Chapter Eight
T elfer had made the offer in such a matter-of-fact tone that it took a moment before the words sank in.
When they did, Laodice sat up bolt upright in her pillow nest. “You can’t be serious.”
Telfer shrugged. “Like you said, there’s not much else to do.” He was standing by the window, the sunset light spilling blue highlights over his dark hair and limning his bared forearms in gold.
“But…” Laodice said, and found she couldn’t go on. It was so clearly a bad suggestion that she couldn’t, for a moment, voice the many obvious reasons why having sex with Telfer would be a terrible idea. “I thought you were repulsed by me,” she found herself saying instead. “And that’s why you didn’t want to dance.”
Telfer looked genuinely flabbergasted. “Completely the opposite. I think you’re very attractive. I’ve thought that since the moment I met you.”
Laodice stared at him. He stared back.
“I’m not assuming you reciprocate my interest,” he said. “Just thought I’d make the offer.”
“Wow, romantic,” Laodice said, but it was a little more breathless, a little less sharp than she would have liked. She appreciated, in a numbed-with-shock kind of way, that he hadn’t gotten into her personal space, or made any actual moves. It was a verbal offer, easy to refuse. Why wasn’t she refusing?
“Romance is not on the table,” Telfer said firmly. “Sex only. Unless you’re not interested in one-night stands?”
“I’ve had plenty of one-night stands,” Laodice said, and managed to clamp down on the impulse to say though I was wondering if you might be asexual. Clearly, he wasn’t. Instead, what came out was, “But we don’t like each other!”
Telfer eyed her speculatively. “That could make it better,” he suggested. “Hate sex can be incredible, if you do it right.”
Laodice tried to look stern. “Well, I don’t have sex with people I hate. Not that I actually hate you,” she added. “But we work together and we fight all the time, and it seems like sex would be, um…” An unnecessary complication. A potential HR disaster.
Probably really hot.
“Got it,” Telfer said, looking totally unmoved. “I won’t bring it up again.”
Laodice sought frantically for a subject change, and was almost grateful when Sarah’s voice rang through the room. “It’s time for couples cocktails mixing, lovebirds! Come and join our very special mixologist, and concoct the perfect concoction for your reception!”
Laodice looked at her laptop. Telfer’s proposition had driven the mystery of Halcyon from her head for a moment, and she was oddly relieved to feel her curiosity flooding back. “Crap, I really need to do these notes. You go, though, and report back.”
“We shouldn’t do these things alone,” Telfer said. “It looks weird.”
He probably didn’t mean to sound patronizing, but Laodice bridled anyway. “I’m aware of that,” she snapped.
“I’m not saying you aren’t aware , I’m saying you’re not participating .”
“Don’t you dare lecture me about participation! You made me look like an idiot this afternoon.”
“That was because I like you too much!” Telfer said, and then blew on before she even had time to react. “Besides, I was still there . I wasn’t holed up in the suite like a hermit.”
“Get out!” Laodice said, and as Telfer huffed and left, she found herself almost grateful for the argument. Like a thunderstorm relieving pressure, it had cleared some strange tension from the air, getting them back to normal.
Like she’d ever have sex with Telfer.
Ridiculous.
He banged back into the room, eyes blazing and cheeks flushed. “There’s a bag of cashews in my satchel if you get hungry,” he snarled.
“Thank you,” Laodice snapped. “I appreciate your concern! ”
The problem was, she kind of did.
***
Telfer didn’t bother calling himself names this time. He’d made the offer, it had been refused, and now that was that. He’d put it out of his mind and move forward.
He was moving perhaps too fast, though, as he realized when he nearly charged into Hazel in the hallway.
She squeaked, one hand on the door she’d walked through, as he pulled himself to a stop right before the collision.
“Sorry,” he said. “I was thinking about something else.”
“I’m glad your ankle’s better,” Hazel said gamely.
“Right, yes,” Telfer said. He should probably have been limping. Well, too late now, and he was pretty sure no one had believed him anyway. “I think it was a cramp. How are you? Did you enjoy the dancing?”
“Oh, yes! I love dance. I used to do ballet.”
“Used to?”
Hazel’s eyes strayed back to her door. “It takes up a lot of time, the classes and everything.”
And Jesse had complained about that, Telfer deduced.
“Is Laodice coming?”
“She’s not feeling well.”
“Oh,” Hazel said, and gave him a sympathetic look. “Jesse isn’t coming either. He’s, um, he has a headache.”
And she was an even worse liar than Telfer, but he fell in step with her as they walked towards the stairs. “Do you want to be my partner for this, then?” he asked.
Hazel looked pleased, then alarmed, and he remembered Jesse giving him “advice” on how to deal with Laodice’s flirtation with Kyle. What were the odds that Jesse considered talking to another man an inevitable prelude to cheating?
“Or not, it’s okay,” he said.
“Um, let’s see,” Hazel said, but the moment it was evident that they were both partnerless, Sarah paired them up.
“You can at least have the experience ,” she said, and then shot a look at Alma which indicated Sarah would have preferred it if Alma were the one with a headache.
Alma ignored her, which Telfer was beginning to think was best practice.
The “special mixologist” was Kyle, who had laid out a huge variety of spirits and liqueurs, and a smaller but surprisingly pretty good variety of non-alcoholic mixers, including something that was supposed to taste like gin. He talked them through some principles of mixology, got people to taste tiny portions (Telfer declined the grenadine) and then set them to crafting cocktails for their partners, apparently to be available at their reception.
“Will you even have alcohol at the reception?” Hazel asked doubtfully.
“Sure. Laodice drinks, and so do a lot of our friends and family. Why don’t you make me a mocktini? I’ve always wanted to be Cary Grant.”
“Okay!” Hazel said, and while she made him a dirty mocktini, heavy on the olive juice, he tried to draw her out on what she thought of Halcyon. It was difficult. She didn’t exactly lack personality, but her own thoughts and desires were buried under a heavy layer of “Jesse likes” and “Jesse thinks.” It wasn’t until Telfer made a chance remark about Halcyon’s attempts to imitate a medieval castle that Hazel got animated on her own behalf.
“It’s definitely much more of a historicist castle, like Neuschwanstein,” she said. “Castle romanticism was huge in the 1800s, and those are what we think of when we picture the typical fairy-tale castles, but they’re really not medieval at all.”
“No?”
“No, real medieval castles were designed to hold off besieging armies. Most of them were square stone keeps, not pretty at all. Unless we’re talking about the motte-and-bailey style, of course, where the keep might be wood. People used to think that they switched to stone because it was better militarily, but now we think it might have been more about prestige. Stone looked more impressive, it was more expensive, and it lasted longer.”
“Really,” Telfer said. “Do you want some of this hibiscus syrup?”
“Sure!”
“Tell me more about motte-and-bailey,” he said, and Hazel happily embarked on a detailed and enthusiastic description of English castle warfare in the civil war between King Stephen and Empress Matilda, while Telfer listened and made her a floral concoction. He had no idea what it tasted like, but it smelled good, and Hazel’s thanks seemed sincere. His own mocktini was nice; gin without alcohol tasted dry and herbal, and it went well with the briny olive juice. It was a bit like drinking mezze in a glass.
Samuel was apparently also a history buff, and he joined the conversation to talk about the post-Anarchy rebuilding phase, and that started a round of historical-places-we-have-been. Telfer made his own unexciting contribution (Colonial Williamsburg) and Yvette got passionate about Angkor Wat and the royal palace at Phnom Penh.
Telfer barely noticed Patrick slipping away, but he saw him return quarter of an hour later, looking unsettled. He pulled Samuel away from the discussion and they exchanged a few words before bidding the others good night and heading upstairs together.
“Another round?” Kyle said. “You want to give your guests options.”
“Sure!” Hazel said immediately, and Telfer couldn’t bring himself to disappoint her, making a game of seeing how many garnishes he could fit on Hazel’s next drink.
He couldn’t help wishing that Laodice was there.
***
Laodice had really meant to follow the strictures of the retreat as closely as she could. She’d needed internet to upload her notes and observations, and she wasn’t quite willing to lose complete track of the outside world. But so far she’d used the burner phone strictly for work and for figuring out the time. She hadn’t loaded any apps on it before she came, not even her ebook reader.
It wouldn’t be in the spirit of the retreat for her to violate those rules any further.
She finished the last of the cashews from Telfer’s satchel and decided that she was totally going to do it anyway.
It took a moment to work out how to log into her group chat from her laptop, and a much longer moment to get through password verification—her own phone, which she’d normally use to confirm the approach, was tucked in that box downstairs. Laodice persevered through the security questions instead, and was even more relieved than she expected when she found her sisters already talking in the chat about a trip Xena was planning to take to the boutique vineyard Cassie’s partner ran.
[Cassie] The carriage house is booked out, but Manny says you’re family, so you get to stay in the main house.
[Xena] can I film in the main house?
[Cassie] Nice try.
[Xena] pleeeeeease?
[Laodice is active in chat]
[Xena] shes alive!
[Cassie] How’s the retreat going?
[Laodice] It’s interesting. Not what I expected
[Cassie] Oh?
[Laodice] Let me think about it a bit more. I think my story’s going to be different from the one I thought I’d write
[Cassie] What does Eli think of it?
Laodice sat back against the pillows, momentarily surprised. But of course her sisters didn’t know she’d broken up with Eli. She hadn’t spoken to them since it had happened.
[Laodice] He’s not here. Long story short, he tried to get out of the trip at the last minute so he could hang out with his fucking boys
[Cassie] He what
[Xena] dump him
[Laodice] I did.
[Xena] GOOD
[Xena] he was a dick
[Xena] and he looked like he’d be bad in bed
Laodice cackled, the sound obnoxiously loud to her own ears in the silent room.
[Laodice] Unfortunately, he was pretty good at that
[Xena] sounds fake but okay
[Cassie] Are you okay?
[Laodice] Actually yes
[Laodice] Maybe it’s because this place is surreal, but I don’t miss him at all
[Laodice] Is that weird? Am I heartless? I loved him, and now I just don’t
[Cassie] Do you want advice?
Laodice hesitated. She loved her sister, but Cassie was a professional advice-giver and she didn’t mince words, even for family. Laodice should only say yes if she was willing to listen.
[Laodice] Go ahead
[Cassie] I think you didn’t love Eli any more.
[Cassie] I think you fell for him fast, and fell out of love slowly, over the last couple of months. The last time I came into the city you barely mentioned him. You were way more interested in talking about whether you should apply for Miriam’s job and if Telfer Terzi might beat you to it. Eli didn’t come up until you talked about the retreat.
[Cassie] And that’s super normal. Lots of people fall for someone, and then it doesn’t work out. They drift apart or they pretend they’re going to be friends or whatever. But I think that because you go so hard and feel so much, maybe you needed a big dramatic moment to realize it was over.
[Xena] cassie you are the worst when you’re right
[Xena] the absolute worst
[Cassie] L? Are you there?
[Laodice] I’m thinking.
[Laodice] I don’t think you’re completely right. I was already starting to realize he wasn’t my forever guy.
[Laodice] I mayyyyyy have been thinking that the retreat might have nailed things down one way or the other
[Laodice] but yeah. Throwing a frog at him was a good clarifying moment
[Cassie] Real frog or ceramic?
[Xena] pls say real
[Laodice] Ceramic, sorry
[Xena] boo
[Xena] wait, who are you there with then?
[Laodice] a co-worker
[Xena] who?
Laodice bit her lip. She had, over the years, said some things that recent revelations might have shown her in a different light. But Xena was like a terrier. She didn’t let go once she’d grabbed something. She had no sense of shame and not a lot of regard for other people’s feelings.
[Laodice] Telfer Terzi
[Cassie] Seriously? I thought he was your nemesis.
[Xena] is he the fatphobic one?
[Laodice] He’s not fatphobic
[Xena] you said he stared at you in a disapproving way when you wore crop tops
[Laodice] Turns out I might have been mistaking something else for disapproval.
[Cassie] HAH
[Cassie] He likes you. I knew it.
[Laodice] you did not!!
[Cassie] I watched you two interact for maybe three minutes total and there were definitely sparks
[Laodice] sparks of rage!
[Xena] i love this
[Xena] are you smashing the nemesis
There was a light knock on the door, and Laodice shoved the phone under a pillow. “Hello?” she called.
There was no reply.
Housekeeping, probably. Wait, she should seize a chance to talk to one of the alleged many staff who were allegedly staying out of sight. Laodice hopped off the bed, her knees protesting at their sudden unfolding. When she opened the door and scanned the corridor, it was empty. Not even a handcart filled with toiletries and cleaning supplies.
Strange. But she wouldn’t be surprised if Sarah was behind it. She was fully capable of making housekeeping hide if there was the smallest possibility of a guest having to acknowledge their existence.
She went back to the conversation, which had continued in her momentary absence.
[Xena] you have to tell us if you’re smashing the nemesis
[Xena] it’s the rules of feminism
[Xena] hellooooo???
[Laodice] We came as co-workers . We’re pretending to be a couple.
[Laodice] Howeverrrr this afternoon a sexy times offer was made, and also rejected
[Cassie] To whom?
[Xena] fuck I love you cassie. “Whom.” amazing.
[Laodice] He made the offer. Quote: “I think you’re very attractive. I’ve thought that since the moment I met you.”
[Xena] holy shit
[Xena] love confession
[Laodice] No, he was clear that romance was off the table. Sex only.
[Xena] SINCE THE MOMENT I MET YOU is love language
[Laodice] I think he’s just precise
[Xena] do it.
[Xena] hot nemesis sex
[Xena] working HARD late nights in the office
[Xena] meet me at the photocopier in 2 mins
[Xena] (so you can bend me over it)
[Cassie] I don’t think that’s a good idea.
[Xena] BOOOOO don’t listen to her
[Xena] listen to me, the fun one
[Cassie] You work literally five feet from each other in the same office.
[Laodice] okay wait a second
[Laodice] YOU banged your BOSS while you were LIVING on his PROPERTY
[Cassie] That was a short term contract with a definite end date.
[Laodice] And now you LIVE TOGETHER
[Cassie] Fine, I’m a hypocrite, but you’re talking about a relationship where one of you is soon going to directly report to the other, indefinitely . If Olympus’s HR policy doesn’t ban that, they damn well should. It’s actually pretty bad that he even proposed it.
[Laodice] I’m not talking about a relationship!
[Laodice] And he proposed a one night stand, explicitly. He’s not trying to start an inappropriate longterm thing with his future boss!
[Xena] you’re defending him
[Xena] that’s cute
[Xena] also I like that you’re assuming you’re going to be the editor, very girlboss of you
Laodice rubbed the sore spot between her eyes. She could feel Cassie marshaling sensible objections from her beautiful office in the historic home she shared with her partner. What right did Cassie have to give Laodice advice on this particular point, anyway? When Cassie had baulked at her growing attraction to Manny, Laodice had told her to go for it, and that had worked out incredibly well.
Besides, there seemed to be an important detail both of her sisters had missed.
[Laodice] You can both stop talking about this. I said no, remember? He said, that’s cool. He won’t bring it up again. End of topic.
[Cassie] I’m sorry.
[Xena] i’m not
[Laodice] ANYWAY what’s going in YOUR love lives?
[Cassie] Manny and I continue to live happily in sin and our mothers continue to press us for wedding dates
[Xena] i might take some of the mom pressure off you soon
[Laodice] how?
[Xena] shh it’s a surprise
[Xena] watch my channel Wednesday
[Laodice] I might not be able to.
[Xena] you have to
[Xena] im gonna break the internet
[Cassie] What are you planning?
[Xena] it’s a surprise!!!
[Cassie] Are you and Zac adopting a pet or something?
[Xena] S.U.R.P.R.I.S.E.
[Cassie] I’m just saying, puppies are cute and Mom will absolutely lose her mind, but you both travel a lot
[Xena] CASSANDRA APOLLINE TROIADES DO YOU KNOW WHAT SURPRISE MEANS
[Xena] anyway I have to go byeeee!!!!
[Xena is inactive in the chat]
[Laodice] I have to go too
She logged out, still annoyed with Cassie. It was unlike her sister to miss the salient facts, such as the part that she’d turned Telfer down, and he’d said he wouldn’t bring it up again, so if she did want to take him up on it, she’d have to make a move, and she obviously wasn’t going to.
It was nice that he thought she was attractive. It had been kind of fun, working with him on this story, bouncing ideas off him and talking out Halcyon’s oddities. They might even become casual work acquaintances. Friendly colleagues.
Anything more than that was impossible. Cassie was right. Xena was wrong.
Whatever Xena was planning was sure to be spectacular, though. She’d have to remember to get online on Wednesday.
Laodice rolled off the bed, filled with a restless energy she couldn’t contain. She tried to pour it into some flow yoga, and when that didn’t work, attempted to soothe herself with another luxurious bath.
And if her fingers slipped beneath the water and through her intimate folds while she had some hazy thoughts about being bent over a photocopier by a dark-haired man whose face she determinedly did not picture…
Well. There were some things she didn’t tell her sisters.
Clean and warm and finally relaxed, Laodice crawled into bed already half-asleep, and barely registered the soft sounds of someone moving around the room later that evening.
She did jerk partly awake when there was a crash and a loud curse.
“Telfer?”
“Yes?”
“Are you trying to get ready for bed without turning the light on?” She felt heavy and slow, as if sleep was dragging her back under.
“I didn’t want to wake you,” Telfer said. “It seemed like a logical choice a few minutes ago.”
Laodice burrowed deeper into the covers. “Lots of things seem like that,” she said drowsily. “And then you think, oops, maybe I was wrong. Like you and me.”
There was a pause.
“Laodice?”
“Mm?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” she mumbled. “Come to bed.”
Another pause, so long that she was nearly asleep before any response came. “Okay,” Telfer said, his voice softer than she’d ever heard. “Good night.”