Chapter Seventeen
Ethan stood in front of his brother, a beer in one hand and barbecue tongs in the other, anger slowly creeping into his cheeks.
‘You didn’t think I might want to come with you guys?’ he asked.
‘I wasn’t sure it would be flash enough for a movie star,’ Chris answered.
‘What? Fuck, mate, a boat ride with you and the twins? I would have loved to go.’
‘Hey, don’t swear.’ Chris nodded to the house, where the kids were sitting on the couch playing with the Nintendo Switch Ethan had bought them.
Ethan winced, his jaw clenching. He flipped the steaks and sausages, pressing the meat so hard it hissed loudly.
‘Maybe I can still get on,’ he said. ‘I’ll check online.’
‘Sorry mate, when I called they said we got the last seats.’
‘I’ll check anyway, there might have been a cancellation.’ Ethan put his beer down, pulled out his phone and did a quick search for the tour company, his shoulders slumping as he saw the words ‘fully booked’. Slipping his phone back into his pocket, he said, ‘What are you doing tomorrow, Mum? Do you want to hang out with your second-favourite son?’
‘Oh, I’m meeting Irene, do you remember her? She lives up here now. We’re going shopping and then we’ve booked a pampering session at a Balinese-style spa.’
Ethan nodded, noting that she didn’t invite him or correct his joke about being her second-favourite son. Why did he keep trying? He was just setting himself up for a kick in the teeth every single time.
‘I thought we were all going to spend some time together,’ he said.
‘We are spending time together, darling,’ his mother said. ‘That’s what we’re doing right now.’ She reached up and cupped his cheek, then took the tongs out of his hand and passed them to Chris. ‘Your brother can handle the barbie. Go play video games with the kids. They’re excited to see their uncle.’
‘Yeah?’ His mood lifted slightly. ‘Hey, did they ever see my movie?’
‘You show your arse in that movie, Ethan.’ Chris said. ‘I’m not taking my kids to see their uncle’s arse. When you make a movie they can see, I’ll take them.’
Ethan’s hand curled into a fist. ‘I won an MTV Movie Award for that arse,’ he grumbled as he headed inside.
The twins slaughtered him at Mario Kart, even taking out the post-dinner rematch when they took pity and gave him an advantage. But at least he’d beaten his brother, who turned out to be absolutely useless at the game. It was the most Ethan and Chris had laughed in years.
Ethan collected the last of the dishes and carried them to the sink.
‘You don’t have to help, Mum,’ he said. ‘You head to bed, too.’ His brother and the kids had already called it a night.
I don’t mind,’ Ruth said, rinsing a plate and stacking it in the dishwasher.
‘I was thinking I could take you all out to dinner tomorrow.’ He handed his mum another plate. ‘Somewhere down on the beach. What do you think?’
‘You don’t have to do that, darling.’
‘But I want to. I want to spoil you all. Do you think Chris would be okay with it?’
‘I’m sure he’d love it, as long as the kids aren’t out too late.’
Ethan leaned back against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘I thought Chris and I got on pretty well tonight. He actually seemed to like me a little. He was even interested in hearing about my new movie.’ He clamped his lips together as he waited for his mother to respond.
She smiled. ‘Of course he was, he’s proud of you. You’re his little brother.’
Ethan hmmed, noncommittal.
‘Though sometimes he finds it hard,’ she said. ‘He still feels so much guilt over the dog attack and what happened to you that day.’
‘What?’ Ethan frowned. ‘No he doesn’t.’
‘He does, Ethan. Especially when I told him how hard you’ve had to work to be comfortable with dogs for these movies you’re making. He feels as if he ruined your life.’
‘My life’s pretty good, Mum. I’m doing okay. I know you’re not impressed by my job, even if most people are. But I love it. I get to collaborate with brilliant, creative people. And I’m good at it. I’m good at my job.’ She sighed and offered him a tight smile, and he scrubbed a hand across his brow. She could at least pretend.
‘Chris doesn’t think you’ve ever forgiven him,’ she said.
‘I don’t think he’s ever said sorry.’
‘Ethan, he was a little boy.’
‘So was I, and I could have done with having my big brother around after what happened. I was laid up for nearly a year and he hardly spoke to me. Do you know how lonely that was? We were so close before the accident. I tried so hard to make him like me again. I’ve tried everything, for years, but it makes no difference.’ She glanced up at him. Her eyes were nearly as blue as his, and when he looked at her, he saw a version of himself looking back.
‘It’s the guilt, darling.’ Ethan’s mum squeezed his arm. ‘He was angry at himself for his part in what happened, and yes, he took it out on you. That was wrong, but he was thirteen. He feels awful about it now and I don’t think he knows how to fix it. You really need to forgive him.’ She wiped her hands on a tea towel. ‘I know you think I favour him, and maybe I do. But you don’t need me like he does. I’m not sure you need me at all. Look at you, you’re thriving on your own. After the accident your father and I gave you all our attention. For two years you were our number one priority while we helped you heal. Chris got a little lost through all of that. He’s struggled in ways you never saw.’
‘Okay, Mum,’ Ethan murmured. Why did he feel as if being attacked by those dogs ruined his brother’s life instead of fucking up his?
‘I’ll never understand why you jumped at a job that takes you so far away from us.’ She hung the tea towel, straightening it until it was perfect. ‘But I am proud of you,’ she said, taking his hand. ‘Just as proud as I was of Chris when he graduated from law school with honours.’
Ethan forced a smile. He was exhausted. It felt like he’d spent years trying to make his brother like him, trying to make his mother accept him and his choices. Trying to do whatever it took to please everyone and fit in with his family. His bones ached with the effort of it all.
His mother kissed him on the cheek. ‘Good night, darling. Thank you for inviting us. It’s so lovely to be here, this house is stunning.’
Ethan scraped grease off the barbecue, putting a lot more effort into it than he needed to. Now he felt guilty for not knowing his brother felt guilty. Great. Just add that to disappointing his mum. He should probably be happy that she thinks he’s thriving and doesn’t need her. But she’s wrong. He does need her. Or at least he did. Swallowing one last mouthful of beer, Ethan gathered the empty bottles and tossed them in the recycling bin. Everyone seemed excited about his offer of a set tour on Monday, though. That was something. His brother had even suggested that the family visit him in LA, and that they all take a trip to Disneyland together. Ethan had promised to organise a VIP tour and Chris had seemed genuinely touched. That was something, too.
Tucking Harry under his arm, he turned off the lights and tiptoed upstairs. When he closed his bedroom door, he exhaled deeply, relaxing for the first time that night. He dropped onto the couch on his balcony, lifted his feet to the rail and looked up at the sky and the pinpricks of stars. Exhaustion seeped out of every pore. He was so tired of bending to be what everyone wanted him to be, or needed him to be, or expected him to be. He’d never be able to please everyone. Maybe it was time he stopped trying.
As he listened to the gentle crash of the waves, his bunched-up shoulders softened. Now was normally when he’d call Sera, so he could tell her about his night and she could make him feel better. He would probably message her – she’d love to know that he’d thrashed Chris at Mario Kart – but he didn’t need to hear her voice, and that was something new.
Ethan pulled out his phone and swiped through the photos he’d taken of Hazel admiring the view from the lookout. Her blonde and pink hair was blowing wildly as she stared out at the turbulent ocean, almost the same shade as her eyes. He’d never dated a woman who was happy to get sweaty alongside him – at least not from running. Her graceful stride had easily kept up with his, and she’d pushed him and challenged him. They were a good fit.
He dropped his phone to his stomach and closed his eyes, an image of Hazel, sweaty and laughing, floating behind his lids. Except they weren’t a good fit and they never would be, because he was moving to LA. And besides, she wasn’t interested, and that was probably for the best.