26. Haunted Mirror #4
“You heard what I said. If it’s true that my pack’s massacre is on your shoulders, how dare you come to me and ask me to be the one to reunite you with your loved ones while I walk this earth with only two survivors?
Why should you have relief before me? Why should you be released from this pain if it’s caused by your own hand? ”
I didn’t truly believe what I was saying, but I wanted Melton to hear the flaws within his own pained logic. I also understood that he was not in a place where I could convince him he deserved comfort or healing. If I wanted to save his life, I needed to meet him where he was at.
And despite everything, I did want to save his life.
He’d fucked up big time, but so much of him was still that abused kid trying to make up for the actions of an evil parent. That wasn’t right. And that wasn’t on him.
“I-I-I… uh?—”
I increased my grip on his wrist. Not enough to hurt him, but enough to ground him in the moment with me. “No. If you believe that you are responsible, then I do not release you from this hell.”
Something broke in him. I watched it in his face, and I hated it, but I also knew it had to happen. His mouth cracked open and big, ugly, racking sobs punched out of him. I was sure that if I wasn’t gripping him, he would be on the ground.
“You can’t do this! You can’t! I have nothing!
” His teeth were growing, and his eyes were flickering between their natural color and a bright yellow, all the while snot and tears ran down his rippling face.
“Every day, all there is, is pain. I have no pack, and I don’t deserve one!
I have no future, and my past is wiped out.
Please, please, I’m begging you. I know I don’t deserve this, but I can’t live like this anymore! I won’t!”
“Melton,” I said firmly, letting go of one of his wrists to grip the back of his head and make him look into my eyes. Once more, I called upon my alpha voice as I spoke.
“You said yourself that you owe me their blood, right?”
“Y-yes,” he whispered, barely audible.
“Then I should be the one to say how you repay that, not you.”
He drew in a shuddering breath. “Yes. Please, I need to pay something. ”
“I know. I understand.” As much as I wanted to dissolve into tears with him, to embrace him as well as my former self, who had been similarly tortured, I had to be strong.
This was my moment as an alpha to begin to repair the deep wounds that Charles had inflicted on all of us.
“I accept your debt, but I do not release you. You are to keep living and cannot purposefully allow harm to come to yourself.”
“Why? Just to have me suffer?”
“No, Melton. It’s because I want you to heal. ”
“Heal?” he spat. “There is no healing from this!”
“I used to think the same. Trust me, it’s not an easy path, but it is possible. And I want you to make that journey.”
He gazed at me with utter bewilderment. “But why? Why don’t you hate me?”
“Because you’re a victim in this. I know you don’t see it right now, but I hope in time you can.”
The tears were falling again, but they were slower, like he was completely drained of energy. “I don’t understand how you could possibly ask me to do this... there’s just... I can’t...”
“I can’t answer that for you. Only you will know what your path is. However, I can give you steps to start. First, I want you to get into therapy.”
“ Therapy?” he repeated, like I just asked him to do a triple backflip into his own grave. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“I’m completely serious. I’ll see if I can get a list of shifter therapists from my own, and I’ll mail it to you. I need you to actually go and make an effort. You owe me that much.”
“I…”
“And as for having nothing…” I knew that bringing Melton into my pack wasn’t the right choice.
For either me or him. While I wanted him to live and heal, there was a certain line of separation that the both of us would need for a very long time.
Being around the lone wolf was still far too painful and uncomfortable to invite him into my inner circle, even if he was a victim of Charles’s actions as well. “Have you ever heard of a wayfarer?”
“I, uh, no. What?”
I could tell that he was struggling to keep up, but that was okay. I would never judge him for that. “You’ve heard about fairies, right?”
“Yeah. Ancient folks all mostly in Europe, right?”
“Mostly. But there’s this thing about their blood.
It’s recessive when mixed with humans, but can randomly manifest several generations down the line, so there are these random fairies scattered all across the world who know nothing of their people or even their magic.
As you can imagine, this often gets them into quite a pickle and can be incredibly isolating. ”
“Why are you telling me this?” Pain still layered his words, but I could hear the slightest sliver of intrigue there.
And honestly, that was the sign I needed.
It was clear to me that Melton was completely consumed by the emotions inside him.
He needed something else to distract him and give him time to process everything in a healthier manner.
He needed a purpose .
“Because I know a wayfarer who needs help searching for these lost souls and connecting them with their people. You want to atone for the blood you spilled? Well, I charge you with saving these lives. That’s how you pay this debt.”
“How many?”
The question surprised me, as did the stillness that settled over Melton. It was like he’d been flailing in the open ocean and had suddenly found something to grip onto. “How many do I have to save before I can rest?”
I knew what he was asking, and as much as I longed for it not to be a question in his mind, again, I had to accept that was where he was at in the moment.
“That’s for the wayfarer to decide. When she feels your debt is satisfied, she will tell me, and I will release you. Your sins were forged in blood, so you will erase them with the same.”
There was another achingly long silence. Melton’s tears dripped onto the ground, but I knew it wasn’t my time to speak. I had done all that I could, and it was up to him to keep hold of the life preserver I tossed him.
“I do this. I help this fairy person for however long, and you swear to me that you’ll release me? That you’ll do as I ask?”
I could never execute a man in cold blood, but I also knew what Melton needed to hear at the moment to start his path. “I promise.”
He let out a shudder, then collapsed in my arms. Slowly, I eased down to my knees, so we were both kneeling on the ground, embraced not as enemies, but as two souls—one so lost in the quagmire of misery and guilt that he couldn’t see an exit, and one who had only recently pulled himself out of it.
“I’ll do it. Goddamn it, I’ll do it. Anything to stop this pain. Anything to make all of this right.”
I let go of his other wrist and the back of his head to wrap my arms around him. Although I didn’t feel it was appropriate to have him in my pack now—maybe ever—that didn’t stop me from wanting to give him comfort in the moment.
And so, I held him. I held him for as long as he needed, long after my legs grew numb and my knees began to ache from the gravel below. But I didn’t dare let go until Melton pulled away, staring at me with an expression somewhere between exhaustion and puzzlement.
“What now?”
“Now?” I murmured, looking around. “For now, why don’t we fill this grave, then we’ll get you something to eat. Then sleep. Once that’s done, I’ll call Giselle and ask her to get in touch with the wayfarer for you.”
Shakily, we got to our feet, still gripping each other.
“I still don’t understand why you’re doing this.”
I let go of him, but I rested one hand on his shoulder.
“Melton, I mean it when I say I can’t stomach more death because of Charles, especially by my own hand.
And that includes you. Even with all the work I’ve done, my soul is weary.
So fucking weary. What you’re asking of me is something I don’t want to bear. ”
Surprisingly, that almost seemed to give the wrecked man some strength. “So… so me doing this will help you feel less pain?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
He nodded shakily and wiped his face. “That’s a start, then.”
“Yes,” I agreed, finally letting him go. “That’s a start.”