Love, Life & Vodka

KATE BUCHANAN

There was a moment. Perhaps no more than a few seconds when time felt suspended, like walking across a bridge and pausing in the middle, in no-man's-land; neither asleep nor awake. For a split second, Kate would feel disorientated; not fully aware of who she was, where she was, or where she’d come from. For a fleeting second, she felt adrift in the universe, like a wandering soul searching for its place in the cosmos. In these precious seconds, the past and present blended and she danced along the fine line between memories of London and the serenity of her island haven in Mallorca, though years had passed since she’d left the bustling city. She wasn’t ready for consciousness yet. She liked this moment, on that bridge, suspended in time, before another day began, a gentle interlude, a chance to breathe before the world demanded her attention once again.

She could hear David beside her, breathing rhythmically. It wasn’t a snore. She was lucky that he didn’t snore, more like a little gurgle and a whoosh as he exhaled. She nudged him anyway, and he grunted. “Was I snoring?”

“No, just breathing.”

He opened one eye and glared at her. “You woke me up for breathing? Really! Last night you were making such a racket. I dreamt I was in an avalanche. It even crossed my mind whether I could drown out your noises with a pillow without killing you.” He turned around and immediately seemed to drift back to sleep. Kate found it fascinating that he could do this; be awake one minute and then back to a deep sleep the next.

She squeezed her eyes shut and grappled around the bed, hoping to find her earplugs. Regardless of how far she shoved them into her ears, they’d always transition during the night and normally into one of David’s orifices, his belly button being a favourite. If she could just find the plugs without waking him again, she could stay in this blissful place a little longer. Her hand glided over the sheets and inadvertently stroked David’s back. She froze, hoping that she could still squeeze a few moments in before his penis got the wrong idea and jumped to attention. Too late. An arm reached out to bring her in closer and Kate’s bridge moment was gone. She was awake.

“Come here,” he whispered, slowly wiggling his body closer to hers.

“Go back to sleep. We don’t have to get up. The girls have a fiesta today. No school. You can lie in,” she said hopefully.

David’s hand glided down to her bottom, his soft fingers slowly stroking her. She edged away. In reality, she wanted to curl into him; he smelt so good. It was a smell she couldn’t describe, yet it was intoxicating and she was unable to resist. It lured her in closer. If only they could just cuddle sometimes. Why was it that every day seemed to start with David wanting sex?

“I was just looking for my little earplugs. Go back to sleep,” she repeated.

“How about a big plug instead?” David said cheekily as he reached down to grab his now erect penis, which had clearly made its way across his own bridge, ahead of his consciousness.

“I can't,” Kate murmured.

David groaned, his eyes still closed, and rolled over.

She felt bad. “I’m going to the gym today,” she clarified, hoping that this would be a valid enough excuse.

“Okay, Rocky,” he mumbled, reaching behind to grab hold of her hand and wrap it around his now curled-up body. This was good. There would be no guilt trip today.

“Rocky?”

“Yeah, Rocky, the boxer. No sex before a fight.”

Relieved that he wasn’t upset with her, Kate folded herself into him. She planted little kisses on his back as she spooned him and breathed in his smell. She lay there for a moment and the sensation that she was back on the bridge returned. Light was streaming through a gap in the curtains and she could tell, without even getting up to draw them, that it was going to be yet another glorious day.

Her head hurt. She had the sensation that she was drowning in a vat of self-loathing and then remembered the two bottles of wine they’d consumed the night before when their friends Nigel and Ben had dropped in. Wine, what else? Her mind scrambled to find the missing pieces, like a child looking for shells on the beach. There had been wine and a bar of Fruit and Nut, and … an image of her eating cold roast potatoes from the fridge, materialised. She groaned. Cold, congealed roast potatoes, which had seemed like a good idea after the Fruit and Nut and alcohol. That would explain the vat of self-loathing. It was a good decision for her to go to the gym. She had procrastinated for weeks, but today was the day.

It was obvious she would not drift off again. Slipping silently out of the bed, Kate grabbed her pyjamas that she’d dropped in a puddle on the floor next to the bed, and hastily put them on. Seeing the puddle made her smile. David always said it was like a bucket of water had melted the wicked witch from The Wizard of Oz , turning her into nothing but a pile of clothes. David continued to make his little noises as she tiptoed out of the room, hoping that the girls were also still asleep. If she could just grab a few quiet moments to herself, to sip her beloved cup of tea before the noise and chaos that was the Buchanan household began, that would be marvellous.

Making her way as quietly as she could across the hallway, Kate attempted to navigate around the creaky floorboards, stopping outside Emily’s bedroom at the top of the stairs. Gently she pushed the door ajar and smiled when she saw her daughters snuggled up together in the one bed. Whilst they always started off in their own bedrooms, during the night, Tali, her youngest, would often make her way into Emily’s bed. Kate felt her heart explode with love; they looked so peaceful in this cherished moment before the arguments and noise. Closing the door with the precision of a heart surgeon performing an intricate manoeuvre, Kate sighed with pleasure. It was time for tea. Then, and with no procrastination, she was going to get the girls ready, into the car and off to the gym crèche. She was going to do this.

Sipping her tea as she hovered over the kitchen sink, Kate glanced out the window at the orange groves beyond. She watched, bewitched, as the first rays of sunshine painted the land with their golden brush. She felt almost peaceful. The view of the mountains mesmerised her. She never tired of it. So deep in thought was she that she didn’t hear David enter the kitchen. Wrapping his arms around her from behind, he planted a kiss on the top of her head. Kate melted into the comforting embrace of his arms; his six foot three frame cocooning her tiny five foot two. Whilst the image might have looked comical to onlookers, it didn’t matter to them; their souls had found each other, so any height difference was inconsequential.

Kate almost purred. A cup of tea and David cuddling her. If only she could suspend the moment.

“Why did you get up?” Kate asked, “There’s no school today. After last night, I presumed you’d be itching to get started on the plans for Nigel and Ben’s Cave conversion. I’m going to take the girls with me to the gym.”

“Yes, I’m really excited about it. I’ve never made plans for a cave before. I’m going to go up to theirs later today to take a proper look, but before that, I’m on a secret mission.”

“What mission?” Kate was confused.

David just winked. “You’ll see shortly. I’ll be back in twenty minutes. Will you still be here?”

“Probably. The girls are still sleeping.”

David was already heading out of the kitchen when …

“MAMá,” Tali's blood-curdling scream startled Kate.

Kate and David looked at each other.

“It didn’t sound life threatening, just go on your secret mission. I’ll deal with it.”

Kate went to the bottom of the stairs and yelled up, “Come down, both of you! I’m making pancakes for breakfast.”

That should do the trick, pancakes were the household treat and not usually offered midweek but Kate wanted to diffuse whichever World War was about to begin.

“MUMMMMMYYYYYYYY!” An even louder shriek, if that were at all possible, came from Emily, her eldest, reverberating through the house.

Kate yelled up the stairs once again, “Both of you come down!”

Seconds later, she heard the thumping of her eldest daughter as she stomped down the stairs.

“Tali used my toothbrush for her painting. Again!” Emily was quick to point the finger at her younger sister, holding up her toothbrush, which was indeed covered with red paint.

“No, no es me, es Emily,” said Tali in her usual half-Spanish, half-English vocabulary, opening her eyes wider in a display of pure innocence, as she entered the kitchen.

“Aren't you going to tell her off, Mum? This is the second toothbrush she’s used as a paintbrush.” Her nose scrunched up with irritation and the smattering of freckles made her appear younger than her ten years merged.

Kate needed to diffuse the situation immediately. “Come on, Emily, help me make the pancakes. Tali, don’t use Emily’s toothbrush again for painting please and Emily, we have loads of spare toothbrushes under the sink in my bathroom.”

“Hardly the point,” Emily mumbled under her breath.

The pancakes offered the desired distraction and once they’d been devoured, Kate sent the girls upstairs to get ready. She was now highly motivated to get to the gym, especially as she’d shoved the leftover pancakes into her mouth rather than into the dustbin. What was wrong with her!

David materialised in the kitchen with a huge grin. Kate looked at him suspiciously.

“Guess what?” He met her gaze, still grinning.

“I have absolutely no idea, David. What?”

“You won’t believe what I've bought the kids. Come to the car and help me.”

Following David, Kate's brain whirled as she worried about what he might have bought. It was most uncharacteristic of him to buy the girls anything that was required or functional.

As David opened the door to the back seat of the old Volvo, Kate peered in and gasped, “You … you … you bought a rabbit?”

By which time, David had manoeuvred himself to the front of the car and was opening the passenger door with the most annoying grin still slapped on his face. “No, I bought two rabbits.” He pulled out a second fluffy creature, as if out of a magician’s hat.

Kate looked down at the two little rabbits, one black with sticky-up ears and one white with long floppy ears. She was at a total loss for words, but moments later, they came tumbling out in full force. “What on earth were you thinking? We are not pet people, David. NOT PET PEOPLE. We agreed, no pets, and these are definitely PETS.”

David continued to grin but said nothing, so Kate carried on ranting, her voice now rising several more decibels. “Are you out of your friggin’ mind? I don't want rabbits, dogs or even a goldfish. Who's going to look after them?”

“The girls will. I will. You won't have to do a thing. Can't wait to see their faces, they're going to be so happy, just you wait and see.” David’s eyes glistened with excitement; when he was happy, they became an even deeper shade of green. Kate could often assess his mood purely based on the colour of his eyes. This was useful given that David was in the habit of keeping his emotions internalised, unlike Kate, who had no problem vocalising them at all.

“Harrumph,” Kate mumbled as she turned away, intending to flounce back into the house.

“Where are you going?” David called out to her.

“Going to the gym with the girls.”

“Aren't you going to help me?” David stood there, with all the innocence of a little boy.

“Um, that would be a no. You said I didn't have to do anything.”

Just then, David's phone rang. He scurried past her. “Darling, important call … can you get them sorted into their hutches, and then I'll come up and we can show the girls. It's going to be brill.”

With that, he disappeared down into his office in the basement, leaving Kate to return to the car, which not only contained the two rabbits but an awful lot of rabbit paraphernalia: two hutches, hay, and even some fake carrot toys. Bloody marvellous . Was it not enough to spoil her children rotten? She now had two spoiled bunnies as well.

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING. YOU SAID I DIDN'T HAVE TO GET INVOLVED, YOU SAID THAT ONLY TEN SECONDS AGO.”

Like an echo from afar, came David's response. “Sorry darling, important call. Money to earn. Kids to put through school. Rabbits to feed. Thanks hun.”

Not a hundred percent sure what to do with the rabbits, she put one hutch by the carport and stuck the other in the garage for when it got too hot. They’d have to be outside pets; there was no way she was having them in the house. Kate looked at the bunnies, the bunnies looked at her.

"You may be bunnies, but you're going to need the constitution of an ox to survive in this household."