KATE & JAMIE
I’ll count to fifty, then I’ll look. One, two, three. No, I’ll listen to two more songs, and then I’ll look. Kate was on the treadmill, doing her best to avoid the stopwatch, which was annoyingly situated right in front of her. Kate attempted to calculate how many more songs she’d have to listen to in order to reach the morning’s goal of twenty minutes. She’d only just started and already felt the boredom consume her. Why am I here? What’s the point? The miserable questions curled Kate’s mind, yet reaching no satisfying or reassuring conclusions: You’re here because this is good for you. You’re here because you shoved cold roast potatoes down your gob on your way to bed last night! Kate once again felt the vat of self-loathing wash over her. Why did alcohol do that? Morphing terrible ideas into great ones? She loved alcohol, but it turned her into a congealed-roast potato-eating monster.
It had been a good night. They didn’t have many friends on the island, thankfully; if she were socialising regularly, she’d be an alcoholic for sure. They’d made a conscious decision when they moved to Mallorca five years earlier that alcohol was to be a social occurrence and not an everyday occurrence. Too many expats succumbed to the drinking scene when they arrived on the island. It was just one of the many rules and regulations that Kate concocted and David adhered to in order for their lives to stay on track.
Technically, Nigel and Ben were David’s clients, but they were hysterical and whenever they had a new project for David’s architectural genius, they’d combine it into a social evening.
As the first song ended, Kate couldn’t help but peek at the clock on the treadmill. Huffing out loud, she flung her towel over the offending stopwatch that was clearly operating in slow motion. Kate peered around the gym, trying to distract herself. Did people really enjoy this? Perhaps she was missing something. But there wasn’t a lot to distract her that day; the gym was remarkably empty. Out of the blue, she clocked a ‘perfect body’ dressed in some sort of sensational orange and black figure-hugging ensemble. The woman held her head high, majestic almost, and it bemused Kate to see that, unlike herself, she seemed to enjoy perusing herself in the mirrors. As she sashayed in Kate’s direction, with a confidence that simply oozed out of her, Kate couldn’t help but feel envious. Bloody hell, her legs go up to her bloody armpits. She suddenly felt awkward in David’s baggy T-shirt and oversized tracksuit bottoms, especially whilst women like that graced the gym. In her defence, they were the first items she’d hastily thrown on to extricate herself from any more rabbit-focused duties. Stop it. Kate chastised herself. Stop comparing yourself to these Spanish twenty-something-year-olds, who've probably never had children. And she averted her eyes.
* * *
Stepping onto the treadmill, Jamie grabbed her AirPods and phone out of her small black gym tote and turned on her playlist. The energetic sounds of She’s Kerosene by The Interrupters blared out, transporting her to another place. There was little else to look at, so she settled for her imagination. She recaptured Tomas’s well-defined arms wrapped around her waist … his fingers running up her legs and sliding with intent down her back. As the chorus kicked in, the images grew more intense, and Jamie felt the need to push herself harder. Quickly increasing the speed on the treadmill until she was sprinting, she excitedly pounded away. Out of the corner of her eye, she couldn’t help but notice that the woman next to her was flagging. She’d obviously been on the treadmill a long time.
* * *
Kate felt a wave of irritation that, in a near-empty gym, the ‘perfect body’ had chosen the treadmill right next to her to flaunt herself. Noticing that she was sprinting like a frickin’ gazelle provoked a bizarre competitive surge within Kate, which led her to increase her own workout level to match. Clearly a big mistake. Huge in fact. As it became apparent that the speed at which Kate’s legs moved did not correlate with that of the treadmill.
“Bloody hell, you stupid cow,” Kate cried out as she nearly fell off the machine, frantically pressing both the speed and the incline arrows down to avoid complete and utter embarrassment. Visions of falling flat on her face and being carried out like a total imbecile flooded her mind.
“Excuse me?” Jamie glared at the red-faced lady, who was now walking rather cautiously on the treadmill whilst gripping hard onto the handrails.
“No whoops. Sorry. Crikey. Not you, ME.”
“You’re a stupid cow?” Jamie asked, amused, taking out her AirPods.
“Well, yes. You’re not.” Kate eyed Jamie up and down. “You’re not a cow at all. Far from it. Me, I’m a cow. I was talking to myself.” Kate felt mortified that not only had she made a total fool of herself, but her internal mutterings were also cringingly audible, and it was just her luck that this woman was also English.
“You’re a talking stupid cow?” Jamie couldn’t help but giggle as she decreased the speed of her machine, although still significantly faster than the two miles per hour ‘the talking cow’ seemed to be doing.
Kate smiled in acknowledgment as a little ripple of jealousy enveloped her; she still felt irked that this woman felt it necessary to get on the treadmill right next to her and show off how athletic and gorgeous she was. It just made Kate feel even more like a little short, fat Oompa Loompa. On the one hand, she recognised it wasn’t this woman’s fault that she was a bloody goddess and only trying to be friendly, but still.
“I’m Jamie. What brings you here?”
Oh god, she wants to chat. Just be polite , Kate thought, not wanting to engage in conversation, but it was impossible to ignore a direct question. “What, to the gym? Trying to alter the configuration of my wobbly bits. How about you? You don’t appear to have any.”
“Not to the gym. I mean to Mallorca. But now that you mention it, I do have wobbly bits, sadly.”
Kate screwed up her face in confusion as she once again cast her eyes over head-to-toe perfection. “Are you sick?” Clearly, the ‘perfect body’ had to be on crack.
“No. Why do you ask?”
“Duh.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind.” Kate realised it wasn’t a subject she should pursue with a stranger, who might not appreciate her blunt sense of humour. The island was small and the expat community even smaller. Everyone knew someone who knew someone, and Kate didn’t want to get a reputation for being unfriendly. “I’m Kate. I live here.” Then, worried she’d been rude but still not wanting to engage, quickly added, “You’ll have to excuse me, I need to increase my speed; you’ve inspired me. I’m practically walking backwards, but I can’t talk and walk.” Kate chuckled as she increased the speed again.
Jamie laughed. “You go girl; I totally get it. I’ve done enough for today, anyway. See you around.” She jumped off the treadmill before wandering out of the gym.
Kate listened to one more song before peeking at the stopwatch and realised with glee that she’d done twenty-two whole minutes. She quickly pressed her favourite big red stop button on the godforsaken machine. Thankfully, she’d barely broken a sweat and didn’t need to shower. This way she could just collect the girls and take them straight to the market in the port and kill a few more hours, leaving David to work in peace.
As she plodded down the stairs, her legs still a little wobbly from the exercise, she wondered if she could have lunch with the girls at Cappuccino; it was nearly lunchtime after all. Kate salivated as thoughts of the famous Club Sandwich flooded her mind.
Reaching the crèche, Kate paused for a moment outside the glass door. Peering in, she immediately saw Tali sitting by herself doing some colouring. But where was Emily? Then she spotted her sitting on the brightly coloured rug with another girl who seemed around the same age. They appeared deep in conversation. Emily looked up as if sensing her mum was near and broke into a big smile. Her smile literally melted Kate's heart. It was as if a thousand lights had ignited and illuminated the world. Kate waved as she opened the door, making a beeline for Tali.
Emily intercepted, “Mum, this is Madison. Can she come back and play?”
“Not today, darling. I thought we’d go to the Portals market and have some lunch at Cappuccino, but your friend can join us if her mum’s okay with that?” Kate turned to Madison. “Where’s your mum? Let’s find her and ask.” Kate liked to be the good cop in situations like this and was bargaining on Madison’s mum not being overly keen about letting her daughter go off with complete strangers.
Madison’s eyes veered past Kate. “She’s over there.” Pointing down the corridor behind Kate.
Kate turned around to see the woman that had been next to her on the treadmill. Fuck . She was sauntering towards the crèche, having showered, looking even more disgustingly sensational in her non-gym clothes and high-heeled boots. Kate couldn’t help but feel perplexed; how could that body possibly have given birth?
As Jamie appeared at Kate’s side and smiled, Kate blurted out, “Please tell me this is your little sister.” Even though she already knew it wasn’t.
Jamie loved that and wondered, for a moment, whether she could lie. Since Jamie had passed the dreaded ‘three-o,’ although technically she’d never celebrated a thirtieth birthday, many people assumed Madison was her sister, and she didn’t bother to correct them. It was easier than explaining how she had a ten-year-old, although a teenage pregnancy wouldn’t be totally out of the question. Yet, Madison had already outed her. This was exactly why she didn’t like bringing her to the gym. She cursed again that it was a fiesta that day. “Thank you for that. No, she’s definitely mine, but you’ve made my day,” Jamie said, still smiling.
“Did you have her when you were twelve?” Kate felt the need to continue the compliment, although, to be fair, she was genuinely confused how someone who looked like Jamie could have a ten-year-old.
“It’s a long story,” Jamie replied.
Madison and Emily ran off to the lockers at the far end of the crèche to retrieve their belongings. “I think our girls want to play,” Kate said hesitantly, “We’re going to the market in Puerto Portals, and happy to take Madison with us?” she added just as Emily and Madison returned.
Jamie, momentarily lost for words, hesitated. Whilst it would be amazing to have a child-free afternoon, she didn’t know this woman. She couldn’t just let Madison go off with a total stranger. “Erm,” Jamie stalled.
“We live near Portals!” Madison piped up, “Can’t we go too, Mum? You said we could go to the market together, and it’s the last day today. Pleeeease.”
Jamie hesitated, scrambling to come up with a credible excuse, but the lack of sleep and litres of alcohol the night before had slowed down her normally quick reflexes and she came up with bloody nada . Madison continued to stare, beseeching her to agree.
“How about we both join you?” Jamie offered, vying for the good cop position too.
Both girls were now looking at their mothers like puppies waiting to be given treats.
“Great,” said Kate, feeling anything but great. What she felt was trapped, but her desire not to be left as the bad cop overcame her desire not to socialise. Suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious that she was still in her gym clothes whilst Jamie looked like she was about to pose for a fashion shoot, she quickly added, “I need to go home first to get changed. We live in Santa Maria. Shall we meet at Cappuccino in say, an hour? That way I can leave Tali with Juanita, our neighbour, and you can tell me this long story.”
“Sounds like a plan. Why don’t you give me your number, and we’ll meet you there? Cappuccino is perfect!” Jamie said, thinking about the Cosmopolitans there, which were to die for. Despite the night before pickling, she had just sweated it all out, so she was actually detoxed and ready for a retox! In fact, if she dropped her car off at home, she could walk down, and the afternoon might not end up being a disaster after all.
Jamie tapped Kate’s contact details into her phone, resisting the urge to tap in ‘Talking Cow’ and called it so that Kate had her number too. There was an uncomfortable moment of silence that made Kate feel even more uneasy. What on earth would they have to talk about?
Tali, aware that her mum was in the vicinity, looked up and immediately ran straight into her arms, nearly knocking her over. Kate was relieved for the interruption. Kissing the top of Tali’s head, she smiled at Jamie. “See you in an hour, then!”