Chapter 9
Dane
“You need a good kicking,” Olivia says.
I didn’t even hear her come into the living room. I’m zoning out on the sofa, watching whatever’s on the TV screen without even seeing it. She sounds really angry. What have I done now? Maybe I left a wet towel on the bathroom floor again. She hates that.
“Er, why?” I say cautiously.
“I’ve been talking to Alex.”
Oh. Much more serious than wet towels on the floor.
Has Alex told her the whole story of the exhibition match?
How I dropped him like a hot brick in the changing room.
I don’t come out of the story well. He traveled all the way down there to cheer me on, he helped me win with that I formation strategy, and then I treated him like crap.
When he ran out of the locker room he looked close to crying.
I felt like I’d kicked a puppy. I guess Olivia got the whole story out of him at one of their band sessions.
Right now she looks like an avenging angel who’d quite like to kick my ass on Alex’s behalf.
“Is he pissed off at me?” I ask.
Olivia sits beside me, and somehow makes even that seem threatening. I edge away.
“Not really pissed off,” she says. “It’s more like he’s just sad and disappointed.”
Great. That makes me feel even worse. Olivia gives me a funny look, like she’s trying to read my mind.
“If you don’t want him, you’re going to have to tell him,” she says. “It isn’t fair to string him along.”
“I’m not stringing him along.”
“It looks like it from here.”
I rub my face with my hands, thinking. Olivia just waits, letting the silence stretch.
“Okay, so what if I do want him?” I say through my fingers.
The thought of Alex getting tired of my crap, of giving up on us, of going on to find someone else…
it’s impossible. Even though he has every right.
It still feels unthinkable. I want to cuddle with him watching movies and talk and laugh with him, as well as fuck him.
I used to think we could only have the second one.
But in the last few days, having it all has started to seem like a real possibility.
Now that the idea has lodged in my mind, I can’t let it go.
Having him in my corner like at the exhibition match, but all the time.
Cheering me on instead of fighting against me. Me cheering him on too. Being a team.
But it’s not that easy. I imagine being seen with him. People whispering. Did you hear about Dane and Alex? I didn’t even realize Dane liked men. My chest tightens.
But then I think about Alex with a new guy, his painted nails just emerging from the sleeve of his oversized sweater in that adorable way as he reaches out to take the other man’s hand. Alex smiling up at him with that sweet look on his face.
No way. That look is for me alone.
“You really want to be with him?” Olivia says.
“Yes. I do.”
“Then you need to do something fast, before you lose him forever.”
“You don’t think it’s too late?”
“Almost. But I think you can still win him back.”
My fists clench like I’m at a tennis match. “How?”
“I have an idea.” A slightly evil smile curls Olivia’s lips. “It’s not going to be easy for you.”
“Tell me. I’ll do anything.”
I mean it.