12. Felix
TWELVE
FELIX
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my two favorite people in the world!” Caspian exclaims as soon as we enter Special Blend and Elsa and Arya run into his arms, while I stand by the counter and clear my throat.
“Gee, thanks,” I mumble.
Caspian chuckles and looks up at me. “You’re okay too.” He pats the top of my head and goes back around the counter laughing like an ass.
“I’ll remember that next time,” I tell him.
“Next time what?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Next time you need a favor.”
“I’m sure next time I need a favor I’ll run to my boyfriend.”
I groan and he turns his attention to the girls again. Pfft. I’m always playing second fiddle when they’re around. Typical.
“What can I get for you girls?”
“Hot cocoa!” Arya shouts.
“With lots and lots of marshmallows,” Elsa adds with similar excitement.
“And extra sprinkles!” Caspian exclaims, matching their vibe and making them jump up and down in glee. As if they need more excuses to do so. They’ve been relentless all morning.
“Gee, I don’t stand a chance against you three, do I?”
Caspian smirks when he looks at me. “What on earth do you mean?”
My only response is a glower, and he gets busy with the cocoas, laughing at me again.
“Caspian! Caspian!” Elsa calls out to him. “Did you know our Poppy had a date last night?”
Caspian’s eyebrows do the wiggle dance as he glances at me and I frown.
“Did he now?”
“Yeah. Poppy has a boyfriend!” Arya says.
“I do not have a boyfriend!” I raise my voice so I can be heard over the steam wand and the glee permeating this side of the café.
“They’re not official yet, but soon enough,” Elsa corrects me with a pointed look and I bite my lip before I say anything.
“Oooh. Isn’t that exciting.” I shake my head but it doesn’t stop Caspian. “Who is he? What’s his name? Have they set a date yet? I need to get my suit ironed.”
Arya chuckles but Elsa pouts and leans in closer.
“His name is Hayworth and he’s going to make our Poppy very happy!”
“Oh, is he now?” Caspian asks. And there goes the eyebrow wiggle dance again.
“You people are driving me crazy!” I huff and run a hand over my face. As if that’s going to accomplish anything. This isn’t a dream or a hallucination. This is my new reality.
I barely managed to get up this morning when they both jumped in my bed asking me about all the details from my date with Hayworth, squealing like schoolgirls. Which, they were, so at least they had that excuse going for them.
But this…exuberant enthusiasm was— is —exhausting. Especially seeing as I’m not going out on another date with Hayworth. Hell, I don’t even think anyone could describe last night’s outing as a date either.
It’s hard to describe it as such when my walls were up for fear of doing something inappropriate. Because as great as he was, and as funny as he was, if last night proved anything it’s that Hayworth was only good for one thing and even though I feel guilty for painting him with that particular brush, it doesn’t make it any less true.
In fact, that’s exactly how he presented himself to me. As a hookup kind of guy so it’s not as if I’m making the assumption all on my own. He doesn’t take himself too seriously. He doesn’t take himself seriously at all and while I’m sure that’d be fun for a night or two, I don’t know if a moment or three of absolute pleasure are worth the trouble of getting tangled with a guy like him.
On paper, he’s the perfect rebound guy after a long, hard and grueling divorce. But I also have two daughters who’ve already been through enough. They don’t need to grow closer with their dad’s “fuck buddy.”
“They seem excited about this Hayworth guy,” Caspian says when he brings over my coffee, after the girls have retreated to a table to savor their cocoas and get their drawing pencils and papers out.
“Yeah. It’s like he’s cast a spell over them,” I sigh.
“Well, then he must be a pretty powerful wizard.”
I shrug. “Nah. Just a regular fuckboy.”
“And you’re not looking for a fuckboy? You’re looking for a relationship. You’re looking for commitment. You’re looking for husband material.”
I almost choke on my own saliva. “Uh no thanks. Marriage is the last thing on my mind.”
He glances at me with narrow eyes and I mimic him.
“Then what’s wrong with a fuckboy?”
I let out a long, drawn-out sigh and lean against the counter. “Where do I start? For one thing, this is a close community and people talk.”
Caspian’s eyes get even narrower. “And? Since when do we let people dictate how we live?”
“What universe have you been living in? Since always?”
“Yeah but since when do you care?”
I sigh. “I don’t. I just…I’m supposed to be making this place our home. I don’t want the rumor mill working overtime on my behalf. What if it reaches the girls’ ears and they get teased at school, or what if?—”
“Pretty thin argument there, dude. They could be teased at school for a number of reasons. I doubt any seven-year-old is going to make fun of his classmate’s dad’s fuck buddy.”
“It’s not just that. I’m still new around here. I don’t want people seeing me like a hoe or something. I want to be respected.”
Caspian grimaces and rocks his head from side to side. “If they have a problem with a guy with an active sex life, that’s a them problem.”
“And then there’s the girls.”
“What about the girls?”
“Well, I don’t want them getting attached to a guy who’s not going to stick around. I don’t want them thinking they’re going to get a new dad only for him to run after a week.”
Caspian shrugs. “I don’t know, man. I’ve not heard them say they’re getting a new dad. I’ve heard them say you got a new boyfriend. It seems to me like they’re smart enough to know the difference.”
“Still.”
The bell above the door rings and an older man steps inside so Caspian has no option but to do things like…his job and leave me alone with my worry and my thoughts while I watch the girls make an absolute mess of their table.
They do look excited. And peaceful. Is it possible they’re happy because they think I’m happy?
I sigh, put my coffee on the counter and approach the girls. They’re both drawing on their own paper. Arya’s got stick figures and geometrical shapes, while Elsa, who’s a little more talented and advanced, is drawing full-blown people.
One of them has pink hair. The other one has big muscles.
“What…are you drawing exactly?” I ask even though it’s pretty clear.
Even if there’s no likeness, the features are telling. She’s drawn Hayworth and me holding hands.
“You and your boyfriend,” she replies.
I open my mouth to reply when Arya lifts up her own drawing. “Me too. Me too.”
There’s a pink stick figure with a mop for a head—I try not to take offense at that—and another brown stick figure, also holding hands. There’s also a tree and a house around them and a smiley sun.
Gosh. They’re already attached. How is that possible?
“Honey!” I look at both of them and crouch down. “You know Hayworth is not Poppy’s boyfriend, right?”
“Not yet!” Elsa says.
I take her hand and give it a squeeze. “He might never be my boyfriend. We just went out. As friends.”
From my peripheral vision I catch Arya frowning, putting her drawing down, dejected.
“Yeah, but the more you go out the more in love you’ll get and you’ll be happy again,” Elsa says.
“That’s really sweet of you to worry about me, baby,” I say and take a deep breath. “But Poppy is not that concerned about having a boyfriend right now. I just want to be a good dad and make a nice, safe home for you. I don’t have time for boyfriends.”
Elsa pouts for a second before she lifts a hand and starts counting on her fingers. “One, you’re a really good dad already. Two, we have a nice home. Three, we’re happy here.” She counts two for that. I’m guessing one for each of them. “Which leaves you, Poppy. You need to be happy too.”
“I am, sweetie.”
She shrugs. “But you’re not. You work all day and night, you don’t have any friends, and you spend your weekends with us.”
“Hey! I’ve got friends. And what’s wrong with spending my weekends with my daughters? Huh?”
Elsa exchanges a glance with her sister and Arya leans forward on the table, her elbow rubbing over some spilled cocoa and I do my best not to care about the washing I’ll need to do later.
“Nothing. But you do realize we get invited to play with our friends every weekend and we always refuse because we don’t want you staying in and working, right?”
I grimace. “You do?”
Both of them nod and my shoulders drop.
How did I not know that? And how did I not know they’re so emotionally intelligent? “I love my job and I love you, my babies. Maybe that’s enough for me.”
“If that were true, you wouldn’t watch all those romantic movies all the time.”
“I just like romance. It doesn’t mean I want or need it.”
“Then why do you always cry at the end?” Elsa asks.
Isn’t this ridiculous? My own kid pushing me against a corner and telling me what’s what?
“Okay. Maybe I do. But I’m not ready yet. And I wouldn’t want to upset you if Hayworth or any other guy doesn’t work out.”
“Did you have fun last night?”
I turn to Arya and press my lips together. “I mean, it was entertaining. Hayworth is very…silly.”
“But you had a good time?”
Let’s see, if we put aside the fact I was worried about jumping him in front of everyone and mulling over in my head how wrong he is for me, then yeah, I did have a good time.
“I guess so.”
“Awesome! That’s what we want for you, Poppy,” Elsa says.
I’m not sure if I should take this as permission to be slutty with Hayworth but it puts things in perspective.
If all my kids want is to see me happy, then I can try to be. But I’m not going to jump in the sack in the name of happiness. That’s the last thing I need.
But what if they thought I had a life? It doesn’t mean I have to actually date anyone, but if they think I’m not stuck at home working all the time then they’ll be happy, right?
I may not be ready to date but I can pretend I am. And who better than the dating specialist who doesn’t want any attachments?
“If that’s how you feel, I need to make a call.”
Elsa looks at her sister and they both clap their hands together as I walk away from them and call Hayworth.
He answers on the second ring.
“I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again,” he says.
“You weren’t going to, but…I have a proposal for you.”
“A proposal?” he asks. “Is it indecent?”
I roll my eyes. “Is that all you think about?”
“If the company inspires me.”
I try to hide my sigh but I don’t do a very good job. “No. It’s not indecent. I’m actually reaching out in a professional capacity.”
“Oh…kay,” he says.
“How would you feel about fake dating me for a while? The girls are a little love-obsessed at the moment but they’re happy and at peace because they think I have a life and I’d like to keep things that way for a while.”
“Wow. That’s a first. Are you saying you want me to make your daughters jealous?”
“Not jealous. I just want them to think I have an active dating life and since I’m not ready to actually date anyone, who better to fake date than a professional?”
“Hey! I’m sure that was an insult.”
I chuckle. “Swear to God it wasn’t.”
He hums on the other end of the line and I chew my lip waiting for his response.
“That’s a big commitment. Are you sure you can afford me?”
Shoot. I didn’t think of that. “I’m sure we can work something out.”
“And are you sure you want to date a troublemaker?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“So you haven’t read the latest blog post?”
I shake my head as if he can see me before I tell him I haven’t. “Why? What does it say?”
“It laments the fact no one warned you about me. Apparently I should come with a warning that I break hearts wherever I go.”
“Oh,” I say.
No, I definitely don’t want that. I don’t want to be the talk of the town but no matter what I do I might end up in the blog anyway.
“I have a suggestion.”
“I’m listening,” he says.
“We fake date but let’s make a show out of it. That way my girls think I’m happy or whatever and you stop looking like trouble to everyone around here.”
There’s a long pause on his end and I go back to chewing my lip.
This is probably wild. I’m probably still drunk from last night. I’m probably going to regret this.
Before I can take it back, he speaks up: “You’ve got yourself a weird deal, Felix. I’m in.”
Oh dear God, what have I done?