Chapter Fifty-Six
A s soon as she parked Thatcher’s old truck, she called Kristy. She didn’t even feel the November chill as she trudged toward her apartment.
She quickly caught her friend up to speed, through a mix of tears and bitterness. “I guess I’m just a complete idiot. Falling for a guy like him,” she said, once she’d shared the story.
“Like what? Smart and handsome?” Kristy asked. “I think you’re being too hard on yourself. . .and maybe him.”
Vickie was silent for a moment. “Why would you even say something like that? You were the one who wanted me to proceed with caution, remember? And you were right. He let me fall for him, knowing the whole time that he wasn’t telling me the truth about who he really is. I let him know all about me.” Vickie couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so near hysterics. “I kissed him like I’d never kissed anyone before.” Her voice broke. “I was falling in love with him.” Her breath came in ragged waves.
“Vick, I think maybe you just need to take a step back. Think about it from his point of view. I feel certain he would’ve told you the truth if things had gotten any more serious between the two of you.”
“Why, exactly, are you on his side all of the sudden?” Vickie asked loudly. “Take a step back? For what? To see what a fool I’ve been? Falling for someone I can’t trust.” She paused. “I should’ve known from the beginning that he wasn’t the guy for me. His hair is too long and he never dresses as nicely as the occasion calls for. And all he wants to do in his spare time is fish. I don’t know what I even saw in him.”
“From the way you described him, I’d say you saw someone who could be your best friend and your true love. Vickie, I’ve known you for how many years now? Twelve? And I’ve never heard you talk about anyone the way you talked about him. And I know it took me awhile to warm up to him, but it seemed like after you guys had a rocky start, he really cared about you.” She took a breath. “So please don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Pick him apart. Convince yourself that his wardrobe isn’t what it should be or his hobby isn’t the one you’d choose. The things you always do.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She opened her apartment door and shut it firmly behind her.
Kristy let out a sigh. “It means that I’ve watched you for the past twelve years use superficial things as reasons to keep people at an arm’s length. When I really think about it, I don’t even know why you allow me to be your friend.”
“Whoa. Where is this coming from?” Vickie was floored. “If you’ve spent the past twelve years thinking I was so superficial, then why would you even want to be my friend?”
“That’s the thing. You aren’t really superficial. That’s what I don’t get. Are you just that scared of letting someone get close to you—that you have to find reasons not to let them in your life?”
“How could you possibly understand what it’s like to be me? You’ve just married the perfect man. Ainsley was married to the perfect man. Even Dawn, the person I thought was least likely to settle down, has now found the perfect man. And I keep finding losers.” She fell onto the couch, still wearing her heavy wool coat, and curled up into a ball.
“Stop. Will you just listen to yourself for a second? There is no such thing as the perfect man. Ace is not perfect. I’m quite sure that if you asked Ainsley, even though she still misses Brad something fierce, she would tell you that he wasn’t perfect.” Kristy paused. “And do I even need to tell you how imperfect we are?”
“No. I know how imperfect I am. There is no need for you to point that out. I’m just saying that I seem to have a special talent for finding guys who have something wrong with them.”
Kristy let out a growl. “I hate to say this to you. Really, I do. But this unrealistic quest for perfection reminds me of someone.”
“Who? What do you mean?” Vickie asked, sitting upright.
“For the first time, I think I’m starting to see your mother in you.”
Vickie felt like she’d been punched in the gut. “I can’t believe you’d even say that. I am nothing like my mother. She has the unrealistic quest for perfection. I just have high standards.”
“And there’s nothing wrong with that. I want you to be choosy. I want you to find a man who will treat you right and who you can have long conversations with and who shares your faith in God. But you need to realize that whoever that man is, he is going to have flaws. He might be a little on the short side, or a little too tall, or have a gap between his front teeth. He might not have an impeccable wardrobe and he might be a baseball fanatic. But sometimes those things that you seem to see as ‘flaws’ are the things that make us individuals. Do you really just want some cookie-cutter guy who oozes perfection?”
Vickie didn’t know what to say. They’d been friends for a long time and Kristy had never said anything like this before. “How long have you felt this way?”
“I’m just worried about you is all.” Kristy’s voice wavered. “Vick, I want you to be happy. And for some reason you won’t let yourself be. I guess I’ve sat back and kept my mouth shut for a long time now because I kept thinking you would snap out of it. But I know how much you care about Thatcher. And from what you’ve told me, I’m pretty sure he cares equally as much about you. I just don’t want you to throw away something that could be a really good thing unless there is a really good reason.”
“And you don’t think lying to me is a good enough reason?”
Kristy sighed. “He didn’t lie to you. He chose not to tell you about that part of his life. Yet. It sounds like he hadn’t had contact with his daughter for quite some time. I seriously doubt he had any inkling there was a chance she might show up on his doorstep or I’m sure he’d already have told you.”
Vickie thought for a moment. That, at least was true. It wasn’t like he’d been seeing his ex-wife and his daughter on the weekends and just not telling Vickie where he was. But still. She didn’t like feeling attacked like this. “I can’t help that I feel betrayed.”
“Fine. Spend a few days feeling sorry for yourself. But don’t use this as a reason to run. Relationships are hard. And if you aren’t willing to see them through the tough times, well then maybe you aren’t ready for one.”
Vickie felt her anger boiling. “What are you trying to say? That this is the reason I’ve never been in a serious relationship? Because I’m not ready?”
“I don’t want to argue with you. I just want you to think about what you’re doing.”
“Fine.” Vickie couldn’t take it any longer. She hit the ‘end call’ button and threw her phone down on the couch. Twelve years and she’d never hung up on Kristy. Or been so mad at her. Or so hurt by her. The phone began to buzz. Vickie glanced down and saw Kristy’s name on the caller id. She walked down the hallway and left the buzzing phone on the couch. She was in no mood to hear more. All she wanted was to climb into bed and hope that tomorrow was a better day.