Chapter 52
A FRANK DISCUSSION
LEAH
Iwoke to find Lourdes sitting on my bed, scrolling her phone.
“You better be here to apologize and give me better news.” I sat up. “Otherwise, I do not want you here.”
It pained me to say it. I loved Lourdes so deeply, but I spent the last two days crying. I cursed her for stealing my joy—what I assumed would be our joy—and being remarkably selfish. In doing so, I felt selfish.
“I want to talk. I know you won’t come to me. And why weren’t you there last night?”
“Do you want the truth?” I asked.
“Yes. Let’s try the truth right now. That’s why I’m here.”
“I couldn’t bear to look at you,” I whimpered. “You hurt me in ways I cannot describe, Lou. It felt too big. Even I couldn’t fake it through a performance.”
Tears welled. “I… don’t blame you… but… I still love you so much.”
“But you have to choose yourself? I understand. But you have left me in a horrible situation—one of mostly your making.”
“Stop,” Lourdes lay on her stomach, reaching her hands for mine. “Stop and let me speak. Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“Fine.” I allowed her to cup my hand.
“You and I are beautiful together. I cannot imagine a life without you in it. Let me start there. I realize how hard that was for you and why. I was so desperate for a role I made you feel like this didn’t matter.
But… that wasn’t the truth. I just couldn’t imagine how our worlds would change.
I had to sit with that and, truly, I’m sorry. ”
I took a deep breath. “But?”
“There is no but, Leah.”
“You turned it down for me?” I said. “Lou, that’s… now I feel guilty!”
“No. I did what Brian told me to. It’s what I needed to do. It’s what you asked me for. I rang my agent, told her my dilemma, and then came up with a compromise.”
“How?”
“I rang Lana and asked her to split the contract with me. We both would have adequate leave for our kids. It was the right thing to do.”
My jaw dropped. “That is… brilliant.”
“I know, but… it was still a bold move.”
My heart sank. “And they didn’t take it?”
Lou smiled. “No, they did. I will be done by the time you have this baby. I can make this work.”
I broke into a tearful grin. “Really, you did it?”
“It was that or nothing.”
“But you’re Charity?”
“In the flesh,” Lou giggled.
“I’m so relieved. I was so upset with you!”
“I know. And I guess if I were the one pregnant, I’d be rather cross. Your feelings were valid.”
“I love you,” I said. “God, I love you.”
“I promise to find ways to be present and to make the schedule work. I will find help if I need to. It’s on me to support you, Leah.
” She crawled into bed next to me. “But I wouldn’t want to miss any of that time with you and the baby.
It hadn’t quite hit me how much our lives would change until I googled all about how long it takes an infant to sleep through the night. I’m ashamed to admit it, really.”
“You should read more,” I insisted.
“I should. And apologize in advance because I expect to be all over the place for the next few months.”
“So do I. Don’t be delusional! And don’t apologize.”
“It’s going to be chaotic.”
“New show, new woes, but it’s still exciting,” I said. “I cannot wait to see you in this, Lourdes.”
“It’s a dream.”
I brushed her cheek. “Don’t. This is our life. And I will call my dads. Once we tell them, I promise they will help. For anything you cannot miss, they will go with me.”
“That’s sweet, but you know for a fact I am your date to the Oscars, Leah. It’s written into my contract already.”
“Really?”
“Would I miss the love of my life accepting the Best Adapted Screenplay hardware? Fuck no!”
I blushed.
“I’m so proud of you, Leah,” Lou said. “And I love you more than you will ever know. Thanks for making me be brave. And thank you for showing me that our family can be a little different, but it’s still worth the fight.”
“Thank you for walking it with me. This is all madness, but I’m only going to do it with you. I’m proud as punch! I will be there opening night—no matter the conflict.”
“I know you will be, love.”
I curled into her arms, the smell of her shampoo comforting. I missed her, but as I hoped, she fixed it. We both had to live our dreams, but not give up on one another.
“Can I get you anything?” Lou asked. “My grovel continues if you want it to.”
I took in her blue eyes.
“Just kiss me and tell me I’m beautiful, Lou.”
Lou bent to kiss me. It was slow, sweet, and longing.
She pulled back, brushing my cheek adoringly. “You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen.”
“Even like this? Even sick and miserable?”
“Always, Leah.”
“So it’s not going to get weird? Because I hate to admit I still have a libido, it’s not gone and.”
Lou laughed, “Darling, I’m not going to just drop you like a hot potato. You’re still perfectly fuckable. I cannot imagine a version of you that isn’t or won’t be.”
She reached under the blankets to rub my stomach.
“I am going to get big as a house and eat whatever I want. I’ll probably have stretch marks.”
Lou moved to suck on my collarbone, then slid her hand in my panties. I bucked my hips against her, longing for more.
“I haven’t showered yet,” I groaned. “I have been in bed since yesterday morning crying.”
“Then I owe it to you. I promise I don’t mind.” Lou rolled her fingers over my clit. “I want to prove to you not only has nothing changed but I am so grateful for your generous welcome back out of the doghouse.”
She kissed my neck and made me shiver.
I turned towards her and ran my hand down her body.
“No. I just got out of spin class,” Lou said. “Let me take care of you.”
I pouted.
“Yes, I know, you want to be giving, but… let me just focus on you. Make it up to be later, but just let me make you come, okay?”
Lou began to kiss down my body, descending under the duvet.
“Don’t touch my tits,” I panted. “They hurt.”
She avoided the area, instead, pulling down my panties. I melted as she licked my clit.
“Oh God I love makeup sex,” I moaned.
“You are a naughty girl,” Lou pulled back the covers.
“I’m so desperate, Lou.”
Lourdes gently slipped two fingers inside before returning to my desperate clit. I braced against her.
Gripping her ponytail, I growled, “Fuck, this feels so good. Don’t stop, Lou!”
As she lapped up my taste, scent, and feel, I wanted more of her. I loved watching her eagerly eat me out. She was so devoted and knew just what to do.
“Yes! Oh, God, I love you!”
Working harder, she slid another finger inside. The fullness brought me close. I writhed as her hand picked up speed. Each thrust bubbled into a beautiful, long orgasm. My legs quaked, my head flew back, and I lost myself for what seemed like minutes rather than moments.
“Oh, fuck! Yes, my love! Fuck!” I screamed.
She returned to her place on the bed and kissed my forehead. The loving gesture sent me from screaming in ecstasy to sobbing. Confused, Lou pulled back.
“What did I do?”
“I just love how you love me. I was so worried time had taken you from me again, but you’re here.”
“I’m here forever,” Lou promised. “Forever and ever. I never want to get a cheeky late-night curry with anyone else again.”
“I have a feeling more of those are in our future between my cravings, your schedule, and the inevitable lack of sleep.”
Lou kissed my forehead. “This time, I will be the one bringing it home.”
“I wonder where the closest place is in Regent’s Park.”
“Leah, do not start with that damn house,” Lourdes giggled. “God! It is too big!”
“I cannot stop looking at it.”
“Take a beat. Slow down. We have time.”
“It just makes it feel final,” I explained. “The whole thing feels right and permanent. I worry if we don’t nail down an address, time will steal you from me once more.”
“Leah, my shoes are in your closet. I’m not going anywhere,” Lourdes giggled.
“The house has really nice wardrobes,” I said.
“Look, I will look at it again sometime. Deep breaths. Let’s make it through the Oscars first.”