19. Holly
NINETEEN
HOLLY
How in the world? What in the world? Of all the places. At all the camps. How in the heck did I walk into that fiasco with Graham freaking Marchese smiling down at my kid?
After just running into Eli? The world was playing a sick, sick joke on me I couldn’t afford.
The day Jonah was tossed in my arms, my life changed in ways I never foresaw at the time. With only Caroline and Tracey to help out, Caroline needing to be at the restaurant at all hours and Tracey juggling her own last semester of classes, getting to school had been impossible. Fortunately, most of my classes were offered as online options, and due to extenuating circumstances, I was able to get all but one moved over. The one I couldn’t move meant I was only on campus on Tuesday nights for three hours.
That last semester had been horrific. Jonah cried all the time. I practically lived at the women’s center in town with Trina and a handful of other volunteers, helping me work through colic, infant classes, and preparing to have a toddler.
Eli had been right. I did vanish, but not in the way he assumed.
But I’d done it. Definitely not alone. The worst moment after that came when Tracey graduated and moved to Tampa to get her masters in software engineering. Saying goodbye to her had been the hardest goodbye I’d ever had to say.
Looking for a job as a single mom became next to impossible. I had help in Deer Creek. Tracey was right about that objection from the beginning. I decided to stay for two years, find what jobs I could in Boone or in surrounding towns, attempt to build a résumé, and wait until Jonah was a little bit easier to manage on my own.
Then Caroline had a stroke. It happened one night when Jonah and I were at the restaurant with her. One moment she was busing tables, and the next, she couldn’t speak. Before I figured out what was happening, she’d collapsed.
My dream of a stable finance job went up in smoke, and thus began my life being stuck in Deer Creek.
There were days I despised it. Days where knowing everyone made leaving the house dreadful. Those days came when Jonah wasn’t allowed to play with certain kids or when he was excluded from events like birthday parties altogether. Then there were days where I felt wrapped in a village. Between Trina and Cole slowly becoming friends, and then their friends, even though they were a couple of years older, I’d somehow acquired a life filled with girls’ nights outs and girls’ days, and I now had a plethora of babysitters for when I simply needed a break.
Through all the pain and tears and fighting, through all of the struggles and constant streams of bad luck being thrown in my direction, I had never expected to run into Graham or Eli. Definitely not in Boone. Certainly not on the same day.
In those first few weeks after our split, he hounded Tracey for my address. Begged her to borrow her phone. He’d even shown up at The Grille and pleaded with Caroline to talk to me.
I never caved. Had never had a second thought that what I did wasn’t the right thing, even if I did have regrets on how cruelly I’d handled it over the years.
He was the guy I always cared about. The only one I thought of.
And he was here . Far too close to home. Far too close to me.
“He was really nice, Mommy. He said Papa Paul could help me shoot better too and told me what to tell him. He even wrote it down!”
“That’s great, kiddo,” I murmured, doing my best to keep my eyes on the winding roads, my hands on the wheel, and my racing heart and trembling hands in check. “I’m glad you had fun.”
“I did. So much fun. Mister Graham even said I was a great passer like you tell me all the time.”
Fantastic. Freaking hockey. I worked really hard to be a present mom and an involved single mom. The small nest egg of funds I was able to save over the years meant I could put Jonah in almost any activity he desired. I tried putting him in safer sports, but he kept going back to skating and hockey. I loved him so much I couldn’t deny him.
“How do you know him? My coach? He said he doesn’t live here, and we never go anywhere, Mommy.”
“Yeah, we don’t really travel, do we?” We’d taken weekend vacations here and there. I once took him to the zoo in Georgia, and we tried to get to the beach every fall. That was harder now with him in school, but it was cheaper to rent a place at the end of the main season, heading into the offseason.
I hoped the mention of travel would switch topics, but unfortunately for me, Jonah was too smart. Too determined.
“So how do you know him?”
“He was a friend in school.”
“In Deer Creek? He lived here?”
“No, kiddo. When I went to the big school, Northwest Carolina, where you just were. I knew him then.”
“He said he played hockey there. He must have been so great.”
He was. I knew that even if I didn’t go to all the games. But I’d read his stats and articles written on him and his team. They’d come in second place that spring all those years ago in their division. His friend Tanner was still in the hockey minor league somewhere in Iowa.
I knew that from Tracey, who occasionally kept in touch with Tanner over the years. They’d stayed friends, and she’d caught a few of his games when he played close enough in Florida for her to get to.
“Yeah, Jonah. He was a pretty great player, I think. You hungry?”
“Starving. Hitting a puck around is a lot of work, and I did it so many times my arms are tired.”
“I bet they are.” I chuckled. My kid was cute.
“So tired I might not be able to lift a fork.”
“Then we can get you soup, and you can drink from a bowl.”
“Like a puppy!” Jonah shrieked. Not exactly what I meant, but the visual had us both dissolving into laughter.
Being a single parent wasn’t always easy, especially with the route I’d taken, but man…Jonah was awesome. And I’d had a hand in it. There was nothing more satisfying. Nothing I wouldn’t give up to ensure that he would thrive.
I tried to brush off running into Graham. He was most likely in town to help out with the camp. He’d be gone again, out of our lives. And that was for the best.
I didn’t have anything to offer him anymore, and that was assuming he wanted anything from me in the first place. So I ran into not one but two blasts from the past. Those things happened, and then they went away. That’s all it was.
The same as the last time I’d met Graham, I had larger things to think of. Jonah. Taking care of The Grille, Caroline…
And what I’d do if my most recent doctor visit brought back the results I was dreading to hear.
* * *
“He’s tired today,” Caroline said, grinning at Jonah scrunched up in the booth, reading through a stack of books we kept in the restaurant.
He’d been practically raised in this place like I’d once been, and he knew he had to stay out of the way, so we’d stocked a basket with books and card games and activities that would keep him seated. When it was slow, he’d help me fold silverware into napkins or clear tables, but I didn’t want him dreading the work in this place like I’d once done.
“Camp wore him out for sure.”
By now, he was usually bored and whining and wanting to run laps around the empty tables. Long gone was the divider wall between the old smoking and non-smoking sections. I’d spent time over the years renovating and updating the restaurant. I came in one weekend and painted all the walls a bright cream color. Trina and Cole had sent their friend, Robbie and some of his friends over to help tear down the dividing glass walls. After, I patched up holes and painted the beams an even lighter shade. It made the restaurant feel ten times bigger and gave me a better view of all the tables from a single spot at the serving station outside the kitchen.
“I need to tell you something,” I told Caroline.
She paused at where she was refilling the salad fixing bins to prepare for the dinner rush.
“Did you get a call?”
“No.” I shook my head. “The doctor said it would take up to two weeks for results to come back.” Results I was refusing to consider or believe for a moment.
“What else could make you look so constipated?”
I barked out a laugh. “Gross, Care. Thanks for that.”
She shrugged and started slicing cherry tomatoes in two. Her hands worked so quickly the tomato was there and gone, and I’d barely seen it before it was sliced. “Well, you get this look…”
“Yeah, yeah. I get it.”
Jonah busted through the door. “Mommy, Mommy! Your friend is here!”
“What?” I spun, jolted at the banging of the doors and the excitement on Jonah’s face. “What?”
“Your friend. The one from the big school? My coach!”
“Oh no,” I groaned before I could stop myself.
Caroline didn’t miss a thing. “Friend?” she teased with a gleam in her eye she’d soon lose. “I want to meet your friend.” She might have some lingering left-sided paralysis from her stroke, and it’d taken her a good six months to speak clearly again, but it hadn’t short-circuited her brain. She was still too damn smart.
She moved and pushed at the door before I could stop her.
“Don’t,” I cried out, but I was too late. She pushed through the doors and then stopped so abruptly they swung back and smacked her in the backside.
“It’s good to have friends, right, Mommy? That’s what you always say. That we need to be nice to them.”
“We should, Jonah. Definitely. Always be kind to everyone. It’s important.”
“Then why don’t you want to talk to your friend?”
I folded and refolded a towel. Slapped it down onto the counter and picked it up again. “It’s…”
“Won’t that hurt his feelings?”
Jonah peered up at me with those large eyes. They had to have come from his dad, because while our coloring was similar and he definitely had my hair, his eyes saw everything . They were large, round orbs of gold that absorbed every single thing he saw and somehow understood nuances that adults still had trouble getting. It wasn’t a surprise he caught my reservations.
“Jonah, it’s not about hurting his feelings.” It was about protecting mine.
This was the worst timing possible. I wasn’t even surprised he tracked me down despite my wishes he’d leave town without doing this very thing.
It was Graham. He was always chasing after me. But had he talked to Eli? Was that why he was here?
“But Mommy…”
“Enough, Jonah!” I snapped and then flinched. I rarely raised my voice at him. His face puckered, and his tiny chin wobbled. I crouched down and pulled him into my arms before his tears started falling. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m so very sorry for raising my voice. You’re trying to help, and you’re happy your coach is here, and I’m well…it’s been a hard day for Mommy.”
“Are you sick?” He sniffed and pulled back, those perceptive eyes scanned mine, and I hoped he couldn’t see the truth. “You don’t look sick.”
He had no idea how close he might be.
“I’m not sick.” I kissed his cheek and stood. It wasn’t a full lie. I wasn’t the kind of sick he was talking about, like an upset stomach or a sore throat.
I peeked out the small rectangular window to find Graham’s profile, grinning down at Caroline like it’d been yesterday when we’d all hidden in her office or the night he helped me close.
“Let’s go say hi,” I told Jonah.
I reached for his hand. Pathetic that I needed the little guy’s strength to do this, but again he took off like a rocket. He was out the doors before I could blow out a breath.
Time to say goodbye to Graham Marchese once and for all. Only this time, I’d be more polite about it.