Chapter 47
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Kate
Last night is a blur.
I fell asleep but was jarred awake by a text message from Gage telling me he’d be at my place within the hour.
I drifted off again after that so when he knocked on my apartment door, I stumbled to open it.
I told him about my dream.
I didn’t mean to tell him about all of it.
Secrets will find a crack and they’ll seep out eventually.
When my mom said that to me I was fourteen-years-old and a cheater. It wasn’t a boy that I couldn’t stay faithful to. It was my history teacher.
I stumbled on the answer key to a midterm quiz on his desk after school.
I stored to memory the first ten answers and then aced the fifteen-question test the next day.
My mistake was thinking that I’d gotten away with it.
A month later I thought I was home alone. My mom thought I was a straight-A student based on merit.
We were both wrong.
She was in the laundry room when she heard me humble bragging about the test to my best friend at the time.
I failed the class.
I haven’t lied since, until now.
A lie of omission is still a lie.
I walk back into my bedroom and admire the sight of the man I love fast asleep in my bed.
Today is the day that I put my heart back in his hands.
Pieces are missing.
It’s bruised and battered, but it belongs to him.
An hour later, he’s finally awake.
I wish I could say it’s because he sensed when I walked back into the bedroom to check on him, but that’s not what woke him up.
It was the ringing of his phone.
It’s in his hand now, pressed to his ear.
He’s talking to a man named Dylan about Kristin.
I turn to leave the room because this conversation feels private. Gage’s voice is low pitched and his gaze is pinned to the bed.
I walk back into the living room.
I showered and dressed while he was asleep.
I applied my makeup and made a pot of coffee.
The entire time I rehearsed what I need to say to Gage in my head. I ran over the words dozens of times, tweaking them until I finally settled on a mini-speech that I pray I can get through without falling apart.
“Katie.”
I turn at the sound of Gage’s voice. He’s standing behind me, still dressed in only boxer briefs.
“Is everything all right?”
“Better than all right.” He smiles broadly. “Madison put in a call to her attorney. She wants to talk directly to mine ASAP. I think I’m a step closer to seeing my daughter.”
That’s reason for celebration. I have orange juice and a cheap bottle of champagne that Tilly gave me so I could ring in the New Year while I watched the ball drop in Times Square on my television.
I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate then. I’m not now.
I’m in the mood to confess.
“Is that coffee that I smell?” He turns toward my kitchen. “I’d give almost anything for a cup. Name your price.”
Forgiveness. That’s all I want.
“I’ll get it.” I move toward my small kitchen.
“Are you going in to work?” He asks from behind me. “It’s not even eight a.m. and you look ready to face the day.”
I’m not.
I’m not even sure I’m ready to face him, so I keep my back turned as I pour hot coffee into a ceramic mug.
I feel the brush of his hand on my shoulder just as I’m reaching for the sugar. “What’s wrong? Something’s not right.”
Emotions war within me. Sadness clashes with anger. Fear battles with desperation.
Ultimately, grief wins.
Tears well in the corners of my eyes as I stare down at the countertop.
“I need to tell you something,” I whisper.
“Tell me.” Both of his hands are on my shoulders now. “Please, Katie.”
I suck in a breath that’s meant to strengthen my resolve to do this. I just need to get out four words to start with. They are words that I’ve never uttered aloud. I’ve carried them inside of me for so long that they’ve etched themselves into my soul.
Leaving the coffee mug on the counter, I turn to face Gage.
I have to be looking into his eyes when I say this. I need him to understand how profoundly my life was impacted five years ago.
I packed this pain into a box somewhere deep inside of me. That was the only way I could deal with it, but I can’t ignore it anymore. Being with Gage again has opened it up and everything that I’ve kept hidden has surfaced.
“Whatever it is, you can tell me,” he says as he studies my face. “Whatever it is, it’s all right. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
I nod. Pulling every last shred of strength from within me, I grab his cheeks and cradle them in my hands. “Gage, I…”
The shrill bite of his phone ringing interrupts me.
His gaze drops to it and with it my heart plummets in my chest.
“Fuck,” he says between clenched teeth. “It’s my lawyer. Dylan. It’s about Kristin. I have to take this, Katie. I’m sorry. I have to.”
I turn back to the counter.
Tears stream down my cheeks as I listen to him tell the man on the other end of the call that he’s leaving now to go see his daughter.