Chapter Ten
James
Strolling into the firehouse for his shift, James felt better than he had in his entire life.
He always carried a mountain of worry. What if something happened and he messed up?
Would they kick him to the curb, taking James’s dream of being a full-time firefighter with them?
Would the money in his savings account be enough to live off on while putting Scott through college? Was Scott happy? Was Michael happy?
So much worry always ate at him.
Not that morning.
True to his word, Jacob had woken James with plenty of time to play and eat breakfast before he had to return to his apartment to shower and dress for his shift. And even though Jacob had made James pick up the mess of the playroom before he left, James still loved every minute of the morning.
He took the steps up to the second floor where their living space, kitchen, sleeping areas, and shower rooms were located.
Cal and Brad were both stretched out in recliners in front of the big screen television with a hockey game playing.
“How’s it going?” James asked, coming up beside Cal. He nodded toward Brad as he caught the other guy’s gaze. James was still uncomfortable, not knowing what had happened between him and Luca.
Cal stretched his arms over his head. “Good. Got the stuff to make lasagna tonight. I know it’s one of your favorites.”
“My best friend!” James declared. He patted Cal’s cheek hard. “Where’s Josh?”
“Working out,” Brad said with a grunt. “Been kind of fidgety.”
“I’ll check on him,” James promised. Fidgety was not a word that he’d normally associate with Josh. He left the guys to their hockey game as one of the teams scored, making them both shout at the television.
Walking down the hall toward the back, James peeked into the first room.
Cal’s stuff was on one of the beds. The other was empty so James claimed it for himself.
He set his backpack on the mattress before opening the locker beside the door.
James stuffed his jacket and helmet inside then slammed it closed.
He went in search of Josh, finding the man in their gym located across from the shower room.
“Hey,” James greeted, leaning against the doorway.
Josh looked up from where he’d been sitting on a bench staring at the floor. “Hey, James.”
“What’s wrong?” James asked while moving closer.
Josh pressed his lips together, flattening them.
“Come on, man.” James straddled the bench across from Josh.
“I stopped by the coffee shop on my way in this morning,” Josh told him.
“Okay?” James hadn’t gotten a call from Luca. If something had happened like a break in or something, surely Luca would call.
Josh blew out a long breath. “Dawson had…a reaction.”
James tried to hide his wince. “Bad?”
“I’ve never heard a scream like that outside being in a war zone,” Josh said quietly. “It chilled me to the bone.”
His own experience was limited. James knew that Dawson had suffered a couple of episodes while living with Luca.
“There was nothing I could do to help,” Josh voiced.
“I know.” James had been there. Not for a full episode, as Dawson called them. But when Dawson flinched at sudden loud noises or if a customer got too close, both he and Luca made sure to stand between Dawson and the rest of the world.
“He was embarrassed when he came back to himself. Wouldn’t even look me in the eye,” Josh told him.
“Don’t take it personally,” James replied.
“I want to help him,” Josh confessed. He quickly shook his head. “He barely even speaks to me.”
“Dawson needs friends,” James said thoughtfully. “He can be around Luca. And most of the time me. You’ve become a regular figure. And he does talk to you. Even if it’s to be a smartass. Baby steps, man.”
Josh snorted.
“What?” James asked confused.
“You just said baby steps to a Daddy who wants to have a baby of his own.”
James knew his eyes were bugging out as Josh started to laugh.
“It’s fine.” Josh waved his hand while still chuckling. “I think having two friends find and claim their boys had messed with my head. Has me longing for something that might not be there.”
“You’re talking about Dawson,” James guessed.
Josh shrugged. “It was just a thought. Age regression can help with PTSD. Take the person out of their environment and give them a safe space.”
James had to think about that. Now that he had his own experience—if he could call two play sessions that—James could see what Josh was talking about.
“Thinking pretty hard over there,” Josh pointed out.
“I think I can see it,” James admitted. “Loosely. It’s not like I’m an expert or anything.”
“I wasn’t aware you knew enough to be an amateur,” Josh responded with a grin. “Unless there’s something that you’ve been hiding?”
Arriving at work, James didn’t have any intention of revealing his secret. But maybe this wasn’t something that needed to be a secret. He shrugged before meeting Josh’s gaze that held curiosity.
“Please tell me it’s with the professor Daddy that came to visit you in the coffee shop.”
James glared.
“It is, isn’t it?” Josh leaned forward. “When did this happen?”
“Last night,” James admitted.
“Holy fuck, man!” Josh exclaimed.
“Shh!” James glanced over his shoulder before leveling a scowl at his friend.
“Tell me everything,” Josh demanded.
He couldn’t believe that he was going to do this. “You know how Michael came down for Christmas with his men?”
“Yes. You said he was a little.”
“It was more than that. His Daddy anticipated every need Michael had. Doted on him. Watched over Michael like he could stop anything bad from ever touching him. It was nice. And Michael was just…happy. Relaxed,” James explained.
“You were curious,” Josh said.
James nodded. “He left behind one of his capes. Michael had been playing superhero. I…I put it on.”
Josh hummed but motioned for James to keep talking.
“Then some things happened with the professor,” James said lamely.
“No!” Josh whined. “That’s skipping the good parts.”
“Anyway,” James continued. “I spoke with Jacob and he offered to help me explore…age regression.”
“I’ve never seen him in action, but I’ve heard about him from the club,” Josh winked. “He’s known as the brat tamer.”
“What!” James’s voice rose.
Josh grinned. “Yep. You couldn’t have found a better mentor.”
“I played last night. And this morning,” James confessed.
“And? Come on, man. Don’t leave me hanging here.”
“It was amazing. I had no worries at all.” James smiled. “I can’t wait to do it again.”
Josh leaped to his feet before pulling James up and hugging him. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks.” James patted Josh’s back.
Josh drew back to grip James’s shoulder hard. “If you need someone to play with, just let me know. I make an amazing uncle.”
“Okay.” James didn’t know what to think about that. Maybe he’d just pretend Josh hadn’t told him that. At least until he got more comfortable. Who knew what the future held. “But can I ask you something kind of personal?”
“Sure.” Josh waved him to sit back down before dropping onto the bench he’d been on before.
“It’s…” James rubbed the back of his neck. “About Jacob.”
“About him being a Daddy or—”
“No. Yes. Well kind of.” This was so embarrassing. “He’s been very accommodating. Careful with me. Making sure not to…cross a boundary, maybe?”
“And you want him to cross a boundary?” Josh questioned.
“It’s not really a boundary if we haven’t discussed it, right?”
“Discussed what exactly?” Josh pushed.
“He offered to be my Daddy. To help me explore. But he hasn’t…we kissed once. It was New Year’s Eve. I was kind of in shock and he helped me inside. He was so wonderful and somehow I ended up on his lap kissing him.” He just sort of word vomited all of that.
Josh sighed. “I knew I should have followed you home.”
“That’s not the point,” James pointed out. “And would have totally ruined the kiss!”
“What happened after this kiss?”
“I freaked out and kicked him out of my apartment,” James confessed.
“Smooth.” Josh looked disappointed.
“Then I tried to make him an apology cake,” James shared. If he was going to confess everything he might as well get it over with. “And made a mess out of it. But he showed up and we fixed it. He touched me a lot that day.”
“Which you liked,” Josh commented.
“Until he gave me a superhero action figure ad I freaked out and yelled at him. He ran away from me,” James admitted.
“You are really bad at this.” Josh didn’t even look like he was teasing.
“I know this!” James threw his hand in the air. “Help me!”
Josh nodded. “I know exactly what you need to do.”
“You do?” James bounced.
“You need to listen to me. Are you listening?”
“Yes. Yes.” Could he get the answer he needed? This easily?
“What if you don’t like my answer?” Josh questioned.
“Just tell me!” James demanded.
Josh slipped off the bench and crouched in front of James. He grabbed James’s hands in his and squeezed. “You talk to him. Communicate what you want. What you need. Like a grown-up.”
James groaned. “I hate you.”
“And yet you know I’m right.” Josh squeezed his hands again.
“Fine.” James rolled his eyes. “I know you’re right.”
“Want to get a workout in?” Josh asked. He released James’s hand and stood.
“Yes!” Training. James could lose himself in training. Anything but thinking about the conversation that he didn’t want to have but knew that he needed to. Sometimes being an adult sucked.
* * * * *
Jacob
He grinned down at his phone. James was finished with his shift and had asked if he could come to Jacob’s house instead of going home. Jacob replied quickly before rushing into the kitchen. Making a small snack and having it ready for the boy was just the perfect start to their evening.