Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
SOFIE
I wait for Zach to stop by the Childcare Center, but he doesn’t show. Maybe Stu gave him time off so he can recover? Zach said that I would see him later, but there’s no way to know if he meant it.
Why did I demand he stop keeping me in the dark when what I wanted was more of his kisses?
I should just let things be. Instead, I had to push him.
What if he’s already left town?
On my way home from the ranch, I stop at Finn River Photography. Jesse is finishing up with a customer, so I browse the high-end cameras inside the glass case while I wait.
“I hear you adopted a stray,” he asks after the door shuts behind the customer.
Linnie must have told him about Zach sleeping in his bed, because I know it wasn’t Dad.
“Are you busy Friday night?” I ask instead of getting derailed by the can of worms that is Zach.
“Why? You got a date?” He pumps his eyebrows.
“No.” I give him the brief version of the babysitting gig.
“You’re going to Teague Lennox’s house?” He’s practically frothing at the mouth. “Can I come? ”
“No,” I reply, “I’m not a guest.”
“I can be your assistant,” he replies. “Come on, Sofie. It’s Teague fucking Lennox. I could show him the opening scenes of Winter Games . It’s only four minutes.”
“Jess, no,” I reply, my voice firm.
“Promise me you’ll at least ask him.”
I remind myself what the school psychiatrist said in our one family meeting about kids like Jesse. When they get fixated on something, it’s like stopping a stampede of wild mustangs. “I cannot make a promise like that.”
“Why not?”
The psychiatrist also talked about the importance of boundaries. Back then, I didn’t know what that word meant. But I’ve since learned, and even though I suck at enforcing them with my brother, this one comes easy. “Because it’s inappropriate.”
After a dramatic eye roll, he says, “Did you tell Dad?”
He means L.A. “Not yet.”
He gives me an impatient groan.
“Can you help with Linnie on Friday or not?”
“Of course I will.”
“Dad won’t be home until ten or later. I’ll make dinner for you.”
“Mom sent my ticket.” His face goes still.
“Oh.” The emotions rising into my throat turn the word into a squeak.
“I leave on the fifteenth.”
“You’re going to miss Thanksgiving?” I shouldn’t be so upset. Thanksgiving isn’t like it used to be when Linnie was small and we all lived at home. The past few years, I’ve had to beg Jesse to come, and Linnie hasn’t eaten turkey since Mom left. Maybe that’s underneath all of this. My family is changing, but I’m the only one who hasn’t noticed, and soon they won’t need me at all. My gut coils with a cold, hard dread.
“Mom said?—”
I put up my hand to stop him because I’m not interested. “I need to leave on Friday at six-thirty.”
Jesse’s shoulders tense. “Okay. ”
Outside the shop, I force several breaths of the crisp, dry air into my lungs. Jesse leaving isn’t permanent. He wouldn’t do that to us.
But will our family be the same?
“How’s Zach doing?” Ava asks when we’re cleaning up at the end of our shift.
I spray down the snack table and wipe it with paper towels. “I don’t know.”
“You could call the Huttons and ask them.”
“What if they tell me he’s gone?” Every day I don’t see him, this feels more real.
Ava’s kind eyes tense. “He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who goes back on his word.”
Everyone goes back on their word eventually. “I want to invite him to Autumn Fest.”
“Maybe skip it and spend the day taking care of him instead.” Ava carries the Lego bin to the shelf.
I spray the changing table and wipe it down. “That’s probably not a good idea.”
“Why?” Ava turns to me, a curious look on her face.
“Because he kissed me and I turned to jelly. I had like zero self-control.”
“Nursing an injured hero back to health will do that to a girl.”
I throw my wad of paper towels at her, but it falls pathetically short.
“Come on, when was your last orgasm?”
“Shhhh!” I say, then clap my hand over my mouth to keep my giggles under wraps. “The last thing I need is the shop guys pranking me with porn clips.”
She laughs, her eyes twinkling. “Well?”
If I don’t give her an answer, she’ll be like a dog on a bone. “Partnered or solo?”
“Partnered. Duh. ”
“New Year’s Eve. Though technically, there was only one of us who reached the finish line, and it wasn’t me.”
She crosses her arms. “Gabe?”
“We both ended up in the media room alone, and I don’t know, it just sort of happened.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I just wanted to forget it.”
“Why?” Her expression turns fierce. “Did he hurt you?”
The truth is hard to explain. “No.”
“So, same old, same selfish?”
I nod. “I just wanted to be done with him, you know? We had broken up and I was finally feeling good about myself.”
“You don’t need him to feel good about yourself.” Ava walks over, looking determined. “You don’t need anyone for that.”
She’s talking about my mom and the fights we had that fall before she left. I wanted to get on birth control, but instead of granting her permission, she laid into me. Careful, or you’ll end up like every other small-town girl who gets stuck in this valley. The implication was clear—stuck in this valley like her.
That Tyler—the reason for the birth control—shared details of my first time with his baseball teammates only nailed the spike of betrayal deeper into my soul.
“It’s just… that night is still hard, you know?” I say.
“Oh, honey.” She pulls me into a gentle hug. “It makes total sense.”
I give her a soft squeeze, then let her go and bend down to pick up my paper towel.
“If Zach’s kiss was that good, why not see what else he’s good at?”
“Would you quit it?” I send her a murderous glare, but I can’t hold it, and soon we’re both laughing.
It feels good to laugh about this, even though it’s not bringing me any closer to a plan. I wish I could just be carefree and hook up with a guy if I felt like it, but my history gets in the way. The irony isn’t lost on me—here I am studying psychology with the goal of working with kids someday—yet I haven’t been able to shake my own past.
“Just hear me out, okay?” Ava slides in the last toy bin. “All that bullshit from before… it’s over. You’re free to be your own person. ”
I push in all of the little chairs so they’re lined up neatly. “Zach’s not staying in Finn River.”
“Maybe you could give him a reason to stick around.”
“You really think it’s okay?” Ava’s the only person I can ask this and get an honest answer.
Her eyes fill with compassion. “Hell yes. Don’t let anything hold you back from being your true amazing self.”
I gulp a breath and release it, but it’s like my shoulders are locked together. “What if he leaves anyway?”
“You’re the strongest person I know, Fie.”
I give her a high five, the smack from our palms filling the quiet room. We grab our things, and I step into the hallway while Ava locks the door. From the rental shop, rock music filters from their open doorway. When we pass by, Miller and Kai are busy at the two bike stands.
“Hey, you two foxes comin’ to The Limelight on Saturday?” Miller calls out. “Kai’s gonna wear his birthday suit.”
“Gross,” Ava mutters with a roll of her eyes.
From deep in the shop, Kai scoffs. “Am not.”
I give them a snarky salute as we pass by the doorway.
When we exit from the main lodge, across the meadow, the ski lift is still running. A couple of mountain bikers load up and the chairlift carries them off. It makes me think of Zach. Coupled with what Ava said, it gives my stomach butterflies.
Hell yes, I am strong. But if I fall for Zach and he leaves, isn’t it another example that I’m not worth the trouble?
“How’s Jesse doing?” Ava asks, snapping me back to our conversation.
“Okay, I guess? He’s lost interest in Winter Games .”
She gives me a pained look. “But he was so close to finishing.”
“Since the accident, it’s like his focus has changed.”
“Some of that is normal.” Her mouth scrunches in thought, like she’s recalling one of her physiology lectures.
“Mom sent his ticket. He’s leaving on the fifteenth.”
“Oof,” Ava says. “That’s soon. How are you feeling about it?”
“He’s excited.”
“Any signs of… you know? ”
I shake my head. The missing drone is a red flag, but that’s the only one since the accident.
“He agreed to watch Linnie for me on Friday.”
“Oh yeah, for your gig with Mr. Lennox, right?” Ava asks. “Dean Coulter’s in town. Maybe he’s here to meet with him.”
“Doesn’t Coulter specialize in action flicks?”
“Maybe Teague Lennox is going to be the next Jason Bourne.” Her eyes get dreamy.
I give her a smirk. “Does Hutch know you have a crush on a movie star?”
Her cheeks flush a pale pink. “Of course Hutch knows. I share everything with him.”
Ava and Hutch have been tight since fifth grade when he beat up the jerk who kept stealing her lunch. In high school, she’s the only reason he passed biology class. When she left for college, he happened to get stationed nearby, and when he gets leave, Ava is the first person he texts.
“Does he share stuff like that with you?” I ask.
The employee bus crests the rise and cruises into the loop.
Ava frowns. “I don’t think he gets crushes.”
We climb aboard the bus and take seats in the back like a couple of rebels.
I keep my opinion to myself—that Hutch might have a major crush, but on a girl he thinks he can’t have.
At the main gate, Mr. Lennox must have given the guard a heads-up because after he checks my ID, he lets me through without question.
Finn River Ranch’s private residences are located west of the main lodge and the ski lifts. Even though I work here, I don’t know this area very well, and in the dusk, I have to pay close attention to the street signs so I don’t get lost.
That’s the last thing I need.
The homes are giant, some tucked back from the road, all with gorgeous landscaping. Pale groves of aspens. Flowers growing lush and wild. Fancy lighting that gives everything that soft glow.
Mr. Lennox’s place is a two-story log home with an expansive lawn and a treehouse in one of the giant pines crowding the left side. I park in the circular pebbled driveway like Mr. Lennox instructed. When I round the front of my car, the door opens and Arlo peeks out, his eyes bright.
I give him a smile. “Hi, Arlo.”
A security guard dressed in a dark suit opens the door the rest of the way for me. Once I’m inside, he takes my coat and hangs it in the adjacent closet.
“Follow me, please,” he says.
Arlo races ahead, his bare feet slapping the hardwood floor. “Dad! Sofie’s here!”
I resist the urge to gawp at the giant crystal chandelier and framed watercolors and follow the security guard down the left hallway to the back of the house. We enter a media room that opens to an expansive deck and the pool. Though the sun has just set, the last of the colors reflected off the snow-kissed mountains makes me gasp. I’m sure it’s equally stunning from upstairs.
“Hey, Sofie!” Mr. Lennox walks toward me from a kitchen area off the media room with Arlo on his hip.
“You have a lovely home,” I say. “That view.”
“Thank you.” Mr. Lennox turns to Arlo. “You want to show Miss Sofie her room?”
Arlo wriggles from his dad and takes off down another hallway.
“Thanks again for coming,” Mr. Lennox says as we follow. The security guard has vanished. “He’s had dinner, though he was pretty excited, so didn’t eat much. He might need a snack. And his bedtime is nine, but I told him he could stay up a little later tonight. Your call.”
Arlo disappears through a doorway. Mr. Lennox leads me into a bedroom that’s simple yet elegant. And spacious. I could fit several bedrooms from home inside it. Through the glass doorway to the patio, we’re treated to the final splash of color from the sunset. I’m already excited about how pretty the view will look in the morning.
“I’ll be upstairs,” Mr. Lennox says. He slips a small pager from his pocket. “And Jorgen can be reached anytime if there’s any kind of emergency.”
When I take the pager from him, his fingers brush my palm.
The moment turns awkward, and I force a smile. “I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
Mr. Lennox nods. “Good. Have fun.”
Arlo comes over to grab my hand. “Let’s go in the pool! It’s warm, I promise.”
With a laugh, I swing his hand and let him lead me from the room.
Arlo falls asleep on the couch in the middle of Big Hero 6 . We played in the pool for an hour, built an elaborate house with Magna-Tiles, made ice cream sundaes, and read his favorite books. We had a blast. It reminded me of the things Linnie and I used to do when she was younger, and that all kids—rich or not—need the same simple things. Attention, patience, and to feel valued and special.
I wish I had a way to share that with Mr. Lennox.
When I step into the bathroom to brush my teeth, I’m surprised by the giant vase of flowers. I finger one of the petals of the poppies, then lean in to smell the honey-fresh fragrance from the sweat peas. Wow. Where did he get these? Wildflower season is over in these parts.
The king-sized bed feels like an ocean, and the sheets are buttery-soft and crisp at the same time. I’m definitely not complaining, but the house is so solid it’s like a fortress. I can’t hear the wind in the trees or the reassuring sounds of Dad’s heavy breathing or Fergie’s little growls in her sleep.
The light from upstairs casts a pale glow on the pool and the backyard. Is the meeting still going? Or is Mr. Lennox sitting up there with a nightcap, alone with his thoughts?
I try to read the book I brought, but the words just skitter around the page. Finally, I give up and turn off the lamp. It’s then I notice my phone screen lit up.
I pull it closer so I can read the text message from an unknown number.
Are you volunteering Saturday?
Questions fire through my brain. I type out a reply.
Who is this?
The little dots dance in the window for what feels like eternity.
I’m trying to be less elusive
Zach.
My tummy whooshes and my skin prickles.
How did he get my number? Though I’m curious, this feels like a question for another time.
Yep. You want to join us?
What time?
8:00
I’ll be there
A thrill ripples through me.
I wait for more questions, or maybe for him to tease me, but there’s nothing, so I type in a new question.
How are you feeling?
I can’t sleep
I frown at the screen. This could mean he’s in pain, or it could mean something else. I need more information.
Can I help?
Do you have a magic wand?
I sigh in frustration because this is still not an answer. Time to go bold.
No, but I have kisses
I bite my lip while I wait to see how he takes this.
Too bad you’re so far away
My pulse thumps hard into my throat. This feels like an invitation, but what if I’m wrong?
I think about what Ava said. I so want it to be true. To stop holding back this part of myself. The part that wants to feel. To let go.
I’m right here, sugar. Just tell me what you need
An eternity passes while the little dots dance, then stop. I groan out loud. Did I go too far?
I’m about to bash my head against my phone screen when the dots start dancing again.
Your mouth, for starters
A tremor races down my spine. I haven’t forgotten that hungry look in his eyes before he kissed me that day at the creek. Are we stepping into that delicious unknown again?
I hold my breath as I type.
Where do you want it?
Everywhere it hurts
My thoughts spin in a delicious spiral imagining all the ways I could kiss him, care for him.
That could be fun to explore sometim e
The dots dance while I wait in agony.
Careful what you wish for
I press my face into the pillows and scream. Because hell yes do I want this.
When I glance back at my phone, Zach has sent a final message.
Goodnight
The lights from upstairs blink off, reminding me where I am and my purpose, which does not include sexting a boy and imagining how good his body would feel against mine.
I release a slow breath, but it doesn’t cool the ache thumping between my thighs.
I wake just as the dawn’s pale light has outlined the mountains on the horizon with a silver thread. I’m sure I slept, but I don’t feel very rested. Maybe I expected Arlo to wake up, confused. Or maybe it’s because I can’t get Zach out of my mind.
Once I’m dressed and I’ve made the bed and packed up my things, I tiptoe into the hallway. It’s completely silent. I can’t even hear the air in the vents.
In the kitchen, there’s a note from Mr. Lennox:
There’s coffee upstairs and breakfast if you’re hungry.
Teague
I could definitely use a cup of coffee before I go, so I leave my bag by the front door and head up the shiny wood staircase. At the top, hallways extend to the left and to the right, but there’s light coming from the open doorway just off the landing. When I peek in, my hunch from last night is confirmed. The open-concept room is lined with glass, and beyond the attached deck is the most incredible view of the Bitterroots .
“Hey, morning,” Mr. Lennox says, startling me.
He’s dressed only in a pair of turquoise board shorts with a towel around his neck. “Sleep okay?”
“Yeah,” I lie and flash him a smile.
The spacious kitchen’s central circular table has a tray with orange juice in a glass pitcher, a pink pastry box from the patisserie in the village full of goodies, and a silver carafe with a pitcher of cream on a bed of ice.
I was sort of hoping to spot an envelope with my name on it, so I could grab a quick cup of coffee and leave. Then I feel bad for thinking like that. Mr. Lennox isn’t giving me any reason to dash off, and why not enjoy the sunrise for a few quiet moments in his lovely home?
He pads over to the table, leaving wet footprints on the hardwood floor. “Coffee? I can make tea, too.”
Teague Lennox making me tea? Ava is going to go crazy when I tell her. “Coffee’s great.”
He turns over one of the teacups and fills it, then hands it to me on the saucer. I can’t help but add a dash of the cream. I might be tempted to drink it straight if Mr. Lennox wasn’t here.
“Help yourself to anything.” He tops up his coffee, then adds a bran muffin and a wedge of melon to a small plate and carries everything outside. He doesn’t ask me to stay, but it’s sort of implied.
I take a croissant and a cluster of green grapes with my coffee and join him. Because the deck faces northeast, the sun is bright and the air feels warm, though it carries that crispness and scent of fall that I love.
Colorful outdoor blankets are folded neatly across each of the chairs. From the corner of the deck hums the hot tub, its cover folded vertically next to it, revealing the deep blue water churning and frothing. “You’re welcome to take a dip before you head out,” Mr. Lennox says, tucking one of the blankets around him before settling in one of the chairs. “Water’s hot.”
“The pool last night was great.” I take the chair next to him that faces the glorious view. “Arlo is quite the little fish.”
Mr. Lennox laughs. Next to him on the table is an envelope. “It’s a great way to tire him out, that’s for sure.”
I give Mr. Lennox the pass-down from the night. Arlo’s bedtime and our activities .
Mr. Lennox nods along while sipping his coffee, seeming to ignore the envelope on purpose. What else does he want from me? “Thank you again. It gave me peace of mind having you here.”
I sip my coffee. “Did your meeting go well?”
His eyes brighten. “Yes! Actually, I was up for most of the night, reading the script. It’s delightful.”
“Congratulations, then?” I break off a bite of croissant. I’m not sure if this is the right response, but Mr. Lennox beams, so it must be close enough.
His lips purse, like he’s thinking. He sets his coffee on the saucer. “I haven’t taken on a role that requires traveling since, well, before Arlo.”
“Where will you need to go?”
“Iceland, of all places. And the UK as well.”
“That sounds exciting,” I say. “You and Arlo will get to see them together.”
He glances at me, his sharp eyes keen. “Would you consider a job as Arlo’s nanny?”
My stomach drops. “Me?”
He taps the envelope, then gazes at me again, his look turning shrewd, calculating. “I have a stack of resumes to weed through, but I already know who I want.”
He slides the envelope to me. “I’ve put a package together. Everything you need to know is in there, including your salary and benefits. Also, your compensation for last night. Look everything over. Give it some thought.”
“This is, um, a surprise.”
He smiles. “Think of it as an opportunity. A year of traveling with us. Mostly work but we’ll take time to play too.”
I don’t sense he means anything sly by this, and besides that quick brush of his fingertips in my palm last night, there’s been no hints that he expects anything beyond my role as his kid’s caregiver.
But even without that worry, accepting his offer would mean a year apart from my family.
And though I don’t have words for my feelings yet, what about Zach?