringing in the house seem loud even from this side of the door. Thudding footsteps get closer until the door is yanked open, and I hold my breath.
So many emotions cross Tyler’s face. First, happiness, which breaks my heart a little, then confusion, and then the worst of them all—anger.
“Audrey? What the hell are you doing here?” Tyler grits out, his voice low, as if he’s trying to make sure no one hears him.
I school my features to mimic shock. “Tyler? I, uh, I’m here for an interview.”
He glances over his shoulder before stepping out on the porch with me and closing the door behind him. Walking into me, he forces me to step back until I’m against the side of the house. His hand slaps the wall next to my head as he leans into me.
“Why, Audrey? Why are you here? You said you worked at the library?”
My voice is breathy when I lie, “I was fired. I need a new job, so I’ve been applying to a lot.”
I hate to even admit this, but Tyler pissed is hot, and I’m having a hard time controlling my body’s reaction to him. Every muscle is bunched, his face hard and sculpted. I know I shouldn’t, but I want him to kiss me.
“Why were you fired? And why didn’t you tell me?”
I swallow and wet my lips. “Budget cuts. And it’s embarrassing, Tyler. I didn’t want to tell you until I had another job.”
His jaw muscle tics before he pushes off the wall and turns his back on me. Looking out over the driveway, his hands on his hips, he asks, “Did you use the information I gave you at dinner to apply for this?”
I want to reassure him, because if I didn’t already know who he was working for, it wouldn’t be him who led me here. “No, Tyler. You never told me who you were working for. How could I have known that you were working for the same person I applied to for the job?”
His shoulders drop an inch before he pivots back around to study me. He rubs his lips together in thought. Taking one step closer, he says quietly, “I don’t like the idea of you working for this man.”
My stomach flutters as I force a smile. “I need a job, Tyler.” I hate to use this to my advantage, but I need him to understand how important this job is to me. “With my mom being sick, I can’t be without a paycheck.”
Huffing out a breath, he closes his eyes for a moment.
I take advantage to get my fill of him. He looks sexy in his all-black work outfit.
Dangerous, but his slight baby face gives him a hint of innocence.
My cheeks heat when I think about how not innocent everything he did to me the other night was.
His eyes pop open, jarring me from my X-rated memory. “Okay, let’s go in. If you get the job, just promise me two things.” He waits for me to nod before continuing. “You’ll be careful, and you’ll stick to me or one of my guys as much as possible while you’re with Joe.”
The smile that pulls at my lips is genuine and grateful. Unless I’m looking for information on Joe, I’ll much prefer being with Tyler or someone who works with him.
“I promise.” My hand goes to his chest as I lift up and give him a quick kiss on the cheek.
A lopsided grin is his response as he leads me into the house and down the hall to Joe’s office. I resolve myself not to throw up as he knocks on the office door.
Game time.