8. Chapter Eight
Chapter Eight
B eyond tired. Everything hurt. Every big and little cut and bruise and broken bone. Her muscles still ached from the fight. Nothing felt normal. Brooke wanted to wake up from this nightmare. But she was already awake and still drowning in misery and heartache.
She opened her eyes and stared across at Cody, lying on his back on Mindy Sue’s bed, his forearm over his eyes, the other arm draped across his flat belly.
Sometime in the middle of the night, she’d woken to the pain radiating through her whole body. His deep, gentle voice whispered in her ear that she was safe. She’d be okay. Then he gave her the blessed pills that sent her back into oblivion.
She remembered feeling his lips pressed to her forehead and how it paused everything else and gave her a moment of joy before it crashed into pain once again.
He didn’t belong to her.
He’d leave and go back to Kristi and his life with her .
She had nothing left of her old life. Not even her baby.
And if Cody was here, that meant he knew what had happened. What she’d failed to do. She didn’t have to tell him.
All she had to do was face the kindness he’d show her, because he was a good guy. She didn’t deserve his kindness. She’d failed. And they’d lost the precious soul she didn’t protect.
She clenched her hand over the tiny vessel that held her daughter’s ashes and turned away from Cody. It hurt to look at him, to know that the piece of him he’d given her was gone.
Moving set off a quake of pain that sent one aftershock after another of spasms and agony through her system. She tried to settle into a position that didn’t press on any injury, but with so many, that was hard to do.
The tears came again in a wave of sadness that washed over her. She tried to be quiet and not wake Cody. She didn’t need or want his sympathy. Even worse, his pity.
She just wanted to be left alone to grieve and disappear into nothing so she didn’t feel anything anymore.
A hand settled on her shoulder. She nearly jumped out of her skin and sucked in a gasp, ready to scream as a shockwave of pain radiated through her whole body. “Hey, sweetheart.”
She flinched at the sound of his voice and his light touch.
Adam had done this to her. He’d taken her sense of security. For months now, she’d lived in a constant state of fear.
“It’s okay, sweetheart.” Cody brushed his fingers through her tangled hair. “It’s just me. It’s Cody. Remember? I came last night.”
Her tears subsided and she tensed even more under his soft touch.
He didn’t mean it.
She met his blue gaze. “Let’s get this over with, so we can both end this.”
Cody’s brows shot up. “What are you talking about?”
“Do whatever you need to do. Yell. Rage. Tell me how you think I’m a terrible friend for keeping her from you. Tell me it’s my fault she’s g-gone. I didn’t p-protect h-h-er. I…I d-didn’t s-save h-her.” She choked out one sobbing cry after the next. “Go ahead! Say it! I deserve it. I can take it.”
Cody shook his head. “You couldn’t take a gentle breeze right now, sweetheart.”
“How can you call me that?”
“Because none of this is your fault. It’s mine. But I’m going to fix it. I promise.”
“You can’t fix this.” Tears welled in her eyes. “She’s gone! And it’s not your fault.” Her words showed her rising agitation.
Cody hung his head. “Maybe you’re right. It’s his . But the divide between you and me…that’s my fault.”
Brooke turned away from him. “It doesn’t matter now.”
“Yes, it fucking does.” He leaned over the bed so he could see her face. “It matters more than anything. And I’m going to prove it to you.”
The tears wouldn’t stop. It was too late. There’d been too much damage, too much loss to go back. “I just want to be left alone.”
He shook his head. “No, you don’t.”
She tried to roll away from him and ended up hurting herself. She groaned in agony as another wave of tears hit.
Cody softly brushed his fingertips over her hair. “Hey, baby, come on now. Be still. Take a breath. Just one. Nice and slow.”
She tried as she shifted over to her back again and settled into the pillows surrounding her.
“That’s it. There now. One more.” His fingers sifting through her hair settled her even more. “That’s better. Relax. It’s just after six. You can have another round of meds.” Cody uncapped bottles and shook out pills next to her. The mini fridge under the desk opened and closed. “I’m going to slip my arm under your shoulders and lift you up a bit so you can take these.”
He moved her slow and easy, lifting her head, handing her the pills, then the bottle of water.
She downed all three, then settled back on the bed and laid her hand over their daughter on her belly. She needed to keep her close to help ease the overwhelming sense of loss.
“Those should kick in soon. You’ll feel better.”
“Not likely.” Not ever.
Cody’s gaze swept over her, landing on all the injuries and evidence of the brutal attack she’d survived only to wish she were dead.
“Go away.” She wanted to be left alone. That’s how she felt. So alone. So empty.
Cody hung his head again, then met her sullen gaze. “I’m not going anywhere.” He dug his fingers into his bloodshot eyes and rubbed. “So stop telling me to go.” It sounded like she’d hurt his feelings.
She really couldn’t deal with the loss of her child and her broken friendship with Cody right now. “There’s a donut shop half a block away. Go. Get some coffee. Leave me alone.” She tried to roll over, but pain shot through her abdomen and her shoulder. She moaned and moved back, closed her eyes, and focused on trying to relax through the pain.
Cody brushed his hand over her head again. “Be still, sweetheart. Let me help you. Do you want to get up?”
She needed to pee, but she didn’t want his help. She didn’t want him to see just how bad she felt. The last thing she wanted or needed was his pity.
“I can do it.”
“Honey, you couldn’t swat a fly in the shape you’re in.”
“Fine. You want to play Prince Charming with a stick up his ass, let’s do that.” It hurt to have him so close and not have their daughter here. She’d waited too long, wasted too much time, and she’d denied him any chance of being a part of the pregnancy. He’d have no memory of her kicking against Brooke’s belly, or seeing her bump grow each month. They’d never talked about names. Brooke had a few in mind but had wanted to wait until after she told Cody. Now it was too late.
She wished she could just curl up in his arms and cry and let him take some of the pain she was feeling away. She wanted to tell him so many things, and all of them were stuck in her throat and muddled in her mind. The only clear thing she could remember at the moment was he was going to marry Kristi in two weeks.
He’d chosen her.
And with the loss of their baby, Brooke had no place in Cody’s future.
He was only here out of obligation.
“Just go, Cody. Go get some coffee. Get something to eat. Let me get up and figure out how I’m going to get through this day.”
“We can’t keep doing this, Brooke, acting like we’re okay without the other person in our life. I’m sorry for the way things went over Christmas. I’m sorry that you thought you couldn’t tell me you were pregnant. I know why you did it, but you still should have told me.” The choked-up words made her already broken heart ache even more. “I’m even sorrier you spent the last few days in the hospital grieving for our girl all alone. I should have been there. I should have been with you.” He leaned down and pressed his head to hers and whispered, “All this time, I should have been with you. I’m so sorry.”
She didn’t know what to do with those heartfelt words. Or the tears that dripped from his cheek onto her skin. She wanted to believe he meant it, that he wanted to be with her, but that was just his grief and emotions getting away from him.
Right?
She turned and found tears sliding down his cheeks, her sorrow reflected back to her from his watery eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, then leaned over and kissed the back of her hand where she held their daughter against her belly. Then he whispered to her. “I wish you were still here.”
Brooke lost it and broke down again.
Cody softly kissed her tear-drenched lips. “I’m sorry she’s gone, sweetheart. I’m sorry more than you know. I didn’t know she was on the way, but I miss her so much already.”
He hadn’t moved more than a few inches from her face. Just enough for her to see he truly meant what he said. “We have a lot to talk about. One of those things is Kristi and the wedding. Right now, though, I just want to take care of you. Please. Let me do that.”
Overwhelmed, she simply couldn’t think and process what he was trying to tell her. This was his guilt and grief and pain making him talk and act like this.
Mindy Sue walked in, giving her a reprieve from having to confront her past with Cody again. “Hey, sweetie, you’re up. How are you this morning?” Mindy Sue stood behind Cody, staring down at her.
“You called him,” she accused.
“No. He just showed up.”
Cody sighed and planted his hands on his hips. “We received a bunch of insurance statements for Brooke’s prenatal care and a condolence card from the funeral home.”
Guilt swamped Brooke.
“Oh God, Cody. I’m sorry that’s how you found out.” Mindy Sue said exactly what Brooke wanted to say.
She never meant for him or her mom to hear what happened from anyone but her. She simply didn’t have the strength or emotional capacity to call them yet.
Cody continued to stare at her. “If not for the mail, that card, I might not have found out about any of this for days. I would have…”
“Married Kristi and been on your honeymoon,” Mindy Sue finished for him. “Yeah. Great. Good for you,” she said sarcastically. “Come on, Brooke. I’ll help you change the bandages and get dressed. Do you want to wash your hair today?”
“I want to cut it off and hang myself with it.”
Cody and Mindy Sue understood she wasn’t entirely joking and exchanged concerned looks.
She leaned up on her elbow and tried to lever herself up without hurting anything. No such luck. Everything hurt first thing in the morning. By the afternoon, she’d be better. Once her body started moving, it seemed to do better to just keep moving. Too bad it was only a milder pain than overwhelming like now.
She struggled, and Cody gently put his hands at the back of her shoulders and pushed her up until she was sitting. She sucked in a breath and pressed a hand to her abdomen.
“Okay?” he asked, concerned.
“No. I am not okay. They practically cut me in half.” Okay, that was a little dramatic and an exaggeration, but that’s how it felt, like she’d been gutted. “Just move back and let me get up.”
Cody did what she asked, but with little room to maneuver, he remained close. She stood and swayed and almost fell down. Cody’s strong but gentle hands gripped her hips to steady her. “Easy, sweetheart.”
Brooke put a hand to her head and waited for the room to stop spinning.
“You need to eat, Brooke. You barely touched anything yesterday. I’ll go out and get us something. You shouldn’t take those meds without food anyway.”
“I’m not hungry,” she said automatically.
“I’ll get your favorite. Bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits. You can even have coffee again.”
She’d given up caffeine when she’d found out she was pregnant. She hadn’t had a cup in months, or a soda for that matter. She’d tried to eat as healthy as possible. Ice cream had been the one craving for sugary treats she’d allowed herself, telling herself that at least it had protein and calcium in it.
Mindy Sue put her hand on Brooke’s shoulder. “Sweetie, please don’t start crying again. I just put on my makeup, and I’d like it to last at least an hour before we start again. Deal?”
Brooke took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in her throat. “Deal.”
She felt it then. Her breasts tingled and the warm, wet milk soaked through the cloth Mindy Sue must have put over her during the night. Her breasts were so full they actually hurt to the touch.
Tears welled in her eyes. She couldn’t speak. She stumbled her way to her dresser and found a new shirt, a bra, and the pads Mindy Sue had gotten at the drugstore to absorb the leaking milk. Without a word, she hobbled to the door and walked out, leaving Cody behind.
Mindy Sue followed. “You know you can’t change on your own.”
She stopped in the hallway and hung her head, her ankle aching, arms throbbing and stinging. “I can’t believe he came.”
“Of course he came. He loves you, Brooke. I saw it written all over his face last night. He was scared and desperate to see you. He knew he almost lost you forever and it devastated him.”
They’d been friends forever. Of course he cared. That hadn’t ended when he proposed to Kristi. Brooke had just gotten too caught up in thinking it had turned into something more, and when she didn’t get what she wanted, she couldn’t accept anything less.
“I needed some space.”
“Right now, you need him and your mom. You need to go home and give yourself the time and space you need to heal. You can’t do that here, where it all happened.”
“I’m not sure I can do it there either with him and Kristi in my face.” The ranch wasn’t home anymore. Not with them living there together. And even if she stayed at the new apartment, Cody would still be checking in. She recognized that from the way he was acting now. That would only make Kristi angry and stir up even more animosity and trouble between all of them.
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that. Cody said some things last night, things you need to hear from him.”
“About Kristi?”
“And about how he really feels about you.”
Brooke couldn’t even process that piece of information. “What do you mean?”
“It’s for him to say. And I’m sure he will, once you’re home. Plus, you’ll be with your mom.”
Brooke desperately wanted to see her.
The rest, she’d have to figure out later, when she had a clearer head and heart.
Mindy Sue helped her to the bathroom. Brooke had the use of her left hand, though her fingers were cut and swollen. It hurt to move her arm and pull on the stitches, but it was better than nothing.
She used the restroom, then Mindy Sue helped wipe her body down with a washcloth, wash her face, brush her teeth, tie her hair in a ponytail, and change her clothes.
It sucked that she couldn’t manage on her own, but Mindy Sue was quick and efficient and Brooke felt a hell of a lot better.
And exhausted, though she’d barely done anything.
Slow going with the brace on her leg, but she managed to get back to their room while Mindy Sue ran out to get food.
Brooke opened the door and found Cody still there waiting for her.
“You look better. I called your mom and gave her an update. She can’t wait to see you. Do you want me to call her back so you can speak to her?”
“No. I…I just can’t yet.”
Cody stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Okay.”
“That’s it?”
“I’m letting you lead here, Brooke. Whatever you need, I’ll make sure you get it.”
She needed help with the bandages. It was nearly time to turn in her term paper; maybe she’d ask Mindy Sue to do it after she returned with breakfast. The dean had notified all her professors she might not be up to attending the last few remaining classes. She wanted to take her final and just leave.
She’d miss graduation.
She tried to tell herself it didn’t matter. But she couldn’t go through with it because everyone would know she’d been attacked by the campus stalker.
One more thing Adam had taken from her.
Cody obviously wanted to take her back to the ranch. She wanted to see her mom, but…yeah, not a good idea. Too many memories. Too much quiet to think.
And the upcoming wedding on the ranch. All those people coming to wish the happy couple a happy life. All of it made her want to scream.
Cody sat on her bed, looking through her notebook. “You had everything planned. A budget for daycare, diapers, formula. Everything to raise our daughter on your own.” He held up some printouts. “Cars for sale. Local mechanics to check them out before you bought one. A shopping list. A car seat, crib, dresser, changing table, a baby bathtub.”
He shook his head. “When Kristi told me she was pregnant, she started planning a wedding. We didn’t have a single conversation about buying a car seat for the baby, or getting a bathtub especially for them.”
Brooke didn’t know what to say. She didn’t care what he and Kristi talked about, or didn’t.
“You found out you were pregnant and started planning how you’d finish school, provide for and care for our baby, and focused on being a mom.”
She still didn’t say anything, because her throat closed and tears threatened. Yes, she had plans, but she didn’t need any of them anymore because she wasn’t going to be a mother.
But Brooke could do one thing for Cody. She opened the desk drawer and pulled out the framed photos of their baby’s ultrasound.
She handed one to him.
He touched his fingers to the black and white image. “Look at her.” He traced his fingers over her little face in the one image, and her little feet pressed to Brooke’s abdomen in another. She loved that picture. Cody seemed to count out her little toes.
“It took Kristi weeks to tell me she’d lost the baby. You were going to wait nearly seven months to tell me I was going to be a father.” He looked up at her. “Am I really that hard to talk to, Brooke? Do I make it impossible for the people closest to me to tell me things they think I don’t want to hear?”
“I’ve never had trouble telling you what I think, even if you are stubborn and don’t listen sometimes.”
He met her gaze, the anger she’d been waiting for front and center in his eyes. “But you couldn’t tell me you were pregnant.”
“Circumstances, Cody. There were reasons, and you know them all. I was going to tell you in July,” she said, choked up. “I hoped you’d be there for the delivery. I thought we could pick out her name. I was going to help you put together a room at the ranch for her when she stayed with you and Kristi. I made plans for you and me to be her parents together , even if we lived apart.”
Brooke couldn’t stand to see the pain in his eyes. She turned to her dresser to put away her things and tossed her dirty tank top and washcloth in the laundry basket.
“You were waiting for the wedding to be over and for Kristi and me to come back from our honeymoon. Mindy Sue told me last night. She also told me you almost called to tell me you were pregnant after I left you that damn message telling you Kristi lost the baby. But you didn’t. You love me that much, you’d let me marry another woman, even though you were pregnant with my baby.”
“I wish I had called.” Immediately, she wanted to take that back. She couldn’t let him think that anything would have been different. She turned and faced him, even though she couldn’t look at him. “It wouldn’t have changed what happened.” She sighed and spilled the truth. “Adam Harris and I met at the Fourth of July picnic at the ranch. He’d been there several times before, I just never really talked to him until then. We talked about school and how he lived in his father’s shadow, always falling short of his family’s expectations. I don’t think anyone really listened to him or cared about how he felt. I did. It was that simple, and he warped it into something that wasn’t real.”
“Mindy Sue told me he’s been stalking you this whole time. Terrorizing you. Still, you didn’t call me. You never said anything to your mom.”
“What was the point of making you and Mom worry about something that seemed creepy, yes, but also innocuous? He sent me flowers to the house after the Christmas party, remember?”
Cody’s eyes went wide. “The roses you thought I sent you?”
“The note said, ‘You made last night remarkable.’”
His mouth fell open. “Of course you thought they were from me.”
She nodded. “Then it was gifts and nice notes when I returned to campus. He did seem like a secret admirer with an undertone of something scary because of the way he followed me around without my knowing. It unnerved me. It made me paranoid. I suffered overwhelming anxiety. After a couple weeks without the person coming forward to ask me out, it went from odd to a warning of something ominous.”
She sat slowly and carefully in the chair at the desk. “The detective who came to see me in the hospital said even if he hadn’t attacked me that night and got me to wherever he planned to take me, that he probably would have killed me eventually.” She shook off the chill that ran down her spine and invaded all her bones. “Adam imagined us in love, that I was his perfect woman. The second I didn’t live up to the fantasy, he attacked me. He said I was supposed to be his. He stared at my baby bump and couldn’t believe I’d let another man touch me.”
“Not just another man, sweetheart. Me. I got you pregnant. She was our baby. We’ll get through this together.”
She ignored the last part, too aware that there was nothing left between them, not when the Brooke he’d known had died along with their daughter. She felt like an empty shell. Or rather, one filled with nothing but heartache and pain.
It hurt to breathe.
She didn’t want to be here.
But she trudged on anyway and cocked her chin toward the closet. “Could you get that bag for me?” Too tired to get up, she waited for him to retrieve it for her. It took too much effort to simply exist through the emotional and physical pain.
A fine sheen of sweat covered her skin. Getting herself cleaned up and talking about what happened had sapped every ounce of energy she’d stored up after her fitful night of sleep. She needed to take a nap, and she’d only been up for an hour.
He grabbed the paper bag from the closet and dumped the contents on her bed, then rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, hesitation in his eyes. “I’m afraid to see what’s under all those bandages.”
“It’s not pretty.” She tried to use her right hand to unwind the bandages on her left arm, the one less injured, but it hurt to move her swollen fingers and hold her arm up at all.
Cody lightly touched her hand to still it. “Let me help you, honey. Just sit and rest. I’ll do it.”
He took the strand of bandage in one hand, her wrist in the other, and continued what she’d started. As he went, he removed the gauze pads covering long and short gashes that had been stitched closed. The sight of them made Cody’s eyes cloud with concern.
“They look better today, less swollen,” she said softly. “Um, there’s a tube of medicine to put on the worst of them.”
Cody rifled through the stuff he’d dumped on the bed. He found the tube and turned back to her.
Seeing the gashes triggered something primal inside her. One second, she was aware of the room, Cody, the pain inside her that never ceased. The next second, her mind shut off. It happened just that fast. She simply checked out. Lost in the fog of her mind, everything dull and quiet and blank.
Better than the images of the attack that tried to suck her back into a terror-filled nightmare.
Everything just went black.
Cody didn’t know what happened. One second she was looking at him, then the grizzly gashes on her arm, and her eyes and face simply went blank. Nothing there. No movement. No emotion. Nothing.
Brooke was simply gone. Lost to wherever she went in her mind.
He bent at the waist and cupped her cheek, waving his other hand in front of her eyes.
Like a switch flicked, she came alive like she was ready to fight. She exploded, swatting and kicking and blocking. She screamed and tried to hit him again.
“Brooke!” Cody shouted right in her face.
She flinched and stilled, her gaze wide and finally focusing on him.
“Not Adam.” The whispered words tore his heart to pieces and made him want to rage.
He was still tormenting her.
Cody brushed his fingertips softly along her cheek. “It’s me, honey. It’s Cody.”
Her focus finally settled on him.
The tears came again.
His face was so close to hers, their noses nearly brushed. His breath mingled with hers as he breathed her in. “It’s okay. You’re okay. No one is going to hurt you. You’re safe.” He pressed his forehead to hers, while she sat staring up at him like she couldn’t quite believe he was here and not Adam fucking Harris.
She touched her fingertips to his cheek. “You’re real.”
“That’s my girl. Yes. It’s me, Cody. You know me.” He brushed his fingers down her hair, patiently waiting for her to really see him. “There. Now you see me. Let’s fix your arm.” He stood back and gently ran his fingertips up the backside of her arm until he slid his hand under her elbow. He held it up while he put the medicine on the worst of the cuts that covered her forearm.
Seeing them, her, like this, it gutted him.
“I’m sorry, Brooke. I should have known you weren’t up for talking and moving around too much. We’ll take things slow from now on. I promise.”
She sat, blankly looking over his shoulder. Her whole body slumped in the chair. He had to hold her arm up for her. It was like she’d lost the strength to say anything or even move. She’d used up all her reserves and just needed to sit and not think or feel for a while.
He understood her desire to check out. But he’d have to watch her over the next few days and weeks to be sure she didn’t fall too far into despair and away from him and living her life.
He finished putting the medicine on her wounds. “There we go, sweetheart. Did the doctor say to keep these covered?”
She dropped her gaze to her arm, then quickly turned away from it.
One of the cuts on her hand looked pretty bad. Two others farther up on her arm weren’t in much better shape. The others were red but healing. Not so raw.
“Brooke, honey. Do we need to cover all of these again?”
“Hmm. Yes. No. What?”
“Look at me, honey.” When she did, he asked, “Do we need to cover this like before?”
“No. The doctor said to cover the bad ones.” She looked down at her arm again. “So, yeah, I guess that would be all of them, don’t you think?”
He cupped her cheek. “We’ll cover up the worst of them and leave the others alone. How long until the stitches come out?”
“I’m not sure. They gave me some papers with all the information. Mindy Sue put it in my bag. Some stay for a few more days. Others a week. Some more.”
“Okay. When we get home, I’ll make you an appointment with Dr. Nash. He can check you out and take out whatever stitches you don’t need when it’s time.”
She grunted a noncommittal response.
He went ahead and put bandages over the worst cuts and rewound her arm in gauze to cover everything.
He ran his hands up and down her thighs until she looked at him. “I need to take the brace and bandages off your broken arm. I’m not sure I can do it without causing you severe pain.”
“Just do it.” She used her left hand to pull the straps free on the brace and winced, then gritted her teeth.
Cody took over, going slowly and methodically until he could lay the brace open with her arm on the desktop.
Every little jarring motion hurt her. The blood drained from her face and sweat broke out on her brow.
Cody tried to work quickly without jarring or moving her arm. He used the scissors on the desk to cut the gauze away. He tossed all the old bandages into the trash and quickly covered the cuts in medicine, re-covering them with new gauze pads.
His hands shook. He hated hurting her. He hated that Adam had done this to her and hadn’t paid the price Brooke was paying now in pain and sorrow.
“Breathe, Brooke. I’m almost done.” Instead of winding gauze around her arm again, he simply strapped the brace back on, trying his best not to move her wrist at all. “The brace will hold the bandages in place.” He breathed a huge sigh of relief, then pulled her tank top strap down her shoulder and gently peeled the tape away from her skin, revealing the double scars where she’d been stabbed.
It shocked him to see the twin stitched cuts and bruising.
This could have been so much worse.
He tossed the bloody pads into the trash, slathered on a generous amount of medicine, then placed a new bandage over the wounds, taping it on all sides.
He breathed a huge sigh of relief to have one more task done.
But…now came the hardest one.
Cody sat and stared at her abdomen for a long moment, hesitating.
She gently pulled her top up, revealing the large bandage taped to her still-extended belly. She didn’t look six months pregnant anymore, but her stomach wasn’t flat either. Just deflated. Empty now.
His gaze rose to her engorged breasts. Soon her milk would dry up. She’d carried their daughter but never got to nurse her, hold her close and smell her, while she rocked and fed her.
That had been taken from her, too.
He’d never get to see that pretty picture in real life. Well, not with their daughter, but maybe with another child. One day. He hoped.
You’re getting ahead of yourself.
He refocused on her belly, wondering how she had felt about sharing her body with their daughter. What a wonder that must have been for her. But now…she must feel so utterly alone and empty.
He wanted to say something to acknowledge that fact but didn’t have words, because he felt an empty place in his heart now, too, and nothing would take away the ache and sorrow of losing another child for him.
But maybe being here for Brooke, helping her through this difficult time, would help him heal, too.
Cody rubbed his hands up and down her thighs to get her attention again, but all she did was stare at the wall, like she couldn’t stand to look at her abdomen.
He sighed and gently peeled the bandage off her stomach, revealing the eight-inch, crescent-shaped line of stitches carved along the side of her belly button, disturbingly red and angry looking. He carefully dabbed on the medicine.
She hissed in a breath at his soft touch.
He stopped immediately and looked up at her.
Tears slid down her face, and one landed on her chest.
He brushed it away with the pad of his thumb, then brought it to his mouth and sucked it away, distracting her from the pain.
“Cody, please. It’s too much. You have a fiancée waiting for you back home.” She wasn’t in any condition to hear what he had to say about that.
“We’ll talk about Kristi when you’re feeling better. Just know, everything has changed. I am here for you. So if you need me to tend your wounds, wipe away your tears, cry with you, hold you, love you, then I will do any and all of those things, anything to make you feel better. Or at least not worse. Because I understand your grief. I feel it, too.”
Tears filled her eyes again. She didn’t say anything about what he’d said, just gave the barest hint of a nod that she’d heard him, and kept staring at the wall.
He placed his hand on the outside of her abdomen, feeling the heat radiating from her skin. “This one looks really bad. I think it’s infected. Did the doctor say anything about it?”
“He said it would be better in a few days and to make sure to keep taking the antibiotics they prescribed and using the medicine on it.”
“Okay, I’ll put more on later this afternoon and again tonight.” He slathered on the medicine and bandaged the wound, taping it in place.
Others in the dorm were up and making noise in the hall and their rooms. A door slammed and she flinched, then immediately swiveled her head toward the door, like she expected him to walk through it any second. Her whole body trembled.
He put both hands on her thighs and squeezed, anchoring her to the here and now. “You need to get away from here and rest where it’s quiet.”
She needed someplace she could sleep without being disturbed, or thinking someone was coming after her.
“I want to take you back to the ranch. You need to rest. Your mother is frantic to see you.”
She pressed her lips tight. “I have to turn in my paper and take one last test, so I can graduate. I can’t let him take that away from me, too. The dean mentioned something about the press, too.” Her breathing picked up after she said that last part.
Cody didn’t like that she feared the press hounding her. He wouldn’t let that happen. “You’re not talking to the press, or giving them a statement. I don’t want you to talk to anyone, including the governor and police, about what happened without me present.”
Her gaze went back to the wall. “Okay.”
“Okay? That’s it? No argument? You wouldn’t rather have Doug Wagner handling things for you?” Hurt tinged those bitter words.
“Doug was very helpful, but I don’t want to take advantage, if you’re willing to help me.”
“I would have helped you through all of this if you’d said one single word that made me even suspect you were in trouble. I’m here, Brooke. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll keep you safe and everyone you don’t want to see away. I promise.”
He needed her to trust him. He needed her to believe he wasn’t going anywhere. He’d be right by her side. Forever if she’d have him.
“I don’t really care what the press wants, what the governor wants, what the police and the school want. None of it matters. They can’t bring her back.” She stood from the desk chair and managed to lower herself onto the bed behind Cody. The heavy brace on her leg made it difficult to manage, but she settled on her side facing the wall, grabbed their daughter, brought her to her chest, and held tight. “I just want everyone to leave me alone.”
She kept her back to him, her shoulders shaking as she cried.
He gave her some space, seeing the exhaustion on her face and in how hard every move seemed to be for her.
But he couldn’t help offering comfort when she needed it so badly. He sifted his fingers through her soft hair and brushed it away from her cheek. “Get some rest, honey. Mindy Sue will be back soon with the food. You’ll eat, and you’ll feel a little better.”
He hoped so anyway, because he couldn’t stand to see her so broken and in pain, lost to her anguish and unable to really hear what he was trying tell her, let alone believe in a future for them.
He just needed to be patient.
And have that long-overdue talk with Kristi.