Chapter 18
Devan
A fter Justin readjusts my dress, I settle between his legs, my back against his chest as we sit on the blanket and watch as the sky fills with purples and reds.
The effects of what he did isn’t gone. It’s as if mini explosions are still detonating beneath my skin like firecrackers in a string, bringing life to nerve endings I never knew existed.
His heart pounds against my head, and I feel him everywhere.
Craning my neck, I look back at him. “After what we did” —I’m still in shock— “I think we need to make this officially real.”
His hand settles on my stomach, his fingers splayed. “I think that’s what we just did.”
“I’m talking about telling people.”
“I agree.” He lifts my chin so I’m looking back at him. “We could tell your family tonight.”
My eyes open wide. “You’d be willing to tell them tonight ?”
“Is that too fast?”
I chew on my upper lip. “I don’t know. Why is this complicated?” I sigh, laying my hand over his. “What will your family say?”
Justin laughs. “My mom will probably ask when I’m moving out.”
“Yeah, no. Cohabitation is rushing it a bit.” Earlier today, I would have said that Justin fingering me was rushing it. Obviously, I’m not a good judge of timing.
“Seriously,” he says, “my parents are good people. I think their first reaction will be shock. I’m certain they think I’m a hermit. I haven’t dated a lot since college.”
“Why?”
“Fuck.” He turns his hand so we’re palm to palm. “Riverbend.”
“I don’t understand. I thought you said you always knew you were coming back to Riverbend.”
“I did. Not many women want to move to some rural town when they have career ambitions.” He quickly adds, “Your ambitions are fantastic, and they brought you back.”
Nodding, I reply, “I get it.”
“And once I came back, the girls I knew were either married or moved away. I’d say I’ve gotten into a rut with friends. It’s not a bad one. It’s comfortable, and I haven’t looked for a way out.”
“That’s why you’re worried about Ricky?”
Justin’s chest moves as he inhales and exhales. “I’m worried that if you and I don’t work out, I’ll lose you and him.”
I squeeze his hand. “How come I never realized how sweet you are?”
“Because you thought I was a grumpy know-it-all.”
“Well, you can be that too.” I lift my head and turn toward him. “Are you friends with your brother-in-law?”
He scoffs. “Now.”
“But not before he came back to Riverbend?” I may have been in Muncie, but small-town news has a way of finding those with a stake in our hometown.
“No, I wanted to kill him.” He grins. “I did punch him.”
I stifle a laugh. “Because you saw Kandace hurt?”
He nods.
“Don’t hurt me, Justin Sheers. We can work out or maybe we won’t. Just don’t hurt me, and you won’t lose Ricky.”
Justin cups my cheek and moves my face closer. “I don’t want to hurt you, Devan. I want to make every damn dream you have come true. I want to hold your hand when we walk, to give you the strength you need to be the best you and get that same in return.”
He lands a soft kiss on my lips.
I’m thinking about telling my family.
“Tomorrow,” I say. “I think I know a way to make it go over better. If I’m right, you can come back to our house for dinner tomorrow.”
He looks worried. “Are they going to make me eat hot sauce…you know some hazing thing?”
My laugh fills the air. “No, that hot sauce is horrible.”
“It is.” He lifts my hand to his lips. “I’m laying it all out on the table. I want to do more than tell you how much I like you. I want to show you like I did tonight and more. I want to show you what your kisses do to me.”
I nod. It’s what I want too.
“Speed?” he asks.
“Let’s make it through being official, and then we can get back to your dick question.”
He smirks. “My dick is the one asking.”
It is also still hard beneath his jeans. I again lay my head against his chest and stare out at the sky. Even though the sun isn’t fully set, the moon is out, low on the horizon. “It’s more common to see the sun and moon at the same time than for the moon to be alone.”
“Most visible during a full moon,” he says.
We go on talking about the moon and its rotation as if it were a normal subject. And with Justin it does feel normal. I like that he can converse about things I like, things my friends often call boring.
“That night,” I say, “the one of our first kiss, you asked me if I could see the man in the moon. It’s a good thing I didn’t bore you with the topography of the moon’s surface and what makes the illusion of a face visible.”
“It is. If you would have, I would have been a goner.” He holds me to his front. “I am, Devan. I’m a goner.”
“Tell me about what you do.”
“I plant seed, tend to crops, harvest, sell, and do it again.”
“You make it sound so exciting,” I say with a laugh.
“It can be.”
Again, I turn to see his handsome face. “I know that. I lived with it all my life. Real farmers do more than what you just said. It’s a respect for the land, for what it can give us and what we need to give back. I think my dad started my love of science.”
As the dark ink of night bleeds over the colorful hues of the setting sun, Justin and I gather up our picnic, what’s left of our food and wine, and take it to the truck. It’s as we’re nearing the middle school that I ask one more time. “Are you sure you’re ready to be official?”
“I’m beginning to think that you’re the one who isn’t.”
“No, I am.”
He turns and smirks my direction. “You are because you like the way I kiss or how I can make you come?”
My fingers go to my face as my cheeks warm. “Both. Could we please not keep talking about the latter?”
“You said if I hadn’t mentioned the kiss at your apartment, we wouldn’t be here.”
“Right,” I say, nodding. “Let’s talk about that.”
His blue eyes reflect the lights of his dashboard as he grins. “Okay. Just to clarify, it’s how sweet you taste that you don’t want to talk about.”
Instead of answering, I collect the daisies. Their petals are closed and the stems limp. “I’ll put these in water when I get home. They’ll be rigid again in no time.”
“I know how they feel.”
“If you say things like that around Ricky, he will punch you.”
“Devan, I’m not a guy who talks about what’s private and what’s his. I enjoy watching you blush. What we do isn’t anyone else’s business.”
“I’ll text you later,” I say as he pulls his truck next to my car. “I need to test the waters, but I think my plan will work.”
When I start to open the door, Justin tells me to stop. I shake my head as he hurries from his side and gets to my door, opening it for me and offering me his hand.
“I also take care of what is mine.” He lifts my hand to his lips. “Are you sure it’s too soon to talk cohabitation? My mom will be thrilled if I move out.”
“Too soon,” I say, ready to brush his scruffy cheek with a kiss.
Justin redirects my face, so instead of kissing his cheek, our lips come together.
After all we shared tonight, the good-night kiss is supposed to be anticlimactic, but it isn’t. My body goes slack against the firmness of his chest, melding against him as his palm tilts my face and my lips bruise.
“Good night, Devan.”
His deep tenor rumbles through me.
“Good night, Justin.”
As I drive toward my house, I’m surprised to see how late it has become.
This time of year, the sun sets later at night.
I cut my lights as I approach the garages, fearful I’ll wake my parents.
My car is the only one missing, meaning everyone else is home.
Despite the late hour, the back door is unlocked as I slip into the kitchen, latching the door behind me.
The kitchen is illuminated by the blue light of a contraption Mom says is supposed to catch bugs. Quietly, I open the cupboard above the microwave and pull down a vase. After filling it with water, I begin to put the daisies in when I turn to footsteps coming from the back stairs.
“They’ll do better,” Mom says, “if you cut the ends. Unless they were just picked.”
I go to the junk drawer and find a pair of scissors. “Thanks. They were picked earlier tonight.”
Wearing her bathrobe, Mom comes to my side and helps me arrange the daisies. “They’re very pretty.”
I nod.
“That was nice of Jill to give you flowers.”
I turn, meeting her gaze. “You know I wasn’t with Jill?”
Her lips curl upward. “I do now. Do you want to talk?”
“I could use your help.”