Chapter 23
Leah
I was lying in bed, trying to figure out how to stop the current meltdown that was occurring. Once the tears had started, they seemed impossible to stop. Not only that, they were coming faster and harder.
Of course that was when another knock would come. This one didn’t wait for a greeting before the door flew open.
Kade’s eyes landed on me. “What are you doing?” he asked, his voice soft.
For the first time since I’d known him, he sounded more unsettled than I was.
“I’m crying!” No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop. He’d have to point that out.
If he thought I was crying now and it threw him, he better hang on, because a fresh wave hit me, hard, shaking my whole body. I didn’t care anymore. I was going to cry all night if I wanted, or even if I didn’t want.
“Leah.” He said my name like he was in physical pain.
Missy appeared as a blur through my tears.
“See? She’s broken. You probably broke her. She’s my friend, so you better fix her,” Missy said, nearly screaming.
Kade jerked at the sound of her voice, as if he hadn’t realized she’d entered. “I didn’t break her. She’s tough and she’s not broken,” he said.
“Look at her. She’s broken ,” Missy said, pointing at me.
“Well, she’s definitely not right,” Elijah said, also walking into my shed. “I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt that it wasn’t you, but you definitely didn’t help things.”
Missy was heading toward me, but Kade cut her off. “You can both go. I’ll handle this.”
Missy looked over his shoulder at me. For some reason the concern in her eyes lit off an even harsher round of sobs.
“Out,” Kade yelled.
“You better fix her!” Missy glared at him before she turned and left.
“Yeah, this isn’t good,” Elijah said, sounding as if he were lecturing Kade before walking out behind Missy.
“Just get out,” Kade said, then shut and locked the door after them before drawing the shade on the window.
He turned to me. “Did something happen? I mean more than what I know about?”
Wasn’t that enough? “Just get out!” I managed to say in between sobs.
He stood there as if trying to determine his next move. I continued to crumble and couldn’t seem to stop it.
Kade took a look around and then settled his eyes on me. “It’s freezing. You can’t stay here.”
“Just leave .”
“No.” It was surprising he could get a word out with the way his body seemed to be locking up.
I readjusted the comforter around me, wishing I could throw it over my head and hide from the entire world. My nerves had been frayed since this whole ordeal started, and his presence here right now felt like the final blow that cracked my shell wide open. I’d always been raw around him, but now it was hard to breathe and I was too shattered after hearing about losing my home to keep it together any longer.
He looked around the room and muttered something about this place being a problem, as if he was just discovering it.
“You’re moving to the house. You can’t stay here anymore,” he said.
“Moving? What do you mean, moving?” That word sounded a lot more definitive than staying a night. I inched back onto my cot. “I’m not moving to the house.” What if this meltdown situation was going to be a new thing of mine? Where would I go hide and cry then? Clearly my body was becoming unpredictable.
“Why? You’re showering there anyway. What’s the difference? It’ll be easier than bringing a bag up.”
There? In his lair? Every night? Just the two of us under the same roof? Or worse, the three of us when he decided to have company? No way. Absolutely no way was I putting myself through that.
“I shower at Missy’s now, and I’m not moving to the house.” It was hard to sound assertive with all these damn tears still flowing and hiccups accenting my sentences.
“This isn’t open for debate. You can’t sleep here. It’s freezing, and…” He was watching me fall apart as he said, “You just can’t.”
“I’ll move into the bunkhouse until the heat is fixed.”
He locked eyes with me. “The bunkhouse is already tight.”
Had he always been this highhanded and bossy? Had none of my memories of him been accurate? “I’ll sleep on the couch. I don’t even need a bunk. I won’t be putting anyone out.”
He didn’t budge from his spot. I wasn’t sure how I’d get him out of here, especially in my current state of hysteria.
“What is your issue with staying at the house?” he said.
“You made it very clear I wasn’t supposed to ever set foot in your home. Why would I want to live there?” He couldn’t be this dense, could he? Sometimes it felt like we were living in alternate universes and only meeting for these rare conversations where none of our experiences seemed to match up.
He shook his head. “It’s freezing in here. You can’t stay in this place, but you never change. You are as stubborn as you always were. You’ll keep digging even when it’s your own grave.”
“Don’t act like you know me or care about me.” How dare he tell me what I did or didn’t do?
“Except I do, and you can’t stay here.”
“I’m not going to the house.” I got to my feet, getting ready to go toe to toe with him, but I tripped on the corner of my comforter and went sprawling.
But I didn’t hit the ground, as he lifted me off my feet.
“Don’t you dare bring me up there.”
He didn’t so much as pause as he walked out the door and started heading to the house. I was torn between screaming or trying to keep my head buried in the blanket. As it was, I was all tangled up in the comforter.
He made it over to the main house in record time, the heat hitting me as we walked in. He walked across the room and dropped me onto the couch.
I would’ve gotten to my feet immediately, but I had some detangling to do first as I got to my feet.
He blocked my view. “Don’t even think about it. In no world am I letting you freeze to death out of stubbornness,” he said.
We were only inches apart. Sometimes I forgot how tall and muscular he was until we were right next to each other. He was still as fit as ever, maybe even more so. I used to love finding every excuse I could to be in those arms. They’d been my safe place. When I was with him, it felt like nothing could ever touch me.
Now he was the one rubbing me raw. Being this close to him made me want to run fast and hard, because he was the most dangerous thing in my world. Nothing could hurt me the way he did.
I sat, just to avoid more touching. At least the crying seemed to be easing up.
“You can take the bedroom attached to the bathroom you use.”
I watched as he walked into the kitchen and eyed the door. There was no way he wouldn’t follow me out, and where was I going to go? I couldn’t leave this ranch anyway.
A few minutes later he put a cup of tea in my hands. There was no milk and just a touch of honey. He remembered how I took my tea. It wasn’t a big deal. He had a good memory, was all. He always had.
“Now I want to know what your problem is with staying here?” he said as he took a seat on the opposite end of the couch. “Forget what I said before about your coming in the house. I didn’t mean it. I want you to stay here.”
My problem wasn’t just that he’d insulted me. His demanding I stay here now sort of eased that hurt, but there were other issues. There was no way around it. He wasn’t going to let me leave unless I made my objections clear, no matter how uncomfortable this situation was going to be.
“Everyone is going to talk. They’ll think something is going on between us if I stay here.”
“The heat is broken and everyone knows that. What about that situation is going to make anyone think that we’re doing anything?”
“At first it’ll be fine, but that will change if I stay here too long.” People always talked. That was life, and I had too much on the line for that kind of talk to happen.
“If things get weird we can discuss it then. Does that fix that?”
I didn’t say anything. Not because I didn’t want to, but this next problem was too embarrassing to just spit out. It shouldn’t have been, but it was.
“What? Just say it.” He laid an arm along the back of the couch and angled his body toward me, waiting for answers.
“What about the next time Melissa visits? You’ll need your privacy, and the whole situation will be too awkward.” It was bad enough having to hear her last time. I couldn’t imagine being stuck under the same roof with her for more than a few minutes.
“Melissa won’t be coming back.”
“You say that now.”
“She’s not coming back. It wasn’t working out for us.”
For them or for him ? I’d seen her grabbing on to him like a lifeboat in a stormy sea. No way she’d willingly jumped off that boat. So what had happened? Had he realized how horribly bitchy she was, or was that just a quality that came out for my sake? Either way, it didn’t bode well for his taste in women.
“Melissa might be gone, but what about the next one? And the one after that?”
“I won’t bring them here.”
There was no way that he’d be able to hold to that agreement. No. Way. Why would he possibly do that for me?
My stare must’ve said it all, because his next words were, “Can we at least call a truce for tonight? I’m tired of us hurting each other, especially when you’re already…not good.”
I looked down at my hands. “I’m not bad. I was just having a moment.” One that I hoped didn’t come back, because it had been horrific. There was no sugarcoating the meltdown I’d just had.
He didn’t argue with me, but he reached forward, dragging me into his side and then tucking my head under his chin. He wrapped his arms around me, and damned if I didn’t let him.
“For tonight, let’s just pretend we don’t hate each other, okay?”
“Fine, but don’t start accusing me of blowing up your loan, and you aren’t allowed to use this against me tomorrow,” I said.
“I won’t. I promise. I swear on everything I hold dear.”
That promise was the final blow to my wall. I stopped resisting and leaned into him the way I used to when we were both younger and nicer.