Chapter Thirty-one
Nathan
“You tried to kill yourself?!” Came out of my mouth before I could stop it.
Alyssa was obviously shocked to see me home by this time. It was barely an hour since I had last seen her do I knew she wasn't expecting me, especially not as angry as I am.
“W-what are you talking about?” She stuttered, her eyes wide with alarm.
“Last year you tried to overdose on morphine but thankfully it didn't work.” I answered.
Her surprised expression changed to mirror my angry one. “How do you know that?” When I didn't reply, she glanced at the hand clutching the file and glared. “You had me investigated?”
“Yes and I'm glad I did.” I admitted.
It surprised me for a second when fury filled her hazel eyes. “How could you do that? You had no right!” She exclaimed but careful not to raise her voice too much.
“That's besides the point. Why did you try to take your life?” I asked.
“It isn't besides the point! I can't believe you looked into me, why? I want to know, Nathan.” Her chest rose and fell as she took quick breaths to calm herself. If I wasn't so angry I'd be aroused.
Maybe if I just tell her, she'll answer my question. “I had to. It was obvious you weren't telling me everything and I had to know.”
“So instead of coming to ask me about my past, you decided to have someone pry into it and hand it over to you on a silver platter. That's so good of you.” Her tone was laced with sarcasm.
“Well, you were never going to tell me anyway so why bother asking?” I argued.
“Oh, so you mean I can come to you one day and say 'Hey, Nathan, do you know I tried to commit suicide last year but it's all good now, I didn't die'. That would've been nice, right?” She retorted.
I hate to say it but she had a point. She couldn't have come to me and said that but doesn't that mean I was right for finding out on my own? At least it has come up now and we can talk about it.
“You have your information now, don't you? By the look of that folder it's not only my suicide attempt that's in there so why don't you just enjoy the read.” With that she stormed up the stairs, leaving me to listen to her footsteps as she walked.
I can't believe what just happened. It was unusual for Alyssa to snap like that or get so worked up. I really didn't expect this today.
I decided that I wasn't going to back to work today. I was already home and it's not like I was doing anything very important so I worked from home in the office I had here. Dinner was quiet and a bit awkward at least for me. Alyssa and Oliver were still talking and laughing as if nothing happened.
Sleep was hard to come by. I tossed and turned in bed, trying to find the best position to sleep in but something was missing, that thing was actually a person. Alyssa was sleeping in her own room tonight and I was pretty sure her door was locked, making me regret getting the lock fixed.
The longer I stayed alone in what was my room, the more I realized how wrong I was to confront her like that or even look into her in the first place. It made me appear as if I didn't trust her and that was the last thing I wanted.
It was past midnight when I swallowed my pride I left the room I'd gotten so use to sharing with her the past two weeks and went across the hall. There was a brief moment of hesitation before I knocked.
“Come in.” I heard her say.
Isn't the door locked? I turned the handle and it really wasn't locked. The room was a bit dark as the only light on was the lamp on the bedside table but I could still her the dry questioning look on her face.
“Is there a problem, Nathan?” She asked coolly, clearly still upset.
“No, there isn't.” I approached the bed slowly, noticing the white light coming from the laptop I gave her when I started encouraging her to pursue her dreams. “Are you writing?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Can I see?”
The laptop was shut faster than she could say; “No!” I tried not to be offended by that. “I'm not ready for anyone to see it yet.”
If I've learned anything today is to respect her privacy. “I understand.”
“Is there a reason you came here?”
Just say it, be a man! My conscience spurred. “I'm sorry for investigating you. It was wrong of me to go behind your back like that. I promise, this is the last time it'll happen.”
Her eyebrows creased. “Wait, you've done this before?”
I sighed. “Yes, but that was when we first met, I wanted to be sure that it would be okay for you to be around Oliver.”
“Okay, I understand that but why did you do it now?”
“Are you keeping anything from me?” I could tell that she was surprised by my question. “It feels like there's something your not telling me.”
It was her turn to sigh as she sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. “Yes, I am keeping something from you. My past wasn't good and I don't like talking about it so I may never tell you.”
I was disappointed at that but consoled myself with the fact that she said she may never tell me not that she will never tell me. There's a difference, right?
“I guess it's really bad?”
She nodded, looking at the wall in front of her. “It'll change the way you look at me forever.”
I stayed closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder reassuringly. “I doubt anything could change the way I look at you.”
She just shook her head and turned away from me. “I wanna go to sleep now. Goodnight, Nathan.”
“Come back to our room.” I requested.
“Our?”
“Yes, our room. I don't want it to just be my room anymore because it doesn't feel like it, I want you to move your things in. I want us to share the room.”
“I don't know.” She was unsure.
“A lot of your stuff is already there.” I pointed out. “Let's just take the rest of it, there's enough space in my closet.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Of course I am. I want to by my side every night and in my arms when I wake up. Plus, I can't sleep without you.”
I could see her cheeks flush as the light from the lamp hit her face. “Okay.”
She held my hand as I led her out of the room that'll soon become a guest room once she moves her stuff. I was surprised to see Oliver standing in the hallway crying. I was immediately alarmed.
“What's wrong, Olly?” Alyssa got the question out before I could.
“I had a bad dream!” He cried. “I was looking for you but I didn't see you and the rest of the house is too dark and I'm scared. Can I sleep with you guys?”
“Sure, bud. Let's go.” I picked him up and he put his head on my shoulder as I opened the door to Alyssa and I's room.
It feels so nice saying that.
I laid him down on the bed and he snuggled into Alyssa who was already laying down. “It's okay, honey, nothing's going to hurt you while I'm here.” She comforted him, running a hand through his hair. I didn't notice how long it's become, I'll take him to get it cut soon.
“Ally? Where you and Dad fighting this afternoon? I heard shouting.”
I guess our voices were louder than I thought.
“No, we just disagreed over something but it's okay now.” I answered quickly, getting on the other side of the bed.
“I don't like when you disagree. You two woke me up from my nap and I was having a good dream that time.” He complained with a pout.
“Aww, I'm so sorry Olly. We didn't mean to wake you.”
“You and Dad should never fight again.”
“That's impossible. All couples argue, it's normal.” I told him the truth.
“It is possible. All you have to do it agree with everything Ally says, just like you do to me.”
“I only do that because arguing about everything you say is completely pointless.”
“I agree with that.” I think he just said that to spite me. “You see, I agreed with what you said and we aren't arguing. If you do that to Ally, you will never disagree again. Plus, whatever she says is probably better than what you say.”
I feigned offence. “How can you say that?”
“Well, she is the smart one.”
I glared at him playfully. “I'm smart too.”
“Says the man who tried to use a stick to get the keys out of his car when the door was already open.” He countered.
“That was a long time ago.”
“That was this morning.”
“Well,”
“That's enough.” Alyssa interrupted and I was thankful for it. I'm too tired to argue with him and honestly I didn't know what to say next. “You have school tomorrow, Olly, you should go to sleep, you too Nathan.”
Oliver obeyed immediately with an, “Okay!” before he said goodnight to the both of us and placed his head on Alyssa's breasts, commenting on how soft the 'pillows' were.
What wouldn't I give to do that? I couldn't help but think as we simply laughed at him.
I held them close, making sure they were comfortable before I let myself fall into a deep sleep.