12. Hannah
CHAPTER 12
hannah
The next few weeks fly by. Liam and I fall back into our normal routine, the same one we’ve had for years. People in town smile when they see us together, some making comments that it’s about time we got together. I’m realizing that I did a really great job at living in my little bubble, ignoring the whispers and rumors that surrounded Liam and I through every stage of our lives.
He’s continued to stay close to me, being affectionate but not sexual, and has stayed within our rules. I find myself looking forward to him wrapping his huge arms around me every morning when he gets to Bean Haven, and when he pulls me in close to him on the nights he comes over for our weekly movie and pizza night, even though no one is around to see it. He feels like comfort and safety. Liam feels like home .
My phone chimes on the counter with my sister’s notification. Wiping my flour-covered hands on my apron, I grab my phone to check the message.
Hailey: Yo, I’m bored. Need any help at the bakery?
Me: I always need help at the bakery
Harlow: Put her to work, she can’t get lazy. Make her find a real job
I outwardly roll my eyes. Like me hiring Hailey wouldn’t be a real job. Annoying.
Me: Get over here, you can run the counter while I get caught up on backorders.
Hailey: Putting myself together and then I’ll be over
The three of us couldn’t be more different. I completely missed the stereotypical firstborn genes. I rebelled from an early age, forcing Harlow to step into that type A always-have-her-shit-together role. Harlow may be the middle child, but she acts more like the eldest. She’s uppity, opinionated, brash, and can come off as a fairly uptight bitch if I’m being honest. Hailey is the complete opposite of both of us. She’s kind, soft-spoken, and a genuinely good person to be around. While she’s the baby of the family, she’s the sweetest girl you’ll ever meet and really just trying to find her way in life. I don’t think she’s ever done anything wrong and if my parents had a favorite, it would be her.
Harlow is in grad school and never home unless it’s a holiday or special occasion, but Hailey just finished getting her degree at the University of Washington after changing her major five times. They’re my parents’ pride and joy. I’m the outsider, the one they’re stuck with but are thoroughly disappointed in.
The bell chimes out over the shop and Graham walks in with his daughter, Mila. She’s the cutest thing, and while Graham has had his fair share of troubles raising her as a single dad, he’s so attentive. He may work at the distillery hand in hand with Liam, but he’s also my dad’s best friend.
“Hey, you two. No school today, Mila?”
“I had a doctor’s appointment,” she replies while looking through my bakery case.
“It’s too late in the day to take her back to school so I’m bribing her with sweets before taking her back to work with me.”
My heart drops for him. Being a single parent is not for the weak. It’s a constant game of adaptation and hustling. He’s been single for as long as we’ve known him, just him and his little girl for the last ten years.
“I bet spending your afternoons at the distillery is fun, Mila.” But even as I say the words I realize that the distillery really isn’t a place for anyone under eighteen, and I wonder if anyone other than Liam even knows. The bell chimes again, in walks Hailey, and a lightbulb goes off in my head.
“Hey, Mr. Colson, Miss Mila! Stocking up on the good stuff?” Hailey chirps.
“Hi, Hailey. Welcome back home,” Graham greets her, and I quickly debate if I should talk to Hailey privately or just go for it.
Mila waves and continues to browse, even though she always gets the same thing, same as her dad.
“So, Hailey is home for good now, and she was just saying how she’s looking for a job.”
Hailey’s eyes snap up to mine, eyebrows raising in confusion, trying to figure out what I’m playing at .
“That so? I’ll keep my eye out if any places are hiring.”
“Well, you know, she majored in early education and there aren’t any teaching positions open right now in Aspen Ridge where she wants to stay, buuut she’d make one hell of a nanny.”
Graham finally looks up from the bakery case and faces me, then Hailey, my not-so-subtle idea planted.
“Is that something you’d be interested in doing, Hailey?” he rushes out eagerly. Poor guy. We grew up around him, he was always invited to family functions and holiday dinners since he never had a family of his own.
“Nannying? I’ve never really given it thought.” Her eyes flit to Mila, and I can see her wheels turning. Mila is ten and a very mature ten at that. This would be perfect for Hailey, and honestly, Mila, too.
“I mean, are you looking for full-time help?”
“Here, why don’t I take your order and you guys can talk and figure it out? Honestly, Graham, you’d be doing me a favor by keeping the girl out from under my feet,” I jest while giving him a wink.
That settled, I return to my work, juggling the hustle and bustle of my little coffee shop alone. I can’t imagine not working and running this place. The fact that my parents would honestly give me the ultimatum to settle down or they would sell Bean Haven, strains our relationship even further. I wish they could see how happy it makes me, how good I am at it, and how hard I work.
But all they’ll ever see is that I never met their unrealistic expectations of what success should look like. It’s not like I was a teen mom, either. A point I’ve tried making dozens of times. Was I living at their house when I got pregnant? Yes. But was I still working full-time at Bean Haven, taking over for my grandmother at that point and running it by myself? A thousand times, yes. I’ve never shied away from a challenge, and I’ve always met my goals. It may take me a little longer because I have Charlotte, but I’m still reaching them.
I’ve been putting off telling them about Liam and me because I know I’ll just be giving into their demands. But I know I need to bite the bullet and get it over with, especially because they’re the reason we’re together anyway. The sooner, the better. I had to practically beg my sisters not to say anything, and I had to actually bribe Harlow, the bitch.
Later that night, after I’ve tucked Charlie into bed, I decide to make some tough phone calls. Starting with Levi. When he surprisingly answers, I stutter for a moment because of how unexpected the action is.
“Hi. It’s Hannah.”
“I know, what’s up?” His tone is clipped and short, making sure I know how irritated he is with my interruption of his life.
“Do you have plans to have anything to do with Charlotte’s birthday?”
“When is that again?”
“You’re telling me you don’t even know when her birthday is, Levi? Are you stupid?”
“If you’re just going to be a bitch, Hannah, I’m hanging up.”
“It’s this weekend, Saturday at three. We’re having a party for her.”
“Pretty late notice.”
“I’ve been trying to talk to you about it since late February. You’ve ignored my attempts. You also haven’t called her in even longer than that. Are you coming or not?”
“Where’s it at?”
“Liam’s. My apartment isn’t big enough.”
“Pass. Look, I gotta go, tell her happy birthday for me.”
“Wow. Told your new girl about her yet? I told you a week and it’s been a helluva lot longer than that. ”
“’Cause you’re weak and I knew you were all talk. It’s none of your damn business. So fuck off, Hannah.”
The line goes dead before I can tell him to go fuck himself. What the hell have I done? How did I create something so good and wonderful with such an absolute piece of shit? Before calling my mom, I take a moment to Google custody laws in Washington State and lawyers in our area. I need to do something and putting it off is only going to prolong the inevitable. I need to protect my baby and having a legal plan in place is what’s going to benefit her. After sending a few emails requesting consultations, I steady my breathing and hover my finger over the call button to get the conversation with my parents over with. But I just can’t bring myself to do it.
Instead, I call the one person I can’t stop thinking about. The one person I can count on. He picks up on the first ring, making me smile and changing my entire mood.
“Hi, beauty, everything okay?”
“Yes and no. Are you busy?” I ask nervously, not wanting to be needy.
“For you? Never. Want me to come over?”
“Please.”
“Pizza or ice cream?”
“Ice cream.”
“Anything for you. See you in fifteen.”
“K. Bye.”
For the first time in the twenty-something years we’ve been friends, I jump up and run to my bathroom, brushing my teeth and finger combing my wavy hair. I slip into a pair of PJ shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top, pulling up my wool socks, hoping that I look semi-cute and not like an exhausted sewer rat.
I get comfortable on my couch, flipping through Shudder and then Netflix to find a horror movie so that it’s queued up for us to watch. Liam is walking through my kitchen door less than ten minutes later, his heavy steps leading him directly to me. His steps falter as he walks into my small living room, his eyes roaming over my bare legs that are stretched out in front of me, crossed at my ankles, heels resting on the coffee table. He tracks the length of them as my breathing picks up, over my belly, eyes squinting over my breasts—my nipples pebbled from the heat of his stare, poking through the thin fabric of my tank top—before finally meeting my eyes. I bite my bottom lip to stifle the smile that threatens to consume my face, the bastard.
“Hi, beauty.”
“Hi. Want to watch a movie?”
“Like it’s even a question. What are my choices tonight?”
He sets the paper bag down on the coffee table and drops himself next to me, legs brushing mine, his arm stretching behind my head and tucking me into his side. I inhale a deep breath of his woodsy, sweet smell. He’s always smelled like charred sugar and oak from the distillery and rickhouses, and I’ve always taken that smell for granted until now. Now, I crave it.
“Thought we could binge Fear Street ?”
“ Fear Street it is.”
After devouring some ice cream and starting the second movie, my eyes get heavy as I play with Liam’s fingers currently resting on my leg. I don’t know how much time passes but I’m jostled awake as Liam picks me up off the couch, holding me bridal style and carrying me into my bedroom. He pulls my quilt back before setting me down, brushing the hair from my face. I tuck my feet under the blanket, as he pulls it up over my waist, leaning down to kiss my head. My heart flips over in my chest, and instead of fighting what I really want, I ask for it.
“Will you stay? ”
“It’s late, beauty, you know I’m not driving home. I’ll be on the couch.”
“No, will you stay with me? I just . . .”
The faint light shining through my window illuminates the slight smirk rising on his handsome face.
“You don’t need to explain, I know. Let me shut everything off and lock the door. I’ll be right back.”
I release the breath I was holding. Even though he’s slept in here with me before, something about this is different. It’s more than wanting physical touch, I just want to be close to him. The boy who has loved me through everything.
I lay down on my pillow, getting comfortable on my side just as Liam slips back into the room, leaving the door open halfway because he knows I don’t want to be separated from Charlotte in case she needs me in the middle of the night. I hear the rustle of his clothes being removed and then feel the dip of the bed as he lays down. My heartbeat settles as Liam’s strong arm wraps around my waist, dragging me to the middle of the bed, cocooning my back flush against his hard, naked chest.
“You doin’ okay?” he asks after a few moments of silence.
“I think so. Getting everyone to believe we’re dating was a joke. We didn’t even need to change anything.”
“I know.”
“So, let’s just get married.”
His body stills, not even a breath against my neck or the rise and fall of his chest against my back.
“Bear? Isn’t that the plan? If you’ve changed your mind . . .”
“Yeah, that’s the plan. We’re getting married. Do you want to tell your parents? Need any help planning it?”
“I don’t want a wedding. I’ve never wanted a wedding. Let’s elope. We’ll tell everyone after.”
“Han, are you serious? ”
“Please. This is the plan anyway, no sense wasting a ton of money. Courthouse next week work for you?”
He’s silent for a long moment and I wonder if he’s fallen asleep. The truth is, while I don’t actually want a big wedding, the idea of experiencing that and having it fail or end, would be painful. It’s better to keep this what it is. Liam’s reaction seems almost disappointed as the silence stretches on. Just as I’m about to doze off myself, he speaks up.
“I would marry you any time, any place. If you want to get married at the courthouse, then that’s what we’ll do. But then you’ll be my wife, Hannah, and everything that comes with it.”
He says the last sentence in a whisper, but there is no denying the powerful and matter-of-fact way he says it. As if there is no going back. Next week I’ll be Liam Hayes’ wife.
The thought is on repeat as I fall asleep with him wrapped around me, my heart pounding in my chest, my head full of what-ifs, the one thing that I’m not feeling though?
Hesitation.