Chapter Forty
K atherine felt more at home each day. Her grandparents were so thankful to have them there, it was almost as if they were trying to make up for all the lost Christmases and birthdays. But Mom wasn’t getting any stronger. Katherine knew it was probably childish of her to hope that there’d soon be a marked improvement.
“How are your classes, dear?” her grandmother asked over breakfast.
“They’re going pretty well.” Katherine took a bite of toast.
Her grandmother peered at her. “Is your mom still sleeping?”
Katherine nodded. “I checked on her earlier. I think she had a long night.”
They ate in silence for a moment.
“I wish there were something more that could be done.”
Katherine jerked her head up at the defeated tone in her grandmother’s voice. Was she the only one who wasn’t giving up yet? “She’s having some success with the alternative treatments. I really think the acupuncture is helping.”
Her grandmother’s eyes were sad. “I know those things are helping to keep her comfortable.” She reached across the table and patted Katherine’s hand. “But honey, it isn’t curing her. You know that.” Her voice broke and the older woman’s eyes filled with tears.
Katherine bit back a sharp reply. This was the first time she’d seen actual emotion on her grandmother’s face. “But I’m not ready to lose her.” The words were out before she could stop them.
Her grandmother came around the table and pulled a seat next to Katherine. She put her arm around her granddaughter. “Honey, neither am I.” She sighed. “I’ve messed up so much over the years. Sometimes I think it’s because out of all my children, Jane was the most like me. I wanted to teach her from my mistakes, but instead I drove her away.” She brushed a strand of Katherine’s hair from her face. “I know Jane has apologized and tried to take the blame for these past years, but a lot of it rests solely on me. I finally just let her go.” She shrugged and met Katherine’s gaze. “Can you believe that I spent a lot of years trying to pretend that she didn’t exist? My own daughter. If I had it to do over, I would’ve stood outside her door in California, banging on it until either she let me in or had me arrested. And I wouldn’t have come back home until we were on good terms.” She leaned back in her chair. “But we don’t get do-overs in this life. All we can do is try to make amends and move forward.”
“I guess.” Katherine said. She hadn’t realized her grandmother felt any remorse. She’d heard her mother and grandmother talking, late at night though, and she could tell they’d finally gotten their relationship mended.
“Katherine,” her mother called from the sunroom. “Can you come here for a second?”
She stepped to the door. Her mom was in her usual spot on the chaise, looking out into the backyard. The large glass windows provided a great view. “Do you need something?”
Her mother patted the chaise. “Come sit with me.”
Katherine pulled the door closed and went to sit next to her mother. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m tired. But I feel pretty good.” Her mother sighed. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Katherine glanced over at her mom. “What is it?” Each time she was summoned to her mother’s side, she expected the worst.
“Have you thought anymore about your father?” She met Katherine’s eyes. “About meeting him, I mean?”
“The thought has crossed my mind. But I’m just not sure. . .” she trailed off. “I guess I’m just having a hard time imagining what it would be like to know him. And I’m not sure what role I’d want him to play in my life.”
Katherine’s mom took her hand. “Honey, I know if I weren’t sick, you’d probably be angrier at me about this whole thing.” She shook her head. “But I hope I can be a good lesson for you. People make mistakes sometimes.” Her voice was pleading. “We don’t always do or say what we should, especially where the people closest to us are concerned. But I think you’re going to need him.”
“I’ve just gone all this time without him in my life. I guess I don’t know where he’d fit now.”
Her mother’s eyes were pleading. “Promise me you’ll think about it. I’d like to call him and tell him what’s going on.” She paused. “But I don’t want to do that until you’re ready.”
Katherine shook her head, her eyes full of tears. “A little more time. That’s all I need.” She lay down next to her mom on the chaise and stared at the ceiling. Wasn’t that what everyone needed? More time. Time to try and explain away the hurts and make peace. But Katherine had the sinking feeling that the hourglass was nearly empty.