Chapter Fifteen
“DOES THIS OLD barn remind you of anything?” Doc asked as he assessed the damage to the barn siding Saturday midmorning with Juliette. Lucas hadn’t made it outside yet.
“Only some of the best stolen kisses I’ve ever had.” She looked sweet and sexy, with her cowgirl hat shading her beautiful baby blues from the sun, wearing cutoffs, a salmon tank top that clung to her curves, and worn work boots that told him she was no stranger to doing these types of chores.
“Oh yeah?” He dragged his gaze down the length of her. “I’d like to steal a lot more than kisses right now.”
She smiled a little bashfully, and that sweetness only made him want to kiss her more. He really needed to get his mind off the things he wanted to do to her. But it wasn’t easy. The other night had given him a taste of the woman he’d craved for his entire adult life, and it had only whetted his appetite. The more he learned about her and Lucas, the closer they became, and the stronger that ache to be with her took hold.
Pushing those thoughts away was not easy, but he tried to distract himself. “How was Lucas this morning?”
“About the same, I guess. Maybe a little less tense. He didn’t really say much, but he’s been texting a lot.”
“Probably bitching to his friends about me, and that’s okay. He needs an outlet.”
“I wish he’d talk to me, but I’m trying not to push.”
“He will when he’s ready. I talked with my mom a little this morning, and she thinks that in addition to dealing with me being his biological father, part of his struggle is that other than Josh, he’s never had to deal with someone else having strong feelings for you, or you having feelings for them.”
She sighed. “I know. I’m hoping the therapist can help with all of that.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you to the appointment?” He’d offered when they’d talked on the phone last night, but she hadn’t taken him up on it.
“At some point, maybe, but right now I think I need to talk to her as much as Lucas does. To figure things out, you know?”
As they rounded the back of the barn, he slid his arm around her waist, drawing her into his arms. “Is that your way of telling me to back off?”
“ No , as long as we’re careful around Lucas, I don’t want you to back off.”
“Why do you think I waited until we were behind the barn to touch you?” He brushed his scruff along her cheek, and she breathed a little harder. “I’d never do anything to hurt our boy.”
“That’s about the best foreplay you could ever use on me.”
“That’s not foreplay, darlin’. It’s a promise.” She was looking at him so longingly, his restraint snapped. “ This is foreplay.” His mouth came hungrily down over hers in a scorching kiss that had them both going a little wild. He tangled his hand in her hair, backing her up against the barn, grinding against her, swallowing her moans of pleasure. “I’ve been dying to kiss you since yesterday.”
She made a needy sound and pulled his mouth back to hers.
He deepened the kiss, sliding his free hand to her ass, and she bowed against him. He broke the kiss on a growl, trailing kisses down her neck, earning one sinful sound after another. “ Fuck . Those sounds are killing me.” He knew they were on borrowed time and listened for Lucas like they used to listen for Hazel when they were making out in the barn or the yard, as he gently tugged her tank top down just low enough to kiss the swell of her breast, earning a desperate “ Seeley— ” and a rock of her hips, taking his mind to dark, erotic places. Her plea was music to his ears, and he took her in another soul-searing kiss, which had her moaning and arching into him. A door slammed in the distance, and they reluctantly drew back. “Fuck.”
“ That brings back memories.”
“So does this.” He stole one last kiss. “Mm-mm.”
“How do you always get me revved up so fast?” She squirmed in her shorts as she adjusted her top.
“It’s a gift.” He picked up their hats and placed hers on her head. “Would you rather I kept my hands to myself?”
“ No . I just can’t believe we’re still sneaking around like teenagers,” she said, and they both laughed as they headed around the side of the barn.
Lucas was standing in the middle of the yard wearing a loose T-shirt, jeans, and his cowboy hat, thumbing out a text.
“I need to run inside and freshen up,” she said. “Do you think you two will be okay for a few minutes?”
“Of course.” Lucas was still focused on his phone, so Doc swatted Juliette’s ass as she walked away, earning an adorable glare over her shoulder.
She stopped to talk to Lucas. Doc couldn’t hear what she said, but as she headed up to the house, Lucas pocketed his phone and made his way down to the barn.
“How’s it going?” Doc asked.
“ Fine ,” Lucas bit out, sounding anything but fine. His gaze moved to Doc’s cowboy hat. He made an annoyed sound and tossed his own hat onto the grass.
“Something wrong with your hat?”
“ No . I don’t feel like wearing it.”
Doc knew spending the day with him wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, and that was okay. He wanted to get to know his son, and the only way to do that was to build trust, which took patience and understanding and the ability to let Lucas’s attitude roll off his back. He’d never been great at that, but Dare had given him a few pointers, and he was trying. “This old barn has seen better days. But I love working with my hands. How about you?”
“Not really,” Lucas said with a tone that implied Doc had asked a stupid question.
That wasn’t quite the love of working with his hands that Juliette had mentioned. “Then it’s a good thing I’m here to help cut that work in half. Ready to get started?”
He kicked the grass. “Whatever.”
“I’ll take that as a yes. Let’s come up with a plan of attack and lay it all out so we can plow through it. A lot of this siding needs to be replaced, and the roof and gutters need attention, too.”
Lucas met his gaze. “I figured we’d patch the siding.”
“I don’t know, bud. It looks like it’s been patched to death.”
“So?” He motioned to a board that was rotted at the bottom. “We can cut above the rot. It’ll be fine.”
There was no way in hell they’d waste their time doing that, but he didn’t want Lucas thinking he was walking into his life and taking over, so he said, “Maybe you’re right. Let’s take a closer look.” They went to inspect the board. Doc pointed farther up. “See where it’s warped? You can see a path where the water has leaked from that broken gutter.”
“So? It’s not rotted yet.”
“The key word being yet . We can patch it, but a few good rains, and we’ll be out here tearing that whole board off. Take a look at some of the others. They’re damaged in several places. Don’t you think it makes more sense to do it right rather than doing a half-ass job that’ll cost us time later?”
“ No ,” Lucas complained. “It’s gonna take forever.”
“It’ll take forever twice if we do it your way.” Doc was starting to understand why his father used to argue for only so long before saying, We’re doing it my way, because it’s the right way.
“Hey,” Juliette hollered as she hurried down the hill. She’d changed into jeans and cowgirl boots. “I just got a call from Jade. She’s away this weekend, and one of her clients has an emergency. I need to go take care of it. I’m sorry, Seeley, but can we reschedule? I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.”
“You can go take care of whatever you need to. Lucas and I can handle this by ourselves. Right, Lucas? Get ahead of the rain?”
Lucas set his jaw. “Yeah. We’ve got it.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.” Juliette glanced hopefully between them. When Lucas didn’t complain, she said, “Great. Hopefully I won’t be too long.” She went to hug Lucas.
“Mom.” He stepped back, out of her reach.
Doc wanted to say something, but he bit his tongue.
“Sorry. I forget you’re not a kid anymore.” She smiled playfully. “But in my heart, you’ll always be my baby boy.”
“What ever . Just go.” Lucas turned away.
Juliette looked amused. “I’ll be as quick as I can. There’s food and drinks in the fridge.”
“I brought a cooler full, but thanks. We’ll see you later.”
She mouthed, Is he okay?
Doc nodded, tossed her a wink, and headed over to Lucas. “A’right. Let’s get a handle on this.”
As they walked around the barn inspecting the siding, every time Doc pointed to a board that needed replacing, Lucas argued or grumbled.
“We’ll knock it out as quickly as we can,” Doc promised.
Lucas did not look convinced. “It’ll take twice as long to measure and cut all the boards.”
“Not if we do it my way. I know a trick that’ll speed things up. Do you have tools?”
“Yeah.”
“A sawhorse?”
“No.”
“No problem. I brought one. Grab your tools, and I’ll get mine and the sawhorse from my truck.” Doc set up the sawhorse beside the wood planks and other supplies.
Lucas came out of the shed wearing a leather toolbelt with a hammer hanging from it, carrying two hand saws and a box of nails. He put the saws and nails in the grass by Doc. “What now?”
“You tell me. If I weren’t here, what would you do next?”
“I’d cut the rotted pieces off and patch ’em.”
Doc chuckled. “Well, since I don’t want to do this twice, how about we tear off the rotted boards so we can replace them?”
They worked in silence for a while, but eventually Doc tried to break the ice. “You’ve obviously done stuff like this before. How’d you learn to do it?”
“YouTube.”
Doc tossed a board onto the discard pile. “You’re lucky you have that at your fingertips. I had to follow my old man around the ranch and help him fix everything from the time I was yay high.” He held his hand out beside his thigh.
“I’d’ve rather done that,” Lucas said sharply.
Doc realized his mistake. Shit . “I’m sorry, Lucas. I wasn’t thinking. That must’ve been awful losing your dad when you were so young.”
Lucas clenched his jaw, prying the board from the barn aggressively with the claw hammer.
“What was your dad like?”
Lucas eyed him skeptically.
“I’d really like to know,” Doc said. “He was an important part of your life, but you don’t have to tell me about him if you’d rather not.”
He tugged the board free and tossed it onto the pile. “He was awesome. A big-time lawyer. Smarter than anyone I’ve ever known.” He said anyone with venom, like it was a dig at Doc.
“He sounds like a great guy.”
“He was the greatest.”
“What kind of things did you do together?” It was a tough question, since Lucas had been so young when Josh was killed, but Doc was curious, and he wanted Lucas to know he didn’t see Josh as the enemy.
“Stuff.” Lucas tugged nails from another board, his jaw tightening the way Doc’s did when he didn’t want to talk about something.
Doc pulled another board free, gritting out, “You’re lucky. Some kids don’t have great parents to do stuff with. Look at your mom.”
Lucas didn’t respond.
Doc tried to make small talk a few more times, bringing up bull riding, cattle roping, and the horses at the ranch, but each and every time he was met with silence. They worked in that uncomfortable silence, tearing off boards and tossing them into a pile, for a long time.
As Doc pried off the last rotted board, Lucas wiped the sweat from his brow and said, “I need a drink.” He turned to head up to the house.
“Grab my cooler from the truck. I could use one, too.” Doc tossed the board on the pile.
Lucas retrieved the cooler and set it in the grass, opening the top. “Are you fu—”
“What’s the matter? You don’t like Dr Pepper? Toss me one, will ya?”
Lucas grabbed a can from the cooler, his eyes narrowing. He beaned it at Doc as hard as he could.
Doc dodged it. “What the hell was that for?”
“ Dr Freaking Pepper? ” Lucas said angrily.
“You don’t like it?”
“You think I don’t know what you and my mom are doing?” he yelled. “I know this was a freaking setup. She didn’t have an emergency. She just wanted us to spend time together.”
“Whoa, Lucas. We would never do that to you.”
“Yeah, right. Like she didn’t tell you that Dr Pepper is my favorite soda?”
“I promise she didn’t. It’s been my favorite since I was a kid. You can ask anyone who knows me.” He held his hands up in surrender, closing the distance between them. “Listen, buddy.”
“I’m not your buddy!” Lucas crossed his arms, his fingers drumming.
Doc’s chest constricted. “You’re right. I’m sorry. This is a tough situation for all of us, and we’re in it because people lied to us. We’re not going to make this harder on you by making shit up or forcing you to spend time with me.”
“Then that’s even worse,” he hollered, but there was pain in his voice this time. “That means…” He turned around and cursed.
“What, Lucas? What does it mean?”
He spun around, his watery eyes shooting daggers. “I don’t want to have anything in common with you.”
That cut like a knife, taking Doc aback. “Okay. Would you mind telling me why?”
“Because it’s not fair to him .”
“To—”
“My dad ! He didn’t like horses or anything that had to do with ranching. He didn’t like working with his hands or getting dirty, and he’s not here to even try to find something we could have in common. I don’t want to…” He dragged his forearm over his eyes, wiping tears, and turned away. “Never mind.”
His pain was so raw, it broke Doc’s heart. Suddenly Lucas tossing off his cowboy hat made sense. Doc lowered his voice, talking more gently, but not so cautiously that Lucas would think he was treating him like a child. “Lucas, nothing will ever take away the bond you and your dad had. It wasn’t what you had in common that mattered. He helped you become the person you are today. He was there for those formative years, loving you, changing your diapers, putting you to bed, teaching you life lessons that you didn’t realize you were learning. People are made to learn and grow. More people than you can ever remember will come in and out of your life, and you’ll have things in common with a lot of them. But that won’t steal anything from what you and your dad shared.”
“I don’t even remember what we shared.” His voice cracked, his back still to Doc, his shoulders rounded in defeat. “I just pretend to, because I know I loved him and he loved me, but it feels like a story someone told me. What does it say about me , that I can love him and forget those things?”
Shattered for his son, Doc stepped around him so he could see his face. “It says you loved him deeply, and you were awfully little when you lost him. No four-year-old is thinking they have to memorize a face or an activity because they might never see the person they’re with again. You were a little kid living in the moment like you should’ve been. Nobody expects you to remember more than that, and I’ve got to believe Josh is watching over you with pride in his heart, because from everything your mom has told me, and from what I’ve seen, you’re a hell of a strong, caring kid.”
He scoffed. “Strong people don’t cry.”
“Who sold you that line of crap? You think I’ve never cried? You think I didn’t cry when I lost my grandfather, or your mom, or found out I had a son?” That brought Lucas’s eyes to his, but only briefly. “Let me tell you something. You can be tough as nails and cold as ice, and as you’ve witnessed, I can be both, but it doesn’t make me stronger.”
“You seemed pretty strong to me.”
Doc shook his head. “That was me at my weakest. What you saw was insecurity. I was hurt and humiliated because I thought your mother had thrown me away.”
Lucas met his gaze again, blinking away his tears.
“Strength comes from a hundred different things, Lucas. It comes from confidence and compassion and honesty. It doesn’t matter if you’re crying or yelling as long as it’s honest emotion. It’s understandable that you can’t remember things about your dad, but your mom has pictures from the years he was alive. She can share those memories with you, and we can all help keep them alive. She shared some with me the other night on the phone.”
“About my dad?” he asked disbelievingly.
“Mostly about you, but also about him, and it made me even more grateful that you had a mom and dad who loved you when I didn’t know you existed.”
Lucas’s eyes narrowed skeptically. “You really don’t hate him?”
“No. I really don’t.”
“If I were you, I’d hate him if he married the girl I loved.”
“How can I hate a guy who stepped up to raise my son?” He let that sink in. “I don’t want to pretend the first fifteen years of your life didn’t happen, and I don’t want to erase or replace your memories. I’d like to think as we get to know each other, we could make new and different memories. I hope one day you’ll see the things we have in common as something we can build on instead of reasons to dislike me.”
Lucas shook his head, swiping at his tears until his cheeks were dry.
“You can push me away and refuse to see me if you want to. That’s your right. And if you don’t ever want to have a relationship with me, that’s your choice. But you should know that no matter how many times you buck me off, it won’t keep me from coming back and trying again. Whiskeys don’t give up on family.” He clapped a hand on Lucas’s shoulder. “And like it or not, big guy, you are my family.”
Lucas opened his mouth as if he were going to speak, but closed it again.
“Listen, the last thing I want is for you to feel like you’re stuck being around me today. If you need space, I get it. You can go hang out at the house. I can finish this work by myself.”
Lucas looked at the wood pile, and the barn, as if he were mulling it over.
“If you’re worried about what your mom will say, I don’t think she’ll mind. She knows how difficult this is. Hell, it’s hard for all of us.”
“I know she’d understand, but she’ll try to make me talk about it.”
Doc smiled, knowing she would. “That’s because she loves you, and if you’re sad or in pain, she is, too. It’s a parental thing.” One Doc hadn’t ever grasped as clearly as he did when he’d seen Lucas get bucked off that bull yesterday. “You think your mom likes to talk things out? Try having a psychologist for a mother. She still tries to get me to talk about my feelings all the time, and I’m thirty-five. Then there’s my younger brother Dare and our buddy Ezra. They’re both therapists, and if they get a whiff of me being under any extra stress, they try to talk it out, too. I’m surrounded by people who talk shit out, and you know what?”
“It’s way too much talking?” Lucas asked with a hint of amusement.
“It is a lot, and that’s a hassle, but they’ve helped me through some of my toughest times. I’m grateful that they’re talkaholics, because if it weren’t for them, I’d be an angry, reclusive dick most of the time.”
“I guess you win. I’ve only got my mom talking at me.”
“Talking with you, not at you.” Doc looked up at the barn. “So, you want to finish this barn with me, or are you heading inside? Either is fine.”
“I’ll finish it. I don’t want to disappoint my mom.”
“Good man.” Doc gave a curt nod. “I’d like to say you got that work ethic from me, but since we just met, I guess you got it from your mom.” He grabbed a Dr Pepper from the cooler. “Still thirsty?”
“Yeah.”
Doc tossed him the can. “Next time you have something to say, lay it on the line. Don’t try to break my skull with a can.”
“Sorry about that.” He kicked the ground.
“It’s a’right, but don’t do it again.” Doc opened a can of soda and took a drink. “Best soda ever.”
Lucas’s lips twitched into a semi-smile. “We can agree on that. Just don’t tell me your favorite cookies are mint chocolate chip.”
What the…? “Did your mother tell you all of my secrets?”
Lucas’s eyes widened. “Are you freaking kidding me?”
Doc laughed. “Stranger things have happened. Drink up. Then I’ll show you my trick to making this work go fast.”
“Hiring someone else to do it?” he asked hopefully.
“I didn’t know you were a dreamer.”