Chapter Two
August
This is so wrong.
Nia’s dead.
Seize the day.
I should’ve been reluctant to enter Julian’s bedroom. The guy’s car was a disaster—with garbage shoved behind both the driver and passenger seats. I’d once glimpsed his trunk. Not good. But he kept my equipment in tip-top shape and had never once made a misstep.
Okay, except that tree on the Kittinger property, but really, they deserved it.
As he led me by the hand into his bedroom, I held my breath. I was really going to do this. Of course, I had no idea what this was. But whatever we did, it’d take my mind off Nia for a while. Anything. I’d do anything for a reprieve from the never-ending grief. And I probably shouldn’t be making out while my sister was barely in the ground, but I wanted to obliterate the memories of the past week. Julian could do that.
He released my hand as he moved swiftly to scoop up his work clothes and toss them into the closet, missing the laundry hamper. Only his pride hat remained, and he placed that carefully on his dresser.
Honestly, the room was neater than I imagined. And smelled of lavender. A scent I often used while trying to get to sleep.
His bed was unmade—not a surprise—but I didn’t care. “Can I?”
I pointed to my suit.
He nodded. Then he yanked his wrinkled white-cotton shirt over his head and made quick work of unzipping his jeans and yanking them down.
Commando.
Delicious.
Removing my clothes was a slower process. For reasons I couldn’t fathom, I worn a suit and tie to Everett’s office for the reading of the will.
He’d raised an eyebrow.
As I expected, I was the only person present. My best friend didn’t care what I wore. His assistant, Tyrone, didn’t care either. But I wanted to show respect for my sister—for what she represented to me.
Now, as I tore at my tie, I regretted the decision to go quite so formal. The day’d been so hot, and even moving swiftly from Everett’s air-conditioned office to my air-conditioned car, I’d gotten overheated.
Speaking of overheated.
Julian, naked, was a sight to behold. The color differentiation of his farmer’s tan was minute. He was religious about sunscreen and nagged the rest of us. His pale skin glowed in the light of the setting sun that fought its way through the sheers in the room. His hair was brown in the winter, but carried flecks of dark auburn after a season in the sun. And how would that adorable full beard feel rubbing against my skin?
My jacket and shirt came off, but if I didn’t get out of these fucking pants, I’d never know. Naturally, my dress shoes had to come off first.
Shit, shit, shit.
Okay, breathe. I passed him and took a seat on the edge of the bed to undo the stubborn laces.
My heart leapt as he crawled onto the bed and behind me. He raked his fingers gently up and down my back, using his blunt, barely there fingernails. Was he arousing me or settling me? No clue, but I loved it. Shoes finally off, I yanked my socks down, then stood to pull off the pants. I was not commando, so I needed to pull down my underwear as well.
And even as I had the elastic in my hands, I hesitated.
I was about to be naked in front of a man. And not just any man. My employee. The man I’d fantasized about since the day I interviewed him for my fledgling company. The man who often appeared in my dreams. The man who was as far out of the closet as I was in it.
The man who sat back on his haunches and stroked his hard cock.
That should’ve reassured—that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. But wasn’t this going too fast? Shouldn’t we slow down and, you know, talk?
Seize the day.
With more guts than I knew I possessed, I yanked down my pants and briefs. I took a moment to fold the pants and lay them with the shirt and jacket on a chair. I had to leave here at some point, and having non-wrinkled clothes was important. And given I was a good six inches taller than Julian, and carried an extra twenty or thirty pounds, his clothes weren’t likely to fit. We were both in shape. But while he was lean muscle, I was bulk.
When I stood, my own erection stuck out. I grasped it and squeezed, willing it to calm the fuck down. I was liable to come just from watching Julian as he continued his leisurely stroking.
“How do we… I mean, how does this…?”
Understanding flashed in his light-brown eyes. He understood. He wasn’t going to make me say it.
Thank God.
He cleared his throat. “I’ve done it both ways. For a while, I was quite versatile. These days, I prefer topping.”
He licked his lips. “That being said, I’ll take you any way I can get you.”
“Yes, that. Please do that.”
Thank God he wasn’t going to make me say it. Wasn’t going to make me beg. For the first time, I wanted him in control. I’d be too worried about hurting him. Funny, I wasn’t worried about him hurting me. I’d met several of his boyfriends over the years and none seemed unhappy. Not that you could tell, but I didn’t figure they’d keep coming around if he was an inconsiderate lover. “Do you have…”
“If you can’t say condoms and lube, I’m not sure we should be doing this.”
Shit.
He winked.
I scowled.
Then he opened his bedside drawer and pulled out a strip of condoms and a bottle of lube. “I’d keep them out, but Mom’s been known to drop by unannounced and set about cleaning the place. I know she wouldn’t care, but I try to keep my embarrassment to a minimum.”
I’d met his mother. Lovely woman. Pretty much the last person I wanted to be thinking of at this moment.
“So you’ll fuck me?”
He patted the bed. “Oh, yeah. And it’s going to be fucking amazing.”