CHAPTER 16 | Dallas
?CHAPTER 16
Dallas
I have never come to a slower stop than I did pulling up to this party. The short ten-minute ride over here was not nearly long enough for me to revel in the comfort that I felt having Abby’s arms wrapped around me, our bodies pressed together. Being a slightly chilly night, it gave me all the more reason to want just that.
I climb off the bike, offering her my hand for support. The scene that unfolds before me is like one in a cliché romance movie. The moment Abby pulls her helmet off, everything slows. The single braid at the nape of her neck falls gracefully over her shoulder. She pulls the elastic out and runs her fingers through it before turning my way. She added a bit of black lipstick to her makeup for the party and it accentuates the plump round lips that smile back at me. Newfound butterflies take flight as she bends over to lock her helmet on my bike. The fabric of my pants is far too tight for the sight of her in those black skinny jeans.
Abby looks at the two-story house. “Whose house is this?”
“A couple of my teammates rent this place. I’ll introduce you to Connor. He’s a good buddy.” I start up the sidewalk that leads to the front door, but when I don’t hear Abby’s footsteps follow behind me, I pause and glance back. She’s standing on the curb, clearly trying to conceal a worried expression with a smile, but I know better. I move back to her and offer my hand. She takes it with a little hesitation but squeezes after a short moment. “Take a deep breath, okay?” I take a dramatic long breath in, hold it for a moment, and breathe out as she mimics my actions. “I don’t have any magical wisdom to make this easier or make you feel more comfortable going into this than the last party. I wish I did, but I don’t. But I’ll be right here all night.”
She takes another deep breath before responding. “Okay.” With another squeeze of my hand, she follows my lead into the house.
The loud music blares as the front door opens, and I feel the wave of eyes that rotate toward us. Warm fingers wrap around my forearm as Abby takes a step closer to me. I give her a reassuring nod while we move toward the kitchen, ignoring the gawking stares.
“Do you want something to drink?” I ask Abby once we find a free section of counterspace.
She looks around at the numerous bottles of liquor and two liters. “What are you drinking?” she asks, looking up at me. God, the darker blue hues in her eyes stand out in this lighting.
“I’ll probably just have a Coke.”
“Okay.” She examines the counter briefly before looking back at me as if she isn’t sure how to answer my original question.
“Abby, you can have a drink. I know you’re not twenty-one yet. Just don’t expect me to serve you at the bar.” She seems to relax at that and leaves me to find her mixers. She grabs an empty solo cup, pours a healthy shot of vodka, then an even healthier shot of peach Schnapps, and tops it off with Sprite. Keeping my face neutral while she creates this concoction proves difficult. I can’t help but notice how strong she’s starting the night off. She takes a small test sip, leaving a small black ring on the edge of the cup, licks those delectable lips, and rejoins me. I push aside the thought of how those lips might feel on mine, how they might taste.
“Good?” I ask with a grin.
“Perfect.” One thumbs up and a large gulp later, she interlaces our fingers to continue following me wherever the night takes us.
I lead her out the back door of the kitchen to the backyard. Orange and yellow flickers of a large fire dance on the faces of students gathered around. The delightful scent fills my nose, reminding me of family camping trips we used to take when we were kids. Those ended around the time I turned ten. We only went a few times. Mom decided she wasn’t the camping type. Still, I miss those late-night campfires with the whole family.
Connor and Logan chat amongst the crowd. We join them in the circle, and I encourage Abby to stand in front of me so she can feel the heat of the fire. She backs herself up into me, pressing the length of her body into mine. Our hands remain intertwined at her side with a grip that steadies my nerves but sends my pulse racing.
“Hey, man. Glad you could finally join us.” Connor says, glancing back and forth between Abby and me. “Who’s your girl?”
“Thanks for the invite.” Abby keeps her gaze fixed on the fire. “This is Abby, a uh ... friend from campus.” The word “friend” tastes almost sour on my tongue. It’s no secret I want more. I know it. Even Logan knows it. It’s a craving that Abby might feel the same.
Connor looks at Abby, who offers a smile. He extends a greeting hand. Abby shakes it, his dark skin a stark contrast to her pail complexion, but she quickly returns her hand to mine. “Nice to meet you. Just friends, huh? Takes a lot to lock this one down, am I right?” Connor playfully elbows the air, but I shoot him eyes like daggers. They must have hit the right spot, because he quickly backs off. “Uh, sorry. I can be a lot. Glad you tagged along, Abby.” Logan lets out an almost inaudible chuckle and whispers something to Connor. He shrugs before they start into an entirely new conversation.
Hours pass while we mingle around the fire. We’ve since moved into a few open chairs, Abby at my side, her small hand still wrapped in mine. I’m optimistic about the future seeing that she’s so stuck to me tonight. Normally I would get annoyed by the sheer clinginess, but I’ve felt so connected to her tonight and over the last week that I almost wish she would cling a little more. Who have I turned into? This is all new territory.
Abby takes to the group with flying colors. I’ve not seen this side of her yet, but it’s a welcome change from the heaviness of the past week. She and Connor bicker back and forth like siblings, and she laughs more in these few hours than I’ve seen from her since we met. She’s got a sassy, witty side to her that even Dante has a hard time keeping up with, which is surprising since he always seems to have a comeback for everything. She had asked him at one point about the Metallica shirt he was wearing. She asked him which album or song was his favorite and when he couldn’t name one, she made up a song title that certainly wasn’t theirs and said that it was her favorite. He immediately agreed with her, and she called him out on his lie of supposedly loving everything Metallica. He stumbled over his words before choosing to just shut his mouth. Needless to say, she won that one.
The party is still going strong at midnight. Connor disappeared a while ago. Logan sits by the fire chatting with a few of our teammates. Abby is on her third hefty refill and seems a little buzzed.
“You doing okay? How long do you want to stay?” I ask, finishing the last of my cup.
She looks in her cup, checking to see how much she has left. “Let me finish this and then we can go.” She takes her time finishing her drink before we head back to my bike. Abby swings a leg over, easily hopping on the back of the bike. Something in me doesn’t want to go home. Because when we do, we will both go to bed and that will be that. I have a chance to prove to her that not everyone is out to get her and that she doesn’t have to be afraid every waking moment.
“You want to go for a ride for a bit?”
“Absolutely,” she answers quickly. She flips her visor down and hugs my torso tightly. I feel the pressure of her chest as she takes a deep breath before she squeezes her knees against the side of my thighs. My insides take flight and there’s no hiding my broad smile.
The cool night air feels good after sitting by a fire for so long. Not to mention, my conscience could use a good cool down. A very cold shower may be in order when we get home. I don’t know how I managed to get in God’s good graces, but even if nothing more develops between us, she has been a gift from the heavens. Once we’re up to speed and I can take my hand off the clutch, I hug her leg, pulling her close, hoping she understands just how much she means to me. I will protect this girl with all that I have, all that I am.
The moon easily illuminates the unlit side streets of town. We weave through the twisting roads, under the trees enveloping the road, over the open water of the river’s bridge. I revel in the idea that this is my life, even if only for a night. The stress of family life rolls off my shoulders when I ride. It’s been such a stress reliever for years, especially now, with everything going on. It’s easier with her behind me.
After an hour of cruising in and out of town, I make my way over to one of my favorite spots, a small park on the outskirts of town that not many people know about. It has a bit of a hidden gem that takes a little bit of wandering to get to. With Abby’s hand in mine, I direct her down the not-so-marked path through the trees.
“This is when you’re supposed to kill me, you know.” She grins, holding a branch away from her face.
I narrow my eyes. “Not yet. Too close to civilization.” She shakes her head with a roll of her eyes.
Slowly, the trees start to open, and I find the familiar abandoned shed. I haven’t been out here since last fall and am delighted to see the shed still standing, even if a dead tree is propping it up. The rusty, metal roof has fallen in, and I’m sure many wild animals find the random crevasses useful shelter from Mother Nature. The black, iron bench that faces the small pond sits quietly under a pine tree mostly hidden from the moon’s light, which reflects brightly in the glass-like water.
Cool air replaces Abby’s hand when she slips out of my gentle grasp. She runs to the pond and bends down to touch the water, causing a small ripple. She giggles. “I would not recommend swimming. It’s quite chilly.” She pulls her hand out quickly, water dripping from her fingers. “This place is gorgeous.” She stands up and stares at the moon, her black hair reaching just past the band of her jeans.
I move to the bench and take a seat on the cold metal. “Yeah. I stumbled upon it last summer when I needed to clear my head. I don’t think many people, if any, know this is here. I’ve never seen anyone else over here. As you can attest, it’s not exactly a hop, skip, and jump away.”
She looks back with a smile. “No kidding.”
Her head drops back again so she can stare at the stars. I do the same and allow myself to breathe slowly, taking in the sound of the crickets and frogs chirping, the slight wind blowing against the buds on the trees, and the small splashes of fish in the water. When I tip my head back down, Abby is wandering over to the trees, weaving in and out of the trunks, grazing the tips of her fingers along their bark. The silence is a refreshing change from the loud party music and deafening sounds of life.
When she finally joins me on the bench, she sits close enough that our thighs touch. She leans back and sighs as if letting all her worries leave with the breeze. The silhouette of the tree line across the pond sits lonely, holding all its secrets in the shadows. Just when I think the night can’t get any better, Abby rests her head on my shoulder. I hesitate a moment, contemplating my next move, but decide to do the same. When she doesn’t push me away, I relax my racing heart.
A satisfying silence drifts on the breeze. “I like to imagine some cute old couple put this bench here as a way to escape reality. That’s what I use it for at least. I wish I could get out here more, but my schedule is always so busy during the school year. Maybe now I can make more of an effort.”
A breathy laugh sounds from her chest. “It’s so pretty. Especially at night. I bet the sunrises and sunsets are even better.”
“I wish I could say. I’ve never made the time to be here during one. But I think it would be amazing to see.”
She sits up quickly, turning to look me in the eyes, her brows raised. “Never? With this view? How?”
I shake my head. “Busy I guess. Like I said. I’ve never made the time for it.”
She hums. “We should come out here for one sometime,” she offers, laying her head back on my shoulder.
I don’t know if she heard how quickly my heart skipped at that moment, but I could hear it in my ears. A smile spreads wide on my face as I quietly celebrate her idea of a future, what, date? “I would love that.” We remain silent for a long moment before I speak again. “Can I ask you something?”
“Go for it.”
This question will go one of two ways, but I ask anyway, needing to know the answer. “Why do you think so little of yourself?”
She doesn’t move. “In what way?”
“You seem so confident in who you are as a person, your personality, your quirks. But when it comes to speaking up for yourself or doing your own thing, you panic, you question your every move.”
She doesn’t speak right away. She adjusts her head on my shoulder and takes a deep breath. “I’ve had to in order to keep myself safe. To keep my heart safe. Allowing myself to feel anything but guarded has always gone awry. I guess I’ve just adapted to my surroundings. And with Sam, I had no choice but to stay silent if I didn’t want to get hit, especially over the last couple of months. If I didn’t speak, then we didn’t fight.”
“Why didn’t you leave sooner? If you knew he wasn’t good for you, if you knew simply saying something the tiniest bit wrong would get you a beating, why not leave?”
She sits up, fidgeting with a loose string on her jeans. “You don’t understand. You can’t understand. It’s not that simple. Did I want to leave? Absolutely. Could I have?” She shakes her head. She stands up and moves to the water’s edge, arms folded across her chest. “It’s not that easy. I tried. A few times actually. But the last time I tried, he dragged me back. Literally dragged me by a fist full of hair into our apartment. I mean, you saw what happened the day after the party. Sam’s not even in the state and he still managed to control me. Fear is what keeps me in place. I submit to keep myself safe and sane.” She pauses, looking out over the water. “This,” she holds her arms out wide, then turns to me, “riding with you. It’s the freest I’ve felt in a very long time.”
I join her at the edge of the water and rub the sides of her arms, attempting to soothe the trauma radiating from her. The tension, the silence, it’s palpable. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push. I’m just ... trying to understand.” An owl sounds in the distance. She separates from me, cold air filling the gap.
“I don’t understand why—” she starts but cuts off abruptly.
“Understand what?” I ask softly, hoping I’m not prying too much. I don’t try to close the distance. This space between us might be exactly what she needs. If she’s never talked about this stuff before, she’s likely freaking out on the inside. She’s starting to open up to me. Deeper than surface-level fears and insecurities. As much as it hurts my soul to hear, I’m grateful for it.
“You’ve been so incredibly nice to me. And I know I’ve asked before. But you’ve let me move into your apartment. I can’t pay rent. I can barely be alone. I’m like a needy two-year-old that needs an adult at all times.” She chuckles at her own joke, and my spirits lift a little. Hearing that small laugh makes my heart lighter, knowing she’s not completely lost in thought. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just not used to all the kindness and actual, um ...” she pauses, looking for the right word. “Emotional maturity? I’m not used to that.”
She spins on her heels, meeting my gaze. The moon reflects in her eyes. The blue radiates so brilliantly I almost forget what we’re talking about. “I don’t know how to answer that any differently than before. You deserve a chance to be happy. To be yourself. Free from anyone’s judgment or ... ‘helping’ hand. I want you to have a fighting chance to make your own choices. Doesn’t everyone deserve that?”
I can’t help but think about my own choices with my family situation. I haven’t talked to my dad since our fight on the phone. I suppose he made his own decision. But just like Sam’s choices, it doesn’t mean it was the right one. But he did so of his own volition.
Now may not be the time to bring this up, but it needs to be talked about at some point. “So, maybe this is bad timing right now, but Sam’s due back in a week or so, right? Is that ...? How are you ...?” I don’t know how to finish the question.
She takes a long deep breath and shakes her head. “Honestly, terrified. But I really don’t want to talk about that right now.”
I nod. “That’s okay.”
“Can we go home?” Abby asks quickly.
“Of course.” Abby leads the way back through the trees toward the bike. I can’t help but feel like I ruined the moment. Maybe I should have let her have this moment without all the questions. “Sorry if I wrecked the night. But you intrigue me. Make me curious. I want to learn everything about you.”
She doesn’t say anything until we arrive back in the parking lot. As I start to turn the bike on, she grabs my hand, forcing me to face her. “I’m not mad. I appreciate you asking. I haven’t had someone to vent to like this in a very long time, if ever. Meredith can be a bit ... overbearing with all this stuff, so it’s not something I choose to talk about with her very much. You challenge me, and I appreciate that.” She smiles, squeezing my hand.
I hesitate before tracing my thumb along her jaw, pausing at her chin. She tilts her head up. Those blue eyes meet mine. Our lips are mere inches from each other. But she turns as I start to close the gap, grabbing her helmet from the bike.
I drop my chin to my chest, hand hovering in mid-air momentarily. A deep breath does little to ease my troubled mind. “Sorry,” I breathe.
“Don’t be,” she says before standing on her tiptoes to place a delicate kiss on my cheek.