SALSA UNDER DURESS
Mallorca, Spain
Having run out of both credible and ridiculous excuses, David could no longer avoid the Salsa class. The night had arrived, and Kate was in her dressing room, standing in her underwear, trying to focus on getting ready. The class was in an hour and they needed a good half an hour to get there. Tali sat at the end of Kate’s bed, her little hands cupping her face and watching her mother’s movements with suspicious eyes.
“Why you go out?” she kept repeating over and over again like a mantra, yet with no soothing meditative effects. Tali’s relentless whining was somewhat dampening Kate’s excitement at the prospect of doing something fun. Kate appreciated that going out with David was a rarity; she couldn’t even remember the last time someone else had put the girls to bed. But, on this occasion, their next door neighbour had agreed to babysit, and the girls knew her well, so it wasn’t as if she was abandoning them with a complete stranger.
“I wanna go out.” Came the next whine, having figured out that her mummy wasn’t putting on her pyjamas, as she stood there in a semi-state of undress. When this also failed to achieve the desired response, Tali did what any other four-year-old who was being ignored would do; she sobbed. Her little chest heaving with her misery and imminent abandonment. Oh, not the crying. Kate was useless when the girls turned on the tears. You'd think she’d become immune to the sound by now, but she still couldn’t bear it. She felt guilty. She knew it wasn’t rational and that normal parents didn’t stay in every night with their kids, but she also recognised that this was an unfamiliar experience for Emily and Tali. Desperate to comfort her little one and ease her own guilt, the words were out of her mouth before she’d processed them.
“If you’re a good girl and have a happy smiley face when I go out tonight, then tomorrow, after school, we’ll go to the pet shop and get you a goldfish.” There she’d said it.
Yes, if Tali was going to play the ‘guilt trip’ crying card, then Kate would have no choice but to play her ‘ace’ bribery card. Besides, having now become a pet person, Kate saw no reason not to push the boat out a little further. Tali stopped the tears abruptly, as if someone had flicked a switch.
“I get fish, I get fish.” Tali clapped her hands in excitement, jumping up and down on the bed, like it was a trampoline. Then her face went serious. “I get dos fish. Okay Mamá?”
Hmmmm , Kate thought, proud that her daughter had inherited her very own aptitude to negotiate and manipulate. Kate smiled. “Okay, okay, two fish, but no more tears.” She watched Tali bounce off the bed. Mission accomplished. Now to finish getting dressed.
What, she wondered, did one wear to Salsa? Still in thought and undecided, the door to her bedroom burst open with such force that Kate jumped. An extremely angry Emily was approaching with a face like thunder. Oh, what now? Would she ever be allowed even five minutes to get ready? Emily charged at Kate, the force of which felt like a herd of wildebeest stampeding on the Serengeti plains. She was amazed that dust hadn’t risen from the floorboards. The finger was out and being waggled in Kate’s direction accusingly. Kate instinctively backed away and felt the urge to crouch in a ball, preparing for impact.
“I want a fish, how come you’re getting Tali a fish and not me? You love her more,” spewed Emily, her beautiful face contorted with rage.
Obviously, Emily had inherited her dramatic gene. Kate groaned. Was it too much to ask that just one of her children might’ve inherited David’s lovely, placid nature? She was constantly being held to ransom by the ‘you love her more than me’ line. Kate decided that tonight the situation could be sorted out faster if she didn’t brush off Emily’s feelings of neglect. She grabbed her daughter by the hand and pulled her onto her lap. Emily, who just moments before had stood rigid and defiant in her declaration of loss and unloved status, quickly melted into her mother’s arms.
Emily needed a lot of love. In fact, Emily needed copious amounts of love and reassurance, and Kate often wondered why her eldest daughter was so insecure when she was so loved. It was true that Tali had a knack for making Kate laugh, just the way she spoke with her funny little accent always tickled Kate’s humour. Yet Emily was so kind, so loving and she knew deep in her heart that once Emily made it through childhood and they’d survived the teenage years; yes, she knew that once Emily had left home, then they would have a sensational relationship.
“Is this about the fish?” Kate kissed and stroked Emily’s face, already knowing the answer and relieved that this time there would be a simple solution.
“Yes, I’ve been asking for a fish for months, and you keep on saying, ‘no, we’re not pet people’ and then Tali gets one and she didn’t even want one,” Emily whined whilst doing a fairly good impersonation of Kate’s, ‘we’re not pet people.’
Kate decided that perhaps now wasn’t the best time to correct Emily by telling her that Tali was, in fact, getting two fish. Whilst Emily had stopped shouting, her tone had a definite moan to it, and Kate had to accept that she had made a bloody good point. Why had she been so quick to offer the fish to Tali? She probably should’ve just offered chocolate.
“I was going to tell you when I finished getting dressed that I was going to get you some fish,” Kate lied—another great parenting tool.
Kate continued to kiss and stroke her daughter until Emily became all floppy in her arms. Once successfully placated, Emily eventually sauntered off. Phew. World War five, thousand and eighty nicely diffused. Perhaps indulging one's children was not the best long-term strategy, but Kate was happy to have a quick fix on this occasion. To not have her first evening out in ages marred by the ravaged faces of her two girls, standing at the door, waving goodbye as their mother deserted them to have, god forbid, a life of her own.
Should she wear black? Yes, black. Light linen trousers, black halter neck top, of which she had many, and black strappy sandals.
“Are you ready? Are you sure about this? Can’t I tempt you to a night at Cocco’s instead? We can have pizza,” David almost implored entering the bedroom, dragging his feet like a slug on Valium. After nearly a month of every conceivable excuse, ranging from aching body parts to urgent work that needed his attention, which, surprise surprise, would always happen on a Tuesday night, they were finally going to Salsa. Before Kate had a chance to answer, a strange noise emanated through the house.
“What’s that noise?” said Kate as they both stood in silence, listening to the unidentifiable noise. “That noise. That buzzing. What is that?” Looking quizzically at David, who stared back at her with an equally mystified expression, shrugging his shoulders. “Tali, Emily, what’s that noise?” Kate shouted out to the girls again. She needed to get dressed. She’d also planned to put on some makeup and she was running out of time.
Giggles and laughter echoed around the house.
“It’s the back-massager thingy. We thought it was broken, but then we saw it didn’t have any batteries, so we took them from the TV remote. It feels so great Mummy,” Emily shouted back from the playroom at the end of the hallway.
Kate looked at David. David looked at Kate. Neither of them had a clue what Emily was talking about; they didn’t own an electric back massager. Seeking further clarification, Kate yelled out, “What back massager?”
“Da big purple funny one wid da liddle rabbit on it,” said Tali in all innocence, entering the bedroom, holding Kate’s vibrator over her shoulder and moving it all around her neck. Kate wanted to die, her face turning strawberry red. Why was it that every time that Rabbit made an appearance, she ended up wanting the ground to swallow her whole? She turned to David blushing. David now had a huge grin on his face.
“Getting in the mood for Salsa, were we? This might not be so bad after all.”
* * *
“So …?” David took the slip road onto the main motorway that would take them through Palma to the Boomba Bar.
Kate was silent. Uff, the bloody vibrator. Of course, he wouldn’t let this go. It was unusual for David to speak whilst they were in the car. She was used to sitting in silence, happy to watch the world go by. During the day, one could see the Tramuntana mountains. She loved driving in Mallorca. She’d hated driving in London, but here it gave her pleasure, 360 degrees of magnificent beauty. Those mountains hugging her little village and the route to the main city of Palma. She was never tired of the view; it was as if her own energetic frequency harmonised with her surroundings. Every journey, an exquisite moment of joy, a delectable feast for the senses. As they never went out at night, this was a relatively new visual experience for her. The sun was just beginning its descent to bed; shadows cast their long fingers across the mountains, as an orange glow seeped across the horizon. An invitation to gratitude. It was both spectacular and calming.
Kate could have purred, so great was her feeling of contentment at that precise moment. She wondered whether she’d be any good at Salsa? Would David? Maybe they wouldn’t work together? After all, there was a height difference. Damn, I should've worn heels. What would the instructor be like? What would the other people be like? The questions whirled.
“So?” David interrupted her reverie. There was no avoiding it. Trying to delay the obvious conversation, Kate averted her eyes from the sky to David. A small smile played on his lips. Kate noticed he’d put some gel in his hair, so it was sticking up rather than flopping over his eyes as usual. At least he’s made some effort.
“What?” Although Kate knew exactly why he was breaking his no-talking persona in the car; she attempted to veer the conversation elsewhere. “How’s the project going? Are you going on site tomorrow?”
David started grinning. “Come on Kate, are you going to tell me about your vi-bra-tor experience?” He said the word slowly, each syllable accentuated, whilst his voice dropped an octave as if he were Tom Jones about to launch into a rendition of Sex Bomb . There was no avoiding it.
“I didn’t really have an experience, to be fair. I tried, but there were no batteries.” She twirled her hair around her index finger and simultaneously chewed on her bottom lip.
“But you got it out of the box at least. That’s movement in the right direction.” His eyes never left the road, even though he was tempted to steal a glance at her to gauge whether he was entering dangerous territory. Feeling brave, he decided to keep going. “And yet our ten-year-old and four-year-old managed to figure out getting batteries out of the remote?”
Kate started to laugh. “Yes, it’s taken me six months to get it out of the box. I’m doing great”—she said with sarcasm—“and the batteries are far more useful in the remote than in my vibrator,” Kate said, stating the bleating obvious. David was encouraged by her obvious good humour. He was jesting. Sort of.
“I thought we were going to have a play with it together,” David said gingerly. His hair, despite being gelled, had now succumbed to gravity and made its way into his eyes. He stuck out his bottom lip, trying to blow the rogue strand before he allowed his hand to momentarily leave the wheel to swipe it to one side. He wanted to have this conversation, and he knew that Kate absolutely didn’t, so he needed to tread carefully.
“I don’t think it’s an ‘us’ project. I think it’s something that I need to explore on my own, to be honest.”
“But you do want to explore?” David’s voice flickered with excitement as he stole a quick glance over at her.
Avoiding eye contact, Kate turned her attention back to the sky without answering. The sun had now completely disappeared behind the mountain, and the orange glow morphed into a fuzz of magenta. The street lights blinked into action as if they’d received direct instructions from the sun to pick up the gauntlet and illuminate the world.
“When did this failed attempt occur?” David persisted.
There was no point in trying to change the subject or ignore his questions any more. They were having this conversation. The sooner it was done, the better, and then she could get back to thinking about Salsa.
“That day you came home from tennis early and caught me in bed, going down a rabbit hole on social media about my tummy tuck and boob lift, remember?” Kate murmured, still finding herself mesmerised by the sun’s symphony.
“So, your moment with the Rabbit ended up with you going down the rabbit hole! Nice play on words.”
She hadn’t meant to be funny, but yes he was right and they both had a chuckle, when she saw them pass the exit to Palma Nova. “DAVID!”
“What?”
“You missed the turning—again.” Kate didn’t shout. This was such a normal occurrence.
It wasn’t uncommon for Kate and David to turn a five-minute journey into half an hour. Even on a route they’d done a million times before, she could never presume that David was going to head there. She’d often been distracted looking at her phone, only to look up a moment later to find they were going in the complete opposite direction. It used to irritate her, but over the years, she’d come to accept this as one of David’s not so endearing qualities.
“Whoops.”
“No worries.” Kate felt relieved she’d built in the extra ten minutes to their journey to allow for this precise scenario. “Just take the Magaluf exit and circle back.”
“Anyway …” He was eager to return the conversation back to his favourite topic. “So, will you give it another go?”
“What?”
“The vibrator. Now it’s got batteries. Will you give it another go?”
“Yesssssssss, don’t worry. It’s on my list of things to do.” She didn’t mention that it was currently the very last thing on the famous list, ranking just below ‘research new washing machine.’
“Because it’s important.”
“The vibrator is important?”
“No, you finding your elusive orgasm is important”—he hesitated—“to me. Please don’t give up, Kate. It can be better. I love you. Honestly, you are the most amazing mother. You run our house and make our lives all so enriched. You are my best friend. It’s just that …” He couldn’t find the right words, but he needed to tell her, “It upsets me that you won’t experiment and try to find a way to enjoy sex as I do. I don’t want to feel like you’re doing me a favour. It’s important for us.” He concluded as he stole a glimpse at her.
“No, sex is important for you. I’m not you. It’s not that important to me. Our love, our children, our health, our connection, those things are important. The sex would be a bonus, but I’m just not wired like you.” Seeing the sign for Palma Nova again. “The Salsa class is important. David, the turning.”
This time, he successfully managed to exit the motorway.
She felt guilty. Again. Defensive. Again.
“At the roundabout, take the first exit and then, at the next roundabout, take the first exit and the Boomba Bar should be there.”
David was quiet as the change in mood cloaked the car. This was not how this evening was supposed to go down.
“I will. I promise I will continue to explore, but I need to do it on my own first. Can you just please give me the space to do that and stop talking about it all the time? It’s just too much pressure.”
“Okay,” he said as he reached the next roundabout and the bright neon sign of The Boomba Bar came into view. “Whatever you need to do, Kate, just do it. Please.”
She wasn’t sure what he meant by that, exactly. Buy more vibrators? Go see a therapist? But they were entering the car park.
“And,” he said.
Oh my fucking god. STOP. Kate dropped her head into her hands.
“If you need help, then obviously I’m happy to try new things. You know that.” David was relentless. Thankfully they’d reached their destination. If the Boomba Bar had been as far as Andratx, she’d probably have jumped out of the moving car by now.
“Happy to try new things? What about handcuffs?” she said, desperate to lighten the mood whilst thinking that if she could restrain him, she could run away and get on with more important things.
“Handcuffs?” His face lit up. “Yes, yes, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. I could cuff you, no problem.” Not realising that she’d been joking.
“Actually, I would cuff you.” Kate was quick to correct him but happy that they were now parked and the dreaded conversation would have to reach a conclusion.
“No chance,” he said, turning off the ignition and opening the car door. “You’d probably cuff me to the bed and go watch telly.”
“Ha ha, you’re right. Although difficult—no batteries in the remote!”