Chapter 5
Lista Playlist: Figure it out – Royal Blood
On my way out of campus I bumped into a familiar face. Not one I expected to see after the monstrosity of the day’s events already, but it put things into place for me thankfully. And now my busy brain can take one overthinking job off of its to-do list.
“Lista… I did not expect to see you here! It’s Edward, from New Year’s Eve. Do you work here?”. As if. Small world.
“Oh, hi Edward. Yes, I remember you. Good to see you”. I struggle to know what to say. I’m still slightly shaking and overwhelmed from speaking to Quin. “I’m actually a PhD engineering student and an associate too during my spare time”.
“Oh, ok. Well, what a small world.”. Tell me about it… “I’m a tutor here. Although you probably guessed that”
he says whilst gesturing to the open classroom door that he’s manning. “I honestly didn’t think I’d see or hear from you again after what happened. Quin hasn’t stopped going on about you since we got home. He was like a lost puppy”. This makes me feel all tingly inside. “And after having our things stolen, things have been... difficult. Of course, he lost his phone and couldn’t message you, so he’s been giving himself a pretty hard time. I mean, he had to go to hospital for his injuries, yet all he gave a shit about was not being able to text you back”.
“Wait, so you guys were actually robbed?”
He looks at me confused by what I’ve just asked. Probably also wondering why it’s the only part of this discussion I’ve decided to respond to.
“Well yeah. Have you seen Quin? If so, did he not mention it? I thought it’d be obvious by his limp and arm. Not to mention his fucking ribs. They’re pretty badly bruised. He broke a couple of them”
he says, whilst almost wincing, followed by a look down, almost filled with shame. “He took the brunt unfortunately. If it wasn’t for him, I’d have been screwed. I got away with a few minor scratches and bruises, whilst that poor bastard is broken and bent by playing the hero”. He looks down awkwardly and lifts his hand to scratch the back of his head, clearly having triggered some feelings from the incident that happened. I don’t want to pry or bring up any tough memories any further. Plus I’m a little lost for words for once. I feel like the worst of humanity. The way I treated Quin, after everything he’s been through. I need to go home and face plant my floor.
“I really hope you’re both ok Edward. I’m glad that you guys are safe over all else. It’s nice to see you… but I need to head off. I’ll probably see you around”
I say as I swiftly walk off to my car and head home. I feel awful leaving him so suddenly after he just slightly poured the contents of his guilt out to me. But there is something more important I need to do right now.
It’s 5pm. I’m home and ready to wind down, but nothing will stop me from feeling like the biggest dickhead worldwide for how I spoke to Quin. I should’ve given him more of a chance and realised that not everyone is a prick. Well , most people are, in my experience, but there are a few who restore my faith in humanity. Maybe Quin could be one of them. I need to see him and rectify this. With karma and all that shit, I need to be in the universes good books. I’ve been a good person all these years, despite the trauma and loss I’ve faced, and I’m not letting this make me break my good streak. Karma is not making me her bitch over a misunderstanding with a guy. Nope . Not on my watch. After speaking to Edward, it’s clear that Quin was actually telling me the truth. What are the odds?! Either that, or him and Edward are extremely good at acting. Or perhaps it’s some sort of folie à deux. I open my laptop to find a few email notifications.
I read the first one in my inbox and my heart aches. It’s from Quin. I immediately reply.
To: [email protected] Re: Please read
Quin,
Thanks so much for emailing, I really appreciate it.
I’ll be at Cosy Corner Coffee tonight from 6pm. We can chat in person if you come along. I’d love a chance to prove I’m a better human being than I’ve let on so far.
Your mum sounds wise. Never leave on an argument.
Hopefully see you soon.
Callista Harper MSc PhD mechanical engineering student Lived experience practitioner
I walk into Cosy Corner Coffee, where I always get my cosy drink fix, at 6pm. I decided to come here to make an excuse for Quin to see me after our misunderstanding today. Not that I expect him to meet me with such short notice. Again , wishful thinking. After waving to Lilah, the coffee shops incredible, not to mention, gorgeous owner, I walk to my usual spot at the back, tucked away nicely, because that’s the kind of introvert I am. This place is rustic, simple and cosy, which basically describes Cosy Corner Coffee up perfectly.
It’s my favourite place to be. Lilah offered me a wink and pointed discretely towards my usual little nook. I was confused momentarily until I approach my seat; A set of two comfortable armchairs surrounding a small oak coffee table, positioned in front of a bookshelf.
One chair occupied by Quin.
I actually cannot believe it. He’s actually here. Plus, he’s sat at my favourite table, as if he knew. He stands and looks at me, hands in his pockets with a sorry smile on his face. “Thank you for giving me a chance to talk in person again, away from campus. I hope this seat’s ok”. He looks insanely gorgeous in the warm light of the late-night coffee shop. I’m surrounded by my favourite smells and now get to experience that whilst looking at a new favourite sight. I walk towards him and close the distance between us. He’s standing tall and broad, with a confident stance.
“No, thank you for turning up, even when I spoke to you like shit earlier. I’m really sorry about that. It’s just a response to protect myself. I’m just so glad you decided to turn up. I didn’t expect you to”
I sigh “Oh, and this is the best seat in the house. It’s my favourite spot” I say with a smile, trying to brighten up my tone. “You chose well”. I’ve had enough of feeling shitty. It’s good for no one.
“Well, things aside, let’s sit down and get comfortable”
he says, smoothing his hand down my arm towards the chair. “I got us both drinks, but if you aren’t feeling it, I can get you something else. I just remembered what you were drinking on New Year’s and took a chance, minus the spiced rum. I got it with oat milk too. I hope that’s ok. I didn’t want to take any chances with milk choice”. He says scratching his head and looking to down with a brief hushed laugh. My insides are melting at how sweet that is. He bought me a drink, remembered what I was drinking last time, and managed to make it vegan without even knowing.
“You really did not have to do that. I should be the one trying to win you over… but thank you so much. It’s perfect. I’m vegan, so oat milk was a good call”. His confident smile grows wider and his eyebrow lifts.
“Snap”
he says. He’s vegan too. Why do I now feel even more attracted to him?
The conversation flows and has these lovely comfortable silences that make me feel safe and content. We really do just seem to get on well, despite the hiccup of our earlier run in. It really was all just one big misunderstanding.
He tells me exactly what had happened the day he and Edward were robbed. I demand he show me his arm and foot.
They’re badly bruised and tender due to the fractures and trauma. Apparently, most of his abdomen is similar. I’m definitely not thinking about that… Well, trying not to.
I feel awful for not believing him. I’ve just been hurt so many times that the probability of him genuinely having a real excuse to not reply was low.
I explained this to him, and he seems to understand, thankfully. In true Callista style, I apologise at least once every fifteen minutes to him. How do people treat others like shit and live with it?
I’ve been defensive in this scenario to protect myself and yet I feel so guilty for my actions. Like, losing sleep kind of guilty.
He notices me ruminating and places his hand gently over mine, offering a small squeeze. His hand engulfs mine and the warmth from him flows through my body from this small point of contact.
He’s sweet and lovely, but so manly it makes me quiver. One big dichotomy, yet somehow so beautifully balanced. “Callista, I’ve told you, it’s ok. You’ve done nothing wrong.
I understand why you found it hard to believe me. It’s a pretty unbelievable set of circumstances. But it’s in the past now”. Why is the guy who lost my number and then got beat up and robbed the only decent guy I seem to have come across?
Literally everyone else ghosts me without giving a shit or tells me to my face that I’m not their type before swiftly leaving.
Usually It’s once they’ve realised I’m minus half a leg. It angers me that it makes such a difference to people’s opinions of me.
“Right ok. In the past it is… I’m possibly still going to keep apologising. It’s just who I am. When I do wrong, I like to make sure the person knows that It’s not in me to make someone feel like shit”.
“Lista, I know. I can tell you’re one of the genuine ones. And I’d like to think I am too”
he says with a slight sigh. His voice is so deep and smooth. Ugh I want to record him reading my favourite book and play it over and over again. He’s got a deep, yet smooth voice with a classy bite to his accent. He reminds me of Matthew Macfadyen’s Darcy, and I’m living for it.
“So, why do people think you’re a dick at the Uni?”
I ask before thinking, genuinely curious. Not realising it may open up a can of worms ( I’ve never understood that saying). He looks at me with a look that says “ Really? ” , and his eyebrows pinch together, but he answers, nonetheless. He could quite easily shut me down and tell me to mind my own business, but he pushes through. What a saint.
“So, I take my job seriously. I’ve worked my way up from where my students are now. I had to gain respect from my fellow students, professors, industry professionals and basically every academic I came across for over ten years. I got kicked down, had some tough years training, and then in my first year of teaching was told that I was ‘too down to earth’ and that students had taken a favour to me in the wrong ways. I was supposedly too kind and soft and was pulled into the office because of what students were saying about me. Like what the fuck does all of that even mean?”
He says whilst running his hands through his hair. Yep. That can of worms has been opened. Might be too late to pop that lid back on.
He’s calm, yet stern and holds himself well, despite feeling wound up over the current topic. He takes a few breaths and then continues.
“Fellow professors told me I wouldn’t be taken seriously. First year students did take advantage, spoke to me like I was one of them and didn’t take deadlines or even seminars and lessons seriously.
I was told that my behaviour around students was inappropriate and almost got a disciplinary Lista. Yet I’d done nothing but be myself.
I’ve always kept professional boundaries. I’ve never treated my students differently and I’ve tried to ignore any advances made to me.
But yeah, I just snapped. So, now Instead of the soft and kind, cool lecturer, I’m now a dick, supposedly.
I guess I prefer the latter if it helps my professional reputation. Although it doesn’t seem to stop some students”. He sits back in his chair with a sigh. Round of applause Lista, you dick.
Way to bring up a stupid topic and make him feel shittier than you already have. “Look I’m sorry for asking and bringing it all up. Let’s just drink this delicious hot chocolate and forget about the shitty things. For the record, I think you’re cool”.
I remember saying this to him on New Year’s Eve. He lifts his head and smiles knowingly. His eyes creasing at the corners. I continue “And despite despising you whilst watching you teach today, I admired you. You were professional, passionate, articulate and made learning interesting and fun. Yes, you take no shit, but that’s how it should be. We’re all here to learn and improve, so no one should be anything but focused during class. You’re a great lecturer and you should be proud of how you teach. I hope you get more respect from students.
You deserve it. I say that as a fellow academic and student too. Plus, grumpy is kind of the new hot” I say, internally questioning why the fuck I would say that last part.
After my rather intense and passionate compliment about Quin, we share a silence that should be awkward, but it’s just us, smiling at one another, with him eventually thanking me through a sigh of relief. We sit for a while longer before gathering our things and heading out.
“Thanks for giving me a chance to explain Lista”
Quin says as we leave the coffee shop, and head into the crisp cold January air.
“Thank you for meeting me and letting me apologise too. I hope it’s not awkward being around a student like this. I know we met prior to realising where we both are in life, but still”, I say glancing around and snuggling my face into my scarf.
“Lista, I knew you outside of work first. Yes, I must admit, you were the last person I expected to see in the lecture theatre today, but it was a nice surprise. And I can sleep easy now knowing that the cosy, beautiful woman I met on New Year’s Eve knows that she hasn’t been ghosted by a douchebag”. I freeze for a moment before feeling the heat rise up my neck and onto my cheeks. I smile without even realising. “I’m glad our paths crossed again, and that I know you’re safe Quin”
Is all I can say. My eyes focus on his lips. Damn I could kiss him all over again. My body heats up in places other than my neck and cheeks. Snap out of it Lista!
He looks down at me before gripping the side of my arm. “Oh and, your ‘body differences’ make you even more beautiful, so don’t ever worry about that…It makes you, you. Anyone who thinks any different of you, that’s their issue, not yours.”
he says as he glances to my leg, before continuing “Get home safe anyway, and I’ll see you around”.
I smile up at him. “You shall”.
I will most definitely be seeing you around. I get home and I can’t help but feel extremely twirly (in other words…horny, for those who aren’t a complete weirdo like me).
I have the relaxing bath that I promised myself, do my night-time prosthetic cleaning routine, eat a light dinner and read in bed for an hour or so before snuggling under my covers with my trusty sex toy sidekick.
The spicy cowboy book I’m reading may have induced some fantasies that will remain in my mind and between the sheets. Elsie always knows how to create the sexiest book boyfriends. I take full advantage.
I enjoy a well-deserved release of pent-up energy and then fall into a calming sleep. Definitely not dreaming about a certain dark haired tall professor and what lies beneath those layers of clothing.