14. Hannah
CHAPTER 14
hannah
Morning comes faster than I’d hoped, but after sleeping more soundly than I have in months, even though I only got a few hours, I feel rested. Probably because I fell fast asleep after the most intense orgasm of my life was given to me by my lifelong best friend, and then I was held the entire night with his warm body wrapped around me.
Bringing my vibrator was a last-minute decision. I’ve been so worked up lately and thought that the mix of alcohol with having an outlet that wasn’t my fingers—something I haven’t been able to get good at getting myself off with—was a safer bet than jumping my best friend’s body and climbing him like a freaking tree.
The way he licked the vibrator clean was the dirtiest, sexiest, most erotic thing I’ve ever seen, and when I replay the moment, it almost feels unreal. I’ve only been with three people, and none of them had ever been so . . . feral. Only one had gone down on me, a guy named Colin who I met in college, and it only lasted for a few moments before he was over his sad attempt at getting me to come before he gave up. Liam seems like the type of man that wouldn’t come up for air.
I’ve never experienced something so intense—and he didn’t even touch me. More shocking than Liam giving me the orgasm was how badly I wanted him to touch me. The thought alone was driving me crazy. The wonder, the heady anticipation, the deep desire of wanting to feel his skin on mine—his thick, calloused fingers, his mouth . . . I nearly groan out loud and rub my thighs together to ease the ache that’s already returned between my legs.
Everything is changing between us. The scariest part is that I’ve never seen Liam so confident, so sure of anything. And he doesn’t seem like he’s faking. This seems very, very real to him. Last night he was just as present as I was. I don’t know what’s scarier.
Dragging myself out of bed, I straighten out my tank top, slip on a pair of PJ shorts, and leave the safety of the bedroom to find Liam and get cleaned up. As I step into the living space of the hotel suite, I hear the running water from the shower and see that the door was left cracked open.
Curiosity getting the best of me, I walk to the door, and instead of sneaking around, I push it wide open and step inside. The glass enclosure is foggy, distorting my view of his naked body. But . . . the outline. Mother above, Liam is a work of art. His body is thick, muscular, and tight everywhere. He has the sculpted silhouette of someone who works out regularly, with the soft facial features of someone who can be so tender and sweet.
His ass is perky and firm, and my eyes roam upward to the large expanse of his back, strong and fit, straining as he washes his body. As he turns, I know he registers me watching him, but he doesn’t shy away.
“Need something, beauty? ”
“A shower,” I reply, my voice shaking slightly with nerves. What the fuck am I doing right now? This is Liam.
He pushes open the glass door, giving me a full-frontal view of his entire naked body if I wanted to check him out. I do my best to keep my eyes locked on his, as tempting as it is to look lower, I just can’t bring myself to do it. His face is a mix of desire and heat as he waits for me to make a decision. There’s no denying anymore that he wants me, and I don’t know what to do with that.
“You can look, beauty. I’m yours.”
“You can’t keep saying things like that. It’s making things confusing.”
“Get in the shower, Hannah.”
“I shouldn’t . . .”
“ Please. ”
“Bea—”
His reflexes are so goddamn quick, his arm snapping out and grabbing my wrist, pulling me quickly into the shower with my clothes on. I squeal as he turns me to face him, water cascading down his naked body. The hot water hits my tank top, soaking through the material as my nipples harden from the change in temperature. His eyes don’t leave my face though, searching mine for any clue that this is okay.
“Baby. You’re so pretty in the morning. I’m gonna kiss you now.”
“We can’t do this. This is such a bad, bad idea. Last night was a slip of judgement.”
He shakes his head and laughs quietly under his breath. I cross my arms over my breasts, grateful for at least the barrier of my clothes—even though they’re soaked through—clinging to my body. Liam’s hand grazes my hip, gently pushing me backward until I’m flush against the tile wall .
My breath hitches as I watch him, his stormy eyes peering down at me with all the confidence in the world. It’s the confidence of a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to take it. But am I really what Liam wants?
He keeps just enough space between us that our bodies aren’t touching, but with the power of his stare, it feels like every inch of him is against me, filling me, consuming me.
His hand stays on my hip, a barely there touch that I feel as if he was a hot iron branding me with his initials. His head dips slowly, eyes never breaking contact as his lips connect with mine. Our eyes stay locked as his lips move, and when his tongue slides across my seam and I open for him, my eyes flutter closed, the weight of the moment too much. I don’t need to see Liam to understand. I can feel everything through his kiss. Unspoken words of longing, promises, and desire.
His tongue meets mine in the middle, and everything in my head disappears. My hand reaches out, running up his taut waist and over his chest, running my fingers through the light dusting of hair there, loving how it feels threaded through my fingers.
“Fuck, Hannah, you taste so goddamn good,” he rasps, his voice a deep growl as he kisses down my jaw before dragging his tongue down my neck and up again, sucking my earlobe into his mouth.
“Aah.”
“Mmm. Let me watch you come again. I won’t touch you. Please, just give me that, beauty.”
Without thinking, I push down my drenched pj shorts, letting them flop heavily to the shower floor. His gaze tracks down my chest until he stops between my legs, but I don’t dare take my eyes off his face.
“Will you spread your legs for me?” I do as he says, placing my foot on the shower bench, the position spreading me wide and opening me up. Liam drops to his knees and my breathing picks up, nearly hyperventilating at his point. Mother above, I want this man so bad my legs are shaking, and I haven’t done anything yet.
“Use your fingers, baby. Touch yourself. Show me how wet you are.”
Dragging my fingers up my thigh, I brush across my sensitive center the way I would if I were alone, teasing myself slightly before dipping my finger inside. I pump a few times before adding in a second, then inching them upward to my clit, rubbing small circles around it with the moisture I collected. It feels so good, my body tight and vibrating with need. Knowing Liam is kneeling in front of me, watching from mere inches away makes the entire thing unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.
I have no idea what I want, what I like, having to grow up way before I was ready to when I became a mom, I didn’t have time to experiment. And when I was with Levi, I couldn’t count on him to get me off at all. But this? This is doing it for me.
“Just like that, beauty. You like how that feels? Fuck, you have no idea how good you look right now.”
My reply is just a garbled moan and shaking my head in agreement. Liam’s shoulder starts to move just out of my line of sight and without looking, I know what he’s doing. I suck in a quick breath, moaning as I breathe out my next words, wanting to hear the confirmation of what I already know.
“Are you?”
“Jerking off? Yeah, baby. You’re gonna make me come just from watching you, I’m so damn hard, Hannah. It’s killing me not touching you.”
“Oh, fuck.”
“You want that, Hannah? You want me to come without even touching you? Just from watching your fingers play with your little wet pussy?”
“Shit, Liam. Ohmygod,” my words rush out of me, Liam’s dirty mouth heightening the feeling currently coursing through my body like a tidal wave. Barely able to keep my legs spread open because they’re shaking so badly, my breathing becomes erratic as the sensations build and build, every cell in my body extra sensitive and ready to fire.
“Come for me, beauty. Let me watch you come undone.”
“Ohhhh! Yessss!” My body arches, my head falling back against the tile as I orgasm, pleasure vibrating through every nerve.
“That’s my girl, ride it out, baby.”
“Fuuuuuuck, Liam!”
My eyes fall closed as I fall rapidly through the pleasure. A smack next to my head has me snapping my eyes back open, finding Liam standing, hovering over me, his hand braced in front of me as he strokes himself off with the other. He moans, and it’s such a sexy damn noise that I nearly spiral into another orgasm.
“Fuck, Han, I’m gonna come,” his words are followed by a deep, long moan, my name on repeat as he comes and comes. I watch his face the entire time as he keeps his eyes on me, witnessing the pleasure as it hits him, peaks, and then crashes. It’s so hot that I’m stunned silent, frozen in place as his hand finally rings the last drop of cum from his body and he slumps forward, still keeping our bodies separated, his forehead falling to mine.
“You’re gonna be the death of me, beauty.”
“I was thinking the same thing. ”
“I’ll give you some space. Let’s try to get on the road soon so we can get things ready for Charlotte’s party.”
My mouth drops open as he kisses my forehead and leaves the shower. If the orgasms don’t kill me, his selfless love for my daughter and her well-being will.
We get back to Aspen Ridge around eight, and I’m anxious to see my baby girl, having never left her overnight before. The ride home was more relaxed than I would have expected for two people who’ve been best friends for their entire lives watching each other orgasm just minutes prior. Neither of us breaches the topic, and it’s probably better that we don’t discuss it. We slipped up, caught up in heated moments between two people who are clearly desperate for physical intimacy. There’s no way it will happen again, and it’s not like we touched each other.
Even if I wanted him to.
I expect Liam to drop me off at Bean Haven, but he parks around back and gets out of the truck with me, following me silently up the stairs to my apartment, the smell of bacon already permeating the air, making me want to gag.
“I’m sorry, Han,” he sighs, looking at me with sympathy.
“It’s fine. It’s party day, it’s just a smell. It’s not like I don’t cook with meat on the daily for Charlie.”
“Yeah, but not bacon. You can’t stand that smell.”
“I’ll survive. Nothing is going to ruin this day.”
We walk into my house and find my sisters, Harlow and Hailey, sitting at my little table with Charlotte eating homemade breakfast sandwiches. Charlie jumps up from where she’s sitting, running in my direction with her arms in the air like she hasn’t seen me in a month.
“Mumma!” she squeals as I kneel down and wrap her in my arms. I breathe her in deeply, filling my lungs with her green apple shampoo.
“I missed you, my bestie. Did you have fun with your aunt? I see the grumpy one got here.”
“Real nice, Han. Good to see you too,” Harlow chastises.
“We had fun. I got to stay up late, and we had popcorn with M&M’S!” After she’s done hugging me, she moves to Liam, who scoops her into his arms. She’s far too big to be held like a baby at this point, but I wonder if he’ll ever stop.
“You’re back, bear! What did you do?”
“I danced all night with your momma. She’s a terrible dancer though, stepped on my toes a lot.” Charlie explodes into a fit of laughter at my expense and I can’t help but join in.
“Where’s Garbage? I miss him and I know he misses me and it’s not fair. I want to see him. He’s so sad. Mumma, Garbage is so sad! I can hear him crying.”
“We can’t keep calling him Garbage, Charlie, remember? Do you want us to call you Kitchen?”
“No. ’Cause I already have a name and it’s Charlotte Sidney Haven. Garbage didn’t have a name. Ms. Katie said everyone needs a name. He can’t not have a name. Duhhhh.”
Liam and I look at each other before losing it completely. He sets Charlie down on the ground, bent over laughing at her absurdity.
“Well, aren’t you three just the cutest family? One of you gonna spill how this finally happened? Cause I’m callin’ horseshit now that I’ve seen it.” Harlow’s voice breaks our fit of laughter. My eyes go wide at my sister, who’s now standing with her arms crossed, leaning against the wall of the kitchen watching us .
“Charlie, why don’t you and Hailey go pick out the best outfit to wear today for your party. You can wear anything you want as long as you feel good in it. I’ll be right there.”
Charlie skips off to her bedroom and I arch a brow at my asshole, skeptical sister.
“Start over,” I tell her with an attitude.
“This”—she waves her hand between Liam and I—“whatever it is between you two, didn’t just happen overnight. So, what gives?”
“You’re right, Lo, it’s been twenty years in the making. You got a problem with it? Or are you still butthurt Dallas is off the market now and you can’t possibly be happy for me?”
“That man is fine as hell, but there is no way I wanted anything more than one night with him. We’re not talking about me though, we’re talking about you, jumping from one relationship to the next, with no time in between to figure your own shit out. You have a daughter to think about.”
I feel Liam stiffen next to me, Hulk hovering right under the surface. I drop my head back and let a deep laugh escape me as his hand rubs my back, letting me know that he’s right there for support.
“Wow. You are so much like Mom it’s like looking directly at her. First off, you have no damn right to come into my home and give me your unsolicited opinion about my life. I juggle every single day by myself with the help of friends. Grandma is too old to be anything but a sounding board for me at this point. I bust my ass to run Bean Haven—by myself, I might add—and raise my daughter without the help of her father or any family around. I’ve been a single mom since the day I got pregnant with her. And as far as jumping from relationship to relationship—Lo, what relationship did I have with Levi? The one where he showed up randomly every few months to get his dick wet and then bounce? No, you don’t get to judge me. You have no damn idea what’s between me and Liam, and it’s none of your business. So either get out or get on board because I don’t need anyone’s blessing in order to be with him. He’s not going anywhere.”
Liam’s arm wraps around my waist and tugs me into his side, holding me close to him as I work to steady my breathing and not launch myself across the kitchen at the Wicked Witch of the West and claw out her eyes.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I was just trying to look out for you, but I can see how that isn’t what you need or what is helpful. I love you, Han, and I’m sorry.”
I let out a rough exhale, letting the situation defuse and my emotions calm down.
“Thanks for saying that. Just don’t come at me, Lo, it’s not needed. I’m a big girl. Let’s just move on and celebrate Charlie today. She needs a happy mom, I’m playing the role of two parents here, it’s hard enough as it is. Let’s just get through the day and focus on making her feel special.”
With that, I grab Liam’s hand and pull him behind me to my bedroom to decompress for a moment before going downstairs to put the finishing touches on the cupcakes and all the other party prep that needs to be done.
Liam shuts the door behind us and grabs me by the shoulders, pulling me into a tight hug, his huge arms wrapping around me. I relax my head on his chest, hugging him back around his firm waist, filling my lungs with his clean, woodsy smell.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t have to lie to me, you know. I can see right through you. Perks of knowing you our entire lives.”
“She’s such a bitch sometimes. A mini-Cynthia but with claws. I want to smack the shit out of her smug-ass face sometimes. Ugh!”
“I get it. Why do you think my dad forced the four of us boys to take boxing lessons from a young age? He wanted us to have an outlet to channel all that rage.”
“And now look at you four, still pummeling the shit out of each other on the regular.”
“Yeah, but the love between us is damn strong. I would die for any one of my siblings. Even if I do need to throttle them every once in a while.”
I step back from his hold, sitting on the edge of my bed, lost in my own thoughts, when he drops down in front of me.
“Hey, everything’s going to be okay. I’ve got you. You can handle anything because you’re a badass. So take a minute, but then pull yourself together and let’s get shit done. Today’s not about us, we’ll focus on all the other crap tomorrow.”
I reach out, running my fingers through his messy locks before settling my fingers along the scruff of his jaw. Without thinking, I lean in, pecking him on the corner of his mouth. When I pull back, his lips have turned up into a smile that reaches his eyes, crinkling them slightly.
“What was that for?”
“For always having my back. You and me?”
“You and me.”
After several hours of party prep and two trips back and forth from Bean Haven to Liam’s house right outside the distillery property, it’s party time for my sweet Charlotte. My parents called not long ago to video chat with her, which I appreciated, and so did Charlie. Even if our relationship may be strained, they are good grandparents, and I know they love their granddaughter. How could you not? Unless you’re Levi.
Liam had completely transformed his garage into a magical Moana-themed party, complete with large character cut-outs of Moana, Maui, HeiHei, and Pua for the kids to take photos with. Luckily for everyone here, the rain has held back, and we’ve been gifted a rare sunny day. The rays beat down on our little part of the world, melting away what little is left of the snow, and bringing some much-needed warmth and sunshine into my little girl’s life.
There are two types of people who live in Aspen Ridge. Ones who thrive under the near-constant cloud cover, and those who leave the first opportunity they can for warmer, sunnier weather. I hope to mother above that my daughter is like me and is the first. But if her life calls her away, I’ll be cheering her on always.
The majority of Liam’s family is here, along with both of my sisters, our friends Reid and Owen, and what seems like Charlotte’s entire Pre-K classroom and their parents. It’s such a good turnout.
Sawyer, Ivy, and Reid find me at the craft table after helping the kids get set up with their little sensory bottle projects. Ivy’s belly has completely popped out at this point, but she looks so full of life, happy, and glowing. The complete opposite of me when I was pregnant with Charlie.
“Look at you, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more beautiful expectant mother.”
“Mother. Jesus. It sounds so surreal,” she replies.
“Better get used to it, butterfly, I plan to have you pregnant for the next few years.”
I give Ivy a sympathetic look, but she waves me off. “I’m ready for it. We want five. ”
“At least,” Sawyer adds.
“For fuck’s sake, more power to you. My hands are full with just the one right now. I couldn’t even imagine multiple of them. How are you, Reid? I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks!”
He shrugs his big shoulders. “Life’s been busy, Han, but I’m decent enough. No complaints.”
“Drogo will never complain,” Ivy adds, rolling her eyes at him.
“Hey, baby cakes. Having fun?” I ask Kinsey as she joins our little circle.
“Yes. Didn’t you know I love working five days a week and then spending my Saturdays with the children who I’m supposed to be getting a break from?” she jokes, and we all laugh.
“I know, I know! I’m sorry. But I’m grateful you’re here. Anything new going on with you?”
“Nothing. Work. Looking for a new place to live, actually, but it is ridiculous in this town. Someone either needs to move out of AR or die. And if someone could please do that, I would love to get out of my parents’ house STAT.”
Sawyer laughs, and Ivy and I both narrow our eyes at him. These boys are so ridiculous with how they treat their poor sister. They think by putting her on a pedestal, that they’re keeping her safe and loved, when all they’re doing is smothering her and keeping her from living her life.
“I’ll keep my ears open in case something comes up, and I’ll let you know,” Reid chimes in.
“Thanks, Reid,” Kinsey says fairly sheepishly before continuing. “Actually, I was hoping to talk to you about something.”
“What’s up?”
“I want to get a tattoo. ”
“Ha! Fuck no,” Sawyer snaps.
“Sorry, sweetheart. Not a chance. You tryin’ to get me killed?”
“That’s fine, I expected that. I’ll find someone else.”
“The fuck you will, Kinsey,” Sawyer demands. I link my arm through hers and drag her away from the group of them, sticking my tongue out and leaving them for Ivy to deal with. She can control Sawyer and pull him off the ledge, and the two of them are both best friends with Reid. They’ll sort out their shit.
“So, a tattoo, huh?”
“I want one, I want to experience it. Something small and hidden. My brothers are fucking ridiculous. Who did yours?”
I squirm, my face bunching up as I wince.
“Fuck, really? Reid?”
“Yeah, babe. He’s a master at fine line and his florals are to die for. I wouldn’t go to anyone else.”
“Shit. Whelp. That’s out.”
“Don’t stress about it, we’ll figure something out. I’ll help you.”
“Thanks, love you, Han. By the way, I can’t tell you how happy I am for you and Liam. First Ivy coming back and now you. It really feels like our family is coming together the way it was always meant to.”
And with that statement, part of my heart shatters. The weight of what Liam and I are doing, and all of the people it will impact and affect once this ends will be devastating. Kinsey walks away as I stand slightly stunned next to the outdoor tables set up between the house and the garage.
“Hannah, you’re looking a little flushed, sweetie. Are you feeling okay?” Liam’s mom, Amy, says to me, her words sounding a little too far away.
My cheeks flame as I put both of my shaky hands on the table to stop the swaying, the feeling of standing on a boat out at sea washing over me. My head starts to pound, and I squint my eyes against the onslaught of the ice pick assaulting my brain. Shit. It hits me just as the world starts to fade to black.
Two lattes.
No food.