Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
At the police station, everything is loud and bright and busy. Waiting for me in the lobby is Sofie, Kirilee, and Sawyer, plus Sepp, my parents, Rowdy, and Louisa, which feels amazing but also reminds me of those photographs covering the walls of Jeremy’s basement. The ones meant to keep me company for as long as he meant to imprison me.
All this time, it’s been Jeremy?
I hug each of my friends tight, but it’s when my dad scoops me up, cradling me like when I was small, that I break down.
Next, my mom folds me in her arms, and we cry together. I’m safe, but the terror of being trapped in that basement is still active, chewing me up from the inside.
Thankfully, Everett and Luke’s interviews are brief. Hutch sits with me as I answer their questions, holding my hand.
After they release us, Hutch drives me home, the streets dark, with me snuggled tight against him on the seat. When the truck’s headlights wash over the front of my house, my chest feels lighter and fresh tears prick my eyes.
Home. Finally .
Hutch turns off the engine and plants a soft kiss on my temple before jumping down and crossing to my side.
When he opens the door, I slip my hand in his. He moves to lift me up, but I gently push him back. “Let me walk, please, Hutch.”
After tonight, I will never take my freedom for granted.
His eyes fill with understanding. After gently setting me on my feet, he pulls me into a tender embrace. I sigh into his chest and savor his warmth and strength.
At my door, the motion sensor light kicks on, making me squint and my head throb, but then we’re inside and Hutch locks up behind us.
He pulls me close again, enveloping me in his strong arms and his woodsy scent. “How does a hot bath sound?”
I release a shaky breath. “Amazing.”
He combs down my hair, gently brushing my back as he does. “Okay.” With a kiss to my forehead, he takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom. He lowers to the edge of the deep tub and turns on the water. Using the lighter on the sill, he ignites all the candles, giving the room a soft glow.
“Will you get in with me?” I ask over the roar of the water.
He glances over his shoulder, those dark green eyes softening. “If you want.”
I reach out my hand, and he takes it. “I don’t want us to be apart.” My nose stings with emotion that I try to swallow but a single sob works free.
Hutch wraps his arms around me. “You’re in charge, Greely, okay?”
I force a steadying breath, because this might be the most compassionate thing he could say right now. “Okay.”
We undress, leaving our clothes in a pile, and I whip my hair into a loose bun while he turns off the faucet. Together, we step into the water. The tub isn’t really big enough for both of us, but Hutch settles in, his knees poking up, and guides me back, so my shoulders rest on his broad chest. It’s like having a very manly pillow. He wets a washcloth and lathers it with soap, then scrubs my neck and across my shoulders, moving in gentle, slow circles. He plants a soft kiss to the place behind my ear as he scrubs down my right arm to my fingers.
It’s so caring and tender. Attentive. I release a shaky sigh because it’s stirring up all of my emotions, and I’m too exhausted to fight them.
Though maybe I don’t need to.
Hutch washes down my left arm, shifting so he can kiss behind my ear, his lips so soft. Patient, almost reverent. He lathers up more soap and scrubs across my collarbones, gently past my breasts, and under the water to scrub my belly and sides. I roll forward, resting on my knees, so he can wash my back. He takes his time, rubbing the tension out of my muscles as he works. I release another heavy sigh.
He leans closer and kisses the nape of my neck, then washes my knees, then dips beneath the water to scrub my thighs and down my shins. After he rinses me clean, he draws me back and wraps his arms around me. I relax in his embrace while the candlelight plays across the walls and the warmth from the water and his body starts to warm me, too.
I’m safe, I’m safe, I’m safe.
It’s only then I allow myself to cry.
Hutch presses a kiss to my temple. “That’s my brave girl. Let it all go.”
So I do, letting my tears fall and my sobs rattle my shoulders while he holds me and kisses me tenderly, with his never-ending patience.
When I’m spent, he helps me from the tub. I’m so tired my legs wobble, but Hutch is there to steady me. Wrapped in towels, we brush our teeth. Something so simple, yet it brings on another wave of gratitude.
Then Hutch leads me to bed. Under the covers, he draws my body close, my head resting on his chest. Exhaustion washes through me, heavy and welcoming. With Hutch caressing up and down my arm, I close my eyes and let myself sink deeper into the promise of safety and shelter.
When I wake, Hutch is spooned against me and muted sunlight is filtering into my bedroom.
“Morning, sweetheart,” Hutch says, caressing my shoulder.
I draw his arm around my middle and sigh. “Morning.”
During the night, I woke a few times, my heart pounding, but he was right there each time to soothe me and hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. I don’t know how I would have gotten through it alone, and if I’m being honest, that scares me.
“What would you like to do today?” he asks.
Last night, Hutch and Sepp both insisted I cancel my appointments for the rest of the week, so the question feels almost decadent. “Breakfast, a run, maybe help out at the farm? Then can we make dinner here?”
“I like this plan,” Hutch says. “Though you don’t need to do farm chores today if you don’t want to.”
“I want to. Maybe we could go riding too if there’s time?”
“We’ll make time.”
“When was the last time you were on a horse?”
He smiles against my cheek. “Don’t even think of ditching me today. I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
I weave my fingers with his and tug him closer. “I like that plan.”
“What can I make you for breakfast?” he asks.
“Toast, scrambled eggs, coffee.”
He kisses my shoulder and rolls away. “Coming right up.”
After slipping on a pair of sweats, he disappears through the door. I force myself from the bed. The chilly air turns my skin to gooseflesh. My teeth chatter as I hurry into a cozy hoodie and a pair of leggings. The quicker I can get warm, the quicker I can stuff back the memories of last night. It was cold and dark in that basement.
Did Jeremy plan to kill me like the others ?
The whir of my espresso machine from the kitchen snaps me back to the present. I step into my fuzzy hippo slippers and stop at the bathroom to wash my face. The warm water and the soothing lavender scent of my soap threaten to bring me to tears for the second time this morning.
Jeremy won’t get near me again.
I’m safe, I’m safe, I’m safe.
I will never take the simple freedoms I have for granted.
Hutch has already set the table, and when I turn around to thank him, he presses a vanilla latte into my hands, then kisses my forehead and spins away to the stove.
My fingers shake as I lift the mug to my lips. The hint of sweet vanilla lights up my tastebuds. I take another sip but a tear breaks loose, tumbling down my cheek.
What is wrong with me?
Hutch glances up from where he’s loading two plates with our scrambled eggs. His eyes fill with compassion as he sets the pan down and hurries over. In a flash, he’s set my coffee aside so he can wrap me in his arms.
“It’s okay,” Hutch says, rocking me gently.
“I hate being scared.” More tears spill past my cheeks.
“I know,” he says. “But try not to fight it, okay? You’re healing from something terrifying. It’s going to take some time.”
“I don’t like that, either.”
He sighs and rubs my back. “I get it. You like to push through hard stuff and you’re good at it. But those skills aren’t going to serve you well in this situation. You’re gonna have to develop some patience with yourself.”
I close my eyes and release a slow breath. “I’ll try.”
“Attagirl.”
I smile into his chest. “Thank you for making me breakfast.”
He kisses the top of my head. “Let’s eat, then I’m going to kick your ass on this run. ”
It’s early evening by the time we’ve completed our chores and the trail ride I was craving at Moonbeam Farm. I’m definitely feeling stronger and more like myself, but there are shadows lurking inside me. They rise up in the quiet moments, the times when my mind goes idle. Hutch said to be patient with myself, and I’m trying, but it’s not easy. Patience is not a virtue I’ve cultivated very well.
I should be fine, but I don’t feel that way yet.
When we stop in to visit with Louisa, she and Beth have just finished the first batch of strawberry jam and are prepping the second.
“Can we help?” I ask, rolling up my sleeves.
Louisa waves me off. “No need. We’ve got a system going.”
I glance at Hutch, who shrugs. “Okay, we’ll be back tomorrow.”
Louisa flashes Hutch a stern glance, and I see the change in his eyes.
My stomach drops.
Beth stays focused on hulling the berries, almost like she doesn’t want to look at either of us.
Once we’re in the truck, Hutch tugs me close. I try to ground myself in his warmth and the purr of the sturdy old engine, in the verdant green of the trees lining the roads, but my fears creep in one by one.
That look Louisa gave Hutch in the kitchen and the way Beth wouldn’t glance our way carried a message, and by the time we pull into my driveway, I’m pretty sure I know what it is.
Hutch turns off the engine and jumps down.
I feel wooden and stiff and like I’ve lost all feeling in my body. The tears come, making my nose sting and my throat clamp shut.
When he opens my door, I can’t seem to move. “When?” I say, swatting my cheeks.
Confusion fills his eyes, and then it must register, because his expression softens. “Can we go inside?”
A little corner of my heart breaks into little pieces. I cover my face so he can’t see me shatter .
“Come here,” he says, and scoops me into his arms.
“No!” I cry out, trying to squirm free. “If you’re going, just go already!”
“Ava.” His tone is firm but patient.
I gulp a breath and tell myself that him leaving right now isn’t really what I want. That’s just a defense mechanism to keep this from hurting so much.
But there’s no escaping how hard this is going to break me.
I have to face it—with him or without. “Okay,” I manage.
He lifts me into his arms and I wrap myself around him, burying my face in his shoulder as the sobs rattle my body. I don’t want to need him like this, but I do.
Hutch has filled a part of me that’s been empty. A place I’ve never let anyone see. And now that he’s swallowed up that lonely place, filled it with his warmth and patience and his incredible kindness and that sexy, irresistible focus, he’s going to take it all away.
I should have listened to my heart and kept him out.
Hutch carries me to my bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed. He strokes my hair and up and down my back, holding me until my breaths slow and my tears fade.
When I finally lean back, it hurts so much to look at him that I blink back fresh tears.
His eyes are glassy but his jaw is set in determination. “I have orders to return by Sunday.”
I suck in a sob. Sunday! I want to cry. That’s in two days!
“I was going to tell you last night,” he says, his face twisting with emotion.
“It’s okay,” I say, swiping at the tears I can’t seem to turn off.
“I love you, Ava,” he says.
A sharp heat cracks open inside me. “What?” I shake my head. “Don’t! Don’t you dare!”
He cradles my face, locking eyes with me. “I don’t say it to hurt you.”
“But that’s exactly what it does! You’re about to walk out of my life—” I squeeze my eyes shut but my emotions refuse to stay locked down “—again.”
“What if there’s another option?” he says, his tone firm.
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “This has always been the end for us.”
“Not this time,” he says.
“You have to go, Hutch. I—” A sob rattles up my throat. God, this hurts. How am I going to survive? “—understand. It’s what makes you the incredible person you are. The person I love. The person I’ve always loved.”
He gives my shoulders a gentle shake. “But it doesn’t make me whole.”
What is he saying? My head throbs and the pain inside me is carving out a giant emptiness, one I’ll never be able to fix.
“I’m not losing you, Ava. Not for anything.” He brushes away my tears with his thumbs, his gaze steady even as his lips tremble.
“But we’re out of time,” I say.
He kisses my forehead, his lips warm and gentle. “We’re going to find a way to make more of it.”
I fist the fabric of his T-shirt. “How?” The word comes out like a plea.
His face stills. “Marry me, Ava.”
His words ricochet inside my heart. “What?”
He exhales a shaky breath, his eyes locked on mine. “Ava Camille Greely, will you marry me?”
I tighten my grip on his shirt. “How does this buy us more time?”
“It doesn’t right now.” He swallows hard. “It’s a promise. For our future.”
I fight the sensation that I’m falling down a dark hole. “Together? Here?”
“If you’re here, that’s where I want to be too.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head so hard my brain feels like a rubber ball inside my skull. “You aren’t giving up your career for me. ”
Because what happens when he gets tired of playing house and helping out at Moonbeam Farm or working some menial job?
What happens when he gets tired of me?
“You’re more important to me than the Air Force.”
“What if I’m not enough for you?” The words tumble free before I can hold them back.
His eyes fill with compassion. “Ava, sweetheart. You’ve always been enough.”
“Even for you?”
“Especially for me.” He draws in a tight breath, his expression tender, almost fearful. “I’ve just been too afraid of loving you the way you deserve because what if I do, and you don’t love me back?”
I swipe my cheeks. “But I’ve always loved you back.”
“Then marry me, Ava.”
“But…you’re leaving!” I stare him down.
“This time. But it’ll be the last.” He gives me a soft kiss, his lips warm and so soft. “And you can come visit.”
It’s like he’s dangling a carrot but keeps moving it farther away. “England’s pretty far for a visit.”
“Then how about Nevada?”
I search his face for a sign he’s messing with me, but his eyes are earnest and so clear. “You’re not going to England?”
He shakes his head, a hint of a smile playing across his face. “The 58 th Rescue Squadron at Nellis needed a PJ, and I happened to get accepted.”
I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in the crook of his neck. He’s taken some very big actions in a short amount of time…for me? “I don’t know what to say.”
“Do I make you happy?”
“Yes.” A laugh bubbles up my throat. “And angry.”
“I know.” He rubs my back. “Do you love me?”
“Yes.”
He hugs me tight, and a shaky sigh rattles his frame. “Can you…” Hi s voice gets tight and he sucks in another breath. “…be patient with me?”
A detail fires to the surface of my thoughts. He said this time … but it’ll be the last . “Hutch, no, you can’t quit. Being a PJ means everything to you.”
He grips my shoulders and urges us apart. A tear wells in the corner of his eye, and the fierce look he’s giving me makes me start to cry all over again. “ You mean everything to me.”
I take his face in my hands and kiss him, my lips trembling. My big, strong soldier, the man I’ve always loved, is changing before my eyes. Being humble and brave and vulnerable.
For me.
For us.
I break from the kiss, breathless. “How patient?”
“Eighteen months.”
I start to cry again, big, ugly tears tracking down my face. This goes against the plans I’ve relied on…but who other than Hutch would I break them for?
“Will you send me letters?”
“Every day.”
“And I can visit?”
He laughs and brushes the tears from his eyes. “You better. We can check out Red Rocks and the Grand Canyon. And I’ll visit as often as I can.”
“What will you do when it’s over?”
He gives me a quiet smile. “Does it matter to you?”
“I don’t want you to regret this.”
A lingering sadness edges his eyes. “The only thing I regret is not telling you sooner.”
“This doesn’t feel real.”
He draws me to him for another kiss but pauses an inch from my lips. “Say yes, Greely, and it will be.”
I picture my little heart, battle-weary and fractured, standing on a cliff high above the ocean. She winks at me, then leaps.
With a shaky breath, I grip the back of his neck. “Yes.”