16. Holly
SIXTEEN
HOLLY
It was after I had to retell the story of Jonah’s abrupt middle-of-the-night arrival to Caroline. After I fed him, changed him, dressed him in the only other decently looking clean outfit he had, and after Caroline left to go to the nearest store to get me some baby things.
She came back an hour and a half later and walked into me making breakfast, donuts not nearly satisfying enough. We all got caught up on the miserable ending of things with Graham, something which Tracey already knew because Tanner had called her last night to get my number and my address.
It was after I thanked her for not giving that to him, and it was after I told Caroline to get to work.
Tracey stayed with me, and we managed to figure out how to install the car seat, but an internet search told us to go to the firehouse to make sure it was installed correctly, and it was after Tracey asked me a gazillion times if I was sure I was going to do this.
Technically, he wasn’t mine. My mom was listed on the birth certificate, the father wasn’t even though I was assuming that’s where his last name Hodges came from. I had no idea how to get legal custody, or even if I could. I had no idea how I was supposed to learn how to do any of it, but I knew exactly where to start.
Which was why Tracey decided to skip her classes for the day like I was doing and join me on a trip to the Deer Creek’s Women and Pregnancy Center. It was opened a couple of years ago when Trina Mills returned to town, fell in love with her high school sweetheart for a second time, and then got married. They actually got married on the night my dad caused the car wreck. Almost everyone in the department had been at the wedding, so it had not only taken longer to get a response team to the scene, but half of them showed up in suits.
Then they were at my house immediately afterward to tell me what was going on. Being questioned by an officer in a sharply fitted suit was something I’d never forget. But Cole’s new wife, Trina, was a sweetheart. She’d apparently always been one, and her dad wasn’t only a pastor in town, he was the pastor at the church where I’d gone when I was little. Every time he saw me in town or at the restaurant, he was kind to me. One of the few good ones who didn’t let my parents’ problems determine how they treated me.
Trina opened up the center shortly after her arrival back in town, and now, with Jonah strapped into his car seat in the back seat, Tracey in the passenger seat next to me, my hands white-knuckle gripped the steering wheel as we pulled into the parking lot. Two other cars were there, and since I’d called to make sure they were open and had already spoken to her, Trina’s car was one of them. I was guessing it was the mammoth-sized, sparkling clean, white Suburban.
“I’ll support you,” Tracey said. “I swear I will. Anything you want to do, I’ll be there for you, but are you sure this is what you want? There are foster families. Or your aunt. You’re in your last semester and…”
“Tracey.”
“I know. I’m rambling.”
I reached out and squeezed her hands that were knotted together in her lap. “I’m sure. I’m not the first college kid to have a baby. I might have had less time to prepare for his arrival, but I can do this. I want to do this.”
“What about leaving after graduation? Starting a life on your own? Getting out of this town? Raising a baby and starting a new career will be so freaking difficult.”
“We’ll figure that out as we go.”
“What about Graham?”
I huffed and opened my door. “That’s done. You know it, I know it, and he knows it.”
“It didn’t sound?—”
“I’ve already blocked him, Tracey. If it wasn’t done before last night, it was done the moment Jonah was crying in my arms.”
I’d blocked him around four in the morning. He’d know what that meant. It was the worst ending to something that had the potential to be beautiful, but even if Sophie’s death wouldn’t be forever between us, I now had other responsibilities. Dating college guys who were gone half the time playing hockey and wanted to start their own lives and own families no longer factored into my future.
“Okay.” She sighed and climbed out her door. I walked around the car and reached into the back seat and grabbed the car seat handle.
Okay. Done. Moving on. Nothing else mattered except for taking care of Jonah, making sure he was okay, and graduating college.
The rest would come with time.
I walked up the short walkway to the building’s front door, took a deep breath, opened the door, and stepped into a whole new world. A whole new life I wasn’t sure I was ready for, but that didn’t matter.
It was already here, and I had to figure out how to live it.