22. Giselle #2
“Whatever,” Benny said, rolling his eyes and running off.
That was really strange.
He wasn’t much better in class. He never raised his hand and pointedly read a comic book when we were reviewing rules for the upcoming art project, but I tried to give him his space. Clearly whatever had made his father hate me had leaked onto him.
God, I’d really fucked up, hadn’t I? I must have done something so offensive in their culture that none of them wanted anything to do with me, I simply couldn’t figure out what that could possibly be.
Yes, I’d heard plenty of talk about mating and children at the jamboree, children I could never give Ben, but surely that couldn’t be it?
Because if it were, it was weird as fuck that Benny even cared about that.
No, it had to be something else.
That thought plagued me through the day, into the night, and the next morning when Ben sent me the same cursory good-morning text but nothing else.
Simon and my dad were kind of starting to suspect something was wrong, but I couldn’t pretend I was fine convincingly enough, so I just hurried out the door rather than interacting with them.
Once I got to school, I tried to distract myself with thoughts of Mademoiselle Delgato, but they just wouldn’t stick. Which felt particularly pathetic, by the way. Was I a teenager again? Lovesick over someone who couldn’t even respond to my texts?
Not that I had a phone or a relationship in high school, but still.
But all my thoughts about myself fled from my mind when I sat down at my computer and saw an email from the after-school art program I’d recommended to Ben and Benny. I clicked on it so fast, I was surprised my mouse didn’t start smoking, and sure enough, it was about Benny.
It was nothing too concerning, just that he’d missed the program for the first time since he started, and his father hadn’t answered the cursory check-in to make sure everything was all right.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t entirely unheard of for a guardian to pass in the night or even to have a terrible fall and the children they were caring for shutting down too much to reach out for help.
I shot off a quick email, telling the therapist that Benny arrived at school with clean clothes every day and appeared to be well fed. I left out his acting out the previous day but even as I hit send, I knew that I needed to talk to Benny one-on-one.
Something was definitely going on.
I wanted to wait until after school, but when I overheard Mickey asking Benny if he wanted to sit next to him on the bus, I realized I had to react sooner because Ben usually picked him up.
A darker part of my mind whispered that Ben was so repulsed by me, he couldn’t even tolerate driving to the school to pick up his son, but the rest of me quickly corrected that.
I was pretty sure Ben could hate me with the passions of a thousand suns and he would never let that affect how he cared for his son.
“All right, class, time to line up for recess,” I said once it was time, strategically positioning myself so that I was close to Benny’s desk.
While everyone else stood, I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
He looked up at me, brows furrowed, but I gave him my teacher look.
Thankfully, he seemed to understand and didn’t make a scene of it.
“Hey, Benny, you coming?” Jessica asked from the door, her jump rope from her backpack already in her hand.
“I’ll catch up,” he said coolly, waving her off, and yet again I was struck by how much of an old soul he could be sometimes. An aftereffect of his trauma, no doubt. That, and the same hypervigilance that had caused him to notice I was sick before I even did.
“Okie dokie!”
She ran off, and soon it was the two of us in the classroom.
“Benny, do you know why I’ve asked you to stay after?”
His arms crossed and he looked so unlike the boy I’d grown to know and love. “I’m guessing I’m in trouble.”
Not for the first time, my teacher instincts were bang on the money, and my stomach sank, hoping against all hope that this wasn’t run-off from his father ghosting me.
“No, you’re not in trouble, Benny. In fact, I’m worried about you.
” He didn’t say anything, malevolently staring at the floor like it had personally assaulted him.
That wouldn’t do. I knew Benny well, and while he could be contemplative, pensive, or even anxious, straight-up mad just wasn’t like him.
“The after-school art program told me you weren’t there and they missed you, and that when they called your dad, he didn’t answer either.
That’s not really like the two of you. just wanted to make sure everything’s okay. ”
“But I’m not in trouble? Even though I’ve been… cranky?”
I crouched in front of his desk, putting all the warmth and understanding in my voice that I could. “No, of course not, Benny. Sometimes emotions are complicated and messy, and we act in ways we don’t mean. It’s okay if you’re just having a bad day, and your dad too. As long as you’re safe.
“But if it’s something I can help with, I’m here to help. I know it’s been just you guys for a long time, but it doesn’t have to be that way anymore.”
Benny’s brow furrowed, but it seemed like his anger was ebbing and it was more like he was thinking deeply.
I let him, staying crouched back on my heels in the Asian squat posture that I’d learned was much more comfortable for putting myself on eye level with younger students than bending at the waist or kneeling.
It was hard to remain patient and unhurried, because my heart was hammering as I braced myself for Benny to tell me why they all hated me now. I loved kids, I really did, but sometimes they had absolutely no idea how hurtful the things they said could be.
“It’s that time of year again,” he said finally, as if that explained everything. But I found myself a bit mystified.
“May I ask what you mean by that?” Although I was trying to shove my own ego down, it didn’t sound like something related to me. But I sternly reminded myself that I was not the important one at the moment and locked those thoughts in a chest to be dealt with later.
Instead, I tried to think if there were any holidays that were coming up that would trigger him missing his mother, but really there was just summer break or the Fourth of July.
“Two years.”
“Pardon?” It was a bit like pulling teeth, but Benny had grown so verbose and open with me that his reticence made me want to decode everything.
“It’s… It’s going to be two years since… since…” His voice cracked, and when he looked at me again, his eyes were red and brimming with unshed tears.
That was when it hit me.
He was talking about the anniversary of the massacre.
Of the day that he’d hidden underground and listened to his mother being tortured and slain while trying to keep a nine-month-old baby quiet.
The day Ben had returned to his pack lands to find everyone he’d ever loved and had a relationship with mercilessly slaughtered.
Oh no!
How could I have been so stupid? I’d spent nearly a week mourning a relationship and hadn’t even bothered to think about Ben’s trauma. Where was my faith? My trust? He’d been so kind to me, but the moment we’d hit a bump, I’d let my insecurities poison me. I should have… should have…
Well, no use for what-ifs and should-haves. I had made my choices, and I needed to move forward.
More importantly, Ben, Benny, and Veronica needed my help.
“I wish you’d come over,” Benny said, his voice quivering. “It’s… sad at home. I hate it. Daddy is having even more nightmares and cries all the time. I can hear him in his room. He doesn’t really come out, and when he does, he’s always angry. I hate it. I hate it, and I miss you!”
He flung himself at me, wrapping his arms around my neck, and holding on to me with a surprising amount of strength.
I was reminded of a warning Mrs. Hayashi had given me about Benny showing some early signs of shifter abilities without having an animal form.
Apparently, it was his body’s way of trying to protect him after the horrific trauma and wasn’t entirely unheard of.
“I’m so sorry, Benny. I didn’t know. But if you would like me to help, both you and your daddy, I would be happy to.”
I felt him begin to cry before I heard it, and I held him that much more tightly. “Yes, please, Miss Fischbacher. I don’t know what to do.”
Neither did I, but come hell or high water, I was going to do something.