Chapter 8
Kandace
T he house I’ve lived in my entire life comes into view.
Two-story farmhouse, it’s pretty cliché.
The wraparound porch, the outdated rooms. There is nothing smart about it.
Dad doesn’t even want gadgets that talk to him.
No Google Home or Amazon Echo for him. And yet as my headlights skirt over the white building, I am home.
At twenty-seven, almost twenty-eight, it is time I think beyond my parents’ home. The thing is they love and support me—me and Justin and Molly. Our farm isn’t as large as Mr. Gordon’s, but it’s still working, and, in this day and age, that says something.
When I learned that I was pregnant, I went into denial.
I hadn’t lied to Dax. I was taking the pill.
I hadn’t been taking it long and even if I was perfect with the schedule, the birth control pill isn’t one hundred percent effective.
At first, I assumed it was my crazy periods.
It wasn’t until the sickness started that I even fathomed the possibility.
With one more year of classes, I didn’t want to admit that I could be pregnant.
My mom is a nurse at the same hospital in Washington where Chloe works.
Maybe she figured it out before I did, but when she confronted me about not eating in the morning and I told her that I wasn’t feeling well, she was already prepared with a pregnancy test. As the lines turned blue and my eyes filled with tears, she was there with her arm around me, telling me that it would be all right.
My dad didn’t waver. They and Justin were there for me and for Molly. It’s a gift I can never repay.
Yet if—no, when—Dax signs off on Quintessential Treasures, I know that it’s time for Molly and me to get our own place.
Town isn’t far from my parents, and she’ll be closer to the school.
Plus, she can be home while I work on the ground floor.
There is even room upstairs for an office, a real office where I can run the online side of Quintessential Treasures.
Those thoughts and concerns fade as I park my SUV in the driveway—more like a long gravel road that spans from the house, garages, pole barns, and out to the big barn.
I see my parents on the porch looking out at the fields.
Walking toward them, I take in the peacefulness as darkness fills the sky and stars twinkle above.
The sounds of crickets, insects, and toads come naturally here, not piped in by some recording.
“How was the game?” Mom asks as I come up the steps.
I nod. “Good. Riverbend won. How is Molly?”
“An angel,” Dad says. “She made me read four books before her eyes got heavy.”
That makes me smile. “Oh, the inhumanity.”
He lifts his mug and grins. “Driving me to drink.”
“Right, Dad.” My father doesn’t drink alcohol. He isn’t against anyone else having some. But after his health scare about six years ago, he’s taken better care of himself. “That herbal tea is pretty strong,” I joke, before giving each one of them a kiss on their cheeks. “Thank you.”
“Honey, we’re happy to do it.”
“I’m heading upstairs,” I say.
Mom reaches for my hand. “Did he sign?”
Tears prickle my eyes as I step out of her reach. Wrapping my arms around my midsection, I lean against a post on the covered porch and shake my head. “Not yet.”
“He will,” Dad says.
“Mr. Murphy said he’d call me. Apparently, Ruth had some stipulations for him. I don’t know what they are. According to Mr. Murphy, Ruth specifically wanted each of her beneficiaries to make their own choices.”
“What choice?” Mom asks. “Quintessential Treasures belongs to you. That young man hasn’t stepped foot in this town for years.”
That young man.
My chin falls to my chest.
“Kandace Anne.”
Taking a deep breath, I lift my eyes to Mom. “I saw him. Cory asked him to play on the team tonight.” I shrug. “He’s probably why they won.”
Mom’s lips purse. “What did you find out?”
“About?” Apparently, playing dumb is my new defense.
“Dax,” Dad answers. “Or don’t you care?”
“I care, I mean, I don’t want him to have some genetic disease that will end up hurting Molly.” I inhale. “Joyce said she spoke to him at the diner. According to her he’s not dating, engaged, married, or gay.”
Mom laughs. “Well, Joyce has a way of getting straight to the point.”
“I’m going to bed.”
Dad asks, “Big win tonight. No celebrating at Decoy Ducks?”
“I didn’t really feel like it. Justin is there and the team is excited. I wouldn’t expect him home until late.”
Dad reaches for my hand. “I made some calls. The work you want to do over the store…” He shrugs. “…materials are pricey these days, but Lynell has a crew that can work off-hours for a reasonable charge.”
I’m afraid to make plans.
What if…?
“Chloe said Mick would help too,” I say.
“Mick might be able to get better prices on material.”
I nod at Dad as he squeezes my hand.
“You deserve this,” he says.
I feign a smile. “You two are just trying to get rid of us.”
“Never,” Mom answers. “Now, Justin…”
We all smile.
“Good night.”
The screen door squeaks as I open and gently close it.
Walking beyond the steps and front rooms, I make my way back to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
Instead of going to the front stairs and hearing whatever my parents are saying about Dax, I tiptoe up the back staircase, coming first to Molly’s room. Her door is slightly ajar.
The light from the narrow hallway spills onto her bed.
I step inside.
This was my childhood room.
I redecorated before she was born, adding a baby bed and an array of colors.
For the first two years of her life, I too stayed in this room, sleeping on the twin bed where she now sleeps.
When she was ready for a big bed, I took the fourth bedroom.
Mom had always called it the guestroom despite few overnight visitors.
My heart melts as I take in her tiny features. No longer a baby, Molly is a miniature adult. Every day she surprises me with something new. I love that life is an adventure for her and that she’s loved.
The lump is back in my throat.
Molly has a mommy, grandma, grandpa, and uncle who love her unconditionally. She also had a great-grandmother who adored her. There was no way or reason to hide the truth from Ruth. After losing John, she was thrilled to see her family grow.
I had only one stipulation.
Molly’s father wasn’t to be informed.
Tears come to my cheeks as I kneel beside Molly’s bed and listen to her little breaths as she hugs her Elmo. My thoughts go back to the morning Dax and I woke in the hayloft.
The sky above the opening was blue. My body was tender in the best of ways. All through the night we’d reached for one another.
At one point he’d told me that he loved me, and I’d been honest, telling him that I’d never loved anyone else. That morning, we made love for the final time. When we finally pulled ourselves away, Dax’s phone broke our bubble.
He had numerous messages from his parents.
Although he didn’t read them all to me, I fully understood the gist.
They were angry that he’d left the church dinner, that he wasn’t responding to calls or messages, and that he’d turn to some summertime fascination—that was what they called me—instead of being a man and supporting the family.
We walked to the ridge hand in hand.
The last time we spoke, he kissed me and said, “You, Kandace, are not a summertime fascination. My parents don’t know you. Once they do, they’ll love you like I do. I promise.”
“Come back to Riverbend,” I said.
Dax nodded and we turned separate directions.
Full-out sobs are shuddering in my chest as I make my way out of Molly’s room and to the bathroom. Stripping off my clothes, I step into the shower and let the hot water soak my hair and skin as the spray covers my cries.
“Stop it,” I tell myself. “You have not cried about him in years. He doesn’t deserve it.”
In the top of my closet is a box filled with letters I never sent.
I learned things from Ruth.
Dax graduated IU with honors.
Dax was loving law school.
An Indianapolis firm offered him an internship.
Ginny’s—Dax’s mom’s—firm offered Dax a position in Chicago.
He took the offer and moved to Chicago.
With each bit of information, I knew the truth. Never, ever, has Dax wanted a life in Riverbend. Telling him about Molly would only hurt his life and hamper his success. While part of me wants him to know her and her to know him, I never want him to think that I purposely tried to ruin his dreams.
I tilt my face to the hot spray with the realization that this is the way it’s meant to be.
Dax has his dream in the big city, and I have mine.
I’m capable of success beyond what I have and even more important, I have a beautiful, healthy daughter and a support system that goes beyond the people living in this home.
After drying my hair and putting on my pajamas, I turn off the lights in my room, and walk to Molly’s room. Slipping beside her in the narrow bed, I hold her little body to me and gently kiss her hair.
“You are loved.”