Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Once inside my house, I spin the deadbolt, then slump against the door.
I’m relieved and a little proud of how I stood up for myself, but it’s short-lived.
What the hell was he getting at? Why is he doing this to me?
Like I would jump at the chance to be his first-ever girlfriend experiment. This is my heart we’re talking about.
You could come with me.
He’s out of his fucking mind.
I’m not leaving Finn River a year into starting my practice, especially not so I can sit around in some military housing unit alone while he lives the exciting life of a pararescue operative. And he’s certainly not giving up that life to stay in Finn River to be with me. He lives for those high-stakes rescues. Giving everything of himself to save others turns his crank like nothing else.
But that’s not even the hardest piece to fit together.
Hutch is a player. And while he is the best I’ve ever had, knowing how many other women have shared his bed makes me want to claw my face off. How am I supposed to compete with his endless craving for the new and exciting? I’m just Ava, same flavor every day of the week. No way will I possibly be enough for him.
My nose stings with a rush of emotion I can’t contain any longer. Tears blur my eyes as I autopilot through my bedtime routine, ignoring my puffy reflection in the mirror. When I crawl into my big bed, my limbs are heavy and my heart is like a restless ghost, wanting what she can’t have.
I pull into a parking space across the street from Love Buzz and check my face in the rearview mirror. Thanks to my intermittent sleep last night, or maybe it was the fit of useless crying under the covers, I needed a heavy dose of concealer just to look presentable for my blind date this morning.
It’s just coffee , I tell my reflection.
Love Buzz is on the corner of Main and 4 th , with big windows and creaky wood floors. I’m just pulling open the door when my dad steps out dressed for work, a tall paper mug in his chapped hands.
“Ava,” he says, giving me a soft smile.
“Hey, Pop.” I’m not exactly surprised to see him here. He’s the reason Love Buzz is my favorite coffee shop too.
He pulls me into a one-armed hug, his starchy uniform shirt rough on my cheek. “Meeting your friends?”
Yesterday, when I joined him and Mom for breakfast, I purposely did not bring up my blind date this morning, but it’s not like I can lie to him about it now. “Um, a new friend, maybe.”
He frowns, his gaze flicking left, right. “Need me to stick around?”
I bristle. “Dad, no. I can take care of myself.”
His mustache twitches as he deliberates, but then he huffs a sigh. “All right.”
I kiss him on the cheek, then he continues on his way.
Inside Love Buzz, I’m hit with bold scents of coffee and the inviting whirr from the machines. I’m just joining the back of the line when a tall man with thick brown hair enters. His eyes meet mine and he smiles.
“Ava?” he asks.
“Hi.”
“Chris,” he says, extending his hand.
We shake, and he steps into line next to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I continue my casual assessment. He’s maybe six feet tall, lean build, like a runner. He’s rolled up his dress shirt to mid-forearm, revealing a geometrical-shaped tattoo framing a rugged mountain.
No red flags so far.
“What’s good here?” he asks as we move forward in line.
“Are you a coffee drinker?”
“Definitely.”
“Straight up like Americano, or latte?”
“I like a good mocha,” he says, scanning the menu board hanging behind the register.
“Try the Chocolate Buzz. Or they make this orange peel cinnamon one that’s like dessert.”
“Yum.” He scans the glass case of muffins and scones. “Wow. Everything here looks good.”
The cashier looks up as the two people in front of us move to the pickup counter. “Hey, Doctor Greely!” she says, grinning.
“Sasha, nice to see you.” I’m conscious of the line behind us or I would take another minute to talk.
“You too!” She glances at Chris, her eyes twinkling like she’s figured out our purpose. “What can I get you guys?”
Chris waits for me to order my vanilla latte, then orders the orange peel mocha and a currant-oat scone. “You sure you don’t want something to eat?” he asks, shooting me a curious glance.
My stomach rumbles. “Okay, I’ll have an order of whole wheat toast with jam, please.”
“Great,” Sasha says, sliding a table number from her stash next to the register. “We’ll bring it right out. ”
Chris pays with a tap of his card so fast I forgot to insist on splitting the tab.
“Where do you want to sit?” he asks, scanning the small dining area.
“Oh! There’s one.” I head for a table by the window overlooking 4 th , near the back.
Once there, I realize I have the option of sitting in the chair facing the door. When I’m with Hutch, he always takes that one. I’ve never minded it, but in light of our recent conversation, it’s making me flustered. Sitting in what would be his chair feels mildly rebellious, but once I’m there, it makes me feel stupid and childish.
“I can see why you like it here,” Chris says, glancing around.
I shove Hutch out of my mind. “Tracy tells me you have a place in Finn River?”
He meets my eyes. They are nice eyes. Brown and steady. “Yeah. An A-frame cabin near Bear Mountain.”
“Do you like to ski?”
“Cross country, yeah. I haven’t downhill skied in ages.”
A server arrives with our order. “Need anything else?” she asks, plucking our number from the middle of the table.
“No, thanks,” I say.
Chris shakes his head.
Once our server retreats, I bring my latte to my lips. The dash of cinnamon across the foam blended with the vanilla is heavenly. I savor another sip, but it brings up an old memory of one of Hutch’s visits. He surprised me with an espresso machine and when I got home from class, he’d spent four hours perfecting my favorite coffee drink, but by then, he was so jacked on caffeine I took him on a seven-mile loop through the Presidio to work it out of his system. After he left, my attempts to recreate his perfection never came close. I still have the espresso machine even though I don’t use it. I should give it aw?—
“Did you grow up in Finn River?” Chris asks, snapping me back to the café .
Focus, Ava, for heaven’s sake!
“Yep, my parents moved here for my dad’s job before I was born.”
“I can see why they stayed. It’s such pretty area, with so much to do.”
“How long have you been with the Idaho National Laboratory?”
“Five years,” he replies, taking a sip of his coffee. He licks his lips. “Mmm, that’s tasty.”
“Where were you before that?”
“Getting my PhD, then did some work for Big Pharma.” He sets down his coffee and breaks off a corner of the scone and pops it in his mouth.
“What kind of work do you do as a chemist?”
His eyes warm for an instant, like he’s pleased I remembered this bit of background. I wonder if he’s not used to that. “Critical materials separations.”
I pause mid-bite of my toast. “Uh, forgive me but I don’t know what that is.”
He laughs, making the faint crow’s feet at the edge of his eyes wrinkle, like he laughs a lot. “It’s just a fancy way of saying I figure out how to isolate different types of chemicals or materials from a system.”
“And this is a matter of national security?” I ask, risking a bit of a tease.
He swallows a bite of scone. “Can’t build those fancy rockets without the kind of science I do. But we’re also doing some cool stuff with carbon capture, which could be helpful in addressing climate change.”
“Sounds meaningful,” I say.
He sips his mocha and licks his lips again. “I work with a great team.”
This is Hutch’s reply to a compliment too. I force a breath to cool my inner fire because I’m so over Hutch crawling into my thoughts.
“Did you always want to be a doctor?” Chris asks .
“Since summer camp in sixth grade. I broke my arm and the camp nurse was my rock and my shining star. I never forgot it.”
“But you’re a doctor, not a nurse.”
I level him with a steady gaze. “I don’t take orders well.”
He laughs, throwing his head back a little, as if he’s delighted. “It’s good to know what you like.”
My already buzzing insides give a little jolt. Apparently, what I like is Hutch throwing me over his shoulder and goading me to deep-throat his gorgeous cock.
I glance out the window for a moment, willing my mind to climb out of the gutter. “My dad is a captain in the fire department and leads the local search and rescue team. He ran our family like he runs his crew.”
Chris nods. “That must have been interesting.”
“Things are better now, but growing up, there was a lot of friction.”
“How does your mom handle it?”
I laugh. “They divorced when I was five.”
His lips twist in a grimace. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“They’re actually really good friends now. In fact, the three of us had breakfast together yesterday.”
“I guess if they’re happy.” He gives me a good-natured shrug.
“They’re definitely happier apart.” The base of my skull starts to throb.
“Wait, I think I’ve met your dad,” he says, a mixed expression on his face. “Oh heck, I have. Parker Greely, right?”
This shouldn’t surprise me, yet sometimes it makes Finn River feels smaller than it really is. “You actually just missed him. I ran into him right before you showed up. How do you know him?”
“I volunteer with Search and Rescue sometimes.”
“What drew you to join?”
He shrugs. “I read a story in a magazine. It sounded fun.”
“Most of the time it’s a lot of hurry up and wait around,” I say as a thought soars to the surface of my thoughts. Hutch is a volunteer, too. I’m about to ask if Chris was on the search team for Marin, but of course he was back in Idaho Falls, working.
“Aunt Tracy says you love horses,” he says. “Do you ride often?”
I’m relieved to be moving away from the topic of search and rescue. “I’m helping a friend care for hers right now. Someday I’d like to have my own.”
“What’s stopping you?” He pops the last of his scone into his mouth.
“I’ve been pretty focused on getting my practice up and running, but this summer, I might start looking for space in a community barn.”
“Why not keep a horse where you live?”
“I’m just renting in town right now.”
He nods. “My neighbor has a couple of horses.”
“Do you ride?”
“No. I’ve always wanted to try it, though,” he says, sipping his coffee. “I love hiking, so I’d think I’d like riding a horse too.”
Offering to take him riding is on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t exactly bring Chris to Moonbeam Farm with Hutch around.
Though why can’t I? Louisa would love nothing more than to recruit one more horse lover into her orbit.
Would Hutch bring someone to the farm?
That throbbing in my skull moves in behind my eyes.
I realize we’re sitting in silence and bring my cup to my lips to drain the last of my coffee.
“I have tickets to the summer symphony series,” Chris says, brushing crumbs into his palm and dumping them into his empty mug. “Have you been?”
“A couple of times, yes. They’re lovely.”
“Would you like to go sometime? They’re usually on Thursday evenings. The first one is in a couple of weeks.”
My eye sockets give a hard ache and my chest feels hollow. In a couple of weeks, will Hutch be back in Florida?
“Sounds fun,” I manage because there is no logical reason that I should turn Chris down. He’s smart and articulate and cute in a nerdy way that I’m totally good with. So far no red flags, no obvious flaws, and I like his easy laugh. And he seems to like me.
By the time the concert comes around, I will have had the time I obviously need to pull my head out of the clouds and my libido out of the gutter.
“Great,” Chris says, beaming.
We bus our table and walk to the door. Chris holds it open for me. As I’m looking back to thank him, a car door slamming across the street pulls at my attention.
I lock eyes with Hutch standing at the back of the farm truck loaded with cut flowers. Of course—Sunday is delivery day to several floral shops in town. My tummy flutters and my face gets hot.
He arches an eyebrow.
I spin away and smile at Chris, who must have said goodbye because he’s looking at me expectantly.
“Thank you again for coffee,” I say.
“My pleasure,” he says with a smile, then turns the corner.
I force my feet to continue straight ahead and across the street to my car. By the time I get inside, Hutch is gone. I’ve lost track of Chris, too.
I rest the back of my head on the seat and groan at the ceiling.
My phone chirps from inside my purse. Could it be Hutch, demanding details regarding my coffee date? But it’s from The Three Musketeers.
KIRILEE:
How’d your date go?
I have a few errands to run, so I press the call button, then start my engine and pull out.
“Hey!” Kirilee answers. Her little boy Elliot’s sweet giggling fills the background.
Sofie joins the call. From her soft breathing and the rush of the creek, I’m betting she’s on one of her morning walks. “Hey gang! Are we getting live updates from the dating world?”
I smile, even though they can’t see me. “The date went pretty well.” I turn left, towards my office.
“That’s great!” Sofie says. “Are you going to see him again?”
“We’re going to go to one of those summer symphony concerts. He has season tickets.”
“Fun,” Sofie says.
“I love that,” Kirilee adds. “More, Mama,” Elliot says in the background, making her laugh, followed by a fluttery huff , like she’s blowing bubbles.
“But?” Sofie asks.
“But nothing,” I insist. “He’s nice. I liked getting to know him.”
“Fair enough,” Sofie says. “But did you feel anything?”
I pull up to a red light, thinking this over. Did I? “I don’t know.” Because I was too busy thinking about the way Hutch knew exactly how to work me into a lather.
“It’s worth a second date,” I add as the light turns green.
“Well, that’s something,” Kirilee says.
“As I was leaving, I saw Hutch across the street.”
“Oh. How’d that go?” She blows more bubbles, making me picture little Elliot running around their backyard chasing them.
“It was over before anything really happened.”
My office is located in a small business park with an optometrist, a pet store, and a physical therapist. On Sundays, the parking lot is normally deserted, but when I pull in, there’s a silver compact SUV near the entrance to my office I don’t recognize.
“Did you two talk?” Sofie asks.
“Last night he tried to convince me to…” What exactly was Hutch getting at? Joining him in Florida or wherever he gets posted can only happen one way.
As his wife.
I park next to the silver SUV as my thoughts swirl.
“Convince you to what?” Kirilee prompts .
“I don’t even know,” I say with a heavy sigh, and mentally shake off the image of Hutch on one knee sliding a ring onto my trembling finger.
Girl, don’t even.
And even if I did, how exactly is a ring the answer? It’s not.
“I don’t think he knows, either,” I add.
“Sounds tricky,” Sofie says.
“Yeah.”
In the background, Elliot’s excited shriek fills the airwaves.
“I’ll let you guys go,” I say.
“You guys wanna come over for dinner tonight?” Sofie asks. “Zach has to work late again.”
Zach is likely working Marin’s murder case. If only I could help. “Love to,” I reply.
We settle on a time and what we can bring. After we say goodbye, I let myself into the office, but nearly collide with a tall figure coming out of the exam area.
“Dr. Boone!” I cry out in surprise.
He gives me a bright grin, which makes his ruddy cheeks shine. “Ava! Didn’t mean to scare you there. How are you?”
“I’m good.” I glance at the dark hallway behind him. “What are you up to?”
He lifts the manilla file folder in his big hand. “Police asked for a copy of Marin’s medical records.”
“Got it,” I say. “You didn’t have to come in. I could have done it for you.”
He shrugs. “I had time. And she was more my patient than yours.” His eyes turn sad.
“True. She hasn’t been in since I took over.”
“There you have it,” he says. “Things still going well for you here?”
“Yes. You’ve left me some big shoes to fill, though.”
“You’ll fill ’em,” he says with a wink. He points a corner of the manilla file at me. “Don’t work too hard, you hear? Take time for fun, and your family. Nobody ever went to their grave wishin’ they worked more.”
Though he means this to be lighthearted, a chill prickles the back of my neck. Maybe because I can’t help but think about Marin. What desperate thoughts were racing through her mind during her final moments?
“I’ll remember that,” I manage.
“All right,” he says, and heads for the door. The movement brings his face into the light coming in through the glass, revealing a red welt on his neck.
“Ouch,” I say. “What happened?”
Realization dawns on his face. “Oh, this,” he says, wincing as he rubs the spot. “Garret thought he could surprise me with a single-leg takedown. I set him straight, but he got me with his claws. The little twerp.”
If I remember right, Garret is his youngest grandson. “Next time, clip his fingernails first,” I say.
He arches an eyebrow. “I’ll be sure to do that.”
“Bye,” I say as he turns to go.
Dr. Boone gives me a soft wave, then slips through the doors. I lock up behind him and head for my office. Focusing on the simple charting I need to accomplish takes all my energy, thanks to the way my thoughts keep drifting to Hutch and my coffee date with Chris, going round and round. By the time I finally leave, I’m exhausted but restless. I drive home and change into my running gear, then queue up a playlist and head down the road.
Letting my thoughts drift as I run, the tension slowly drains out of me.
And with it, the solution to my problem is right there, waiting.
Hutch isn’t staying in Finn River, so I just have to avoid seeing him until he’s gone.