Ten
Trina
Then
* * *
It was happening. My dreams were coming true. The sky was hazy with thick, gray spring clouds and cool wind still whipped through my winter coat. I dodged sludge puddles left and right as I hurried down the sidewalk, now a master at weaving in and out of pedestrians in New York.
The city thrummed in my veins. The noise at night my lullaby.
It’d been three months since I met Robert. His photos of me landed me two small roles at open casting calls, one for a body soap ad and the other for a juice drink. Earlier today, he’d called and said we had to meet. He had exciting news to share with me.
Which meant that the dreary, wet air had nothing on my bright mood or my overly large smile as I shoved my way through the glass doors at the Whisk Agency. I strode with purpose toward Corinne, the woman I met that first day who sat behind the main reception desk.
“Hi Corinne,”
I said, breathless with anticipation. I unwound my thin scarf at my neck. “Is Robert ready for me?”
She checked my ID I handed to her every time and barely spared me a glance. “You may head up, Miss Mills.”
I tried to get her once to call me Trina. I’d been Miss Mills ever since.
I still called her Corinne, figuring at some point, I’d break through her distant manner.
“Thank you.”
She waved a hand elegantly toward the elevators as her eyes slid to someone behind me. “How may I help you?”
I all but skipped toward the elevator banks, Corinne’s dismissal unable to put a pall to my mood.
I’d been on pins and needles, bubbling with excitement ever since our quick phone call four hours ago.
“I have excellent news for you, Trina.”
“Well, what is it?”
My fingers tapped a rhythm on the kitchen counter, and I flashed wide, hopeful eyes to Stella.
“I’ll tell you tonight after the shoot but come prepared and ready to celebrate.”
I hung up the phone, grabbed Stella’s shoulders, and squealed so hard she flinched.
This was it.
My moment. Good things were coming, just as Robert predicted.
The elevator doors chimed, and I stepped in, repeatedly pressing the button to take me away to the twentieth floor and my dreams coming true. He’d never called me before unless it was to change an appointment time. Eight times I’d sat for him, and now I was comfortable doing anything he asked of me.
Even today, knowing we were “stretching my limits,”
as he’d suggested on the phone, didn’t make me nervous.
Robert was my catalyst to everything I dreamed of unfolding. So far, he’d shown me he was going to make good on his promises.
I trusted him.
The plush, black velvet beneath me was almost as soft as silk draped over my thighs. Every time Robert suggested I move a leg and adjust my position, it slid, threatening to expose the very last hidden part of me.
Two hours ago, the team he hired whisked me into hair and makeup.
He’d never done that before. I’d never sat in a chair, behind screens, while Robert prepared a shoot for me and a team prepared me.
It’d been a dream come true until someone came in, handed me a white silk robe and with a bored tone, stated, “Wear nothing besides this.”
I’d barely managed to grab the silky robe before it fluttered to the floor. My gaze had jumped to the stylists while a lump formed in my throat.
“What?”
“Nude today,”
the makeup artist said, piling all her brushes and compacts into three large cases. “That’s what the agenda said.”
I considered refusing, and then the reminder of Robert telling me he was stretching my limits came to my mind. He had tried to prepare me, I just wished he’d done a more thorough job.
When I walked out from the screens, draped in nothing but a silk robe, and Robert motioned me toward the lounge chair, he’d been as succinct and professional as always. He started with photos of me in my robe, slowly having me undrape it from my shoulders as my comfort grew. How he knew, I had no idea, but he must have seen something in my eyes soften because every time I reached that point of ease, he took me further.
My breasts were displayed, my blond hair draped over a shoulder. I was lying mostly on my side, propped on my other hand.
“Okay, Trina,”
Robert said, “let’s remove that last piece. Slide your top leg forward and bend it over your bottom one.”
I envisioned the position. It’d keep me covered, mostly, yet no one but Cole had ever seen those parts of me.
And just the reminder of him, thinking of him, nude, in front of another man even if that man was a photographer sent a cool trickle down my spine.
If Cole had his way, I wouldn’t be doing photo shoots and magazine ads. I’d be back at home in Deer Creek, attending community college and waiting for him on Friday nights to get done with his studies so we could take his truck to a field and make out. I wouldn’t be exposing my body to photo shoots, I’d be covering it with thick and warm maternity clothes, large as a house. I blinked that reminder away before I could linger on it and focused on the now.
My Friday nights were spent chasing my dreams, and they were coming true.
“Trina?”
Robert asked, lifting his head behind the camera. “Are you ready?”
I shifted into the position he described, and once my legs still hid my most intimate areas, I brushed the silky drape to the floor.
“Beautiful,”
Robert muttered and ducked behind his lens. “Arch your back… tilt your chin up…stunning…look this way…”
I followed his cues, focused on my dream, and pushed thoughts of Cole to the background.
I still spoke to my parents, but I was answering their calls less and less often. In January when my mom brought up Cole, I’d asked her to quit mentioning him. She’d sounded disappointed, as if she thought the only reason I’d ever return home was for him, but she was mistaken.
I missed my parents.
I didn’t miss Deer Creek.
I loved walking in Central Park or perusing the Met. I went and saw plays and wandered the city. I’d been to the top of the Empire State Building and taken a ferry ride to the Statue of Liberty. I wandered through SoHo and found a cute restaurant in Little Italy. Stella and I, with some girls she met in her online class, went ice skating.
I was seeing everything I wanted to, experiencing it all firsthand instead of in a glossy travel guide.
Deer Creek had nothing on New York.
“You seem distant today.”
Robert’s voice startled me, and I flinched, jerking my head only to see him no longer behind the camera, but in a chair facing mine. He reached out and brushed hair off the side of my face. “Not that I mind. The camera loves you even when you look a little sad. More so, maybe.”
“I’m not sad.”
I tried to smile. “Are we done?”
“With the photos.”
“Oh. Okay then.”
I leaned forward and reached for the satin robe I’d had on my lap.
“Don’t.”
“What?”
“I enjoy seeing you like this.”
Unease slid through me. The robe on the floor called to me, and yet I couldn’t move. Robert was still sitting in the chair, knees spread, lounging back like he always did when we talked, but he’d never looked at me like this…or placed his hand on his belt, slid it further down.
He rubbed his hand down the zipper, and I gulped. The hard impression beneath the fabric of gray dress pants was impossible to miss and I yanked my gaze away.
No. He didn’t mean to do this. He couldn’t.
I shook my head. “Robert.”
“You’re beautiful, prettier than any girl I’ve ever photographed. Let me look at you without the lens in the way for a moment.”
A strange heat warmed my ears and my face, and yet I still didn’t move. Was this any different than being naked and photographed? It felt like it, and yet he hadn’t moved toward me. Didn’t touch me.
But it had to be wrong. Right? I was too paralyzed to cover myself, especially more so when he spoke.
“Would you like to hear the good news I wanted to share with you?”
“Yeah.”
I cleared my throat. “Yes. Please.”
I’d listen to anything if it took my attention off his hand. Off that bulge beneath his pants. Off the way he played with his belt buckle until it opened.
“I’ve heard from an agent interested in representing you.”
“What?”
I forgot about my nakedness for a moment and jumped to sitting. “Who? From where?”
Robert smiled at me. That same friendly smile he always gave me, and he laughed. “Steven Cormack.”
“What?”
Steven Cormack represented some of the largest models in the world. At least his agency did. But he was always mentioned. I’d never dreamed of anything so incredible. I had to have heard him wrong. “Are you serious?”
“I am.”
His gaze dropped and settled on my breasts and went further down. Remembering I was naked, I crossed my legs and draped an arm over my breasts. The robe was too far to reach for, and I eyed it before he continued. “I spoke with him today. He’d like to meet you next week.”
His gaze rose again and all of it had happened so quickly I wondered if I imagined it. He’d never looked at me with such interest before. Still, I grabbed the robe and wrapped it around me.
This time, he didn’t stop me. “This is. Wow.”
I couldn’t wrap my head around it. All the unease vanished, and a new rush of excitement suffused my every breath. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”
“You don’t have to say anything,”
Robert said. His hands moved. The metal clink of something jangled, and I tightened the grip on the robe. “But you can thank me.”
I forced my eyes to stay looking at his face. The excitement chilled in my veins.
His tone was clear. His movements more so as his body shifted.
“I don’t want to,”
I said, my chin wobbling and tears already blurring my vision. “This isn’t…this isn’t what I want…”
Visions, horrible visions splattered into my brain on what exactly he wanted from me. Sex? Was he going to rape me? God. How could I have been so stupid to think he was nice to me? All those touches. All the brushes of his hand over my breasts. The soft smiles.
“Robert—”
I said, trying again, but what could I say?
I was naked in front of a man who was older than me, much larger and stronger.
I’d willingly placed myself in this situation.
I’d ignored the warning flares. The touches and looks and kisses.
The room turned to ice. Fear pummeled my body as he spoke.
“You want to meet Steven, don’t you? All I’m asking for is a little gratitude in helping you get there. Is that so wrong?”
I tried to look away from him, but the movement of his arm grabbed my attention and before I could stop myself, my gaze settled on his lap.
On what his hand was doing to himself. Stroking.
Vomit pooled in my throat.
“I don’t want to do this,”
I said, a tear sliding down my cheek. “This isn’t right.”
“There are dozens of other girls, just as beautiful, willing to do whatever they need to make their dreams come true, Trina.”
I flinched. The way he said my name. His voice was tight and even then, a small groan slid through it.
How would I get out of this?
“This is how the game is played. This is how pretty little girls like you end up on billboards. But if you don’t want to meet Steven, your one and only chance…”
His voice trailed off. His meaning was absolutely clear.
I wanted to meet Steven Cormack more than my next breath, but to do it this way?
I was trapped in a room with a man who had the power to do anything to me. And I’d gotten naked willingly.
I was still naked.
I also really wanted to be a star. If I didn’t make it, every other choice I made would be for nothing.
What was it Zane warned me? Everyone sacrifices their morals every once in a while…?
“What do you want?”
I brushed tears off my cheeks.
Robert grinned and slid forward in the chair. With a glint in his eyes that would give me nightmares for years to come, he described in detail what he wanted from me. What he’d do to me if I refused.
In the end, I could see no other solution. No way out. Giving it voluntarily would be better than to have it taken from me.
I dropped to my knees in front of him and gave him everything he asked for.