Chapter 1
Chapter 1
Joselyn
I ’m home. Now that I’m here, I’m scared to death. Scared I won’t find Papa. Scared I will find Papa. I need a little distance to get myself together, so I booked a rental cottage along the intercoastal overlooking Hibiscus Harbor, one town over from Pelican Point.
Pelican Point. The only place I ever lived prior to Vegas. The only home I remember, the caretaker’s cottage I lived in with my father on the property of the Celtic Knot, a family-owned winery. Specifically, the Murphy family, and Brennen. Returning to Florida to face the demons of my past and reconciling with my father also means that I’ll likely run into the man I’ve never been able to forget.
Attending that funeral in Vegas made me realize that coming back is the only way to quiet the turmoil in my soul and find peace.
In my former life, when I was troubled or needed answers, I went to the beach. I used to find solace in the lapping of the waves and the feel of sand under my feet. I didn’t have that in the desert, and I’ve missed it. My heart is telling me to go there now. Breathe in the ocean air and regroup. Figure out what to do now that I’m here. A flicker of hope ignites. Maybe I deserve that second chance. With Papa and Brennen.
But where do I start? How do I start?
My stomach is churning as I pull up to the familiar wooden structure of the beachfront bar that’s been around since before I was born. Remnants of my past come flooding back like little movies in my mind—grabbing a bite to eat after hanging out at the beach with my friends, happy times on dates with Brennen.
I exit the car and pull my wide-brimmed straw hat low over my head so it almost touches the top of my large sunglasses. I tell myself it’s to protect me from the sun, but deep down inside, I know it’s my shield in case I run into anyone that may remember me from the past.
Before heading through the bar’s interior and out to the beach, I go inside to use the ladies’ room. As I wash my hands, I barely recognize the woman in the mirror, and it’s not due to the poor lighting in the restroom. I’m not the same person I was back then, either on the inside or outside. The most obvious change in my appearance is my hair and clothing. Growing up, I let my long light-colored hair enjoy its naturally curly state in the Florida humidity. In Vegas, I reinvented myself into a more professional and mature appearance. I started coloring my hair darker and taming my curls with a straightening iron. I also traded in my beach and athletic attire for cotton shirts and relaxed khaki slacks, as well as tailored linen suits for work.
Taking the back exit from the bar to go out on the deck and down to the beach, I pause to put my sunglasses back on, then push on the heavy exit door. As I step onto the deck, I collide with a woman standing just outside the doorway, speaking into her cell phone animatedly, hands flailing around in the air.
“I’m so sorry. Excuse…” Oh my God. I know her.
I stare into a pair of bright blue eyes. Familiar blue eyes.
I can’t miss the flicker of recognition, despite my disguise. She speaks into her phone. “I’ll call you back.” She disconnects the call, then focuses her attention on me. “What the fuck?”
The woman glaring at me is Brennen’s sister and my former best friend, Emma Murphy.
I’m at a loss for words, but she doesn’t skip a beat. And she still cusses like a sailor.
“You’re the last person I expected to run into today.” Her eyes narrow, and I don’t think it’s due to the glare of the sun. “What the hell are you doing here?”
I thought my stomach was in knots when I got out of the car. Those knots are coiled even tighter in my belly now, and my brain is screaming wait! I’m not ready yet! I’ve been obsessing over the past and the way I left for so long, I was hoping I wouldn’t encounter anyone from my past just yet. I need that walk on the beach first.
I take in Emma’s appearance, noting the changes over the years. She’s still vibrant and beautiful with her fiery red hair and crystal blue eyes. There’s also an air of maturity and confidence about her now. When I learned through some online searches that she’d graduated from law school, I wasn’t surprised. She was always driven to succeed.
We stare at each other in silence for a few seconds, like we’re each daring the other to speak first. I make the first move, removing my sunglasses. She knows it’s me, so there’s no point in hiding behind them any longer. I step away from the doorway so others might pass through, and she follows suit. Finally, she breaks the uncomfortable silence.
“You look different.”
“I am different, in a lot of ways. I’ve had to be since I left here.”
“ Left? Don’t you mean since you ran off without explanation? Or more accurately, since you broke my brother’s heart?”
I can’t help but wince at her harsh words. Even though I know I deserve every bit of it, it still hurts to hear it out loud. And she seems to not give a flying fuck about anyone listening in on the conversation.
She asks the question again. “Why are you here, Joselyn?”
“I’m here to find my father.” I take a deep breath before continuing, because it’s not as simple as that. Returning to Pelican Point is the first step toward healing and making amends. “Recently something happened that made me realize I need to make things right with him. I need to face the past and make things right with everyone . If I can.”
“What makes you think you can do that now, after all these years? Why should we care? Why did you leave? Make me understand.”
“Honestly?”
“That’s the only way I roll.” Emma’s eyebrows lift as if that was the dumbest question in the world.
I squirm under her intense gaze, and sweat forms on my brow underneath my hat. I can visualize Emma perfectly, cross-examining a witness in court. “I’ve gone over it all in my head so many times. And it seems so silly and immature now. I know my father did something awful and hurt everyone I loved in the process. I thought you guys would hate me for it, and I felt so undeserving of your friendship and Brennen’s love. I left so I wouldn’t have to go through the pain of y’all telling me to go away. I thought, at the time, I was saving everyone from the hassle.”
I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to keep myself from crying, although I can’t control the single tear sliding down my cheek. I let it go, making no effort to wipe it away.
Emma’s tone softens, although her next words are still direct. “Look. I’m not going to pretend we were okay with what your father did. Hell, I wasn’t even here when it all went down. But I do know both of our fathers did some shady shit back in the day, and we’ve all had to live with the fallout. Where do you get off thinking it was all about you? It wasn’t. It had nothing to do with you. We—you, me, and Brennen—we could have worked through that together if you’d just given us the chance. You were my best friend, Joselyn. And the love of my brother’s life.”
“But your father hated me.” I cringe. It sounds like a weak and whiny excuse, even to my ears.
“My father hated his own children. And we’ve all got baggage around that. If you’d stuck around long enough, you would have seen that what happened was just as much my father’s fault. Actually, it was all on him. You should have trusted us. Trusted Brennen’s love for you.”
“I realize that now. And I’m sorry.”
She waves a hand as if to dismiss my words. “Save your apologies for my brother. And I sincerely hope your plan to make things right includes him.” She pauses and arches a brow. “Brennen needs to hear that from you directly. Does he know you’re back?”
The million dollar question . “No,” I answer meekly. I feel a headache coming on. I massage my temples for some relief. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
What I do know is I can’t do this alone. I need an ally. And that might just be Emma. “What does this mean for us? I need to know if we’re okay, if I have my friend back. I know it’ll take time to rebuild our relationship, but I’m hoping there’s at least a chance for that to happen.”
“What it means is that I’m willing to call a truce for now. Mostly for Brennen’s sake. But I’m making no promises. I’m not going to keep anything from my brother. The next time I talk to him, if he doesn’t know already, I’m telling him you’re here. And Jos, know this: if you hurt him again, you’ll have me to deal with.” She points to her chest for emphasis.
I have no doubt.