Chapter 5
Honor
I’m surprised at how reluctant I am to leave Elaine’s leafy garden, and this man, and a conversation that should be horrifying, but is instead gentle, and frank, and reassuring, and eye-opening. There’s something about embracing what lies ahead for Mum, and for all of us, that feels cathartic.
Since we got the news earlier this week, I’ve felt helpless, like everything’s unravelling, and I’m totally powerless to stop it.
Chatting to Noah makes me realise I still have some currency; I have the power to make Mum’s last few months with us a period that may even have its own kind of quiet happiness about it.
He gestures for me to go first as we head upstairs to join the others, and I’m conscious of the fact that he leaves a few steps between us before following me up. He’s a gentleman.
He’s already given me the names of a few books I may want to read on palliative care, and we’ve set a time for me and Ally to visit the Good Vibes Hospice tomorrow.
I can hear Ally scoffing at the name already, but I don’t care.
I trust this guy. Besides, he’s Elaine and Philippe’s son.
He’s likely to be a super-overachiever, just like his parents.
I’m surprised by how relaxed I feel after a short time in his company. It’s probably the wine, and the restorative nature of Elaine’s lovely garden, but it’s also him. He’s the absolute antithesis of Jackson, who’s always on, always dominating the conversation, always wanting to talk and do.
Noah was quiet just now. Quiet, and gentle, and sensitive in the questions he asked me and the way he approached Mum’s diagnosis. It’s clear he’s good at what he does.
I have to hand it to Elaine. She couldn’t have produced a doctor son with a better bedside manner than Noah.
He’s gorgeous looking, too. Utterly smoking, with his light tan and his Keanu-Reeves-esque dark hair, that he kept running his fingers through when he got particularly passionate about a point he was making.
I found myself wondering, several times, how it would feel to touch that hair, to run my own fingers through it.
Jackson’s head has been shaven for as long as I’ve known him.
And his smile! Jackson has the megawatt Hollywood grin perfected; his smile dazzles.
Noah’s warms. It’s genuine and confidence-inspiring.
And despite his consummate professionalism, I recognise a smile of male appreciation when I see it.
But it’s not just that. Noah’s calm, and calming: quietly confident and authoritative, without showing the slightest bit of ego.
Some people in my life could learn from him.
He has a good aura around him—a good vibe, I think, and giggle to myself.
If his hospice is an extension of his own personality, I’m already sold.
When we get upstairs, the excitement and the noise level have escalated. Elaine breaks free from the other women to kiss Noah.
‘I see you’ve met the good doctor,’ she says to me, after Noah has smiled bashfully at an enthusiastic call from Stacey to go say hi, and taken his leave. ‘I came down to grab the food and saw you two chatting in the garden. I thought I’d leave you to it.’
‘Thank you.’ I give Noah’s departing back a smile. ‘He’s been really helpful. My sister and I are going to go and see his hospice in the morning.’
‘Fantastic. I hope you’ll be pleasantly surprised. I don’t know how he does it, but it’s such a lovely place. Flowers everywhere, cosy furniture, rugs… it’s as far away from a hospital as it could be.’
‘I’m looking forward to seeing it,’ I say. ‘Really, he’s made me feel better about everything. You’ve done a good job with that one.’
‘He’s a good boy.’ Elaine smiles after him fondly. ‘We’re very lucky. We would have welcomed him into the drinks trade, but he’s always had a vocation. Now, tell me. Do you have any plans for the summer, or has this news about your mother knocked you for six?’
‘The latter, unfortunately. That, and Jackson’s promo schedule for this new show. I’m desperate to go abroad, but I haven’t quite worked out where.’
‘Come and stay at Des Anges with us! Please! We’d love to have you and the kids. Philippe and I are headed out next week for the summer, and Angus and Evelyn are joining us with Eddie and Rose. And I think Noah’s going to come for a long weekend, too.’
I hesitate. That does sound wonderful. Serena and Rollo break up later this week, and I’m at a loss what to do with them. Chateau des Anges is an incredible biodynamic vineyard that Elaine and Philippe’s drinks company bought two or three years back; I’ve heard amazing things about it.
‘Gosh, that’s tempting. Do you seriously have space?’
Elaine laughs. ‘My dear, we have oodles of space. And Rollo and Eddie must be similar in age, no?’
‘They are. Eddie’s maybe a year older than Rollo?’
I think. It would be great to have another kid to keep my kids entertained in the pool.
‘Then it’s settled. Come for as long as you’d like. And—extend the invitation to Jackson, or don’t. Your call.’
‘I think he’ll struggle to get away from work.’ That’s the diplomatic answer to give. I need some space from my bloody husband while I work out what to do about this latest woman of his.
Elaine’s kind nod tells me she gets it. ‘That’s fine. You and the kids come, then. The more the merrier.’
When we rejoin the rest of the group, Elaine says, ‘Evelyn, I think I’ve persuaded Honor to come with Serena and Rollo.’
It doesn’t escape my notice that Noah grins widely at this information. He’s very sweet.
‘I can be manny while I’m there. Especially in the pool.’ He sticks his hand up. ‘As long as there are floaties.’
‘You and Angus can tag-team,’ Evelyn says.
‘Angus is firmly on kid duty. I wanted to bring our nanny—Rose is still pretty full-on, especially now she’s mobile—but he says he won’t hear of it.
He wants “family time”. It’s his funeral.
I’ll be stuck to my sun lounger, drinking my body weight in your delicious rosé, Elaine. Honor, you can be my drinking buddy.’
‘Oh my God.’ I moan despite myself. ‘It sounds like heaven. Count me in.’
My imagination drifts to a sun lounger by a gorgeous pool in the idyllic Provencal countryside.
Tuning out the raucous shouts of ecstatic children and falling headfirst into a trashy novel.
Sublime. I can already feel the sun on my skin, smell the coconut scent of suncream.
It’s been far too long. The kids and I need this.
Badly. But before that, I have a mountain to climb.