18. Giselle
EIGHTEEN
GISELLE
Let’s Make it Official
My life was going better than I ever thought it could.
The evaluation period had come and gone, and my class had done exceptionally well.
Not that I was surprised. Beforehand, they’d been acing everything I was throwing at them.
And while the evaluations weren’t standardized testing or benchmark testing, it would not only be a judge of how well I was teaching them, but would also let me know how to set them up for success at the end of the year.
Some folks would probably think I was crazy for taking things so seriously, but it was serious to me.
It was still early in my career, but I really felt like I’d polished my testing protocol since I’d first started.
I had a long way to go, but I’d also come such a long way too.
So naturally, I was insanely proud as I handed the printouts of their results to the students.
Their parents would be emailed a copy as well, but I wanted the kids to be able to gloat and enjoy the special pizza I’d ordered for them.
Not everyone got an A on the evaluation. It wasn’t realistic to expect that. But everyone did quite well and nobody failed, which was definitely a triumph.
Things were going great with Ben, too. We’d had two other dinner dates, and there were no kidnappings or carjackings to be had, a dinner at his home, and next week we were set to go to the movies with his kids and Natalie.
I got the distinct impression that if I wasn’t his son’s teacher, I wouldn’t have been introduced to his kids yet, since he was extremely protective of them—understandably so.
We’d also kissed again, at my door when he dropped me off, and it had been just as thrilling as the first time.
Well, almost as thrilling. I couldn’t exactly climb into his lap while we were standing, so that friction was missing.
Then again, if I were a little braver, I could have asked him to pick me up.
But the idea of my legs wrapped around his waist was a little too much.
Not for my delicate constitution or anything moronic like that, but because we were going slow.
And I was okay with that. Holding hands, eating the occasional meal together, texting, and making out was more than I ever thought we’d have. And like I’d promised Ben, I really was in no rush. No moment was ever guaranteed, and I would never take any of them for granted.
Spring had gone from just a suggestion, whispered on the edge of winter winds and chilly days, to a full-blown celebration of life.
My body was less achy, and I’d retired my thick sweaters while the world blushed verdant emerald.
It was a chartreuse kiss promising warm, buttery rays of sun and flowers just starting to bloom.
Soon, it would be time for cookouts, tea parties, and all the other silly and wonderful celebrations that humans like to have.
But apparently, humans weren’t the only ones.
After six weeks of casual dating, Ben called me one afternoon while I was still in the classroom grading the kids’ art projects.
Actual, physical assignments took way more effort to go through, and also occupied way more space, but it was worth it to me.
I appreciated the digital age, but kids needed to work on their hand-eye coordination, their fine motor skills, their spatial reasoning, as well as a host of other things.
The best way to do that was to have them write, draw, use scissors, and engage the creative parts of their mind.
I’d read studies that the constant drip of dopamine kids were exposed to with phones and social media was doing serious damage to their natural curiosity and ability to think independently.
I couldn’t fight the entire structure of society, but maybe, just maybe, I could give them a foundation so they weren’t negatively affected.
I could hope, at least.
“Is it okay that I’m calling you at work?” Ben asked. He always managed to blow me away with how thoughtful he was.
“Yeah, I don’t have any students in my room right now. I’ll be heading home soon.”
“Glad you’ll be able to kick your feet up a little earlier than usual.”
“That’s the hope, at least,” I said with a chuckle. “But what’s up?”
“Ah, I just wanted to catch you before I forgot. And it’s all right if you don’t want to, but I was, uh, wondering if you’d, uh…”
Normally, I was patient whenever Ben needed a few moments to find his words, but he was starting to give me anxiety.
“Is everything okay?” God, was he going to end things with me over the phone? I was so sure that everything was going great. I’d been falling asleep at night all happy and content, but what if I was off-my-rocker delusional?
“Yeah! Sorry, everything is fine. It’s just… Uh, Veronica has become obsessed with these ice pops that are only sold at this Asian market on the south side of the city, one Natalie took her to, so I swung by there to pick some up, and I ran into Mrs. Hayashi there.”
“Oh wait, are those the melon ones she had me try?”
“Yeah.”
“Man, those are good. I don’t blame her for becoming obsessed. I might have to get some myself.”
“You should try the coconut ones.”
I could practically hear his eyes crinkle with his smile. “And why’s that?”
“Because coconut is one of your favorite dessert flavors, and they get it bang on. Tastes way more natural than a lot of the stuff I’ve tasted around these parts.”
Was that true? I didn’t think I’d ever said as much, and in fact, I didn’t think I’d ever come to that conclusion myself. “My favorite?” I said with a chuckle.
“Of course. You got the coconut panna cotta on our first date, the coconut cream lush on our second one. You asked for a third piece of the blondies that Natalie made the last time we hung out, and usually you’re way too full for that.”
Wait a minute… “But blondies aren’t coconut.” I wasn’t an avid baker, but I was pretty sure they were just cookie and brownie mixes.
“She used a dark chocolate and coconut recipe.” It clicked with Ben that I wasn’t joking, and his tone grew even fonder.
“You talked about how you love macaroons because they remind you of summer road trips with your family before your mom got too sick. She’d always get some as snacks for the ride there.
I can’t stand the texture of rice pudding but you love it, and all of your favorite brands list that they’re made with coconut milk instead of cow or soy.
“I’ve seen you with maybe fifteen different Ensures, and the majority of them have been coconut-banana flavor, but when I ask you if you want a banana, you usually turn me down and say it’s not your favorite.
And also, your favorite chicken dish when it comes to Indian food is chicken korma, which has a pretty heavy coconut flavor. ”
Holy shit.
He rattled it off so easily, like it was nothing to recall all that. I blinked like an owl in shock. Of course, I had always known I liked coconut, but I’d never really thought of it as a favorite.
Huh.
How could someone who had only been in my life for a few months see me so thoroughly? I…
To be seen is to be loved.
That was something I’d heard my mother say a couple of times, and at the moment, it couldn’t have rung truer.
“I guess I’ll have to try those, then.” A million and one things wanted to vault off my tongue, but it didn’t feel like the right time.
While I had promised myself to always keep it one hundred when it came to Ben, I had noticed that my compliments sometimes made him more uncomfortable than flattered.
If I contradicted that mean voice in his head just a little too much, it caused an internal civil war within him that took up quite a bit of his energy and mood for the next couple of hours.
So, I had to be careful. Sometimes it felt a bit like I was involved in guerrilla warfare with his inner tormentor.
But that was fine. I didn’t mind going into battle for him when necessary, but I wanted to make sure it was necessary and not a road bump I could simply avoid by being a bit more cautious.
“Anyway, were you calling me about those ice pops? Or was there something else?” I said it, allowing him an out if he was getting too uncomfortable.
“Right. Yes. Sorry, I got distracted.”
“It’s okay. Because you distract me all the time.” A wink was definitely implied there, and judging by Ben’s little chuckle, he was fully aware of it.
“Are you objectifying me, ma’am?”
“Absolutely. All the time,” I said, losing all of my focus on the grading rubric in front of me.
Probably for the best. Although I did try to consciously separate every assignment in my head, there was a certain inevitability of them blending together if I graded them right after the other with no break.
Besides, it was fun to flirt with my boyfriend.
Whoa.
That was a bit of a loaded term. While we were absolutely, without a doubt, one hundred percent casually dating, it was just that.
Casual. We purposefully had no labels on anything because we were still testing the waters to see if Ben was at a point in his life where he could even have a relationship.
And while I knew that arrangement definitely wouldn’t work for some people, I was happy with it.
Because even if we fizzled out without ever getting off the ground, I could take solace in the fact that we had tried.
But part of making it work was not rushing Ben, and mentally calling him my boyfriend seemed like a great way to fall into a really bad habit.
“And what exactly are you thinking about,” Ben murmured, his voice dropping into a much lower, more rumbly tone that had goosebumps rising along my arms, “when you’re objectifying me?”