21. Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-One
B rooke tried really hard to focus during the rest of the walkthrough of the second and third floor, but it was hard to get the incident in the lobby out of her head. Maybe she did need therapy.
Maybe it was too soon to be out in the world instead of under the covers in her bed, avoiding everything and everyone.
That place of numbness she both craved and hated protected her in a way. She didn’t embarrass herself in front of strangers. Or Cody.
He had to think she was losing her mind.
Cody squeezed her hand. “Stay with me, Brooke.” He led her into the third-floor apartment that was meant to be hers. The light blue walls were soothing. The massive amount of light coming in from the tall windows made the place feel open and airy. She’d imagined herself here. In her mind’s eye, she saw the furniture she had sitting in online carts, just waiting for her to click buy. The crib and changing table she and Mindy Sue both found at different times and texted to each other, saying, “This is the one.”
“Brooke, honey, what is it?” Cody swept his thumb under her eye, catching the falling tear.
“I imagined us here. Me and her. All the furniture I planned to buy. All the memories we’d make. I’d be on my own, but with her. Our first place.” She looked around the empty space and felt it echo inside her empty womb. “She’s not here.” She’s not coming. She’ll never be here.
Cody pressed his forehead to hers and looked deep into her eyes. “Can you please try to imagine a new future? With me. We can redecorate the house. It’s due for a refresh. We’ll pick things out together.”
She looked into his earnest eyes and asked about the one thing that had been circling her mind with everything else. “Did you really decide to end things with Kristi before you brought me home?”
He cupped her face and never stopped staring into her eyes. “Yes. I couldn’t pretend that I was happy settling when I really loved you. I’m happiest when I’m with you. No one compares to you.”
“But I’m not that Brooke anymore.”
“You’re her. More than and a little less than you used to be. And that’s okay. You’ve changed. I’ve changed. But this remains the same: you’re still the only woman I love more than anything.”
Something in her heart clicked back into place and eased her worries. “I’ll make a lot of money on this place. Someone’s going to love it.”
Cody’s palpable relief told her she’d eased his mind and heart, too. “I guess that means you’re staying home with me.”
Home. It had always been that to her. But right now…the way he said it…like it was their home…it hit differently. And she imagined that they really were a couple, living in the big house, loving each other. The way she’d always dreamed it would be.
“I always want to be with you.”
He sucked in a breath and stood back from her. “Do you mean that?”
She went up on tiptoe, wrapped her arms around his neck, and pulled him close. “Yes. I mean it. I’m just…”
“Scared,” he finished for her. “Like it will be taken away again. I know. I’ve felt that, too. But I won’t let it happen. Never again, Brooke. You’re mine. I’m yours. I promise.”
She loved the feel of his arms around her. “I need some time.”
“We have all the time in the world.” Cody stared down at her for a moment, then slowly bent his head, giving her time to ease away from the kiss he intended. She met him halfway, hoping to find the peace and intimacy his lips offered.
The kiss was slow and sensual. A renewal of what they’d missed while apart. A tempting prelude to the passion they once shared. Cody kept it soft, light, a reminder that they did in fact have time to take things slow and let them build. Mend. And turn into something new and lasting.
They didn’t have to rush.
Tell her heart that. It pounded in her chest as Cody took the kiss deeper, his tongue sliding along hers. Slow. Easy. Like he could kiss her all day and not get tired of her taste or her lips pressed to his.
It was a reclaiming.
Brooke had to admit, it felt so good to be held and loved like this. She wanted more. She wanted forever.
She’d lost that fear of losing him, knowing he’d finally chosen her. Not because of the baby, or because he’d almost lost her. He’d made the decision before he knew anything about the pregnancy or her attack.
Her continued grief made it hard to be joyful, even though right now, in this moment, she was happier than she’d been in a long time to be back in his arms, knowing they had a future together. She’d work her way through her grief eventually. She’d get help, because she wanted to move on. With Cody.
“Get out of your head, baby, and just feel me. Us. I kiss you and everything seems possible. I hope you feel that, too.”
“I do.” She went down to her flat feet and rested her forehead to his chin. “I still melt when you touch me. I still want you like I’ve never wanted anyone else.”
Cody tipped her chin up again with a finger beneath her chin. “You make me feel that way, too. I love you.”
“I love you, too. I’m just not all here yet.”
“I know. And that’s okay.”
She raised a brow. “Is it?”
“Yes. You need time and distance from what happened. You need to feel safe again. With me.”
She cocked a brow. “I’m not afraid of you. You would never hurt me.”
He looked her in the eye like before. “I did hurt you. And it’s okay to hold yourself back until you’re sure. Because I will prove it to you that when I say I love you, I mean it. When I say I want to marry you, I mean it. When I say I can’t live without you, I mean it.”
“I know you do.” She needed him to believe her, too.
“Maybe in your heart. But your head needs some convincing.”
“Only because it’s really hard for me to think right now.”
“I know. But you’ll get better. Your physical injuries are healing nicely. Your mind is going to take longer.”
“The nightmares have tapered off.”
“I hope that’s because you feel safe sleeping next to me.”
“I do. My head just keeps spinning.”
“What worries you the most?”
“That everyone still thinks he’s out there. Those other women don’t know what I know.”
“I have a call with Doug later. He’s been in contact with the governor.”
“You don’t want to speak to him yourself?”
“I’m trying to keep a buffer between him and you, and I can’t be civil with him right now.”
“He isn’t the one who hurt me.”
Cody’s eyes burned with rage. “No, he’s the one letting his son get away with murder.”
“Adam is disturbed and will probably get better help in the hospital than in prison.” As much as she wanted Adam to suffer the way she was suffering, she still had enough compassion to understand the governor’s desire to help his child.
“Is that what you want? For him to get help? Or to pay for what he did to you and our little girl?”
She took a step back and slid her fingers through her hair on both sides of her hair. “I don’t know. Thinking about him makes me…insane.” She dropped her hands. “I want him to hurt like I hurt. I want him to feel the loss I feel.” She put her fist to her broken heart. “I want to rage at him and claw at him.” She brushed her fingertips over her bandaged arm. “I want him to bleed like I bled. I want him to know what it’s like to fall so deep into despair that death seems like an embrace and life feels like a brutal fight you can’t win.”
“Brooke.” Her name fell from Cody’s lips on a ragged sigh filled with sorrow.
“I want him to want her back as desperately as I do, so he’ll know the rawness of it and the biting emptiness of her absence.” She cupped his cheek in her hand. “I want him to take all your pain and mine, and still it won’t be punishment enough for what he took from us.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “But I can’t have what I want.”
“You can have me.”
“That is the only reason I’m still standing. And if it’s taken away, then what will I have left to live for?”
Cody wrapped her in his arms and crushed her to his chest. “Please, Brooke. Stay with me.”
“I would never leave you like that, Cody. But without you…I wouldn’t be able to breathe.” She could barely get a breath with how hard he held her, but she didn’t care. She needed to feel his strength, to know that what happened hadn’t broken him. And that’s when it dawned on her, she’d been so caught up in her pain, she hadn’t checked in with him on how he was feeling. He seemed capable of handling everything. But maybe he needed…something, some way to release it, too. “Cody?”
“Yes?”
“Are you okay?”
“You know I’m not.”
“I mean…” She looked up at him. “What do you need?”
“You. More of this. More of you talking to me, sharing with me everything that’s spinning in your head.”
“You can tell me how you feel, too. I can take it. I want to be there for you, too.”
“Just having you back, being able to touch you, that helps me. Taking care of you, knowing I’m able to ease your discomfort or your heart helps me. I feel like this all happened because I let it. I let you go. I—”
“You save me every day.” She hugged him harder, not caring that it pulled at some of her stitches. Most of them were getting better, but there were a few still-tender spots.
Cody kissed her again.
This time the brush of his lips didn’t feel so new. She didn’t hesitate to return the kiss. She leaned into it, him, this step closer to what they used to be. Or at least what they were fighting to be to each other again.
Cody was all in. She knew it. She felt it. She was the one holding back. He’d been right about that. So right here, right now, she made the decision to be open to the possibility that the worst was behind them and this was the beginning of something better. Happier. Forever.
And all of the good vibes she was feeling when Cody walked her out of the building and to his car died when she spotted the slip of paper tucked under the windshield wiper on the passenger side of the car.
“What’s that?” Her heart pounded in her chest for no reason.
“Probably a flyer for one of the local stores or something.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
Cody pulled it from the wiper and opened it, stepping back the second she tried to read it.
“What does it say?”
“Nothing. Get in the car. We’re leaving.” He stepped around her and opened the car door.
She stood her ground. “Let me see it.”
“It’s not for you. It’s for me.”
Her eyes went wide. “Now we’re keeping secrets?”
He stared at her, unbending.
“I kept secrets from you and look what happened. Please don’t shut me out. Not now. I can’t take it if you do.”
“It’s nothing, Brooke.”
“Then show it to me.” She held out her hand.
He simply turned the paper around so she could read the note.
WE’RE NOT OVER.
“Kristi?”
“Maybe.” The fury in his eyes said he knew more.
“What aren’t you saying?”
“It’s not her handwriting.”
The blocky letters could be anyone trying to disguise the handwriting.
“Are you sure? Have you seen her handwriting a lot?” Most people texted or emailed. They didn’t send each other notes.
Cody huffed out an exasperated breath. “She used to leave notes in the case folders I’d bring home to work on at night. This isn’t from her.”
“But she was here just a little while ago. And…” She glanced down the street one way, and then the next. “What if it was him?”
Cody took her by the shoulders. “He’s not here, Brooke. He’s locked up.”
“How do you know? Maybe his father let him out.”
Cody shook his head. “No. Not possible. He wouldn’t do that, knowing you’d go to the police.”
“Maybe that’s exactly what I should do. Tell the police everything.”
“And lose your privacy? Let everyone come after you for details? The cops. The press. Strangers who have nothing better to do than feel better by victim blaming and shaming.”
“Who the hell would take his side in this?”
“Shitty people do. I won’t let that happen to you.” Cody pulled out his phone.
“Who are you calling?”
“Doug, I’m out with Brooke. I just found a note on my car. It says, we’re not over . Can you confirm, right now, that Adam fucking Harris is still locked up?” Cody listened for a couple seconds, then hung up. “He’s calling the governor.” Cody waved his hand toward the open car door. “Please, get in.” His voice still held all the pissed-off vibes of a thousand angry hornets rousted from their nest.
She slipped into the car and buckled her seat belt.
Cody closed her door and got in behind the wheel. His phone rang the second they pulled away from the curb and headed home. Cody put the call on speaker again. “Well?”
Brooke said Be nice with her eyes.
“Governor Harris assures me he is still in the hospital, locked in a private room. He received an update two hours ago. Adam was still agitated and insisting on seeing Brooke.”
“What?” Brooke eyed Cody.
“Shit. Sorry.” Doug sucked in a breath. “I didn’t know you could hear the call.”
“My bad,” Cody said. “But Brooke and I aren’t keeping secrets from each other. And that fucker can beg to see her all he wants. It’s not happening. Ever.”
“Brooke, I’m sorry if I upset you.”
“You didn’t.” She tried to slow down her breathing and the fear that somehow she’d be forced to see that murderer again. “I was just surprised.”
“How are you?” Doug’s soft voice conveyed his concern and caring. He’d been so kind to her.
“I’m…getting better a little at a time.”
“It’s so good to hear your voice. You were so quiet in the hospital. You scared me, sweetheart. I know you and Mindy Sue have exchanged a few texts. She’d love to hear from you when you’re up for it.”
“I’ll call her soon. Cody and I are headed back to the ranch. I’m tired. I think I need a nap.”
Cody put his hand on her thigh. “I took her to see the building today and her new businesses. Kristi showed up, then we saw the note.”
“Could it have been from her?”
“Maybe. Probably,” Cody conceded. “How would he even know where to find her?”
Brooke sighed. “Adam was the one who actually encouraged me to buy the bookstore after I told him how Harland used to help those in the community when they fell on hard times.” She had a hard time reconciling the guy who’d encouraged her and hung out with her with the man who’d obsessed over her, attacked several women on campus, raped one of them, then killed her daughter in a fit of rage because Brooke had been with someone else.
How had she not seen that ugly side of him all the times they were together?
She sank into the seat and stared out the side window.
“Doug, thanks for checking things out and running interference with the governor.”
“Anything for you and Brooke. In fact, now probably isn’t the best time to talk about it, but I’ve heard some rumors about you and your law firm.”
Cody raised a brow. “What rumors?”
“That Kirk Wagner is trying to get you fired.”
“He can try, but they’d be stupid to let me go. My billable hours are higher than some of their partners and I win my cases.”
“I know. I’ve been keeping tabs on your career like everyone else who knows your family. Which is why I want to make sure no one else scoops you up if they’re stupid enough to give in to Kirk Wagner and offer you a partnership.”
Brooke sat up and turned toward Cody, her mouth agape.
Cody’s stunned gaze stayed on the road as he took a left and stopped in a grocery store parking lot. “Are you serious?”
“You’re young and hungry. You’ve proven yourself over the last few years. I’m surprised your firm hasn’t fast-tracked you for partnership. Their loss will be my gain. We’re so busy, we’re turning away potential clients. We’ve hired a new crop of lawyers, but none with your potential. The ones I’ve got in the pipeline to partner don’t have what you have. Drive. Ambition. The innate ability to read people and cases the way you do. Quite frankly, you remind me of myself. So are you interested in leaving someplace that hasn’t fast-tracked you and is willing to let you go to repay a debt to a guy who uses favors as fuck-yous?”
Cody rubbed his finger over his forehead. “Has Mindy Sue filled you in about me and Brooke?”
“She told me that you and Brooke have the epic kind of love that people rarely find, that Brooke’s loss was your loss, and that when Kristi told you she was pregnant, you did what you thought was right for your child, at the expense of your own happiness. And Brooke’s. That about sum it up?”
“Yes.”
“While I think what you did was honorable, you should have used that brilliant mind to figure out a way to keep the love of your life. But I get that you didn’t know all the facts. And that’s how we lose cases and you lost Brooke.”
“Biggest mistake of my life.”
“One you won’t make again.”
“Never.”
“So about my offer. Interested?”
“I’m not stupid enough to make a second mistake by turning you down.”
“Good to hear. We can talk details and compensation tomorrow, and then I’ll have my assistant draw up an official offer letter if we come to terms.”
“Sounds great. Thank you, Doug. I really don’t know what to say. I never expected this.”
“You know, you could have used the connection between us because of our girls to get a job here in the first place.”
“I wanted to earn it.”
“You did. And then some. I really hope to see you here soon. Brooke?”
“Yes?”
“I love you. I just wanted you to know that you’ve been such a bright light in Mindy Sue’s life and mine and Rochelle’s. You’re like a daughter to us. If Cody makes you happy, the way Mindy Sue says he does, don’t ever let that go.”
“I won’t. And I love you, too. Thank you for everything you did for me, for coming when I needed you.”
“Anytime. Talk soon.” He hung up.
Cody turned to her and a smile spread across his face, so big and bright and joyous. “Fuck! Can you believe that?”
“Yes. I can. Because you deserve it. Let’s go home and celebrate.”
“Really?”
“Yes.” She smiled at him, so happy and excited for him.
“God, you’re so beautiful. I’ve missed that smile so much.”
She gave him another grin. “You’re going to be partner. I’m so proud of you.”
“Are you going to be mad at me for working insane hours still?”
“Are you still going to be in bed with me every night?”
“That’s my every dream and fantasy come true.”
“Then the rest we’ll work out, won’t we?” For the first time since the attack, she felt like maybe that was true. Everything would work out.
But first they had some old business to take care of and healing to do before they settled into their new lives.