Chapter 4
FALLING
LOURDES
“Pick your jaw up, Lou,” Marissa, a member of the ensemble—and one of our best dancers—swatted my ass with a shoe as she passed me in a rehearsal room.
I laughed and looked back. “What?”
“You are about as subtle as all the men are in this room right now. And no, darling, that’s not a compliment.”
“I wasn’t—”
“You were staring at her ass. We all were,” Brady, another dancer, noted.
I smacked his arm, but he wasn’t wrong.
“Look, she’s distracting!”
Leah Roughy took up too much space in my brain.
We became friendly, but not friends. In a way I wanted to be friends—even more than friends—but I couldn’t go there with her.
I told myself it was because I’d chase her for years now after every first soprano part in town, but that wasn’t it.
I had a long list of actresses who wanted the part I had.
That was just the business. My resistance was a refutation of me being a hopeless puppy.
“I love this trend, honestly. The longer we go on rehearsing, the more minuscule her outfits,” Marissa said.
“Never mind that she will put on a skirt in a moment and disappoint the room,” Brady sighed.
We all did it. Dancing in full skirts wasn’t easy. It made choreography a chore, but they were practically props. We’d gotten to the point where swishing skirts was an art form. The choreographer requested some mockups. From there, we toiled. Once on a break, we threw them aside for fresh air.
Leah pulled up from her stretch and turned, knowing everyone was staring. She had major main character syndrome, but I was too wrapped up in her jokes and the way she tossed her red hair over her shoulder to know better. The fact that she even dyed it made me smile. I preferred her as a redhead.
“He’s a curse. I blame you,” Marissa said, remarking as Clive crossed the room.
I felt my stomach churn as Clive approached, then turned to look after who might be watching his conquest. To my surprise, Leah shot Brian a look, then stood, blew him off, and left.
“Oh, trouble in paradise,” Brady laughed.
“That’s unkind,” I said. “As Marissa said, Clive’s a curse. She’s young. She’s starstruck.”
“Why are women so into him?” Brady asked.
“He’s hung and good in bed,” I answered. “But that’s all. She will someday figure out it’s not worth it. Don’t say I didn’t warn her.”
I stepped to the water bottle filler and grabbed a snack for later. I was coming off a hangover after going out with the cast the night before. Leah, looking all business and not at all hungover stood by me to fill her water bottle.
“I don’t know how you nail it all,” Leah said.
I furrowed my brow and looked at her. “What?”
“Just…” she gestured animatedly. “Like… they changed your choreography five times in a week, and you never stuttered.”
“I was trained by a Russian ballerina who would swat me if I put a foot wrong. You get good fast.”
“That sounds like… trauma,” Leah said. “I’m sorry.”
Her response was genuine. She felt bad for me.
“Oh, I’m mostly joking. She was stern. Bloody brilliant, though. Uh… yeah… it takes time. You’ll nail it.”
“I’m a terrible dancer. This is what I get for picking fights with my ballet instructor in grade school.”
Leah’s voice and face were vulnerable. She was starting to panic about the opening. My jealousy of yore gave over to empathy. I’d been there.
“Love, if you are a bad dancer, I will eat my shoe. Are you the best? Absolutely not. Are you bad? Also no. The thing is, if you let it eat away at you, people will find you unworthy.”
“So how do you fix that?” Leah asked.
I touched her shoulders and met her gaze. “Just smile, know you are the best for the role, and leave everyone wanting. I know for a fact you can do it, so don’t doubt yourself.”
She stared through me, assessing if I was hazing her for fun or being genuine. I gave it a moment, waiting as a smile returned to her heart-shaped face.
“Okay, but… maybe a swat on the ass is what I need if I step out of line? I might be less lazy… or maybe more so? The jury is out.”
“I feel like that might give everyone a heart attack,” I cleared my throat and tried not to think about the visual.
“Yes, but wouldn’t it be fun?” She wiggled her eyebrows for effect, then sashayed away, ready to take her place for our first scene.
I would have probably paid just about anything to swat her ass, but it was that cheeky, unrestrained grin of hers that reeled me in. Some people were just too good to hate.
Leah returned to Brian’s side. He mouthed a tender “You alright?” to her.
Brian was many things if not fiercely loyal to the younger players.
She nodded, letting out a genuine smile, then stared bravely ahead as Jeremy began a speech to rival Henry V’s Crispin’s Day monologue.
I ignored his words, entranced by Leah as she pulled her long red strands up in a bouncy ponytail.
Why the fuck did I find her hair so sexy?
“Lou! Lou! LOU!” I saw Clive on the other side. “Earth to you!”
I grumbled, “I am sorry, I was thinking.”
“About?”
Pulling Leah Roughy’s perfect ponytail and swatting her on the ass.
I didn’t give my actual thoughts, but responded, “The lift. Don’t fucking drop me or we will have words, mate.”
“I haven’t bloody well dropped you,” Clive said.
We took our places and waited until our part.
This dance was mostly ballet. It was highly technical, but not the most difficult of this production.
Several of its lifts required incredible precision.
I was a consummate professional and partner who had grown up doing ballet until my toenails fell off.
Though I worried I’d outdance her when we started, Leah grew stronger and prouder over time. I watched her nail every beat.
The problem? As I watched her lines, I wasn’t paying attention to my counts—a terrible decision.
Clive lifted me, but I wasn’t ready. Instead of going straight up, I went almost horizontal, over, careening into the solid floor.
Thankfully, my limited tumbling experience kicked in, and I rolled out of it.
Feeling like a dunce, I ended up on my butt and looked around.
“Lourdes, what was that?” Jeremy chided. “Everyone else nailed it but… I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cock it up so badly.”
It sounded harsh but the man was actually howling with laughter.
“Sorry!” I took Clive’s outstretched hand. “I got distracted.”
“By what?” Jeremy asked.
Marissa giggled.
“I was just in my thoughts.”
I made eye contact with Leah, for fear I’d given it away.
Did she know I’d been watching her rather than listening for my count?
It appeared not. She relayed a sweet look, then went right back to her mark as we resumed.
I nailed the next bit but found myself hopelessly obsessed with Leah Roughy. Hiding it was harder by the day.