Chapter 5
CHAPTER
FIVE
I wait in the car while Theo walks the dog—my dog—around the parking lot to pee.
It’s fully dark out now, and I stare into the blackness, letting my thoughts descend to a place I rarely let them visit.
Some of my early memories of Kyle almost seem to have a soft filter, a hazy glow around them as if they were a dream and not something real.
Something I had.
If I close my eyes, I can almost trace my fingers along the line of his jaw. Feel him breathe into my hair. Hear the rumble of his voice, low and serene. I love you, Caprice—I always will.
My chest aches.
Theo opens the back of the car, which dips lightly as the dog jumps into his crate. He says something I can’t hear before closing up and sliding into the passenger seat next to me.
“Sorry about the drama with Forbes,” he says, hunting around like he’s looking for something in his pockets. When I don’t respond, he looks at my face, wincing when our eyes meet.
“Why didn’t you just tell me about Kyle's will?” I ask. “Why the surprise?”
He sighs. “If I had called and said you inherited a sixty-pound ex-military canine, what would you have said?”
“I would’ve hung up and changed my number,” I admit. Which, obviously, he knew.
I start the car and steer out of the parking lot, wary of the quiet beast at the back of Lydia’s SUV. She’s going to flip out when I tell her what the car was for.
“It took me a while to track Rufus down after Kyle died,” Theo says as I merge onto the highway.
“Someone had placed him with a foster, and then I couldn’t locate Kyle's will. He was about to be adopted, but I managed to stop it. I still wasn’t sure they were going to let me take him until I got there. ”
“You should’ve let him stay with whoever wanted him,” I say, shaking my head.
“I thought about it. I honestly don’t know why Kyle wanted you to have him.” He grimaces. “But then you started getting those threats, and I don’t know—it felt like something I could do.” He looks at me. “For both of you.”
“Well . . . thanks?”
In the back of the car, the dog lets out a low whine, punctuating how much I regret everything about this decision.
What am I going to do with a dog? A big one.
Maybe not as large as Lydia’s Akita mix, Heartthrob, but I doubt I could lift him.
Just his crate takes up the entire back of this SUV. And he smells.
When we reach my building on the north end of Washington Park, I find a parking spot and shoot Lydia a text asking if I can return her car in the morning.
She’s going to hound me for details, and I will call her with them, maybe after Theo leaves.
But I don’t think I’m ready to articulate what just happened. Not tonight.
“Caprice.” Theo calls for me from the back of the car.
I shut my door and wander to where he stands under the liftgate, surprised when a curious snout comes in contact with my knees.
I dodge out of its range with a frown, but then I notice my brother is holding the end of a leather leash out to me.
“Here. You walk him in, and I’ll carry the crate up. ”
I swallow. “You want me to—”
But then the leash is in my hand, and I’m looking down the length of it at .
. . my new pet. I curl my lip. Under the streetlight, he’s sort of tall and skinny.
His face and pointed ears are black, as is the tip of his tail, but the rest of his body is a sort of honey blond.
I barely know anything about dog breeds, but I’ve spent enough time hanging out with Lydia that I would’ve guessed he was a German shepherd if Theo hadn’t told me he was .
. . something else from Western Europe? No more appealing either way.
The dog stands in front of me, assessing my hold on the leash like he’s equally unsure about my virtues. I guess that’s fair. We’re off to a great start—I don’t like him; he doesn’t like me.
But then he steps forward and nudges my hand.
I step back, tightening my fist around the leash.
“Whoa, easy there.” My brother chuckles when I knock into him. “I mean, I’d say he won’t bite, but I’m actually not sure.”
“Great.” I hold the door of my building open for Theo and the crate the size of my queen bed. “What breed did you say this is?”
“He’s a Belgian Malinois. The military trains a lot of them. They’re smart and motivated. Highly trainable, loyal. But they can also be fierce.”
Once my brother is through the door, I look back to where the dog stands, still waiting outside at the end of the leash. “Why is he just standing there?”
Theo glances back and shrugs. “Not sure. He might need a command? I don’t remember all the ones Kyle used.”
I give the leash a small tug, but he doesn’t budge. Who freaking has time for this?
My brother digs into his pockets and hands me a small bag of bone-shaped dog treats. “Here. Try just calling him.”
I look around as a few people pass by on the sidewalk. I’ve seen Lydia do this a million times, but I feel stupid trying to talk to an animal like it’s a person.
“Um, come here, dog . . . um, Rufus?” I hold out one of the treats.
Immediately, the dog runs through the door and snaps the food out of my fingers.
“Ouch!” I shake my hand, inspecting the skin. It isn’t broken anywhere, but I am smeared with saliva. “Eww. I’m not doing that again.”
Together, Theo and I try to navigate the building’s one small elevator, but it’s clear we’re not all fitting inside with the crate.
“Go ahead and take him up first,” he says. “Unless you want to take the stairs.”
I frown. Normally, I avoid the stairwell. It’s creepy and deserted, and has always felt like a place I wouldn’t want to be caught alone. But I feel different with my brother present. I know he’d come looking for me in less than two minutes if something came up.
I leave the elevator to Theo and open the stair door, glancing at the animal waiting on the other end of the leash. “Come . . . Rufus.”
He follows. And I’m grateful it’s not at the sacrifice of my fingers.
Actually, the dog seems enthusiastic, sniffing all the way up to the fifth floor.
He doesn’t miss a single corner. We don’t run into anyone else on the way, but as the powerful canine tugs me up the dim stairs, it occurs to me, they’d probably leave us alone if we did.
Theo’s in front of my apartment door with the crate standing up on one end when we exit the stairwell. His posture tells me he’s already cleared my entire floor like an enemy stronghold, and now he’s peering into my peephole camera as if it’s a captive in need of interrogation.
“I can’t wait to review the footage of your nostrils,” I say in the most bored voice I can muster. He watches closely as I pull out my keys, scanning the hall and apartment door.
“What’s the current threat level?” he asks in a low voice.
I’d roll my eyes, but he’s been talking about my life like a military operation for months now. “Pretty status quo. Nothing new for almost four weeks.”
I’m grateful this isn’t a lie. When he calls from thousands of miles away, I can get by with some omissions. When we’re together, however, I can’t keep the truth off my face.
Before he can reply, the door of the apartment next to mine swings open. “That you out there, darlin’?” asks a frail voice.
“Yeah, hi Arlene,” I say, perking up. I try to wave at my elderly neighbor around the giant dog crate and giant SEAL between us. “You remember my brother, Theo?”
She nods at him, eyeballing the dog with skepticism. I’m sure she’s going to comment on the building’s pet policy, which I don’t know off the top of my head. But she just smiles sweetly. “I’ve got another novel for you.”
“Oh, is it book club week already?” I ask, unlocking my door so Theo can carry the crate inside.
Her eyes light up, and she cackles. “This one had some spice. Stop over sometime and I’ll lend you my copy. I marked all the good pages.”
“I’ll have to think about it,” I say, watching my brother plunk Kyle’s dog’s enormous crate in my living room. “You know love stories aren’t really my thing.”
Once we’re both inside, I stand numbly, holding the leash while Theo checks my bathroom and closets for intruders.
I just watch, trying to figure out what to do next and wondering why it feels hard.
I should set down my keys, hang up my coat.
Find something for us to eat. But my burly houseguest, the leash in my hand, and the memories in my head disrupt any routine I might’ve had.
Finally, a low whimper snaps me back into the present.
“Oh . . . guess I should take this off,” I mutter, reaching to unclasp the leash like Lydia does with Heartthrob when she brings him over.
But this dog isn’t my friend’s chill Akita mix. Instead of turning a circle and settling down, he dashes all over my little studio as soon as he’s loose, sniffing every inch of every corner the way he did in the stairwell. Almost like he’s searching for something.
“What is he—hey, get down!” I yell when he puts his front paws on my kitchen counter. He doesn’t seem to hear, or maybe doesn’t care, sniffing around briefly before leaping across my bed, then making a second circuit of my living space. “Not cool, beast. Stay out of my bed.”
“He’s just checking out his new digs.” Theo chuckles, pulling a metal bowl and a small bag of dog food out of his duffel. “Rufus? You hungry, dude?”
I raise a skeptical brow, watching the dog beeline for my brother and immediately sit while Theo empties kibble into the bowl. I move to the kitchen to wash the now-dried saliva off my hands.
“I don’t know, Theo . . . I’m not sure I should keep him.”
He crosses his arms over his burly chest. “Why’s that?”