Chapter 11 #2
I’m pretty sure Ethan has never had to beg for anything in his life, and the thought of him begging me for a simple act such as me getting into the pool with him has my heart racing.
“No,” I deadpan.
“Did you just tell me no?” he asks, as if he can’t believe I uttered that simple two-letter word to him.
“I did.”
He grins from ear to ear, making me crack a smile.
“I’m not a huge fan of that word.”
I shrug. “It’s one of my favorites.”
His smile turns cocky. “Fair enough.”
His muscles flex as he pulls himself out of the pool, and my mind goes back to the night in the club when he used those same muscles to lift me onto the bar…
Ethan grabs my hand, the coldness from the water touching my palm, and leads me over to the hot tub.
He gets in first and turns toward me, still holding on to my hand as he helps me step into the hot, bubbly water.
The entire reason I didn’t want to get in the pool was so I wouldn’t be so close to him, and now I’m about to be even closer.
“No swimming in here,” he points out before I can think of a reason not to go in.
He lets go of my hand and finds a seat, and I push away the thought once again of how badly I want his body touching mine.
With him sitting on one side, I make it a point to sit on the other.
His shoulders shake with silent laughter, but he doesn’t call me out on it.
Instead, with his arms spread out on either side of him, he leans his head back against the hard surface and closes his eyes.
With nowhere else to look, I use this moment to admire his features.
His chiseled jaw is covered with thick stubble, his strong nose is slightly crooked, as if he’d broken it once and it didn’t heal properly.
With his eyes closed, his thick lashes rest on his cheekbones.
I wonder how a man, who is so dangerous, can be so gorgeous.
Shouldn’t he look more evil? Then I think about what I’ve learned over the years about temptation and laugh softly to myself.
He’s like the devil in disguise—a spider ensnaring his prey—he’ll lure you in with his good looks, and before you know it, you’re trapped in his web.
A web I wouldn’t mind being tangled up in…
“You’re staring.” It’s not a question. I’ve been caught.
This is usually when I would shy away out of embarrassment, but I don’t.
How am I ever going to start living if I’m always embarrassed or nervous or unsure of myself?
I’m stuck in this beautiful house with this gorgeous man.
Maybe instead of him luring me in, I should do the luring…
Why does he get to be the spider and I the prey?
“You’re kind of… pretty,” I admit, shocking myself.
Ethan sits up and glares my way. “Just what every man wants to hear,” he says dryly, but I can see the laughter in his eyes.
“Okay, fine.” I huff dramatically. “You’re ruggedly handsome. Is that better? Make you feel more manly?”
“Yes.” He nods matter-of-factly.
I roll my eyes and tilt my head back, just like he did before, enjoying the jets hitting my back.
“Tell me about the other night,” Ethan says after a few minutes of comfortable silence.
“With Logan?” I ask, confused that he would ask when he already knows what happened.
“No, I don’t want to talk about that fucker. I want to talk about the night you kissed me.”
I open my eyes and give him my attention. “My birthday night? What do you want to know?”
“Shit. It was your birthday that night?”
I give him a tiny nod.
“Well fuck, now I feel like a shitty boyfriend. I didn’t get you flowers or anything.”
I giggle at our inside joke. “You gave me more than you know.” I lick the beads of perspiration that are forming above my lip from the heat of the water, ignoring the way Ethan has zeroed in on my mouth. “I wasn’t expecting to run into Gerald that night—”
“Who is a fucking asshole.”
“He and his new fiancée approached me, totally throwing me for a loop. Gerald asked if I was seeing anyone, and to save myself from humiliation, I lied and pointed at the bar, which happened to be where you were sitting.”
“Lucky me.” Ethan grins.
“And well… you know the rest of the story.”
“The rest of the story, meaning the part where you attacked me?” Ethan laughs.
I didn’t think about it like that, but he’s right. I attacked him. I kissed him without his permission. Sure, he didn’t push me away, but I still initiated it without asking him.
“I’m sorry I put you in that situation and used you the way I did. I never got to thank you for helping me.”
Ethan looks at me like I’m a puzzle that needs to be solved.
“You never have to thank me for kissing you.”
My eyes dart to his mouth and I once again imagine us kissing, right here in this hot tub… Me on his lap…
“Have you ever done something like that before?” he asks. “Kissed a stranger?”
“You were my first.”
Ethan nods slowly. “Let’s go inside. It’s getting cold out here.” He stands and gets out of the hot tub. Once he’s out, he reaches down for my hand, which I give him without protest—making me realize how comfortable I’ve come to feel around Ethan in such a short amount of time.
As soon as my body is out of the water, my head goes fuzzy, causing me to become disoriented. My eyes close of their own accord as strong arms wrap around my waist to keep me from falling. My eyes flutter open, and Ethan peers down at me with concern.
“What the fuck was that?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know.” I swallow thickly. “I just felt dizzy all of sudden.” I move out of his touch and walk away, wanting to end this conversation before it begins.
“Jesus Christ. You almost fainted,” he says, following me toward the chair where my towel is.
“It’s fine. I’m sure it’ll pass.”
“Fuck that.” Ethan scoops me in his arms bridal style and heads toward the house. He walks us up the stairs and into my room. After placing me on the edge of the bed, he leaves me to go into the bathroom. I hear the shower turn on, and a second later, he’s back.
“Go take a shower. The sun and whiskey probably got to you. If you need anything, let me know.”
I thank him, and once he’s left my room, I undress out of my bathing suit and step into the shower.
The moment the warm water hits my body, my tense muscles loosen.
Lifting my face up to the spray, I allow the water to calm my nerves.
My mind drifts to the last few days. It feels as though everything has changed—I’ve changed.
My kiss with Ethan. My brother dying. My mom keeping secrets. Being taken by Logan.
My entire life, I was on one path and now it’s as if that path is no longer an option.
Even if Ethan stopped Logan and let me go right this second, I can’t go back to the person I was before.
I can’t go back to living my life the way I was.
I want more. I want to actually live my life for me.
Not for God, or for my parents, but for me.
I want to make my own rules and my own choices.
Stephen’s death reminded me how short life is, and I don’t want to waste another day, another minute of my life.
When I step out of the shower, I wrap the huge, white cotton towel around my body and walk back into the bedroom.
My luggage is on the bed. Ethan must’ve gone to my house to get my stuff.
I try to think if I left anything out that could be mortifying if he saw, but my thoughts are answered when I open the luggage and see every single pair of underwear I own, including that sheer white lacy bra with a matching thong set that Blaire made me buy at Victoria’s Secret.
My neck warms when I realize he packed all this, which means he saw all this. But you know what? I’m not going to let him know it affected me. This is the new me and I’m done being shy and self-conscious. I grab my green sundress and white bra and panty set, and throw them on.
I’m ready for this. I’m ready for whatever is going to be thrown at me.
When I walk into the kitchen, I find Ethan sitting at the bar with a beer in one hand and his cell phone in the other. He’s no longer in his swim trunks, but instead in a pair of gray sweatpants and a white T-shirt. His hair is damp, telling me he must’ve quickly rinsed off.
When he hears me approach, he looks up from his phone. “I ordered us some dinner. It should be here in thirty minutes.”
Keeping my eyes on him, I see his gaze intensely focused on my body. There’s no embarrassment, no awkwardness. Ethan is completely calm and confident as his eyes rake over my body.
“How are you feeling?”
“Much better, thank you.” I stride over to the refrigerator and grab a bottle of water out of the drawer before I sit on a stool next to him. He reaches over and hands me my purse.
“I checked your phone when I grabbed it. Quite a few people are looking for you. Remember what we talked about. You’re taking a vacation. I already texted it to Blaire because she was freaking out.”
I nod in understanding. After finding my cell phone and seeing that it’s dead, I grab my charger and plug it into the wall. Once it comes to life, I call Blaire.
“Nevaeh! Oh my fucking God. Are you okay? You can’t send me a text saying you left on a last-minute vacation and then leave me hanging. Where are you?”
I take a deep breath, preparing to lie to my best friend. I’ve never lied to her. Ever. But it’s for her own good. Her knowing what has really happened could put her in danger and I would never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to Blaire because of me.
“I am on vacation. I’m sorry. I… needed to get away for a little bit.”
“Where are you?” she repeats. “You never take off.”
“I’m staying at a beach house a friend of Stephen’s lent me. I’ve been struggling lately and I need some time to find myself.” The half-lie comes out of my mouth like silk—smooth and easy. I look over at Ethan, who hasn’t taken his eyes off me.
“Okay…well, how long are you going to be gone for?”