Chapter Four
Marcus
Oh. My. God.
Why? Why had I been so honest? I could’ve pulled it off. He’d never have known.
You think so?
No, he would’ve known. This was Cadence. He knew everything.
Well, not everything.
He hadn’t known I was gay. Or that I’d crushed on him since we were teenagers. But he’d been Shannon’s dance partner. He’d been like a little brother to me. So, yeah, not cool. I headed to university with plans to come out after graduating. Life intervened, and that never happened. What did that make me? A thirty-one-year-old virgin.
Not a complete virgin. I had toys. Did that count?
Probably not.
Cadence sucked my cock down his throat again.
Jesus.
I kept saying that. Part prayer, part worship. I mean, I always assumed a blow job would feel amazing. But Cadence blowing me? Better than any dream I could ever come up with. His mouth was warm, wet, and inviting. He held my hips in place, preventing me from bucking up. “I really am coming.”
He sucked harder.
I gave up the battle.
The orgasm tore through me, ripping my sanity from me. Electricity arced through me. It singed my hair, curled my toes, and fried the circuits in my brain.
And still Cadence sucked.
Jesus, there wasn’t going to be anything of me left by the time he finished.
I was completely okay with that.
Pressing the heel of my hand to my forehead, I let out a jagged exhalation. I jolted when Cadence pulled off with a pop. He pressed a kiss to my flaccid dick, then he crawled back up my body and, before I had a moment to think, he thrust his tongue in my mouth. I’d tasted my cum before, but this was different. Hotter. More carnal. Sexier.
He pulled back with a wicked grin on his face. “Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
And I did. Implicitly. With my whole soul.
“Great, spread your legs.”
I did. He rocked back on his heels, so he sat between my thighs. He stroked my sensitive cock once before palming my balls and rolling them in his hand.
More sensation ricocheted through me. I couldn’t even identify all the feelings his tenderness evoked in me. I moaned when he released me but perked right up when he snagged the lube.
“I need to get you warmed up.”
I was already pretty warm.
He pressed a finger to my entrance.
Oh. Okay, yep, kind of cold. And unexpected, although not unpleasant.
He pressed a hand to my sternum. “Breathe with me, Marcus.”
I liked the way he said my name. Light. Breathy. I did as instructed.
After a few breaths, he pressed his finger in.
I met his gaze, then gave a slight nod.
He increased to two fingers.
The burn wasn’t overwhelming, but it held me captive in the moment. He twisted and scissored, then he crooked his finger and holy hell, he hit my prostate. This wasn’t new to me, but the novelty of someone else causing this sensation? Another arc of electricity shot through me.
I moaned.
He grinned. “I want inside you so bad.”
“Then do it. Less talk, Cadence, more action.”
“But I’m enjoying myself.”
I was as well. My cock was certainly perking up and taking notice. Refractory periods were a thing, but maybe I wasn’t so far off going again soon.
He withdrew his fingers.
I groaned at the full sensation disappearing. Within moments, though, my belly was aflutter.
He snagged one condom and ripped open the packaging.
I watched with fascination as he rolled the condom onto his length. He’d been so busy pleasuring me that I hadn’t been paying attention. I was now. He was slender and long. Longer than me.
“Bring your knees up to your chest. Up and out.”
His grin was wicked. “I want to see all of you.”
I paused. What if he didn’t like what he saw? What if I was a disappointment? I’d never put myself on full display like this.
He rubbed my thighs as he gently coaxed me to follow his instructions.
After another moment, I realized it didn’t matter.
He didn’t care what I looked like. He cared about who I was on the inside.
He always had, and I was pretty sure he always would. I grasped my knees and pulled them up.
He slathered lube onto his cock.
My insides turned to liquid. My blood heated. My body tensed with anticipation.
He eased a finger inside me. “You’re going to be okay. I’ll take care of you.”
And he would. I tried to open for him. To let him know I was ready. For anything.
He crooked his finger and hit my prostate again.
Pleasure again zipped through my body.
Then his finger slipped away, and his cock slowly replaced it. He probed my entrance and held my gaze as he slid in, millimeter by millimeter.
At first, everything felt good. My confidence grew.
Not so bad.
Until he pressed his entire head inside.
The burn intensified.
“Breathe.”
I couldn’t. The breath was being stolen from me. I felt like I was ripping in two.
He began to withdraw.
“No.”
Through gritted teeth. I could do this. I wanted to do this. Hell, I needed to do this. Yes, I’d eventually forgive myself for tapping out, but I didn’t want that to be my memory of the first time. I could survive this—as long as Cadence was with me.
Bearing down, I breathed through the pain. His blue eyes held me mesmerized. He gave a perceptible nod, and I nodded back.
Again, back to the incremental easing into me.
As the burn receded, a sense of well-being settled. I often counseled clients that sometimes pain was a good thing. And to others, it was the body’s signal to stop. Today, as pain ebbed into something less tangible, I knew the former was true. Yes, intellectually I wanted this. But, in my heart, my body wanted it too. To feel connected to someone. To touch and be touched. To have a bond so missing in my everyday life.
Cadence stroked my cheek, brushing away the errant tear. “This is killing me. Hurting you like this.”
“It doesn’t hurt as much. It, uh, feels…”
I struggled for the right word. Not good, but not bad. “Please keep going. I’ll die if you stop now.”
Better to get this done. Maybe not the most logical sentiment, but I knew myself.
“You’re so brave. I think that’s what I love most about you. Despite everything, you kept going. That’s true bravery.”
What he loved most about me? No, wait, what he loved about me.
Did that mean he loved me?
Too much thinking.
I closed my eyes, trying to ward off the pain.
“Open your eyes, baby. I need to see you. I need to know you’re okay.”
And I was. Okay. I was more than okay. I opened my eyes and saw nothing but compassion.
“I’m all the way in.”
He feathered my hair and stroked his knuckles against my stubbled cheek. “Are you sure?”
“Never more sure. About anything.”
I needed to convince him. Let him see the earnestness of the moment. The voracity of my will.
“Okay.”
He pulled back.
I did my best not to wince.
He arched an eyebrow.
A perfect eyebrow. God, everything about him was perfect. “Again, please.”
I wasn’t above begging.
He pressed back in.
I arched to meet him.
He withdrew and pressed back in again.
I held his gaze.
“Normally I would tell you to jack yourself, but you might be sore—”
I grasped my cock. I wasn’t sore. And given my dick was half-hard and dying for attention, this seemed like a logical plan. I tugged experimentally. I got harder.
Yeah, and the pain in my ass receded farther. He continued to move in and out of me slowly, and the pain took a back seat to the pleasure.
Precum leaked from my tip, and I smeared it down my length. Not enough to eliminate the friction, but enough to distract me from other things going on.
“God, baby, you’re so tight.”
Cadence bit his lip.
Both the words and the endearment washed over me in all the good ways. A tension coiled within me. I feeling I recognized well. And yet it felt alien at the same time. “I’m, uh, coming.”
“Please do.”
Such simple words. Such complicated permission.
Or maybe an easy command to obey. I arched my neck back as I strained against the orgasm. I could do this. All I had to do was let go. Let the pleasure sing through my veins. And as I spurted over my hand, relief flooded my soul.
“Oh, thank Christ.”
Cadence pushed into me, hard, but it didn’t hurt. In turn, he arched his head back, exposing his throat.
With my left hand, I grazed his Adam’s apple. I traced down his collarbone, across his chest, and placed my hand over his hammering heart.
He roared his release.
I grinned. Such a loud sound from such a normally delicate person.
He angled his head back so our gazes locked.
I eased my legs back to the mattress as he withdrew.
He crawled up my body and took my mouth.
I gave in to him.
Forever. I wanted this to go on forever.