Chapter 37
Hayden
I’m late getting to morning chores, which is fine.
The ranch hands do a lot of the work since I’m still supposed to be taking it easy with my shoulder, but I needed something to keep me from practically following Miranda home.
There are a few fences I’ve been putting off repairing, so I use the mindless task as a chance to clear my head.
The late-morning sun beats down on me, but I welcome the heat over the cold damp of the winter and early spring.
Sweat beads up on my forehead, but I just wipe it off and keep working.
Miranda’s reasons for wanting to leave are understandable; I just wish there was something I could offer her to make her stay. A purpose.
I move on to the next fence and get to work.
She will be less than an hour away, so her moving isn’t as big a deal as I’m making it.
The world won’t end just because she’s no longer ten minutes down the road.
But if she ends up with her dream job, that will change everything.
Asking her to give that up is one thing I’ll never do.
Her happiness means more to me than keeping her.
I’ve been alone all this time; being alone again won’t kill me.
I have Sierra to focus on, anyway. But I’d be a fool to think it won’t hurt like hell.
By the time I finish up and shower, it’s been long enough for me to show up to get Sierra without it looking suspicious.
She takes her driving test soon, and it will be nice for her to have some independence.
To be able to come and go without having to ask for a ride.
She’s been saving up everything she makes at Boulder Ranch, but I’ve already decided to help her get a car.
Melanie never asked me to pick Sierra up at a specific time, but if they aren’t finished doing whatever it is she planned, I can just hang out and wait. That is, if there was even a plan in the first place. Miranda seemed pretty certain the whole thing was a setup, so I guess I’ll find out.
Roger is just stepping out of his truck when I pull in behind him, and he stops and waits for me.
My skin prickles with sweat when I get the inkling he wants to talk to me about something.
I try to convince myself I’m being paranoid.
Miranda’s words are just at the forefront of my mind, that’s all.
Because even if her mom does know, I find it hard to believe Roger would actively participate in giving us a night alone.
Stepping out of my truck, I force those thoughts from my mind and do my best to greet my friend the way I normally would. “Hey man, how’s it going?”
“I’m good. I was about to ask you the same thing,” he responds, giving me a nod.
I’m pretty sure my heart stops beating for a moment, but I swallow hard and keep my expression as neutral as possible. “I’m good?”
With a laugh, he pats me on the back and leads me toward the side door of the house.
My worries don’t dissipate with his silence, but I follow him inside like I have hundreds of times.
I’m greeted by the scent of baked goods, and even though I had a late breakfast, my stomach rumbles.
Maybe that was Melanie’s plan. To spend the day baking.
“You and Miranda were out on the dancefloor most of the night, just checking to see how you’re doing after staying up so far past your bedtime.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, but guilt quickly begins to take its place.
Roger is one of my closest friends. It feels pretty damn shitty to keep this secret from him.
The lie feels even worse than the truth that I’m sleeping with his daughter.
I’m more than sleeping with her. I’m in love with her.
The realization hits me like a ton of bricks.
“You alright over there?” Roger’s brow is furrowed as he stands with one hand on the refrigerator door.
“Yeah, sorry. Melanie and Sierra here somewhere?” I’m hoping my question will distract him.
“No, they’re probably still out on a ride. They got up early and baked a bunch of shit.” He gestures at the cooling racks. “I had to run out to take care of something, and Melanie called me a little bit ago to let me know they were going to do a trail ride or two. Anyway, you want a beer?”
I nod my head because I have a feeling I’ll need it. After telling myself it would be fine to hang out with Roger just like we always used to, the heavy weight of guilt quickly lets me know that’s not the case. I follow him into the living room and sink down onto the sofa.
“The wedding was a good time,” Roger says, his gaze pinned on me.
“Yeah. I enjoyed myself.”
“I’m glad Miranda made it home alright. I didn’t see her truck last night…”
He trails off, and I take a long pull from my beer.
Looking away, I realize I have a decision to make.
I can either keep this lie going or come clean and face the ass kicking I deserve.
When I chance a look in his direction, I find his eyes glued to me.
He doesn’t look upset, but I know Roger.
If he brought it up, he either knows or has his suspicions.
“Listen…” I begin before trailing off. I have no fucking clue how to begin this conversation.
Roger holds up a hand to stop me. “I don’t want details. Do you care about my daughter?”
I swallow past what feels like a lump of sand. My first thought is to deny it. Tell him I don’t know what he’s talking about. Do anything I can to go back to the way things were before. But I can’t do that. Not when the answer to his question is simple.
“I love her.”
His eyes widen, but he says nothing as he leans forward in his seat.
I don’t move. I’m pretty sure I don’t even breathe as I wait for him to respond to the bomb I just dropped.
Miranda doesn’t even know the extent of my feelings for her, but here I am pouring my heart out to her dad.
To the last person we wanted to find out.
The only sound in the house is the ticking of the clock as I wait for my friend to speak.
“You…love her? How long has this been going on?”
Draining my beer, I set the empty bottle on the coffee table before looking at him.
It may seem like a simple question, but do I say it all began with our first kiss toward the end of last rodeo season?
That first night at Silver Fox Ranch, when we finally gave in to our feelings?
The night Sierra played matchmaker? My expression must betray my thoughts because he once again holds up his hand to stop me.
“It doesn’t matter.”
I stare at him, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He has every right to lose his shit and throw me out of his house. In the short time Sierra has been with me, I already know the most precious thing to a man is his little girl, and I’ve been sneaking around with Roger’s.
Taking a slow breath, I sit forward and lock eyes with my friend.
“I’m sorry we went behind your back. I tried to fight my feelings for her, because you’re my friend.
But we have a connection… Things between us changed at the end of last season, but I pushed her away.
And I think it nearly destroyed us both. ”
Roger swallows hard before standing and heading back into the kitchen. For a moment, I wonder if he isn’t heading for his gun safe, but I shake my head, laughing to myself. I’m being ridiculous. The gun safe is the other direction.
“Here,” he says, handing me another beer.
I take another long pull, embracing the cool liquid as it glides down my throat.
It does nothing to help the feeling of sand in my mouth from the sheer stress of this conversation.
My mind returns to Sierra, and I’m struck with a new wave of panic.
Sierra. If my lack of self-control has done something to negatively impact Sierra, I’ll never forgive myself.
She comes here multiple times a week for lessons.
Lessons that I know for a fact have helped her work through her grief.
“I assume that’s why she quit Boulder Ranch after last season. I had a hard time believing she wanted to work at Wilber’s Daily Grocery for a change of scenery,” Roger says contemplatively. “And that’s why she’s moving.”
“No,” I say quickly. “She’s moving for her.
I’m sure it started off because of me, but we talked about it.
That’s the only reason I haven’t tried to stop her.
We didn’t plan for this to happen, and I would never ask her to alter her plans for me.
Anyway, if you want to throw me out, that’s fine.
But please don’t let it keep Sierra from coming here.
Melanie’s lessons have really helped her get through-”
“Relax.” Roger’s gruff voice interrupts my rambling.
“Do you think I’d be sitting here having a calm conversation with you if I wasn’t sure you’re a good man?
It hurts that you both kept it a secret from me, but I understand why.
It just doesn’t make sense that she still wants to move out and start a new life. ”
I don’t respond. It’s not like I’ve tried to convince her otherwise. And I won’t. I’ve lived my life, and it’s not my place to stop her from living hers. No matter how much I want to keep her with me.